Title: Katy Perry Moment
Author: JoeHundredaire
Rating: R/FR18
Disclaimer: Captain Fangirlhumper… err, J.K. Rowling owns the world the Harry Potter series takes place in. Wish the characters were mine so I could do utterly retarded things to them and watch my bank account get steadily larger, but sadly not mine. I'm not sure whether Katy Perry belongs to Katheryn Hudson or Capitol Music Group for manufacturing her. Not mine, don't sue, and so forth and so on.
Summary: Drink in hand: check. Kissing girls: check. Cherry chapstick: …well, she'd settle for two out of three.
Joe's Note: It's not quite a songfic, so even if I didn't have a story entitled "I Kissed a Girl", I probably wouldn't have used that name. Mostly because… well, the title I chose is a rather amusing little term I've picked up through Lexi and her lesbian friends: in her attempt to be hip and edgy and cool and sexy, Katy Perry inadvertently established herself as a derogatory term within the LGBT community. Being someone's "Katy Perry moment" is when you're the lesbian or bisexual girl who ends up making out with another girl whose attraction to - and interest in - girls rises and falls in sync with their BAC. Which is essentially what's happening here. And before I end up with a header longer than my fic or something… shutting up. Enjoy.
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Noh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Judedeath, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Thomas, Jack, Pat, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing.
"I'm drunk and I'm gay and it's wonderful!"
Luna Lovegood's loud announcement brought the party in the Room of Requirement screeching to a halt for a few seconds as all attention turned to the flushed blonde… and then there was a collective shrug and the students returned to whatever had been previously entertaining them. Namely drinking, assorted games, and snogging in the constantly evolving array of shadowy corners. Hermione Granger shook her head as she stunned two particularly rowdy Hufflepuff boys for their own good; the formerly square room was currently an irregular heptadecagon, although she doubted it'd be long before another amorous couple turned it into a octadecagon so that they too could have somewhere to get a little privacy. And since she had nobody to go enjoy such a corner with - and neither the heads nor the other prefects seemed at all interested in maintaining order - Hermione decided to take a short break from managing the drunken student body as a whole and focus on her friend.
Who was evidently exceedingly inebriated at the moment.
And celebrating a change of sexual identity.
Weaving her way through the crowd, Hermione made her way over to where Luna was sitting with her legs thrown over the leg of an armchair, both hands wrapped possessively around a bottle of Blishen's Firewhisky as she sipped at what little remained. When the blonde spotted her, she perked up and waved energetically. "Hullo, Hermione! And Hermione's twin! And Hermione's triplet!" Rolling her eyes, Hermione - who numbered only one last time she'd checked - reached out and took the bottle from Luna, causing the blonde to pout. "Hmmph. If you'd wanted some, you could have asked. That was unusually rude of you, Hermione. Your sisters should take points away from you." Suddenly, she paused and cocked her head to one side. "They're prefects too, right?"
"I'm not sure they've invented a term for quite how drunk you are right now, Luna Lovegood." Vanishing the bottle she was holding to free up her left hand, Hermione pondered what to do with her thoroughly inebriated friend. Finally, she decided that the simplest course of action would be best: Ravenclaw Tower and the Room of Requirement were both on the seventh floor, so it wouldn't take long at all to levitate Luna back to her dorm. If she'd been in any other house, the portrait might have proved problematic but with the unique entry system the Ravenclaws utilized… the day she couldn't answer a simple riddle was the day she'd ask Draco Malfoy out on a date. Drawing her wand, the corner of her mouth quirked upward as she decided to switch back to verbal casting solely for the novelty factor of being able to say… "Bibonius leviosa."
Luna's silver eyes went - if possible - wider than normal and she let out peels of laughter as she floated in the air over the chair, somehow managing to move within the magic holding her aloft and roll over onto her stomach. "Whee! I'm flying on my own! I can defy the fundamental rules of magic! I… am a goddess!"
