A/N: HEY GUYS! I hope you're having a great Holy Week, and a great Easter!
My week has been… exhausting, but also nicely exciting. I did Tenebrae on thurs and fri, but sat was pushing it for me, and I was working fri and sat. So, waking up at 4am in the morning and staying awake all day was exhausting, but personally worth it. I think it was. And I enjoy singing/chanting at church.
But anyways, I'm going to try to post the next two chapters before/during Easter. I have the time, and this is almost the end to the Phantomhive arc. Also, the second scene is an Undertaker POV.
While I did say earlier I may be adding some lemons, as of right now I don't think I will… yet. I don't want to feel obligated to add sex scenes to this story, and I'm finally advancing in the plot. Maybe later, though. I'm currently writing chapter 45, and anything sexual isn't going to be happening between Undertaker and Clara… yet. Maybe later, but not yet. So for any fans for lewd writing, I'm sorry that I won't be doing that… for a while. There's tension, sure, but nothing lemony. Maybe limey, but not lemony.
And lastly, any 'memories' or maybe dream sequences too, I'm not quite sure yet, will be italicized, only. The entire scene italicized, to tell it apart from the mere thoughts of the characters. Just so you guys know. Or daydreaming, perhaps. I haven't fully decided if this italicization will apply to every 'dream like' thought, or just recalling a memory in a vivid way, or maybe just day dreaming.
Yeah. And that's about it, I think. I work in a chocolate shop, and I've been decorating choco eggs ALL week. I have a hand cramp, now, and a sugar high, but that's okay! Because Easter is finally here! And, I can sleep longer then I have been, at least… Even if it's only a couple extra hours. It's still better then only… well, I've only had about 5hrs of sleep, between 2 and a half days. Well, you guys ENJOY the rest of your week! And see you later!
! #$%^&*())(*&^%$# !
"Awww! B-but –"
"Vincent can play with you," you told Lizzy, patting the top of her head while you heard the man let out a cough.
"W-what? Me? –"
"Yes! Father, let's play!" Ciel cheered, giggling as he jumped into his father's side, causing the man to let out an 'oof!' while his wife and her sister giggled into her gloved hands, while Francis eyed you suspiciously.
You simply smiled contently.
W-wow… this must be how it feels to live in a big family. Constant noise, laughter, and… happiness.
But, slowly, you reached for your chest, sucking in a deep breath as you tried to calm your nerves. Why does this hurt, so much?
… Because Claudia isn't here, to enjoy this.
Well, in a way, she is here, but it isn't the same. She would have loved to torment Vincent, praise Francis, and enjoy the company of dear Rachel. She would have loved to see her grandchildren grow up… With little Edward, who acts more like Francis then herself, Lizzy who can laugh… like him. The twins, complete opposites, with one being happy and joyful, loud and obnoxious, while the other is quiet, composed, yet terribly shy…
This just… it hurts, realizing that.
Geeze… even when she isn't here to torment you and whisper in your ear, she can sure make you emotional.
Slowly, you reached for your tea, sipping as you watched the scene from across the table, watching the recently growing family as they laughed and yelled at each other, and you closed your eyes… only for a moment…
To find yourself in a completely different place, in a completely different scene.
You frowned, looking down at yourself, noticing that your dress had changed. That your figure was completely different. You didn't feel like a twenty year old, and your clothes were much more vibrant. Colorful. Full of life.
But… you know why you're here.
You've seen this scene before, many times over, and it's never anything you'd tell even the Undertaker about.
It would absolutely break his heart.
You turned… only to see someone behind you, blade in their hand as they held it up, stabbing down into your chest.
It wasn't… human…
But you trusted her… and…
It broke your heart that she could betray you, like this.
Tears streamed down your face as you gripped at her shoulders, letting out a painful cry as she stabbed you, again and again, again… and again… to make sure you were dead and lying on the ground, in a pool of your own blood.
You could see your precious little baby's face as he ran up to you, crying, wailing in desperation for you to stay alive. Just… stay. Don't leave, but stay!
You ran your hand over his chunky cheek, seeing the tears stream down his bright brown eyes, and you wiped at the little mole in the corner of his face.
So… adorable…
But… you couldn't stay. Your life was ending, and as you shakily breathed, noticing a familiar figure, crying, silently as he saw you lying on the floor, your blood bleeding into the carpeting…
You couldn't help yourself. You began to cry, too.
