Chapter 40: Mefirst, Charge Second
Charge crossed his arms, staring down the heroes from across the pavement of the empty parking lot. "You've made your case. It doesn't look like your friend can bring herself to kiss the vegetable, and even though Discord himself seems to have taken a liking to you, it doesn't make a lick of difference if you can't figure out what he wants you to do. It's hopeless. Your best bet is to just get over it, let me take his place, and get into position to enter the Medium."
With nearly everyone now used to the revelation of Light Star's true identity, they began to focus on the crisis at hand. Charge had already proved that he could not be trusted, but they could not save eight universes without an eighth player... so their only choice was to try to revive Beats.
"Astra..." Blah addressed the girl again. "We can't let Charge win. You have to kiss Beats. It's the only way."
"Does it have to be me, though?" protested Astra in response.
"Well, not particularly..." Blah admitted. "But it does have to be a fellow SBURB player, and out of everyone here, you'd be the least awkward person for the task."
The templar bowed her head, her eyes shut tightly in strained thought - Blah did have a point, although she still couldn't completely believe that kissing a corpse could bring someone back to life. It sounded horribly cliché, like somehow the power of love was strong enough to traverse death itself, but even if that were the case, she and Beats were just friends. There was no true love to speak of.
Twilight stepped forward. "As much as the thought disturbs me as well... we really have no other alternative. Please, we can't afford to take the risk of letting Charge into the game. We won't hold it against you, right everyone?"
There were utterances of consent from everyone in the group.
"As long as I don't have to watch..." muttered Dr. Eggman.
Astra remained silent.
A beeping ringtone sounded. Mefirst flipped open a cellphone and answered. "Yo... Uh-huh... Hahahah... Excellent... Gotcha." He clicked it shut and turned to Charge. "That was our... 'inside agent'. Beats is starting to feel the consequences of his other self's death. It won't be long now!"
Astra bit her lip upon hearing the news. Charge snickered. "Don't worry," he reassured sarcastically. "We all understand that your pride is more important than putting an entire universe in 'untrustworthy' hands."
Her fist clenched. She had been sitting on the fence, but Charge's words sent her flying onto the far side. "If you think I'm sharing a session with you, then you'd be dead wrong. Move aside." She approached the coffin.
Mefirst stepped in front of her. "Hah!" he chortled. "You really think we're going to let you do that now?"
"Look around you," snapped Astra. "There's only two of you, and a dozen of us. You are vastly outnumbered. I'm saving these worlds, and neither of you bozos are going to stand in my way!"
Charge picked up his axe enthusiastically. "I was hoping you'd say that. I love a good challenge. And most of you are expendable, so this should be worlds of fun!"
"Hah! Listen to this freak!" Eggman jeered as he headed for the Egg-Desperado. "I just squashed hundreds of robots with this thing, I'd like to see you try and stop me with that puny axe!" He climbed into the cockpit, flipping the lever to transform back into giant mech mode in seconds. He pointed a gun-bearing finger at the spiky-haired villain. "So, shall I kill you quickly or slowly?"
Without a word, Charge dashed towards the mech at an alarming speed. Eggman opened fire, but Charge side-stepped each shot so fast that the mad scientist couldn't get a solid lock on him. In the space of a moment, Charge was now within swinging range of the vehicle, and swing he did. Volts upon volts coursed through the axe and transferred to the mech as it made contact, short-circuiting it and simultaneously slicing one of its legs clean off. Now a useless pile of metal, the mech toppled over. Charge put down his axe triumphantly.
"How did he..." wondered a flabbergasted Hailstorm.
"Ok, you know how Charge is one of my characters?" Blah began, Hail nodding rapidly in fear. "Well, he's a Mary Sue."
"Charge is a girl?" questioned Rainbow Dash. "What does that have to do with-"
"He's referring to the literary term," Twilight interrupted. "A Mary Sue is a character who is unrealistically powerful or perfect... usually to a ridiculous degree."
"Oh..." She turned angrily to Blah. "Why the heck would you create a character like that?!"
"I didn't know we'd eventually be fighting him!" Blah defended. "Also, it was a long time ago. I was, like, twelve when I made him."
"And I was your go-to character for about three years," Charge continued. "Until you became self-conscious and started... 'improving' your storytelling skills."
"Jeez, who's breaking the fourth wall NOW?" Mefirst commented under his breath.
"Well, nobody likes a Mary Sue..." his creator reminded him. "I had to put you down eventually. I was getting too old for those fantasies."
