A/N: Hey guys! Palm Sunday is today, so get your palms to whack your siblings over the head with them.
But no, seriously, this upcoming Holy Week is going to be crazy, for me. So, once again, if I don't post in a while after today, that's why. I've noticed I tend to post every few days, 3-4 days at the latest, but we'll see how this week goes. I'm working all week, and my only day off is Tues, until Sun, and even after that I may be busy until the very next Tues. But, I will probably be working on writing the chapters for this story, rather then posting. So, just a heads up. It's not like I'm doing absolutely nothing. Just, I prefer to look over a chapter all at once, rather then in sections, so I can understand the flow of each scene.
And, FYI, this entire chapter is pretty much an Undertaker POV. I decided to explore how Undertaker would feel after Claudia's death, and how with Clara around, what's swimming around in his head. This is my take on the Undertaker. Honestly, I could have done a better job with portraying him. I tend to write his inner monologue rather moppy… I've noticed. Every single POV from him seems to be this way… but I'm hoping, much later in this story, it isn't as repetitive. I hope.
I mean, we tend to stick with Clara, so if I write an Undertaker POV it's usually his reactions to certain events.
Also, I decided to make dream sequences/daydreams, or just distant memories in italics. Since 'foreign languages' is in bold and italics, I figured to just use italics for an entire dream sequence. I don't like underlining, since sometimes it doesn't show up when I convert my writing into the format, and there's only so many combinations I can do. So, just a head's up.
This particular chapter is supposed to parallel the last chapter. That's what I was going for, from a writer's standpoint. I was going to make this shorter… but then I didn't. And this particular night spans about 3-4 chapters. Once again, I could just write these things quickly, but I tend to take my time when I write. Plan everything out. So, yeah. I apologize for how long these chapters can end up being. It kind of depends on the mood I'm in when I'm writing these chapters.
Anyways, enough about that! I want to post 1-2 more chapters, at least, before the end of this day. After that, I may not post for a while… or I may end up posting more between Mon-Tues. I don't have my usual afternoon class on Mon, so maybe I can do some more? But, we'll see. I'm just going to end up being VERY busy in the later half of the week.
Okay. That's about it. You guys ENJOY your week! And I hope you enjoy this upcoming chapter!
! #$%^&*())(*&^%$# !
I couldn't sleep.
The thoughts of my dear Claudia, sitting in her own pool of blood… haunts me, still.
The fact that it was by my own blade that ended her life… I just…
I sighed, deeply, running a hand through my long hair, letting my nails scratch through my scalp in an attempt to ease my internal frustrations. My other hand was gripping my lovely mourning lockets, but my thumb ran over the glass of one locket in particular.
'Claudia P' '13 July 1866'
I sighed, my fingers reaching down and rubbing the top of the glass with a distant longing in my uncovered eyes. I slowly closed my eyelids, recalling a past I wish to keep buried, but… on a night like this… it's hard to remember anything… fun.
"I can save you."
"Undertaker –"
"I can save you. Please! Milady I can do this –"
"No," she spoke, her voice so stern it caused me to flinch, only to stare at her with a look of sympathy as she began to cough roughly into her gloved hand, causing me to sigh, sadly. "… Please don't look at me like that."
"But –"
"Cedric… please… let me die. I want to die," she told me, a sad but content look on her face. And…
I couldn't stop myself from crying, tears of utter sorrow rolling down my face as I closed my eyes tightly, unable to look at her weakening face. It wasn't the common cold that was going to kill her, tonight. It was…
Something much worse… and…
I just can't…
"I know my time is almost up," she continued, a tired sigh leaving my breath as I felt her hand cuffing my face, her gloved fingers catching my tears as she stared at me, smiling meekly. Though, I could see in her bright light bluish, practically silver gaze that she was just as sorrowful as I was.
Though, how she could bottle up her emotions… I have no idea. She's better at it then any deathling I've ever met, that has any sort of emotional expressions.
"I've made my peace… I'm just… h-happy I got to spend my days with you, Cedric."
"But I-I can stop this. If for a moment, I can keep you with me," I couldn't help but say, my hand grasping her own as she gripped the side of my cheek, refusing to let me go. Refusing to let my head move away from her own.
"Then what? What would that accomplish?" she scoffed, her stern voice causing me to flinch, but I couldn't help myself. It's been a long, long time since I felt… anything. Anything worthwhile.
