Title: Scarlet Fishnets
Author: JoeHundredaire
Rating: PG-13/FR15
Disclaimer: Captain Fangirlhumper… err, J.K. Rowling owns the world the Harry Potter series takes place in. Wish the characters were mine so I could do utterly retarded things to them and watch my bank account get steadily larger, but sadly not mine. Both the Marvel and DC universes are copyright nightmares and so I'm not even going to try guessing who owns what. Let's just go with 'not mine' and leave it as that.
Summary: Despite what her new mentors told her, Luna Lovegood was fairly certain this was not how a 'proper witch' was supposed to dress…
Joe's Note: This was written up mostly to lampshade a rather bizarre and growing cliché within the Harry Potter fandom, where the Room of Requirement can evidently conjure up perfect replicas of real people, allowing Harry to train with Godric Gryffindor/all four founders/Dumbledore after he dies/Grindelwald to understand the Dark Arts/a saner, younger Voldemort to learn his inner secrets/master swordsmen/elite muggle soldiers/anyone else you can think of and a few people you probably haven't. So I decided to take someone those authors haven't seen fit to use as of yet and have them seek advice from people that those authors definitely haven't used. Enjoy!
Dedications & Thanks: To Nicholas, Alexander, Howard, MJ, Daniel, Christopher, Crusifikz70, Timothy, Leigh, Noh, Jason, Chris, George, Koby, Judedeath, Ken, Thyatira, William, Wil, Thomas, Jack, Pat, Chris, Mitch, and Jess for sponsoring me on , and making it easier for me to spend more of my time writing. Also, this one goes out to my lovely girlfriend Jenna and her habit of blurting out incredibly awkward things when trying to flirt with people, which in turn inspired the last eight hundred words or so of this story. I was going to end it with Tracey fleeing, but then Jenna opened her mouth around Olivia and my muse made an abrupt left turn.

She'd made her way through the corridors to the correct stretch of blank wall opposite a tapestry depicting Barnabas the Barmy's disastrous attempt to teach trolls ballet, and walked back and forth three times while thinking about needing to learn magic from Earth's most powerful witch. A door had appeared, she'd entered enthusiastically… and a few minutes later, she'd come stumbling back out as someone either greeted or threatened her - she wasn't sure which - in a language she'd never heard before.

On her second attempt, she'd walked back and forth three times while thinking about needing to learn magic from Earth's most powerful English-speaking witch. A door had appeared, she'd entered more cautiously… and immediately she'd come diving back out, slamming the door shut behind her as curses and hexes impacted against the opposite side.

After that, she'd decided to step back and do some thinking, because clearly this plan of hers wasn't working out the way she wanted it to.

She'd returned to the seventh floor corridor two days later, stood in front of the blank stretch of wall for a few seconds as she composed her thoughts, and then walked back and forth three times while thinking about her need to learn magic from the world's most powerful, English-speaking, non-evil witches. Plural, this time, because if she was going to dream then why not dream big? Originally she'd been thinking of requesting 'light' or 'light or grey' or 'good', but for all she knew, the most powerful witch out there just chose not to involve herself in the petty affairs of society. Or would be offended by being labeled and therefore the room would skip over her. A door had appeared and Luna Lovegood had taken a deep breath before stepping inside.

That had been an hour and a half ago.

The first fifteen minutes had involved Luna speaking to the pair of witches that the Room of Requirement had created for her, explaining her needs and begging for them to help her. The sixteenth minute had consisted of them thinking and then agreeing to do so. The seventy-four minutes since then had raced past as Luna stood on a raised platform situated in the middle of five mirrors, her two new mentors slowly circling her as they debated with each other about how to best change her appearance, ignoring her protestations the entire time. "Not to tell you how to do your jobs or anything, but shouldn't you be trying to teach me things? Or - failing that - shouldn't I have a say in what happens to my body?"