"And now look where you are." Charge had his axe pointed in Blah's direction. "You'd be unwise not to side with me. You know what I'm capable of, and you can't retcon your way out of this one."
"No way!" Blah opposed. "You're a bad idea and you should die with the rest of the rejects!"
"Your call." Charge threw his axe at Blah with the force of thunder, forcing him to duck to the side. The axe barely managed to clip part of his mane, but it bought Charge enough time to close the distance, purple electricity crackling around his fists. Blah found himself wishing he had a weapon, or at least that he could hold one.
Before Charge could make it to the former human, he was intercepted by a pony with speed that rivaled his: Rainbow Dash, delivering a swift kick to the side of his head. "You're not the only one as fast as lightning," she taunted as the ponies surrounded him, separating him from his axe.
Mefirst sprang to his feet and dashed towards his equine adversaries, but Bo-bobo, Don Patch, and Jelly Jiggler blocked his way. "We're still here, you know!" shouted Bo-bobo.
"Hah, you think you can best me with numbers," Charge jeered. "We'll just see about that." As Blah and Applejack rushed at him, Hailstorm covered by firing a titanium bolt, but Charge grabbed it out of the air. Blah began with a diving kick, but Charge grabbed his leg with his other hand and spun him around, unloading a jolt of electricity as Blah unwillingly collided with Applejack. Twilight attempted to hold Charge in place with a spell as Rainbow dove as him from behind, to which he responded by surrounding his body with an electric shield, and by that time the pegasus had too much momentum to avoid getting electrocuted.
"Outta my way," commanded Mefirst as he pulled out an envelope. "Super Fist of Fee-Mail, Letterbomb!" He tossed the letter downward at the Hajikelists' feet, creating a small explosion that sent Jelly skyward, screaming. Bo-bobo, now wearing a chef's hat, held up a plate as he fell back down.
"I got your invite to the dinner party," he mused, "and I made you my super secret recipe..." Jelly fell onto the plate. Bo-bobo took on an expression of rage. "Get off my plate, you're not worth serving!"
Jelly looked back at him, laying down in an inviting pose. "Come on, just one bite wouldn't hurt..."
Mefirst took the plate. "Hmm..." He prodded the blue gelatin man with a fork, causing him to giggle and wobble. "Hee hee, that tickles!"
Suddenly, Don Patch interrupted by punching Mefirst in the gut. "Stop playing with your food!"
Twilight continued to focus on keeping Charge paralyzed as Astra drew her scythe and approached him. Hail fired another bolt, but the electric shield deflected it with a sudden arc.
'That shield is going to keep us from getting anywhere near him...' thought Blah as he gathered himself. 'It's a stalemate as long as Twilight can hold him...'
On a whim, Blah aimed the Sonic Screwdriver and clicked it at Charge. With a buzz and a fizzle, Charge's electric field dispelled, but so did Twilight's magical field, causing both of them recoil. Charge recovered faster, allowing him to fire a lightning bolt from his palm that struck his axe in the distance and blasted it towards him. He snatched it up just in time to parry a strike from Astra's scythe.
Out of the corners of his eyes, he noticed that Applejack and Rainbow Dash had picked up again and were charging him simultaneously from opposite sides. Pushing forward with the axe, he caused Astra to stumble as he jumped back. Rainbow could not help but crash into Applejack.
"Oof! Hey! Watch it!" Rainbow chastised as the two mares painfully untangled themselves.
"Weeell pardon me, but it wasn't MY idea to dash at him from two sides at once..." Applejack replaced her hat.
"We should be fighting Charge, not each other," scolded Twilight. Charge smirked as he waited patiently for his opponents' infighting to end.
"Ok, everyone crowding in like this is just begging for friendly fire," Blah warned. "We should take him one or two at a time..."
Mefirst, meanwhile, had produced his mailbox-hammer and was clashing with Don Patch's green onion sword. The mailman attempted to find an alternate route so that he could challenge Astra in particular, but Don was giving him no amount of leeway. The two were matching each other blow-for-blow.
"Super Fist of the Nose Hair, Nostril Whip Blades x2 Combo!" Bo-bobo ended the strange swordfight abruptly by kicking Don Patch out of the way, extending two of his thick nose hairs like head-mounted whips and beginning to overwhelm Mefirst by thrashing them rapidly. One managed to knock the mailbox out of his hands, and he was at the mercy of the hair lashing against his skin multiple times. He kicked backwards, out of reach of the afro warrior, only for a giant gelatin cage to drop over him.
