A/N: HEY GUYS!
So, unlike many others, I don't have to do that Easter egg hunting stuff. Just got back from church, had a bit of breakfast, and now I'm just chilling in my room watching 'The Greatest Story Ever Told'. Anyways, I decided to wait till today to review this chapter. I'm exhausted from yesterday, but now I'm refreshed! I may add more… we'll see how I'm feeling today.
This is the last chapter for this arc. We'll be returning back to the mortuary next chapter! If there's something you guys want to see in this story, don't be afraid to ask! I have some time before anything moves majorly in the plot. I like writing linearly. I've tried jumping around from time frame to time frame, but it just gets too confusing, for me.
Anyways, this first part is an Undertaker POV, the latter a Clara POV. And… yeah! I hope you guys are ENJOYING your day! See you later!
! #$%^&*())(*&^%$# !
Slowly, I made my way down the hallway, my steps light as I pondered everything.
Absolutely everything…
… Geeze… I'm spending too much time with these Phantomhives. With these humans, to care so much…
But I do, don't I?
I care about my little assistant.
Her smile, her laughter… Gods, she has a bright and beautiful laugh. So similar to Claudia… yet, with her, it would take her ages to smile. Impossible to cause a genuine smile to form… but for Clara… it's effortless. Happens almost every single day.
Especially when she's staring off into the distance, deep in thought, and one of her little thoughts causes a content smile to appear on her face…
… Ugh! This is infuriating! And, honestly, I don't understand how she can stand a being like myself.
I hold too much to my chest. I try to hide the truth, so much. Yet… she cares. Why? I don't understand this. Not at all.
Maybe because it's been ages since I've been a human. Ages since I could understand my emotions. True, even humans do not understand their emotions, feelings, and do things rashly… but that's the thing. They act, and as a shinigami, a bringer of Death… acting is harder then a simple thought.
But…
As I finally came upon the room the girl had wandered into, I couldn't help but smile at the scene, putting a slight hand to my mouth to stop myself from making a sobbing noise.
The lovely blue girl, covered in sapphire, laid in the corner, her dress bustling around her, with her head leaning into the wall. She cradled a little blue haired sickly boy, his breathing a bit heavier then her own, but he laid on her lap, contently asleep, with a picture book flopped just beside her cheek. The black family dog, apparently, had wandered into the room, his head slumped upon the girl's leg, his long muzzle close to the boy's hair, and everything felt so…
Serene. Tranquil.
But what was bringing me to tears is that I could see her, Claudia, beside Clara. As if she was right behind the girl. The girl's head was naturally leaning into the ghost's chest, breathing softly as the spirit simply sat there, rubbing the girl's head and running her fingers through the boy's hair… before she noticed me.
And smiled, happily, but with a hint of sadness.
But of course, in Claudia's typical fashion, she put a finger to her lips, giving me a slight smirk, before she vanished, without a trace, suddenly breaking this content scene.
First, it was the dog, whose head lifted from the girl's lap to snarl at me, only for me to smirk, patting the top of the dog's head, and hearing him pant deeply, waiting for me to do something. And then, Clara woke up, suddenly, with a slight jolt and a snort, causing the boy to flinch and wake up from his nap, as well. I watched as the girl yawned loudly, stretching an arm up to the ceiling before looking around, utterly confused, while I scratched the dog behind the ears, absentmindedly, and simply… watched.
Observed.
I blushed slightly as I noticed her head turning to me, giving me a content, gleeful smile, before her attention fell upon the boy on her lap. "… Little Phantomhive~… time to wake up. It's dinner time."
"Mmm… do we have to?"
"Yes. I'm sure everyone is waiting for us," she told him, brushing the book off of her lap before she began to pick him up into her arms, cradling the boy to her chest as if it's the most natural thing in the world, and as she struggled to fully stand to her feet, I held out my hand, and she happily took it. "Thanks."
"Of course~" I grinned, though my smile weaned just slightly.
I'm… not sure about this. Should we? I mean, the children took so much time to prepare, almost the rest of the afternoon. It wouldn't be right for me to simply pretend that nothing is happening –
"Something wrong?" she asked, walking past me and patting the dog on the head, and the dog ran off, letting out a playful 'woof', and I smirked lightly to myself.
"Nothing~~" I spoke, with a grin, and she cast me a suspicious look, only to sigh to herself and continue into the hallway, the two, or rather three, of us walking in utter silence.