"I-I… I love you," you managed to speak, your shaky hands managing to hug your grieving son, and while you were in a lot of pain, you couldn't stop yourself from sobbing, shaking, continuing to mourn for yourself. For your family. For the life you had built…
You can… only pray to whatever is listening that this is all worth it. Your life was worth something…
Something… anything!
"Death… t-take me… please," you spoke, reaching weakly for the blade the figure wielded, cloaked in utter darkness… but… so bright. So…
Beautiful.
He was so beautiful. You don't want to leave.
You don't want to!
But… you could… feel the blade… slicing into your hand. Just a little nick. Barely noticeable, unless you were looking hard enough…
And… it all…
Went… black…
You leaned backward, feeling your body, your figure, your soul floating… as if you were swimming in absolute nothingness…
It was… soothing… but…
You needed to wake, you…
You need to get up.
Get up!
Your eyelids slowly opened, blinking as you noticed where you are. In the Phantomhive mansion, sitting in their dining room, chatting about unimportant things, and enjoying the company that was in this room.
You aren't… Claudia, but as you looked at Vincent, a sad look overcame your features.
Why…
Why is it always a Phantomhive? So much… trauma.
Why is everything so traumatic?
You sighed to yourself, letting out a yawn and wiping at your eyes as if you were tired, but in reality you were trying to wipe away any stray tears. Any sadness that was on your face.
You breathed… composed yourself, before turning to a little boy as he tugged at your dress, getting your attention. "Lady Lara, c-can we do something?" he asked, a nervous look on his face until his brother joined him, tugging at his twin's arm.
"Is something the matter? –"
"I'm tired as well," you stated, the two boys staring at you with wide eyes as you put a hand on your chest, but you grinned lightly, "so yes, we can do something while we wait for dinner. Ciel, can you make sure your father behaves himself?" you asked, and you watched as the two boys gripped each other's hands, one hand in the other as they gave each other looks.
But the youngest nodded his head, weakly, causing the older twin to grin happily in return. "Sure! I'll keep daddy in line."
"What was that?!" you heard Vincent ask, hollering across the table, only for Ciel to run around the table, grabbing his father's arm. "W-what? –"
"Father! Let's play!" Ciel giggled excitedly, causing the man to sigh deeply while you smirked, suddenly standing to your feet as you picked up his younger twin, causing the boy to wrap his arms around your neck, clinging to your upper body.
"Undertaker, we're going to spend time in the library. Is that alright?" you asked, but the man simply smirk in response.
"Of course you can~. I won't dream of stopping you," he told you, and you gave him a slight nod, but you could tell he was suspicious about… something.
Probably over the fact that you started to tear up, but you ignored your pain, your emotions, your thoughts, and instead you turned your attention to the youngest twin.
The one that'll end up being your ancestor…
The one who will… end up starting this whole demonic mess…
But hey. It's nice to experience this boy before he has to be cold. Shut off his emotions…
Like… every single heir to the Phantomhive household. Holding the Phantomhive name. It's inevitable, and it sucks… but it'll happen.
Regardless if you wish you could stop this fate or not.
If it doesn't happen, you won't be born. Heck, the Phantomhive family will end with the twins, but… if you let it happen…
It still hurts.
You're not an emotionless doll.
You're a living, breathing human with thoughts and feelings, and fears and dreams. It's scary…
But you need to enjoy this moment, while it lasts. Before everything goes to absolute shit. Before you lose everything and everyone. Before…
You lose yourself, in this mess you call an existence.
"So, what shall we do? Play chess? Read a book? Maybe play with toys?"
"Books, please… I-If you want," the boy told you, and you gave him a grin as you left the dining room and began to walk down the hallway.
"Of course. I have the perfect book in mind," you told him, and you tried not to look so… happy.
A little part in your gut wanted to reassure the boy that everything will be okay. That, no matter what happens, he'll still be loved. Even if he's alone, he's never truly alone.
But…
That's not you. That's Claudia giving you those thoughts.
And… you sighed. It's frustrating. Maybe it's because her death date was yesterday? That your strange powers seem to be heightened around this particular time?
You decided not to let this bother you…
But it is. This is bothering you, and you don't know why.
! #$%^&*())(*&^%$# !
Things have been… strange since last night.
Is it just me, or am I seeing Claudia's ghost?
Lingering, beside Clara, as the activities of the day progress forward. Moving her locks of hair so her bangs weren't in her face. Giggling as the children ran around in the field. And… looking terribly sad, yet content, as she watched the family sitting down at the dining table, eating their lunch.