"Fist of Wobble-Wobble, Congealed Concealment!" announced the cage as it began to shrink and engulf him. Mefirst, thinking quickly, produced two razor envelopes between his fingers and sliced through the bars with ease. Turns out, a cage made of jelly is not ideal for trapping someone. Jelly shed an anguished tear.
Twilight and Astra were the first to take on Charge, as the others fell back to treat their wounds. While the unicorn fired a barrage of magical lasers, drawing energy from her armor, Astra approached his flank and dove at him. Charge blocked the magic attack by using his axe as a shield. In fact, the axe glowed pink, seeming to absorb the magic. He stepped just out of reach of the scythe while Twilight attempted to aim around the axe. Astra continued to slash at him as he adjusted the axe's position to meet Twilight's shots. The human girl got a few hits in among the dodging, but Charge seemed to be focusing more on blocking the magic.
Finally, he backflipped, swinging the axe in Astra's direction. The pink magic extended the blade of the axe fourfold, slicing across the center of Astra's armor and causing her to double over in pain. Charge then turned towards Twilight and run at her, continuing to block her shots. The pony stepped back, desperately firing, anticipating a lethal swing of that weapon... until Rainbow Dash swooped in unexpectedly from behind and lifted Charge into the air. "Gotcha!"
Twilight ceased firing, taking a moment to breathe. A well-placed bolt from Hailstorm caused Charge to lose hold of his axe, plummeting it to the ground where Blah unloaded its remaining magic harmlessly with the Screwdriver.
Mefirst had had enough of the Hajike trio. He raised a hand, summoning a giant open cardboard box. "Super Fist of Fee-Mail, Express Shipping!" The box, too big for the three of them to avoid, fell on top of them and sealed tightly with packing tape. A mail truck drove by and parked, and Mefirst threw the box into the back. He headed up to the driver's seat. "Take these to Mexico, pronto!" he instructed.
"Can do," answered the voice of Bo-bobo, now in a mail uniform. He tipped his hat and drove off.
"Since when do you work for him?!" Beauty screamed.
"And now, with those fools out of the way," said Mefirst, cracking his knuckles, "time to take out the trash."
"I thought you were a mailman, not a garbage man!" Beauty followed up.
"Quiet, girl, or you'll be next," he advised, retrieving his mailbox and running towards his boss's strife. "I have a delivery to finish!"
Rainbow knew that she couldn't hold Charge for long. The human began to fill his body with electricity again, just as the pegasus anticipated, and so she let him go before the voltage could increase to harmful levels. Charge rolled across the ground when he landed, picking up his axe and standing firm. He immediately swung the axe to block a bolt from Hailstorm, who was trying to distract Charge while Blah carried a healing potion to Astra.
Charge held out his arm and shot a bolt of his own, made of purple lightning, straight at his attacker. The electricity, far too fast to dodge, entered Hail's body and traveled down his spine, knocking him out.
Mefirst was already heading for Blah and Astra, who thankfully had just finished drinking the potion. She stood, scythe in hand, ready to face the mailman once more.
Before Charge could celebrate his small victory, a powerful kick from behind threw him off-balance. Applejack had stealthily creeped behind him and delivered a solid buck to his backside. Charge sprang to his feet and unleashed a frenzy of axe slashes in her direction, which she was quick to block with her armor... but the gold would not last forever under the force of the cleaving weapon.
Mefirst swung his mail-hammer at Astra, who side-stepped and countered with a lashing of her own weapon, aiming impatiently for his neck. Mefirst ducked and dove at her feet, tackling her to the ground. He raised his mailbox high, but Blah jumped up from behind and snatched it with his teeth.
The startled mailman turned around. "I hope you're not planning on using that," he remarked sarcastically.
Blah twisted around and tossed the mailbox to Beauty, who reluctantly caught it. "Nah, just making sure you don't," he answered coolly.
While Rainbow Dash dragged Hailstorm to a safe location under a tree, Twilight Sparkle approached to confront Charge before he could break Applejack's armor. She snatched up every nearby rock at once with her telekinesis behind his back, hurling them at him from several directions. One pelted him in the head, giving Applejack an opening to kick him in the chest. This knocked him back, but not as far as the earth mare expected, and he retaliated with a swift, close swing that connected with Applejack's foreleg, right in between two jointed pieces of armor. With Applejack crippled, Twilight desperately launched more rocks to prevent him from getting any critical blows in.