But… it was a nice silence. Peaceful silence…
I would love to have so many beautiful children with this woman. So many happy little babies running around… though… I'm not even sure if the girl would ever be interested.
She may enjoy children, but children of her own? With me?... What am I thinking?
These humans… rubbing off their thoughts on me… How irritating.
! #$%^&*())(*&^%$# !
You couldn't stop the low growl that left your breath. First, Undertaker, now Vincent, and even the women? This is getting frustrating!
You don't like secrets. Even if it'll be a fun surprise, you've learned to never let your hopes up. Usually, it's something terrible. "H-hey!" you heard a familiar voice calling from down at your feet, and you smirked, setting the boy in your arms down onto the ground, and you watched with a smirk as the boys grabbed hands. "Did you have fun? Are you okay?"
"W-we had fun. Play chess, read a few books. I couldn't win," the younger of the twins stated, causing Lizzy to gasp.
"You couldn't win at chess?"
"Y-yeah! We both can't! Lady Lara is too good!" the older twin scoffed, but you gave them a simple smirk in reply.
"I'm sorry~ I'm just too~~ good. Do you honestly think I'd just let you win? Nah, no. I'm not that type of gal."
"W-wow," you heard Lizzy mumble to herself, probably not expecting such a response from you, but you watched as the older twin tugged on the younger twin's arm.
"Hey, ah… what is going on?"
"It's a surprise," the older one said, but the other one scoffed.
"Ciel. Please. At least tell me –"
"Okay, okay," he giggled in excitement, your eyebrow rising as the boy whispered into his ear, but before you could overhear you felt hands upon your ears, causing an irritable huff to leave your breath, and the children watched as you flailed and pried Undertaker's hands from your ears, keeping them in your grasps.
"Hey! What are you, a child?! What the… heck? What's so secretive around here?" you scoffed, a low growl leaving your breath as Undertaker grinned deviously at you, only for your grumbling to increase into an outright sneer. "Just!... Tell me, damn it! –"
"Hush now~" he chuckled, putting a hand onto your mouth to stop you from screaming at him, only for the Undertaker to grin and wink at the children, who giggled in reply, and you outright sighed, in anger and irritation.
This secrecy is getting on your nerves –
"Come with me, love. Goodbye kiddies~!"
"You be good to her," you heard Lizzy responded, with a slight huff, followed by more giggles from the children, and all you could do is groan as Undertaker escorted you away from the children, away from the dining room… So… where is he taking you?
"I didn't realize you don't take surprises~ very well," he snickered, causing you to scoff roughly in response.
"Let's say it this way, when you spend your life running away, it's hard to trust anything something says. Sorry, but being a bit suspicious has kept me alive, all this time," you huffed, only to feel his arms wrap around you, pausing your steps, and you cast him a confused look as he sighed into the side of your neck. "… Undertaker?"
"I'm… sorry," he suddenly said, your head turning more and causing his head to leave your shoulder, as you gave him a questionable look. "If I just hadn't –"
"Shut it," you bluntly spoke, his mouth closing as he looked at you with a confused expression written all over his face, and all you could do is sigh to yourself, shake your head, and you gave him a weak smile. "Firstly, regardless what you did in the past, for me, that's the past, and it's over and done with. There's no sense on trying to change that. Besides, while there are things I hate about myself, there are things I enjoy," you told him, your smile widening just slightly, "… Now, what is the surprise?"
"I'll show~ you," he grinned, deviously, causing another pout to appear on your face, and he snickered, poking his long nail at your cheek, and he giggled as you stuck your tongue out at him.
"Ass."
"I most certainly~ am. Now, you told me you wanted to go have… ah, dates, is it? Enjoy each other's company for a long period of time? Well, for this week, I came up with a little something," he told you, and while you wanted to ask what or why, instead you sighed, letting the man lead you down the hallway, towards the center of the building, before taking a right and making your way towards the back of the estate.
You blinked, utterly confused as he led you outside, letting you overlook the large ballroom balcony into the garden space, to notice a fairly decent sized table, draped in fancy looking table covers, two white chairs, two long candelabras sitting beside the scene, illuminating the garden, and a nice table centerpiece.