"We've already started teaching you, Luna, and it's one of the most important lessons that you'll ever learn: looks are everything. And I'm not talking about how pretty you are or aren't, either. While your reputation may precede you, your looks are the first personal impression that you will ever make. People will pull apart your appearance in their head and analyze it as you approach them to start a conversation. Or even as you pass them in the street. If you want people to see you for the powerful, capable, confident woman that we're going to help you become? You need to look the part. As for the second question… after what you had the gall to leave your room this morning wearing? No. No you do not get a say." Zatanna Zatara softened the rebuke with a smile and a peck to Luna's cheek before turning away from the now-blushing blonde in favor of consulting with her newfound partner in crime. "You saw her uniform. She just can't pull off black over a white blouse the way I can. So instead of coming up with something completely original - which has already crashed and burned for us three times so far because we end up bickering over the basics, if you'll remember - I say we start with something more like your costume and then give it a bit of… Zatara pizzazz."

Wanda Maximoff slowly circled back around to stand in front of Luna, staring at her with critical blue eyes for several seconds before glancing back over at her companion. "That could be an… acceptable… way of meeting in the middle, Zatanna. I assume you're thinking of the sole costume I showed you that happens to feature pants, since Miss Lovegood doesn't seem to be quite as enamored with baring her legs as we are?"

Snorting, Zatanna sidled up to Wanda and wrapped her left arm around redhead's shoulders. "Of course not. That's the first thing every good witch learns when building up their work wardrobe: if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, make sure they're too busy ogling you to notice the trick flopping. You may not be wired to appreciate the female form 'that way', but as someone who is? Luna here has some killer legs for a girl her age. Covering those things would be a crime. But as fun as making her blush is…" No it wasn't. At all. Her face felt like it was going to burst into flames. She was probably as red at the moment as Ronald or Ginevra turned when they got upset about something silly, Luna thought with a grimace. "…we have work to do. !noitidE strawgoH :revoekaM emertxE"

"I still don't understand why you… eep!" Luna squeaked and hopped from one foot to another as her uniform - robe included - turned into a riotous mass of squirming, wriggling, living cloth. The transformation was too fast for her to keep track of; by the time she spotted each change and tried to analyze it, something else was changing and drawing her attention away. All in all, it took a matter of mere seconds to turn her from a respectable-looking fifth year Hogwarts student in a uniform trimmed in Ravenclaw blue and bronze to a ridiculously self-conscious girl wearing her own version of Wanda's distinctive costume. She was pretty sure part of her bum was exposed, she could feel air moving over far too much bare leg, and crossing her arms over her chest hid what cleavage she had from view but solved only one of her three major problems. Unsurprisingly, her sharp mind quickly deduced a way of dealing with both of her remaining problems simultaneously. "Are we sure that 'Zatara pizzazz' can't include a pair of pants?"

"No, but it will include fishnets."

"…I don't see how that helps anything."

"Oy! Loony! What the bloody hell are you wearing? And since when are you a Gryffindork?"

Luna closed her eyes and exhaled slowly before turning to face the absolute last person she wanted to see while stuck in her current state. Wanda and Zatanna had both warned her that the magics they were casting on, around, and with her were very real thanks to the nature of the Room of Requirement and Hogwarts herself, but she hadn't believed them until she'd stepped out into the hallway at the end of her training session and her uniform had failed to reappear. She'd tried a handful of wanded spells and one from each of her mentors' respective repertoires, but her uniform had quite stubbornly remained in its transfigured state. Given the Room of Requirement wasn't terribly far from the Ravenclaw Common Room, she'd been hoping to reach it unnoticed and change into a fresh uniform before her afternoon classes. Evidently, though, it wasn't meant to be.

But as Luna turned to face Draco Malfoy - and what looked like most of the sixth year Slytherins, for some reason - the words of her mentors ran through her mind. She had to be strong and confident to properly shape her magic, and the best way to practice that was to be strong and confident in every single moment of her life. And so rather than toss out a reference to creatures that nobody else believed exist or another suitably 'Loony' response, she instead opted to put her left hand on her hip and mimic a pose she'd seen Wanda affect numerous times during their time together. Smiling faintly, she trailed her free hand down the side of the red leather ensemble she was wearing. "Do you like it, Malfoy? I find it rather fetching, even if it isn't in my house's preferred color. Speaking of changing houses, though… I am curious why you haven't tried to leverage your father's influence to get yourself resorted into Gryffindor. You've been flirting with Harry Potter for my entire time at Hogwarts. Isn't it time to make a move?"

