A/N: Honestly, I wasn't going to post this. For me, it is about 4am in the morning, but I decided that, meh, I might as well. I will like to post more chapters, today.
I will say this. Here comes more supernatural aspects of our young little Clara. Even as a human, she is able to see certain things, but around the time of her birthday, those abilities intensify almost to the point of her having her reaper half fully awakened and trained, again. But, seeing and doing the things she can do only shows up because of her birthday. Plus, she's in the Phantomhive manor, so her communing with the dead was bound to happen.
Anyways, ENJOY your day! And I'll talk back with you guys later!
! #$%^&*())(*&^%$# !
You closed your eyelids, tightly, only to snap them open and sigh, tiredly to yourself. Your eyes drift to the closed curtains with a slight pout on your lips, and you rolled over, curling up into the bedsheets and closing your eyelids once more, trying to get some sleep.
But sadly, sleep wasn't going to come to you… tonight. It was aggravating, and you're actually trying, but… nothing. You just can't sleep.
Your mind feels too wired to sleep, right now.
You decided to give up on getting any sort of rest. You'll have to deal with the consequences later, but hey. You are half reaper. These sudden bursts of energy were something you've become used to. But… tonight, there's a different reason why you're so awake, and you know why.
You didn't want to deal with it, right now, but even if you try, you're just going to wake up and keep thinking about it.
Today, or rather tonight… is your birthday. The night you were born. And… you're twenty, now. Regardless what time period you're in… July 13th is officially your birthday. The day you were born… the night you were born. And…
The night that Claudia Phantomhive died. 11:27, before midnight.
She was just as awake as you are, right now… but… do you really want to deal with this, right now? You were feeling so happy…
You sighed, scoffing to yourself before you began to roll out of bed, making your way to the closet filled with the clothes you brought over, and then some. You swear, Vincent ordered more clothes and stuck them in there, just for you… Sure, that sounds nice, but you don't want to feel indebted to him.
You already feel that way towards the Undertaker. You don't need two debts to deal with.
Throwing off your nightgown, you grabbed a pair of pants, slipping on some warm socks, and a collared shirt. Tying a belt around your pant belt loops to keep your pants up, you slipped on your clunky mortician boots, making sure your boots were laced securely, before reaching for a long black feminine trench coat. You probably looked like a mess, but that didn't exactly bother you.
Not right now. Not with the… memories echoing in your mind. The screaming… the fear. The anger…
You rubbed at your tired face, grabbing a ribbon just in case you decided to put your hair up, and after pocketing the fabric, you carefully made your way out of the guest room, gently closing the door before you began your quiet trek down the long hallways. Luckily for you, not a soul seemed to be awake.
A living soul, rather.
You knew where you were going, what you needed to do, regardless if you didn't want to confront… her, but if you don't then you're never going to sleep, for as long as you stay at this residency. So, stalking down the stairs, looking around to make sure no one was following you, you carefully opened a back door, leading out into the garden, and you let the door close with a 'click'… before you left, your footsteps quickening now that you were outside and didn't have to worry about the hardwood and tiled floors.
Down the cobblestone walkway you stepped. Past the luscious summer garden and beautiful orchard. Past the storage buildings you walked, to the other side of the estate…
Until you came to an abrupt stop, realizing you were out of breath, and you shakily breathed in the cool, damp night air. In front of you stood rather modest gravestones. Each marked with the name 'Phantomhive', for the most part. Only one or two didn't have a Phantomhive last name, for one reason or another… but most of your ancestors are buried here. At least, until 1881. After that, you noticed, only a few more grave stones will be placed, one more row, before this site is officially abandoned to the elements. To be overrun by nature itself.
But… what made your eyes glance up from the gravestones, from the very last marker, was a particular ghost, now standing in the middle of the small cemetery plot, its face looking towards the dimmed moonlight. Graced in a gray dress, though… you could see past the dimness at the faded blood that coated her clothes, her hair tied back in a prominent, proper bun, and… her slim figure… tall stature… and familiar features.
"Hello… Ghost Lady," you decided to say, a slight nervousness in your tone, but you let in a deep, tired breath of air, trying to calm your rapidly beating heart.
Seeing the dead like this… can unnerve any human… but you're no normal human. And her…
She's more familiar to you then breathing in air.
"It's been a while, child~" the ghost spoke, turning to smirk in your general direction, but you saw nothing in her eyes. No emotions. No feelings. A blank… stare… covered by the moon that was beginning to reveal itself in the sky. Waxing, rather then waning… but it's still not fully there.
"R-right… then you know," you mumbled, and you watched her let out a scoff, her body drifting to sit upon a gravestone, casually crossing one leg on top of the other as if she was sitting in a chair.
"I see it all… the past… present… future… That is the way with us spirits… of the dead," she told you, as if you didn't know.
But as your eyes began to drift away, glancing somewhere else, you flinched as you felt cold, dead fingers against your chin, forcing you to look back as she stood right in front of you. You couldn't stop the shudder that went down your spine, and the shiver that left your chilled breath. The ghost was just about your height, even though she was hovering, slightly, appearing much taller. Even in heels, she was only a few small inches taller… her face, similar to your own, and her hair… a soft luxurious blue, rather than the dark blackish blue your own hair was.