You… honestly didn't know what to say. You were utterly speechless, barely acknowledging the 'have a nice evening' Francis gave you, or the 'good luck' Vincent stated, winking and nudging Undertaker, before leaving the two of you alone…
"Are you alright, love?" you heard Undertaker ask, but his smile turned into concern at your speechless response. "… Clara? Love? Can you answer me?"
"A-ah… I… I don't know what to say," you honestly told him, causing the man to smirk as he took your arm, gently leading you down the steps into the garden space.
"The little children wished to surprise you. I'm sorry for the secrecy –"
"B-but… why?" you had to ask, and he paused, causing you to stop and look up at him confused, as he gently grasp your hands, looking down at your face, and you couldn't stop the light blush that began to flood your cheeks.
Watching his smirk only made your blush intensify, and you turned away, unable to look at him like this, but you closed your eyelids tightly as you felt his fingers cradling your chin, forcing you to look back up at him. "Laara~…"
"What?" you responded, slightly opening an eye to glance at him, only to notice his grinning face, and you closed your eyes, scoffing to yourself.
"If you wish for me to be honest with you," he began, the start to his words causing your eyes to open, slowly, as he continued, "is that Francis told me… that if I am not serious about pursuing you, then I should let you go. That she'd find someone more fitting for a kind woman such as yourself to wed… but the thought of losing you angered me," he honestly stated, causing you to blink, a tad confused, but then he gave you a meek smile. "So, we came up with this little dinner, for just the two of us, and do not worry. Little Vincent and Francis made sure this was perfect~" he grinned, leading you over to a chair, sliding the chair out, and you carefully sat down, watching as he skipped a bit around the table and sat down in his own chair, grinning from ear to ear.
You couldn't stop the slight grin that appeared on your own face, before your face feel slightly and you leaned your elbows onto the table, trying to get a better look at the man sitting quite a ways from you. "So, are you serious?"
"About what?" he asked in a curious tone, and you smirked, sitting back into your chair to let out a tired sigh.
"About the angry, thing. Was it really anger or was it jealousy over something that hasn't even happened yet? Or, maybe you were just irritated that, perhaps, I could find some guy to spend my days with… and it wouldn't be you," you decided to say, and you watched as his grin fell, slightly, but you continued solemnly, "Well, then I'll tell you.
"Don't worry about that. I told you, if this doesn't work out… I-I don't want to be in another romantic relationship. I'd rather die as an old single hag, then to have my heart broken and manipulated again and again… How many times do I have to tell you that I'm tired?" you told him, but then you turned your attention to the servants that began to bring out your meals which, you're assuming, everyone is eating inside.
But…
The garden is beautiful, at night. The lovely glow of the candles illuminating the flowers, the perfect harmony of light and shadows… The twinkling of the stars, up in the heavens. Untarnished by the yellowish glow of light pollution, or hidden away by blinking satellites…
By God… you miss this…
It wasn't until your appetizers came out, salad and freshly cut fruits, that you turned your attention to the man sitting across from you, realizing he must have been staring at you this entire time. "… What?" you couldn't help but ask, a bit unsure about the answer, and you pouted at the snickering that left his breath. "What?"
"You have a beautiful smile," he stated, with a grin, and he giggled at the blush that appeared upon your face, only for your head to turn as you scoffed at him, embarrassed by his cheesy answer. "… Are you telling the truth?" you heard him ask as you opened an eye, giving him a glance as he continued solemnly, "About… if we weren't going to work out, if we aren't meant to be, would you really give up on finding love?"
"Yes," you stated, bluntly, looking down at your food and grabbing a fork, stabbing into your salad with a tired look on your face.
"But why? I don't want to be holding you back or anything –"
"That isn't it," you scoffed, munching down on your lettuce as you continued. "I'm not that lovesick, okay? It isn't you. It's a me problem."
"How so?" he asked in a curious tone, but as you saw his worried glance, you sighed, shaking your head, causing the man to frown. "… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."
"Y-yeah," you mumbled, causing the man to pout to himself, but as you noticed his frown, you blinked, staring at a red rose that had been set in the center of the table, and you sighed tiredly to yourself. "… Undertaker," you began, getting his attention, "do you believe in the idea of a soulmate? That one person you can truly feel attached to? Love unconditionally? In life and death? Do you think such a thing can exist?"
"Most certainly," he responded, simply, and you smiled to yourself, before you shook your head and let a prominent pout appear on your face.