Reaching up to pinch the bridge of her nose with her free hand, Hermione waved her wand and slowly guided Luna towards the exit, trying her best not to laugh at Luna's infectious enthusiasm for 'flying'. Finally, she cracked and chuckled at the blonde's antics before twirling her wand, sending Luna into a barrel roll over a pair of Gryffindors who were flailing around trying to catch a renegade chocolate frog. They eventually reached the exit and Hermione pushed the door open before floating Luna out into the hallway. Given the distance to their destination, it didn't take Hermione long at all to reach the Ravenclaw common room and the bronze, eagle-shaped knocker. "Which came first, the phoenix or the flame?"
Oh, lovely. The wizarding version of the 'chicken and egg' question. And if she got it wrong, she'd be stranded here until another student finally came along. Hermione nibbled her lower lip uncertainly; she had a fifty percent chance of being right… and since there were two of them present, if she picked the wrong one, she could immediately ask the knocker to provide a second question and coach Luna through ans- "A circle has no beginning." Head whipping to the side, Hermione stared at Luna in disbelief as the door swung open. "I'm drunk, Hermione, not Ronald."
"That's… mean. True, perhaps, but still mean." Luna just shrugged at Hermione's half-hearted reprimand before stretching her arms back out in front of her to resume her 'flying' position. Entering the common room, Hermione took a moment to marvel at the arched windows hung with soft blue and bronze silks along with the domed ceiling painted with stars - secretly preferring both to the garish red and gold of her own common room - before directing Luna towards one of the staircases that led to the dorms. The blonde let out a vaguely negative sounding noise at that, making Hermione pause for a second before reorienting Luna to point at the other set of stairs. That earned her an approving noise and so Hermione set off towards the stairs, hurrying up them two at a time until she reached the top floor and entered Luna's dorm. There were four neat beds with neat trunks at their ends… and one with its hangings charmed into a bizarre blue and bronze tie-dye pattern.
Well. That solved the problem of figuring out which bed was Luna's rather simply.
Floating Luna over to her bed, Hermione flipped back the covers before bringing Luna in for a landing. She knew there were spells to strip the girl down - knew the spells themselves, even - but given Luna's recent declaration, she didn't feel entirely comfortable going there. And so instead, she settled for removing Luna's shoes for her before covering the blonde and then perching on the edge of the bed. The two stared at each other for almost a minute and then Hermione couldn't hold out any longer, desperately wanting answer to one burning question. "So when did you figure out you were gay, Luna? Not that it's a bad thing. It's just… a bit sudden."
Luna thought about that one for a bit before shrugging. "Not long after Harry defeated He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, really." …what? "I mean, it was hard not to be happy that he was dead and that we'd finally have real professors again and the Ministry would go back to being… actually, I'm not sure the Ministry will change much, all things considered. It wasn't that great before You-Know-Who took over, if you think about it."
"Oh. You meant gay as in… not…" Hermione let out a hysterical little chuckle as she leaned her head back, staring up at the ceiling. Of course. The wizarding world was behind the world she'd grown up in almost every way. Why had she assumed that they'd be up to date when it came to colloquialisms? Looking back down at her friend, Hermione found Luna staring at her curiously. "Sorry. It's just that in the muggle world, that word is usually used to describe someone who prefers the company of the same sex." Luna blinked slowly. "In your case, it'd mean that you like to kiss girls."
After a few seconds, Luna nodded sagely. "If that's the case, I'm muggle-gay too. I enjoy kissing other girls very much. They're much softer than boys, and smell better too. I kissed Su Li and Astoria Greengrass at the party tonight. Su smelled like cinnamon and cloves; Astoria smelled like lavender. I liked Su's smell better but Astoria was curvier and softer."
Hermione could honestly say that she hadn't been expecting that one. And so for the first time in recent memory, words failed her. "…ah."
