You know what's fun? Having to come up with funny lines for a ton of new characters who only appear in two episodes for six years, not counting their spin-off. Nah, I kid. Writing this one was enjoyable, especially as I was seeing the new characters again for what felt like the first time. I can't recall having seen this episode in any real detail, only it's sequel. The Pack spin-off is also going to be abridged, which leads me to my question. Would you like it in a separate story, or perhaps shoved in between Season 6 and 7, or 7 and 8? Again, I'm curious to see what your thoughts are on this.
In other news, as this goes up, the trailer for Journey Beyond Sodor has dropped...and I am not at all sure what to think of it!
AaronCottrell97: Good one! And yeah, I know that! Did it sound like I was lecturing you? Sorry if it did, it's a perfectly fair point. Just wanted to put it out there now rather than later.
Reality Rejection Service: Little known fact. When the engines gather around the fire at Halloween, they tell ghost stories. When the ghosts gather together, they tell Cyril stories.
Game-Watch: To be fair, they are constantly under threat of being replaced by said technology, thereby meaning that they could be potentially killed or shoved somewhere to be used as spare parts. But yeah, they're assholes, sometimes.
BronzeShield: Ha! Yeah, I was going to make a crude joke about it but...I figured that it might be a bit much.
Kamen Rider Necrom: Probably my favorite description of Terrance that I've come up with.
TrainManiac: Glad you enjoyed!
Radical Sandwiches: Thanks! Season 6 is definitely fun to revisit, and I am enjoying writing the episodes. And we'll see about Gordon Takes A Tumble...but it is likely. You know me too well!
Hughie96: Hmm...a good question. Honestly, maybe Murdoch, because he had a unique design, and I don't think they gave him much to do in his episodes. At least Arthur got the Fishing Village out of the deal.
CUE THE THEME!
It was a tingly spring morning on the Island of Sodor.
"Bloody hell, me axles are still tingling!" Thomas paused. "Hang about, wasn't it pissing winter last time? How long have I been asleep for?!"
In actuality, the weather had decided to do yet another loop-de-loop and made the entire countryside feel as though it was in the midst of April or May. It was very confusing for those who wanted to was excited. As excited as he ever could be. The Fat Controller had sent him to collect a special for Jenny Packard, an ex-girlfriend who now ran a construction company.
An ex-girlfriend of Topham's, not of Thomas. Thomas had never had a girlfriend, as you can tell by the way he was smiling at the new arrival. Jenny was already waiting there.
"Spot on, Thomas!" she cried, in an accent that would have made Terry Wogan blush. "You make a mother proud!"
"...Er...thank you?"
"Although that face of yours needs less of the botox, if you know what I mean."
Thomas frowned. Everyone screamed. This was the last time, Thomas swore, that he would take James's advice when it came to anti-aging cream. He felt like a circus freak. "So, erm, is this...this thing my special?"
"Very special!"
"Thank you for that." Thomas was in a sarcastic mood, more so than usual.
"I'M JACK THE FRONTLOADER!" bellowed the digger. Thomas jumped back. "SORRY ABOUT THAT, MY VOICE HAS ONLY ONE VOLUME LEVEL! AND THAT'S HIGH! VERY HIGH!"
"I noticed!" snapped Thomas. Britt and David were already getting some shots in, seeing Jack as their way into the potential spin-off world that awaited them.
"I CAN LOAD AND UNLOAD AND CARRY LOTS OF THINGS! AREN'T I JUST SUPER?!"
"You're something, all right." Thomas growled under his breath. "Trying the innocent act, eh? Well let me tell you, it didn't work for me, it didn't work for Toby, it won't work for you! Besides, I can haul and shunt! And at least I'm not a rip-off of something, Scoop!"
"DON'T YOU MENTION THE DEVIL'S SHOW TO US!?" Jack was outraged. "BOB THE BUILDER IS A MOCKERY OF WHAT WE DO!"
"Sure thing! I can get you two chatterboxes off to the quarry!"