Mefirst drew a slew of envelopes, aiming to go right through Blah and recover his weapon, but by that time Astra had recovered, grabbing him by the neck with her scythe. "Make one move and your head will roll," she threatened. Blah took the opportunity to edge away, hoping to put a stop to Charge.
Charge shot Twilight a piercing gaze, taking all of the rocks resolutely. He began to march towards her again, breaking into a sprint. With a flash, she teleported behind him and kicked him in the head. The hit barely fazed him. He turned around to swing at her, but she blinked to his other side once more and rammed him with her horn, unloading a burst of stunning magic.
As Blah approached Charge, he noticed something in the sky. A meteor! He took the excellent timing as a favor from the gods and worked to channel his Hajike. "Fist of the Milky Way..." He leaped, his back legs propelling him high into the air, just above the meteor. "Meteor Crash!" With a powerful kick, Blah directed the meteor straight at Charge.
Twilight teleported a safe distance just in time for the meteor to smash the unsuspecting Charge into the ground. The resulting crater was easily 10 feet in diameter.
Blah landed gracefully, exhaling a relieved breath...
"Dropping a meteor on him?" Twilight said, as if questioning whether that really happened. "You never cease to impress me, Blah."
Blah tossed a healing potion each to Twilight and an equally-amazed Rainbow Dash. "Go patch up Hailstorm and Applejack," he instructed. "I'll make sure Charge doesn't cause any more trouble..."
The mares parted to heal their allies, and right on cue, the meteor exploded with electricity, revealing a very battered Charge.
"You've done well..." he panted, giving Blah an eerie grin. "But I've nowhere near begun to fight. This ends now."
Blah stood ready as Charge brandished his axe, summoning a violet aura. "Super Fist of the Purple Lightning," he announced, "Six-Way Split!"
He threw his axe into the air, slicing a gap in space-time at the peak of its ascent which rapidly grew. Out of the rift dropped one, two, three, four, five clones of Charge from alternate timelines, all landing around their alpha. The rift closed, and the original Charge caught his axe.
Blah gulped. If just one Charge was that hard to handle, six at once would stomp all over them...
Hailstorm and Applejack, now recovered, stood ready along with Twilight and Rainbow Dash. Astra turned around, keeping Mefirst trapped. "If any of you come any closer, I'll decapitate your minion."
The closest Charge shot a bolt of lightning at her, causing her to drop the scythe. Mefirst kicked her in the stomach and picked it up, pointing it down at her on the ground with a laugh.
The gloves were off. Each Charge picked an opponent and closed the distance between them quickly. Each of them being new arrivals to the battle, they had much more energy than Blah's already-exhausted friends. Axes were everywhere. Applejack was forced on the defensive, her constant blocking nearly cracking her armor in two. Twilight's teleporting only kept her away from the blade for so long before she had to block as well. Rainbow and Hailstorm kept to the air, frantically ducking between lightning strikes. The original Charge and Blah entered a high-speed hoof-to-axe brawl. The final Charge approached Astra, who was still pinned by Mefirst and had no means of escape...
Suddenly, a mail truck drove over the horizon. Three figures jumped out of it as it barreled into the Charge attacking Twilight. Bo-bobo, Don Patch, and Jelly Jiggler had returned, and they all had on heavy winter clothing. "Mexico was great!" praised Bo-bobo.
"I think you have Mexico confused with Canada!" Beauty couldn't help but remark.
The Hajike Trio, having just returned from a healthy respite, relieved the defending heroes immediately. Jelly Jiggler stepped in front of Hailstorm's Charge and absorbed his lightning. Don Patch bum-rushed the one near Applejack. Bo-bobo tackled the Charge that threatened Astra. The villain's clones were kept at bay.
Astra was still in a bind, however, as Mefirst continued to stand there with her own scythe pointed at her throat. "So, how does it feel, being in such a... submissive position?" Mefirst cackled.
"You can't kill me," Astra said, working hard to keep her calm. "I'm another one of the players. I'm not 'expendable' as you claim some of the others to be."
"And that's where you're wrong, pup!" Mefirst denied. "In case you haven't noticed by now, our little posse is also eight strong. We could kill any number of you and take your place in the chain ourselves, and still achieve the same end result!"
Astra gulped. He was right. They could kill her just like they did Beats.
Mefirst's phone rang again, bringing a smile to his face. "Whoop, I believe this is the good news I was waiting for!" He answered. Astra could hear a new feminine voice from the phone, but couldn't quite make out what she was telling him. "Hah... perfect," replied the mailman as he hung up and stashed away the phone. "Our agent reports that Beats has succumbed to his injuries and fallen dead on Derse. You're too late. He's gone for good now."