But it's her eyes, the same strange silver/bluish eyes you have, staring back at you, making your own soul quiver at the stare she was giving you.
As if you were looking in a mirror… and you were judging yourself over every little thing that was wrong with you.
"Why are you here… You do not need to be here, yet," she stated, causing you to huff as you gently moved her hand away from your face, taking a much needed step back to gather your thoughts.
"Don't you know? About the end?... Don't tell me you've forgotten what happens," you decided to say, waiting for the ghost as it thought, to herself, before letting out a heavy sigh and shaking her head at the memories…
Your memories.
"Time travel. Seriously~? Of all the things…"
"… Yep. Time is a bitch," you responded, smirking to yourself as you stepped to the side, casually making your way to a tombstone and leaning against it, and crossing your arms over your chest as your eyes followed the ghost. "… What do you think, about all of this?"
"Idiots. The lot of them," she scoffed, and you chuckled lightly at her response, causing her to turn and give you an annoyed glance. "Not funny."
"Yes it is… It's strange," you closed your eyes, sighing to yourself before your eyelids fluttered open, again, and you began to stare at the dirt, the ground, the earth… and the trees in the distance. "It's weird to know what I know… but then everything that brought me to that point has been taken away from me."
"Sealed away," you heard her clarify, and you huffed at her response.
"Still, now that I know what's there, what I can do… what we can do, it's strange… I don't hear you, anymore. I'm not sure how I feel about that," you decided to say, looking over at the specter in front of you, slowly drifting through the graveyard as you gave her a meek smile. "Just, if it wasn't for you… I don't think I would have survived at all."
"You forget, we are one in the same… Two sides of a knife… I'm just the dull… worn out side," she stated, as you rubbed the back of your neck, huffing at her words.
"Do you think we should stay out of this… mess?"
"Why get involved?" she responded, simply, with a scoff leaving her chilling breath. "We shouldn't be cleaning up… after the death children… Their mistakes are not our own –"
"Sure, but," you began, causing the woman to give you an annoyed look at your interruption as you continued, "now that we know what'll happen, wouldn't we be at fault for doing nothing?"
"… True," she responded, pausing for a moment before huffing underneath her breath. "But you? Us? Why?... You were thrown back in time, child… Brought back to square one… You're a human… now. Why do you want to be dead, again?"
"I-I…" you paused, frowning to yourself as she seemed to be smirking, but you scoffed in response. "Not funny."
"Yes it is… Anyways," she sighed, beginning to drift, or rather pace, in front of your sights as she continued, "You are now twenty… Our end should have come, by now… Now, what will you do?... With this new chance?"
"… I-I still don't know, if I'm going to be honest," you chuckled nervously, before your slight smirk became a line on your face, turning into a frown. "This… isn't my time. How am I supposed to function? And I always thought I would be dead, by now… I should be dead, by now. This should all be over. We should be at rest, now," you decided to say, your hand rubbing at your face as you sighed, trying to keep yourself from falling asleep.
Or waking up. Whichever is worse, in this particular situation.
"… Do you know if this is the end, though?" you decided to ask, causing the ghost to glance over at you as you gave her a pout. "If we aren't just going to be reincarnated, again? I mean… technically, the end of the world happened. Does that mean this is the last life we live? Our soul lives? Can we actually find peace, once I pass away and my body decomposes into the ground?... Should I be scared?" you had to ask, but before you could look away, again, you felt her hand upon your face, forcing you to look back at her, and you shuddered, instinctively, at her cold touch, only to give her a worried look as the lingering spirit simply looked at you with a content smile upon her face.
"The future is up to you, child… I'm just lingering until the bitter end," she scoffed, but you rolled your eyes, waiting for the ghost to let go of your face before you sighed, again.
"Bitter end… Speaking of that," you began, your question causing the ghost to give you a curious look as you continued, "you told me, when I was little, that any sort of soulmate I could have had passed away, long ago. That I shouldn't look for true love… Does that still hold true?
"Should I assume I'm going to be lonely forever?" you decided to ask, an unsure look on your face, but she simply smirked, before shrugging her shoulders at your question. "… Please answer me."
"Maybe~… In the future, I was correct," she began, pausing for a moment before continuing, "but… in this time… in this age… it is a different answer," she stated, and as she heard your light sigh, she could only roll her eyes. "But, child… is it truly that important to you… to find that… love? Love is such a trifle thing –"
"Yes, I know," you responded with a light smile on your face. "In fact… maybe it's best that I don't, now that I think about it. When I was a little girl, I always wanted to find that princely knight in white shining armor, to whisk me away from all my troubles. Bring me to a place where I can be happy and live life comfortably. No worries, no cares… but life isn't that way.
"And… if it's the soul I'm thinking about… Maybe it's best I leave him be," you decided to say, waiting for the ghost's reaction as she sighed to herself, shaking her head.