"Long ago… I want that, too. Someone who cared enough to put up with a weirdo like me. Someone who loves me for who I am, and I can love them equally. We don't… hate each other over time, or use each other in a game. It's just… a mutual understanding between two beings. Maybe… agape, maybe just eros, but… something close. Something I can hold onto until the very end," you began, smiling meekly to yourself before you began to frown. "But… all my life, anyone I can ever say I loved… always dies, in one way or another. Always leaves me. Always turns their back on me…
"I asked Claudia, once," you continued with a frown, "if there was a soulmate out there, for me. Someone that I can truly be happy with. Either living or dead, I did not care… She told me, no. There is not one. They had passed away, and they are not coming back," you spoke bluntly, pouting to yourself, and then your gaze slowly looked up to stare over at Undertaker. You didn't look at him with happiness or even hatred. Only a pained numbness you've felt since your youth. Since the moment you ever thought about 'love' and 'liking someone' for a very, very long time. "Now, I come here, and she told me that, yes, there is someone there. Now.
"… I'm not saying it's you, though I'm sure it is," you scoffed to yourself, plopping your arm onto the table as you put your head into your hand, and you began to munch on your food absentmindedly as you continued to think aloud. "It's just… I gave up on that idea. Just… being fully happy. With my partner, with myself… I-I am only human, after all. There's only so much I can deal with. Put up with. So much… pain I can feel, before it becomes too much. Physical pains are nothing to my mental wounds… So," you closed your eyes, sighing tiredly to yourself, "if this doesn't work out… even if you're not the one, it won't matter. I'd rather die alone, living life my own way, then continuously worry about another for the rest of eternity. I can't… keep hurting myself, for the sake of someone who is ungrateful about it. I cannot think of myself falling in love, if it means it's painful.
"I get it. Love is a complicated matter… which means I need to get rid of it, if it means I'll just end up miserable," you decided to say, sighing once more to yourself, before you slowly sat up in your chair, eating at your food, waiting for a response.
But when you got nothing… you continued to eat, pretending that you weren't hurt by the fact that he didn't even utter a response. That… once again, you're pouring your heart out, and no one cares.
No one cares…
"Don't… give up on the idea of love, child. That's not a good way to live –"
"It's my only way… I'm tired and I want to die and stay dead. How hard is that for anyone to understand?" you pouted, slowly placing your fork on the table as you stared dimly at the wilting red rose, watching as a petal fluttered onto the table, and you sighed to yourself. "My first love… a boy my age, a childhood crush, rejected me after I came back. Shunned me, as if I was nothing to him. My third… she manipulated me to get what she wanted out of me, and threw me aside as if I was trash… My sixth… boy, I enjoyed spending time with her… but I simply enjoyed her company. I just… couldn't love her, like that, and she got angry with me and stormed out on me. My seventh… we simply used each other for sex. Nothing more, and Rosie… God, I-I wish… I mean… she just cast me aside, like the rest.
"Yes, she wants me to be happy, but can I really be happy, now? After everything I know?
"… It hasn't been easy, okay? Broken heart after broken heart… love sucks, and I hate the idea of it. Just… I spent too much energy, and got nothing out of it… I'm sorry if this upsets you, but I'm just being completely honest," you told him, closing your eyes, trying to wash away the anger and sadness that wanted to swallow you whole. The desperation… depression… the suicidal tendencies you naturally feel. Everything. Just… everything…
"Many times, I end up feeling pain because of love. I've been manipulated, physically and mentally attacked, and even suffered because of one love or another… but," he continued somberly, "even if I shouldn't love, I still do. There's always a reason to do so. It can give a creature hope. Joy. So much happiness… even if the happiness is fleeting…
"And," he sighed to himself, your eyes opening to glance over at him, "if this is how you feel… then let me show you what love means, to me."
"… I-if you want to try, you're more then welcome to," you responded, deciding to play this off in a light airy way, instead of feeling sad and depressed… again.
You're tired of feeling that way.
But, what you weren't expecting, was watching as Undertaker stood up, brought his chair to the other end of the table, where you were seated, and grinned as he sat down next to you.
Very, very close to you.
"Ah… hello?"
"If you truly wish to spend your time with me, then I will give you all the love I could muster," he grinned, grasping the hand closest to him, and he snickered at the bright blush that began to tint your face. "Let me be your soulmate~"
"… If I… decide to lose my humanity," you decided to say, watching as the man's eyes studied your own as you looked at him with slight uncertainty, "and… become an utter monster. Something almost any sane creature will despise… can you ever think to love me?"