"Is that a euphemism or something-"
"Thomas, just take the fecking vehicle, will you?"
...
Mid-way through the countryside, Thomas noticed that Allcroft was holding aloft large boards with words to read out. He rolled his eyes, but decided that this was going to be a one-off, and thus there was no point in really arguing over anything. Well, yet. "Is this your first time working at the quarry?"
"IT'S MY FIRST TIME WORKING ON THE ISLAND!" said Jack, tongue hanging out like Old Yeller. Thomas hoped that Jack wasn't done emulating the old pooch there.
"Watch out for Max-" Thomas mentally frowned and wondered who the hell Max was "-HE'S trouble!"
"HA! HA AND THRICE HA!"
"Oh, you are just a treat." Thomas muttered.
...
The second that Thomas delivered Jack to the quarry, he took off and started running for the hills. He didn't want to stick around to watch the shameless attempt to sell a pilot. All the machines were busy preparing the site for new railway tracks.
Jack couldn't wait to get his name in lights. And also to join in. He started off by meeting a big excavator. He preferred the term 'large boned' but what can you do? "I'M JACK! CAN I HELP?!"
"Oh my...no..." said the excavator, who's name was Oliver. This will in no way get confusing later on. He took a long puff of the peace pipe he had with him, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Help...Byron...instead..." Seconds later, he puffed once more, this time muttering aloud "Now, where did I put those crisps?"
Leaving the stoned excavator to his own devices, Jack scurried over to Byron, the bulldoze, who was currently shoving rocks into a wall, and taking great pleasure in doing so. "I'M JACK!" He said. He had no other way to introduce himself.
"I don't care." said Byron.
"CAN I HELP?"
"I don't need help! I'm BYRON. Go shove off, see if Kelly the crane needs any help." As he left, Byron made sure to blow a raspberry at Jack's retreating back. Had he fingers, he would have flipped him off.
"I'M JACK!"
"Oh. Right." said Kelly, who was on the verge of throwing himself off a cliff any day now. "Hi."
"MIND MY PAINT!" said a lorry, who looked to be a distant cousin to Elizabeth somehow.
"Isabella." said Kelly. "Rude, much?"
"Oh, jeez, jeez, sorry. Welcome to the Pack. We'll pour the motor oil on you later."
"THE...THE WHAT?"
"It's our initiation thing." Kelly said, dully. "I keep asking them to do it to me, and then throw a lighter to make it more exciting. No one will take me up on it, though." He looked at the wall. "And yet they did it for Nigel."
"That was a special case, and you know it!" snapped Isabella, who acted as caretaker-slash-counselor for Kelly. Considering that this usually too the form of throwing Kelly against the wall and telling him to 'man up', this explained much about his mood.
"If you want to work-"
"See the foreman!" said Isabella, cheekily. "He's in charge!" She snickered to herself, aware that she wasn't being very subtle. Jack trundled off, oblivious to all that was going on.
...
Jack was introduced, via the foreman, to his banksman. Who was not, in fact, here to audit Jack's taxes. "I'm here to make sure you don't accidentally destroy the entire quarry in a single day!"
"No speeding and no horseplay! ...Any more than the typical Sudrian amount, anyway." added the foreman. "Now go and help Alfie!"
"IS THIS JUST SOME SORT OF RANDOM SCAVENGER HUNT?"
"No. Piss off."
"YES SIR!" And off he sped, not really minding his banksman's bleating of "Safety first!" as he did so. Alife, who was apparently to be the Muck to his Scoop, was another excavator. He made the hardest job seem like play. Sorry, have to read that off, the toy manufacturers are having a field day right now. He was currently digging a hole. Kelly was happy at this, primarily because he hoped that he'd be buried in it by the end of the day.
"I'M JACK!" At this point, his catchphrase was beginning to become a running joke amongst the quarry. "I'M HERE TO HELP!"
""More help means more dirt; more dirt means more fun!" Alife was a very simple vehicle. "I'm Alfie! I've got a bit of a stuffed up nose at the moment, so don't mind me!"