The combination of Mefirst's words, his smug grin, standing over her with lethal weapon in hand and the power to strike her down with a single motion... it was almost too much for her.
"So, girl... give me one good reason why I shouldn't just kill you now."
Fwoosh!
Mefirst dropped the scythe, reeling from sudden terrible pain. A crossbow bolt had pierced him through the chest, narrowly missing his heart. Astra took the opportunity to snatch the scythe and scramble away as Hailstorm rocketed closer.
"How about because you're dead yourself," the unamused Hail jaunted. He had quickly grown tired of this mailman's attitude.
"Nice shot..." Mefirst gasped, clutching his chest. "Not that it'll matter... I could kill you too, you know..."
An angered Charge edged towards the wounded Mefirst, but Bo-bobo quickly wrapped him up in nose-hairs. "Do your thing, pony-dude! This one's on me!" He slung the Charge behind him, slamming him into the ground.
Hail nodded in gratitude and faced Mefirst once again, who desperately drew a few envelopes and a cardboard box.
The pegasus darted at the courier, first firing another bolt which the box blocked like a shield, but the force caused the wounded man to recoil. Hailstorm used the opportunity to slam his front hooves painfully into Mefirst's torso near the wound. Mefirst slashed at him with the envelopes, which Hail blocked easily with the stock of the crossbow. They were still just envelopes, after all. He fired a bolt point-blank, striking him through the shoulder and causing him to drop the envelopes.
"Super Fist of Fee-Mail, Box Blockade!" Mefirst quickly shouted in his state of despair, spawning a wall of stacked boxes between the two of them filled with some unknown heavy matter. But in his haste, Mefirst failed to account for what the pegasus would do in response - simply smash against the wall, toppling many of the heavy boxes right on top of him. Trapped and helpless, Mefirst could only watch as Hailstorm aimed his crossbow.
"It's not so fun on the other side of the murder, isn't it," Hail taunted solemnly.
"Killing me will change nothing, you know!" he coughed. "You have no hope of taking down Charge, and Beats is already out of the picture. Your future is set in stone!"
"Not if I can help it." He pulled the trigger. The bolt was released. Mefirst wheezed one last time, then fell limp.
Hailstorm put away his crossbow with a sigh. The deed was done.
Astra crept up to the stallion, amazed at what she had just witnessed. But what startled her even more was what happened next. The final bolt glowed a golden color, a stream of similarly-colored energy leaking out of it and into Hailstorm, collecting around his hooves.
"What the..." Hail uttered, staring down at the strange glow.
"You have the power, Hailstorm..." Bo-bobo called, sitting on top of a roped-up Charge. "Go on. Do the lifey thing."
Hail blinked, then gazed over at the coffin where Beats rested. He wasn't sure how, but he understood. He flew over to it, Astra following curiously.
He nudged open the coffin, looking upon the lifeless vegetable. With a deep breath, he planted his hoof on the DJ's shoulder.
The energy spread throughout Beats's body, engulfing it in a warm light which faded just as quickly.
Beats twitched, then coughed. Astra grabbed his hand.
"Sis..."
All of the Charges stopped. They no longer had any reason to continue fighting. Each of the clones tore a rift with their axes and fled into them, leaving the original Charge to receive angry stares from all of the heroes.
"We'll meet again," Charge said simply, snapping his fingers and summoning a familiar yellow cloud to swoop from the sky and pick him up, flying him off into the distance.
"Well... he sure left in a hurry," panted Applejack, taking off what remained of her armor and laying down to take a breather.
Blah had other questions on his mind. He scurried toward where Hail had just performed the miracle that allowed Astra and Beats to embrace. "What WAS that?!"
"I'm... not really sure," Hail responded. "It's like... I took Mefirst's life, and gave it to Beats..."
"Like a Rogue," Blah inferred. "A Rogue of Life."
Bo-bobo nodded. "Our work here is done. Come along, guys." Don Patch, Jelly Jiggler, and Beauty followed him up to the mail truck, as he pulled a tarp off of it that had been so tight, it was indistinguishable from the hull of the truck itself. The removal of the cover revealed a psychedelic paintjob, and a cartoonish depiction of Bo-bobo's face above a line of text that read "The Miracle Machine".
The afro dawg and his gang of meddling misfits all piled into the Miracle Machine. Bo-bobo drove off with a cry of "Bo-Bo Bo-Bo Boo!"