"I'd love you, even if you fell to the underworld and became a deranged devil," he told you, bringing your hand up to his lips and pressing your hand against his lips as he kissed you, affectionately, "or flew up to the heavens and became a single minded angel. Even if you were to die and become a mere specter, I'll love you. Always and forever."
"D-do you really mean such a thing? –"
"Of course," he smirked, but he gave you a curious look as you grabbed his hands, sighing as you brought his own hands to your forehead, and you leaned in close as an exhausted sigh left your breath.
"… If you mean that… it doesn't matter to me what you are. What you've done. As long as you'll be honest with me, now. In the present, with me. You can love Claudia. You can still love everyone you've met, but… just… don't leave me or push me away," you breathed.
But before you could think about crying, his hand left your own, tilting your head up, before he leaned forward, gently kissing you upon the lips.
It was a solemn, sad kiss… but a kiss nonetheless. Enough to wash away your anxieties, your fears…
If only for a moment.
"Now then," he chuckled, grinning as you breathed heavily, catching your breath at the rush of emotions that were pressing down upon you and leaving you breathless, "can you enjoy yourself, with me? Yesterday was your birthday, after all."
"What? This was some lame excuse to celebrate my birthday?" you scoffed, but he simply grinned deviously in response. "… Dumbass."
"Oh am I~? It is not proper to celebrate a birthday? –"
"Personally, a death date is a bit more fun then a birthday… Besides, I've never felt truly happy with my birthday in the first place –"
"Then we'll have to change~ that. Next year, I shall throw a big celebration! –"
"Nothing big! I'm not into extravagance," you scoffed in disgust, while he grinned happily in response. "What about you?" you decided to ask, causing the man to pause at your question. "Do you have a birthday?"
"Not one I can remember –"
"Let's come up with one, then. I don't want you to go through all the trouble, and I do nothing for you," you scoffed, causing the man to give you a curious look, only to smirk and reach upward, poking the top of your nose. "H-hey!"
"You're sweet," he grinned, and you huffed as you swatted at his hand, only for the man to snicker at your annoyed face. "… September 19th," he told you, but you gave him a curious look. "… My death date."
"Oh… Well, do you want to celebrate that? After all, if you hadn't died, you wouldn't be here with me, right now," you told him, watching as he gave you a curious look, only to smirk to himself and shake his head.
"No, no~… But," he continued somberly, smirking at he thought, "How about the 6th of January?"
"Why?"
"The day you arrived at my mortuary. My precious little assistant~" he grinned deviously, and while you let a slight huff leave your breath, you couldn't stop your own smile.
"… Okay."
"Okay? –"
"Then my birthday is July 13th, and you're January 6th. Sounds easy enough," you grinned at him, but before he could make another comment you both noticed the servants coming back, though you could tell a couple of them were blushing and giggling to themselves over your sudden closeness, but you didn't let them bother you.
If you let the thoughts of others bother you, then you'd never be able to like another person and not feel embarrassed or guilty over it.
But, you couldn't help yourself. You were smiling goofily at the man, the two of you waiting calmly for the servants to set the next batch of food down, and you both let out a light held in laugh. "I swear, if I spend more then a few days here, I'm going to be fat."
"I wouldn't mind that~ –"
"No! You better not plump me up like a baked ham! Besides… if anything, I want to work on my muscles. I haven't been working out properly ever since I showed up," you scoffed, suddenly leaning away to look at your biceps, pouting to yourself since, heck, you used to work out every other day, and if you weren't you were working or doing something worth a lot of energy.
These days you laze about. You're becoming a real couch potato.
"Maybe we'll spar~" he smirked at you, causing you to look at him, with bright eyes, causing the man to stare at you startled.
"You mean that?!"
"Of course, my dearie –"
"You better! I mean, let's be real here, I'm not as athletic as I used to be. Besides, you are a legend, aren't you~? I'd love to see a legend in action," you grinned, and you snickered as you noticed his pale face seemed to be looking a tad pinker.
But that could just be your imagination.
"Say, uh… we should probably eat?"
"Possibly," he replied, and you huffed at his response, but the two of you began to eat the next part of the meal, and you couldn't help but enjoy the savory soup you had been given.
You just wish you could get to the entrée already. You're so hungry for something more then just soups and salads!