It took Malfoy longer than she expected to comprehend her insult, but eventually he sneered at Luna and drew his wand. "You know, I was just going to curse you on general principle. I mean, there's seven of us and one of you, with the nearest professor a few floors away. But for accusing me of being a poof, and into Scarhead of all people? Now… now I'm going to enjoy this." He made a sudden slashing movement with his wand, sending a streak of what looked like purple flame Luna's way…

"!ton kniht I" Thrusting both hands out, Luna bent her magic to her will and turned the incredibly dangerous curse - oh yes, she remembered what it had done to Hermione during the battle at the Ministry well - to ice, the frozen amethyst flames falling to the floor and shattering even as she whipped off the scarlet top hat that Zatanna had insisted on adding to her outfit. Twirling it around so that the mouth was pointed at her foes, Luna smirked and dragged an image from one of the few movies she'd caught while visiting Sidmouth to the front of her mind. "!seinnuB laproV"

The group of Slytherins tensed… only to let out a sigh of relief as one snow white rabbit and then another tumbled out of her hat, landing on the floor and looking around curiously. "I try to kill you… and you respond with rabbits?" Malfoy let out a derisive laugh at that, squatting down as he stared at the creatures. "Guess you really are as crazy as everyone says you are. Crabbe? Goyle? Target practice time."

Deciding that a bit of theatrical flair à la Zatanna would make her seem even more confident and powerful, Luna tossed the hat up into the air and twirled forward, letting her hair fan out around her and then drop into place against her back just as the top hat plopped down neatly atop her head. Her smirked turned into a vicious grin as she pointed toward the Slytherins. "Attack!"

Before the two thuggish boys could even finish drawing their wands, the rabbits had closed the distance between Luna and the Slytherins and were leaping into the air, fangs on full display as they went straight for each boy's neck. Crabbe went down first, followed shortly by Goyle, the two boys rolling around as they yanked desperately at the rabbits and screamed in terror. "Fuck! Oh Merlin! Get it off me! Get it off!"

Reaching up, Luna curled a lock of hair around her finger as her remaining opponents looked back and forth between her and the fat flailing lumps on the floor uncertainly. Eventually, they managed to regain their confidence and opened fire, hurling a veritable rainbow of hexes and curses at her. Drawing on the tactics first taught to her by Harry the previous year and recently reinforced by her new mentors, Luna dodged what spells she could, only using magic for defense when absolutely necessary. No move was strictly horizontal, either, but rather diagonal as she slowly worked her way closer and closer to the Slytherins. Closer. Almost there. Almost… now! "!thgilf ruoy yojnE" Luna thrust both hands out, bolts of scarlet magic erupting from her palms and slamming into Parkinson and Bulstrode hard, sending the two girls flying backward down the corridor. Even as Malfoy tried to process that most of his protection had been systematically stripped away, the blonde brought her right foot up between the pureblood's legs with all the force she could muster.

"You… bitch…" Wheezing, Malfoy dropped to his knees and then tipped over, curling into the fetal position.

Crouching down, Luna gently ran her fingers through her foe's platinum blond hair in a faux-tender caress. "I'm afraid that you're one letter off, Malfoy. I believe the words you were looking for were 'you… witch…'." Suddenly, the tip of a wand dug into her right temple and Luna frowned. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see pants and shoes similar to Malfoy's. But the blond was incapacitated at the moment, as were Crabbe and Goyle. By process of elimination, that meant she was being threatened by Theodore Nott… who she'd honestly forgotten about up until now. Luna might have been more put out by her lack of situational awareness if her foes were any more competent, but as it stood? Pivoting, she thrust both hands downward and release blasts of raw magic, propelling herself backward and up into the air. Twisting in midair, she hit the far wall feet first and let her knees absorb the impact before pushing off, launching herself back toward the dumbfounded Nott. Another nimble twist later and she was plowing into him with both feet, sending him flying back into the wall with a loud grunt even as she backflipped and landed gracefully in the exact spot she'd been kneeling in mere seconds before. Rising to her feet, she met the olive gaze of Tracey Davis. "Et tu, Davis?"