She disappeared along with Clara…
Is the girl even noticing?
I would have to think so, considering, every single time the spirit seems to appear, the girl becomes sad… or happy. Whatever emotion that ghost seems to be having, Clara suddenly feels the same way.
I couldn't stop the tired sigh that left my breath, as I pondered this predicament.
It must be because she is here, at the Phantomhive mansion… on the eve of Claudia's late death. Should I be sad to see her… or delighted? Or… is this something else?
There's still a lot about that child I do not know. Sure, she's a descendent of the Phantomhives. She's a half breed. She's, apparently, Claudia's incarnation. But…
There is a lot she keeps quiet. Like, her time with the grim reapers. The apocalypse. The anxiety she seems to have, over minor details that I personally wouldn't find problematic. The fact that… she's sad, all the time. She doesn't say so, but I can see it, in her eyes.
She's so unhappy. I wish there was a way I could fix this –
"Undertaker?" I heard a voice, a very familiar voice. Strict and stern, yet a strange gentleness was laced in her critical tone.
Much like Claudia.
"… Yes?" I decided to ask, only to be tugged to my feet, and I gave the woman a confused look.
"Let's talk," she told me, my gaze noticing that the rest of the humans seemed to have left the dining room, off to do activities around the estate. However, the woman stayed behind… for me.
I should be delighted, but… I'm not.
I let her lead me into the hallway, eventually letting go of my arm before she began to walk down the hallway, expecting me to follow, as she let out a tired sigh. "… Do you love this woman? Clara?" she asked, so bluntly, that I couldn't stop myself from chuckling lowly.
"I suppose so. Why?"
"I'm simply worried. You haven't been yourself, since I arrived. You don't seem… happy," she stated, and I smirked.
These children… can see right through me, can't they? No wonder they're Phantomhives, regardless if the young girl changed her surname or not.
"You can always tell, can't you lovely Francis?" I grinned, noticing the slight blush on her face at my nickname for her, and the scoff that left her breath, but I let my feet move forward, though my mind was thinking about something else entirely. "I am… but I am not, as well."
"It is because yesterday was my mother's death date, isn't it?" she stated, in which I nodded my head, slightly, and she sighed to herself. "… Look, Undertaker, I may not understand the full extent of your relationship with my mother, but you should move on. It's been fifteen years… What about that assistant of yours? Ms. Graves? Maybe you should pursue that relationship," she told me, but I could only smirk in amusement.
"My, my~. Is little Francis advising that an ancient creature such as myself should corrupt a poor, helpless~ human?" I grinned, but she scoffed in disgust.
"Shut it. I'm being serious, sir… I can tell that Clara strangely cares, about you. That doesn't normally happen. Humans naturally avoid death, after all… What is she?" she asked, but all I could do is put a finger to my lips, smirking at the irritable sigh that left her breath. "… Is she not human?"
"She is and she is not. An interesting entity… but she is human. Especially at this very moment," I decided to say, in Clara's defense, and the woman gave me an intrigued look, before closing her eyes and sighing deeply to herself. "… Why?"
"If you are uninterested in her… Vincent and I have been chatting about the woman. We… feel compelled to help her," Francis sighed to herself, scoffing slightly at the idea, but she continued, "so… if you do not wish to involve yourself with a human, there are some eligible, good hearted gentlemen that I know from several social circles. I can introduce the woman to them, if you think it's acceptable," she stated, pausing as she turned, her gaze looking me over.
Watching my reaction… waiting for a reaction.
And she raised a curious eyebrow as I sighed to myself, though it sounded more like a huff, I noticed, then just a simple breath of air. "I… would personally like it if you do not. However, you should be asking dear Clara. Not myself. It is her business, not mine."
"Hmm… I had a feeling you'd say such a thing," she scoffed, my gaze looking over at her, watching her bright bluish/silver eyes blink as she thought. They look so cold… so… dark, but so familiar.
Yet, so different. It's not the same as I look into Clara's lovely gaze.
Even if their eye color is almost identical.
"Then tell me," she continued, stepping into a drawing room and I followed her inside. I watched as she walked to a couch and calmly sat down, facing me and expecting me to join her, "what do you wish to do with this girl? What are your intentions? Regardless if she's human or otherwise, should you really pursue her? Aren't you her boss? There will be gossip, Undertaker. You can ruin her reputation, as well as your own, if you pursue your own assistant," she stated, promptly, waiting for me to say something.