Jack and Alfie soon got to work, and they were having a (relatively) wonderful time. Suddenly, a huge dump truck roared by. This, the producers thought, was clearly the Spud the Scarecrow of the piece. "MAAAAAAAAAAAAX!" bellowed Alfie, with all the rage and anger of a overacting William Shatner.
"SO THAT'S MAX!" said Jack, who was thicker than two planks atop ten cinder blocks. "THOMAS IS RIGHT, HE IS TROUBLE!"
Max, who had a weird grin on his face, rushed forward. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" He bellowed. "MAKE SOME NOISE FOR MAX!"
"Look out Jack!" cried Alfie, as Max stopped within inches of the digger. Jack gulped. Someone played a Mexican stand-off theme. This made Kelly wonder why he wasn't the one being pushed into certain death.
Jack, perhaps because he was just too stupid to, didn't back down. "STOP BULLYING!" said Jack, bravely. Or dumbly. Or both, there's quite a bit of overlap.
"Can't you take a joke?!" whined Max as he dieseled away. "I'm going to tell on you to Monty!" And the wannabe rock-star rushed back to the other side of the quarry to sulk and write an angsty song about his troubles.
"Thank you, Jack." said Alfie, reading off the auto-cue cards.
...
"I don't see what you're saying?"
"Oh really, Percy? You don't see the similarties between that lot down there and us lot up here? A naive newcomer comes to the Island determined to make friends. His best friend is a slightly dim, green person. They have a nice if somewhat depressed guy who's one step away from snapping and killing either everyone else or himself, a vain and mocking one, one who sounds stoned half the time, another one who's essentially a big grumpy bear that's been poked...we're a Toby away from having our copyright infringed!"
"Yeah, but James isn't a chick."
"Oh right, THAT changes everything!"
"I know, Thomas, doesn't it?"
...
Later on, the foreman bellowed "OLIVER, MOVE THIS ROCK!"
"..."
"OLIVER."
"..."
"Please?"
"Sure...whatever."
"I'LL DO IT!" Jack shouted. And he rushed over to scoop up a big load of rock. He once again ignored the banksman's bleatings of "Stop! Please! Pretty please! With a cherry on top!" and raced off up the mountainside. He was too eager, and stupid, to help.
I'll give you three guesses as to what happened next. And the first two don't count.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" wailed Isabella, having also taken a Shatner-esque course in acting. But as per usual, it was too late.
"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NO!" Jack wailed as he promptly toppled over and rolled down the mountain. He came to a stop via ramming the barrels below. "OOPS." He declared.
Kelly was jealous. He had been trying, and he hadn't been that close to death in ages.
Miss Jenny was glad that Jack wasn't hurt (Good money could not be wasted on more diggers) but she was disappointed. "I am disappointed!" She declared. "Safety first! That means you don't rush in where you don't belong!" She paused. "Although admittedly, me being here would have actually helped with that. And perhaps randomly sending you to every single other vehicle before giving you a job was a bit foolhardy. BUT THE POINT STILL STANDS."
"I'M SORRY MISS JENNY!" Jack said, sadly.
"Turn the volume down!" muttered Byron.
"Maybe you're not ready for the Pack!" sighed Miss Jenny. This was a stupid thing to say, considering what misfits made up said Pack, but she rolled with it. "We'll see if you can do better tomorrow!" She returned to the yards soon after, wondering why it was that she hadn't gone with her gut and dated Lowham Hatt instead.
Jack was sad. Isabella could see that. She was not blind. "You're a good frontloader!" she said. Thomas was not sure if that was a compliment or not.
"And a good friend! ATCHOO!" sneezed Alfie.
"Being a good friend is important- ENOUGH WITH THE CUE CARDS!" snapped Thomas.
And that made Jack feel just a bit better.
TO BE CONTINUED.
"BOOO!" jeered Thomas. "Can't we get episodes again? Remember when this show used to be called Thomas the Tank Engine and Friends?! Less of the friends, more the- Don't you stop the episode when I'm ranting!"
But they did.