I left… in order to finish out my days without being abused and used by the council… but… here I am… longing for a love I knew cannot last for very long.
Why do I always end up falling in love with creatures that can never live as long as myself? Why do I torture myself, like this?
Because… I…
Love… her… so much.
So much.
"… Undertaker?" she called out to me, trying to drag me out of my sorrow, but all I could do is let out a tired sigh, my eyelids tightening as I tried to rid myself of this painful feeling.
Why does love have to hurt, this much?
Every single time I begin to care… they just… slip away from my grasp.
I wish Death never existed!
I wish I didn't kill myself, damn it!
Damn it!
"Cedric come back to me," I heard faintly, her hands cuffing my cheeks as she shook my head, slightly, her soft eyes turning stern as she glared, waiting for me to snap out of my mind. My thoughts.
"… Sorry love. I just… I can't lose this, again," I sighed, gently rubbing the top of her hand with a weak smile on my face. I could tell she wasn't impressed by my response, and instead let out an irritated huff.
"I don't want to leave either, but it n-needs to happen. Do you want to know why?" she scoffed, causing my gaze to look into her own, and she waited for a moment before continuing. "Because… humans cannot linger for too long. We're like burning candles. Some last longer then others, but eventually we'll be snuffed out… I… I love you," she continued with a sad look on her face, "and… what I regret the most is that I c-couldn't take you with me.
"Not that I'd want to," she scoffed, her annoyed tone causing me to smirk meekly at her slight irritation. "I still don't fully understand what makes you grim creatures yourselves, but I do understand that you cannot break your rules. Cedric, just… you need to let me die. I want to… this life has been difficult, okay? I'm ready to pass on," she smiled at me, lightly, though I could tell she was trying to get me to agree with her.
But… while I'd normally just nod my head and smile in reply…
I… cannot.
Not this time.
"… Can I make one last request? My death?" I heard her ask, a weak chuckle leaving my throat at the familiar nickname as I looked up, at her bright gaze, almost as overworldly as any supernatural being.
In fact… to me… she is a glorious creature.
Brighter than the stars. More divine then any winged angel up in the heavens.
She's just so… beautiful…
She's… too kind. Too honest. Too perfect.
"Whatever you wish, my love," I smiled meekly, hoping my words were enough to convince her to continue.
"Stay… by my side until the end. Please?" she asked in a sweet, soft tone. A voice I haven't heard in quite a while, now that I think about it.
And I couldn't stop myself from smiling, managing to pry one of her hands off of my cheek as I kissed the top of her hand, rubbing my thumb tenderly over the stop I specifically kissed. "I will stay… always and forever, my love."
"My death," she smiled, meekly, suddenly leaning closer to me upon her bed. A bed we'll end up sharing when she insists I stay at the mansion. When she wishes that I'm by her side.
I just… couldn't stop my tears from falling down… onto the blood soaked sheets… the crimson red discoloring the vibrant blues and silky whites of the sheets.
And as she rubbed my face, her other hand running over my chest, her head against my beating heart…
I kept crying, holding onto her body tightly. I just cannot…
Let her go.
"Claudia," I mumbled, letting out a sniffle as I wiped a tear from my face, as if someone was watching me. Of course, something is watching me… it's always there, taunting me. Watching me suffer.
But I could only sigh in defeat. I couldn't bring her back, even if I wanted to. Even if I tried. She would never let me do such a thing… She'd be furious.
Necromancy…
I've thought about such things, studied the dark arts out of curiosity. Still… nothing. Nothing… permanent. Real.
I just…
Why did it have to be her? My dear… Countess Claudia…
But my head suddenly flinched upward as I sensed something was amiss… It wasn't a demon or an angel appearing on the estate, or even some creature out for a midnight snack…
No…
I noticed someone walking, down the hallway, her presence disappearing further and further into the mansion…
I stood to my feet, making sure I snatched my top hat back upon my head before I left the room.
Just where… is that girl going? In the middle of the night, like this…
Odd. Strange…
! #$%^&*())(*&^%$# !
Was that!... My…
I couldn't believe my eyes, as I watched my newly acquired assistant chatting to a lingering spirit that looked just like my Claudia. Or rather… it is my Claudia, in the spirit.
But what was more amazing was what I was hearing.