Tracey looked from Luna down at where Malfoy was still wheezing and cursing under his breath, and then over to where Nott was crumpled at the foot of the wall. When her gaze met Luna's once more, the blonde noticed that her opponent's eyes were dilated. "Bugger. Times like this make me wish I wasn't a lesbian." Luna arched a brow at that, making Tracey blush a bit as she rushed to explain herself. "You're terrifying. You just took down six of my housemates without even trying. But at the same time, you're beautiful. I mean, I've always thought you were pretty, but like this? That outfit, your new confidence, the ferocity… hnng. My body's having a hard time deciding whether to be scared of you or turned on by you right now."

"It depends, I suppose. Why were you with them?"

"I just agreed to come 'hunting' with them because they promised they'd stop harassing me about being a half-blood if I did it at least once. I'm not like them. I promise."

Tilting her head to one side, Luna studied the redhead's face for a few seconds before nodding. "I believe you. Which means that you have no reason to fear me. So… be turned on instead? That carries much more enticing possibilities for where we could go from here." Flicking a Feather-Light Charm down into Malfoy's body, Luna used a negligent kick to send him skidding across the floor until he hit the wall beside Nott, clearing the space between herself and Tracey so that she could approach the taller girl. Her newfound confidence faltering a bit in the face of something that hadn't been covered by her training, the blonde found herself leaning on her own memories of watching Zatanna try to seduce Wanda. Granted those attempts had failed, but Luna was willing to attribute that to Wanda not being of a compatible sexual orientation rather than a lack of skill on Zatanna's part. And so she brought her right hand up so that she could brush the backs of her leather-encased fingers over Tracey's cheek. "What do you think?"

Tracey closed her eyes as she leaned into the touch, and then blurted out the absolute last thing that Luna was expecting to hear. "Marry me."

Mouth opening and closing slowly, Luna joined Tracey in blushing bright red as she slowly lowered her hand. "I… um… perhaps we could start with a date? I mean, apart from your name and your house and that you're so good at transfiguration that you make Hermione Granger want to pull her hair out, I don't really know anything about you and-"

"Oh my God, I can't believe I said that. I'm sorry. This is why I can't get a date. I mean, other than the wizarding world being really backward. But every time I'm around someone who I have a crush on, I open my mouth and really stupid things come out." Tracey let out a grunt of frustration before gesturing down at Luna's hips. "And seriously, whoever taught you to combine high heels with an outfit that exposes so much of your bum deserves an award or a medal or something because I can't stop staring at it, and since you're probably already creeped out by me and will pretend this conversation never happened? IwouldworshipyourarseforhoursifIcould."

It took Luna a moment to untangle the rush of words at the end of Tracey's speech, and then she found herself blushing - if possible - an even darker shade of red. Which wasn't to say that she wasn't intrigued. She'd just never had someone be that forward with her. Or at all forward with her. People tended to avoid her, at least when they weren't belittling or bullying her. And yet… "Well, I could be amenable to that. I'm not sure. I've never had anyone offer to 'worship my arse', so I have no idea what that would entail. I was hoping to spend a bit more time with you, though. Get to know you. Perhaps we could go find somewhere a bit more private… and I could lay across your lap while we talked so you could demonstrate this arse worshipping thing for me?"

Tracey blinked a few times before grinning stupidly at Luna. "Deal. Just out of curiosity, do you know how to give a hickey? I've always wanted one no matter how 'undignified' Pansy claims they are. Pretty sure she only hates them because Draco stunned her in the middle of the common room for trying to give him one. Anyway, I've always wanted to get one but since I've never had a girlfriend…"

Taking Tracey's hand in hers, Luna interlaced their fingers as she guided the Slytherin away from the mess she'd created. "I'm afraid I do not. But I'm sure that between the two of us, we can figure it out. Or if all else fails, I can sneak into the Gryffindor common room and ask Lavender Brown for some tips before reporting back to you for a practical examination."

"…just as long as Lavender doesn't try to demonstrate anything on you."