Slowly, I sat down across from her, my eyes gazing off towards the wall, though my thoughts were elsewhere. "… I'm not the one who is insisting," I began, pausing for a moment before I sighed tiredly to myself. "I… I promised myself I wouldn't fall in love again. Yet, here I am, betraying myself," I scoffed, an irritable look crossing my face, but then I turned to the woman, letting my eerie greenish/golden eyes peek through my long gray bangs. "Betraying your mother.
"But, love is unpredictable. I'm simply attracted to you humans. You're so… intriguing. Unbound, constantly changing… One moment you are happy, the next you are sad or angry. I've enjoyed the fact that I get to live amongst you… and that girl," I chuckled lowly to myself, turning my gaze away as I began to lean my arm on the armrest, staring off towards the wall as I thought about her intriguing soul, "understands… us reapers. Understands me in a way I cannot even comprehend… I feel terrible. I'm probably holding the girl back, but… I cannot help myself.
"I truly am a monster," I frowned at the thought, only to hear the woman scoff at my words.
"I've seen monsters. You are not one of them," she began, pausing for a moment before continuing in a calm, collected tone of voice. "… My mother would be happy, if she knew you were moving on, after her death. I don't understand why you cared about her so much, about Vincent and I, but I do know that mother would be happy, if you are happy.
"But, you need to put in some effort," she scoffed, causing my eyes to glance over at her as she sat back into the couch, losing her composure, just slightly. "I've watched you, Undertaker. You wait too long. Far too long for anything productive to happen. If this girl loves you, do not hide those emotions. Woo the woman. Court her. Do not spend decades. She will not be around forever, and I've seen what happens when you wait too long. You're a prime example," she huffed, but I simply smiled meekly in reply.
"Perhaps, but –"
"No buts. Either do something or don't do it at all. If you care, care for her. If you don't, admit that you have no feelings for the woman. I could tell she has a lot on her mind. The worst you could do is say nothing," she scoffed, glancing away and glaring at the far wall, and I couldn't stop myself from smirking to myself.
Francis… Lovely Francis… a strange combination of her mother's stern and overbearing composure, and my own strange roughness, whenever I become irritable and angry.
Always serious. Much like a damn reaper…
But I see her point.
"Then… could you help me?" I decided to say, watching as the woman gave me a confused look, only for me to smirk lightly in reply.
Causing her to sigh to herself. "How so?"
"If you could help me plan a little surprise for Clara. We will be leaving soon, but I want to show her that I care. That I truly do. I-I… I want her," I told her, simply, watching as she studied me for a moment, before scoffing underneath her breath.
"You do not own the human –"
"I understand, but the thought of losing her to another troubles me more then my own dark thoughts," I stated, bluntly, and she let a huff leave her breath.
Only for the woman to breath, thinking to herself, until she turned to me and gave me a curious look. "A ball, perhaps?"
"Too flashy. Something low key –"
"Low key? What does that mean?" she scoffed, causing me to smirk.
That girl… her strange 'slang', as she called it, is rubbing off on me. "Sorry. I mean, something quiet. Nothing too extravagant. She likes calm, quiet things… Maybe a special dinner? Or brunch, perhaps?... A little celebration of our time together, so far," I decided to say, though I really wanted to say that it was the woman's birthday, yesterday.
Though, I doubt little Clara will be happy with me if I told another living, breathing entity that it was her birthday. "… I'll talk to Vincent," she stated, suddenly standing to her feet and suddenly leaving the room.
I smirked. So quick, and rash. Always in a hurry…
I sat back, sighing tiredly to myself and rubbing a hand to my face. This is so… tiresome.
Why does Clara make me feel this way?
Sometimes I wish I could stop this emotion…
But then I'd be like any other reaper, closing off their emotions for the sake of the greater good… and… I'm tired of living that way.
I just wish I didn't have to deal with this… mess, all at once.
"Am I… doing the right thing… milady?" I sighed roughly to myself, running a hand through my long locks of hair, fixing the hat upon my head as I pouted to myself. I… don't even know… anymore.
All I know is… that…
I think… I do, love her.
I do.
No matter how much I don't want to admit that.
I just… want to see her happy.
To smile.
To enjoy her life…
Not… get sucked into the problems the grim reapers have. The problems of the universe. She doesn't have to worry about those things.
I'll make sure she won't have to worry… even if it means…
I have to give up this life as a mere mortician to pursue my fate as a grim reaper. A bringer of death…
A pure entity of Death itself.