The soft, eerie voices of the dead, radiating, pulsating, speaking in and around me. A familiar set of voices I haven't heard in a very long time, because… I refused to listen, for the longest time. Especially after I simply gave up on enjoying my existence, a very long time ago…
But no, that girl… Clara was speaking back in such an ancient tongue!
How does she know how to respond? To speak back!?
Yes, sure, she's part reaper. Sure, I can understand that. Even a human, if they care enough, could hear what the dead are speaking, no matter how fearful or traumatized they may become. But… she is… speaking perfectly to my lovely Claudia. And…
… Just… why are they talking about me, like that?
I couldn't stop myself from tearing up. To think, I was hoping the dear girl simply didn't know about Claudia. Didn't see her like I did… but… No, there the ghost of my dead love lingers, speaking with a girl I couldn't help but… feel connected to.
No wonder I am…
She's a spitting image of Claudia! How could I not see that in the first place?
"Undertaker?" I heard a familiar voice behind me, causing me to freeze. Oh… I was so engrossed in my watching that I wasn't paying attention to my surrounds.
And in a blink of an eye, I stood behind the young earl, covering his mouth before he could make anymore noise. "Hush~~" I hissed lowly in his ear, my eerie tone causing the boy to stop his squirming, only to cast me a skeptical look, which I returned with a smirk of my own. "… Stay quiet, now."
"Fine?" Vincent responded in an unsure tone of voice, taking a step closer to look over at what I was staring at.
Only to give me a confused look. "… What's going on with Lady Clara, over there?" he asked, his voice so low in a whisper I almost didn't catch his question.
But I am a shinigami. Even if my eyesight is terrible, the rest of my senses are top notch. Heightened to a degree no mere mortal could understand. "She is… talking to the ghost of your late mother," I honestly spoke, knowing that the earl would be confused, and I continued, "It's best not to question this."
"I knew something was off about the girl… but wait," he continued, holding up a finger, "is that why she's with you? Because she can talk to the dead?"
"No," I honestly stated, hoping that my voice was low enough that the two women, dead and living, wouldn't notice that we're here. "Other reasons… but this is a new development."
"Oh…"
"… She's… quite interesting to watch," I continued, causing the boy to cast me a curious glance as I watched the conversation in front of me, their words causing me to be extra intrigued over this entire matter as I learned more about Clara… and perhaps dear Claudia, too. "She never disappoints."
"Hmm… well, if that's all –"
"Why don't you wait in the garden, if you wish to speak to your mother?" I stated, causing the man to give me a confused look, but I know why he showed up.
Because he couldn't sleep and wanted to speak to his late mother on the anniversary of her death.
A reason why I never go out in the middle of the night, on this particular night. I already know what the boy does, and thus, it's not something different. Interesting.
But this… certainly is –
"You sure I should go?" I heard dear Clara ask in a curious tone, and I smiled meekly at the light hearted chuckle my Claudia spoke, in response, though her ghostly response was a bit hard to overhear.
"Yes… talk to him," I heard, causing me to narrow my eyes curiously, only to hear Clara chuckle lowly in response.
"I see… You do know I can barely notice the supernatural, right? Except the demons, of course."
"Yes… good life, dear child."
"Good death, Lady Claudia," the girl responded with a smirk of her own, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed as I noticed the ghost fading away. I know that Claudia's spirit still lingers, especially on the eve of her death date. That's how it is with most deaths, especially the most violent.
I've learned, over the years… Especially when I began to live amongst the mortals, again, and learn their curious ways.
But before I knew it, Vincent had wandered off, perhaps noticing that the girl had stopped talking, and I began to feel a bit panicky over the fact that she was drawing nearer. There was no point in hiding, for she knew where I was. And before I knew it…
I cracked a smile, grinning at the confused, yet tired look on the woman's face. "What are you doing here?" she asked, her tone filled with her own spark of curiosity, which made me smile even wider.
"Thinking. Outside… remembering. Yourself?"
"Just… talking. Taking a breather. I couldn't sleep," she told me, and my smile turned kinder in response to her tired voice.
"Perhaps we should have a cup of tea to calm our nerves?"
"Hmm… I suppose," she sighed, suddenly grabbing my arm and tugging me away from the Phantomhive graveyard, but I glanced back.
Just barely noticing my dear lady, standing in the center with a thoughtful look on her fading face, only to glance at me, giving me a content smile, before seemingly disappearing completely out of my sights.
For good.