"… He's a stubborn idiot," she began with a scoff, causing you to meekly smile at her response. "… But he cares… a bit slow, but cares."
"Slow?" you asked with a smirk, and you giggled as you felt a chilling wind blow past your face, particularly on your nose as she flicked a finger over your chilled skin.
"By the time he gives a damn… it's already too late. If you are not blunt… nothing will happen. Trust me," she stated, sighing deeply at her own words. "… Don't… spend your life hung up on a soul that… doddles… Though, the choice is always yours… I don't make your decisions. I simply… exist," she finished, causing your smile to slip, just slightly, into a light pout. "… I swear," she scoffed at your slight change in mood, "you're just… like him. If we had children… you'd be the perfect child between the two of us."
"Ah, hello? You have children with him, dummy," you scoffed, shaking your head at her before you chuckled rather lowly. "… We grew up differently. That's what it comes down to. You, some proper noble lady that had to keep a straight face all the time. Me, a child that needed to grow up fast, but then found a dependable brother to rely on… I got to live parts of my life as a child. Maybe that's why I can smile."
"Perhaps… Thank you," you heard her say, your eyes glancing over at her in confusion as the ghost seemed to linger, pausing and staring off into the distance, at a place far, far away from where you currently are.
Not in the land of the living.
"Thanks for what?" you scoffed, watching as she looked back at you with a meek smile on her face.
"For… telling that sickly child that I would have been… happy to have such a daughter… in law. She makes my Vincent happy… which makes me happy," she stated, causing you to smirk slyly at her words.
"Don't worry about it. I get why he's attracted to her. The fact that she's sweet, kind… untainted by the cruelty of this living world we linger in, even if she has her own problems… I get that. Considering the work a Phantomhive has to deal with… the pain and suffering that entails. She's a nice person to go home to. To forget one's worries," you stated in a thoughtful tone, causing the ghost to give you a curious look.
"And… that Rosalyn. Why… are you not with her?" you heard the ghost ask, causing your smile to wean as you sighed, wearily to yourself.
"She let me go," you decided to say with a slight pout. "Of course, she didn't say it to my face, but… Rosie was the one that told Michael that I want to stay human. That I want to stay in the human realm. She doesn't want me around… She let me go," you frowned, unable to look the spirit in the face, anymore, as you swiped a stray tear away and sighed tiredly to yourself. "… I guess I decided to let everyone else go, too. If she's going to act that way."
"… Don't be mad," the woman told you, but you scoffed underneath your breath.
"I'm not –"
"Then… don't be distressed. She… cares. Wishes for your wellbeing… regardless if it's the best decision… or not," she decided to tell you, but you quickly shook your head in response.
"She doesn't want me to be a reaper. To ruin my life for her, but what? I can't have my own say in that?... She's taking care of the kids, but… Still. I'm tired of these reapers not telling me what they want. Just acting… not asking," you frowned, but the ghost smiled meekly, drifting her way over to you before letting out a tired, chilling sigh.
"Maybe that's why… you need to forget about… finding someone," she told you, causing you to frown as she continued. "They ponder for too long… and before they know it… you're dead. Either give up on finding love with a grim reaper… or~ simply… give up on love entirely… It's not uncommon for humans to marry out of obligation… and self interest… then love, in this time," she stated, but you quickly shook your head.
"You're right, but I'm not getting together with someone if I'm not attracted to them… and if they don't want me, then fine… Maybe I should just be celibate until I'm dead. Maybe I could adopt," you thought out loud, but when you noticed the unamused look on the woman's face, you couldn't stop yourself from smirking slyly at her irritation. "Whaat~?"
"Don't be ridiculous… Besides, I'm sure the boy knows some eligible lords that would take your hand –"
"No," you scoffed before she could finish. "… I'm not getting hitched to some guy I don't like. I want love… and if I can't get love, then I won't have it. Simple as that," you huffed, causing the ghost to roll her eyes.
"Stubborn."
"So are you," you smirked deviously in return, unable to stop yourself as you leaned back onto the tombstone you were relaxing upon, sighing to yourself as you closed your eyes, deep in thought.
About your future… the past… what you should do from here.
If this ghost of a past relative is really being helpful or just irritating.
But either way, it was nice to talk to Lady Claudia, again. No matter how irritating her words can be. Where the conversations lead…
At least she's here, with you, for once. It's only been a few months, but… it's like you lost an old friend. A companion that had been by your side since the beginning. Sure, you know she's always there. Always here, with you. Your souls are the same, while you may have lived different lives, you're still, well, her… and she, you.
But that doesn't mean you're Countess Claudia Phantomhive… and that doesn't mean she's Clara W. Phantomhive.
It's… weird, but… she can always bring you a sense of peace, even if she's just a ghost. Maybe just a thought. She's here, though… and…
This is comforting… even if you cannot sleep and you'll probably be irritated in the morning.
You just wish you could spend every night like this, talking to this other self you have… getting advice… thinking things over without getting too confused or irritated with yourself.
Without your thoughts lingering to deep, dark places that you never want to wander towards.