"You know, after Viktor and Cormac and Ronald, you might wish to consider kissing girls too. Kissing boys obviously isn't ending too well for you." Luna's words made Hermione wince; granted she'd never expected anything to come of attending the Yule Ball with Viktor and she'd never actually been interested in Cormac - and so that was akin to calling Harry and Parvati a romantic failure - but Luna was certainly right about Ron. Hermione had thrown away the better part of two years - and a whole bunch of self-worth - over the boy, only to see their relationship badly damaged by his abandonment during the horcrux hunt and permanently destroyed by him gravitating back towards Lavender after the Battle of Hogwarts. But just because her first real relationship had ended in failure didn't mean that- "You could start with me if you wanted to. I've always found you to be very pretty…"
Despite the warning klaxons blaring loudly in her head, trying to keep her from treading any further into this very dangerous territory, Hermione couldn't help herself. Her free-flowing supply of flattery had evaporated when a deeper relationship with Viktor failed to materialize; Ron had never been big on complimenting her even when they were dating. Not to mention that… well, Viktor and Ron were male. Luna was not. Why did Luna think she was pretty? Was it for reasons different from boys? And so before she lost her courage - or found where her common sense had wandered off to - Hermione blurted out the question gnawing at her. "What do you like about me?"
Luna slid one hand out from under the sheets, beckoning Hermione closer and then reaching up to cup the brunette's cheek after she'd complied. "Your eyes. They remind me of sticky toffee pudding… not the sauce or the ice cream, of course, the actual sponge cake part. They sparkle when you're excited and burn when you're angry or indigent-"
"I think you mean indignant."
"That too. They're the windows to your soul and you, Hermione Granger, have a very pretty soul." Hermione wasn't sure when it had happened, but she suddenly became very aware of the fact that her face was now only inches from Luna's. Before she could do anything to change that, Luna lunged up and pressed her lips to Hermione's, the hand on her cheek sliding around to the back of her head to hold the older girl in place. Evidently wanting to start small, Luna pulled back after a few seconds and smiled up at Hermione before peeking downward. "Oh, and your knockers are bloody amazing."
…so girls who liked girls weren't wired too differently from boys who liked girls after all. For some reason, Hermione found herself both surprised and vaguely disappointed to discover that. Oh well. The strange but obviously heartfelt compliments about her eyes more than made up for it in her mind. Straightening up, Hermione brought her hand up to touch her lips as she stared off into space. The kiss had been… better than nice. Amazing. Definitely better than Cormac, better than Ron, better than Viktor even. And this was Luna drunk. It had Hermione wondering… what would kissing a sober girl be like? Or, well, Luna when Hermione was prepared for what was coming instead of being surprised by a fast-moving blonde?
Hermione nibbled her lower lip a bit more before coming to a conclusion, looking down to find Luna… passed out, a bit of drool slowly escaping from the corner of her mouth and being pulled pillow-ward by gravity, her parted lips faintly stained by the Gryffindor red lipstick that Morag had convinced Hermione to wear that evening. Sliding off the edge of the bed, Hermione shook her head as she made her way towards the door. As always, stopping to think things through had come back to bite her on the arse. Nothing she could do about it now, though, and so she'd return to being the responsible one who kept an eye on her drunken peers. In the morning… who knew? Luna had found the courage to start something tonight while drunk. Gryffindors were supposed to be the courageous ones. Maybe Hermione could find that same courage tomorrow when Luna was sober…
In the bed with the tie-dyed hangings on the top floor of the Ravenclaw girls' dorms, Luna's eyes popped open and then she smiled widely. Wit beyond measure was man's greatest treasure… and she'd just outwitted the smartest witch of their generation. When Ráichéal Murray had told her that people tended to let their guard down around drunks, she'd been expecting to maybe get away with confessing her feelings for Hermione. But tonight… tonight had wildly exceeded her expectations.
Humming softly to herself, Luna slid out of bed and began stripping out of the clothes she'd worn to the party. There was no sense in showering now given that she'd just need to shower again in the morning before primping for Hermione's sake, but that didn't mean she wanted to sleep in a few layers of clothing. Being that uncomfortable might get in the way of good dreams about Hermione…