The Doctor and Clara had come up with a plan. Well, an agreement, really. It wasn't really a plan since they would still be performing the same old routine.
He would leave the house first, she would wait for a few minutes until she starts her bike before heading straight to work.
That way, they would bump into each other at the entrance and can carry on with their argument as some people at the university have now come to expect.
They would keep to themselves at work, so that meant no hand touching, no getting too close to one another and certainly no snogging.
It all sounded like a good plan-slash-agreement in their minds, but oh boy. Did this so-called plan-slash-agreement fall apart quickly.
It started when the Doctor popped into the break room after his first lecture of the day. He made his way to the kitchen counter and grabbed the kettle, filling it with water and then switching it on.
A few seconds later, Clara entered, wanting to make tea, but he was between her and the cupboard.
"Can I help you?" he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.
"You're in my way," she replied, deciding to play the game.
"Am I now?"
"Yes, I would like to have my cup of tea."
The Doctor leaned against the counter. "Shame I'm using the facilities, so you'll have to wait."
Unknown to them, some of the staff and postgraduate students in the break room decided to watch the banter.
"It's like watching a romantic-comedy film," one commented quietly, chewing on some crisps.
"Saves you the trip of going to the cinema."
Clara fought the urge to smile, biting her bottom lip. "Any chance you can move that heavy arse of yours?"
The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Any chance you can ask nicely, Dr Oswald?"
"Listen to your heart when he's calling for you!" Jack sang, appearing out of nowhere. "Listen to your heart, there's nothing else you can do!"
John and Clara looked in his direction, shooting him confused looks.
"Good morning to the most beautiful couple in the universe!" Jack exclaimed. "Having another marital argument?"
"No, I just need my cup of tea," Clara grumbled.
The kettle whistled before it finally stopped boiling water.
"There," the Doctor said. "You didn't have to wait for very long, did you?"
"Felt like an eternity," she answered, opening the cupboard as he moved away.
As soon as the Doctor filled his mug with hot water, Jack ushered him out of the break room and into his office, much to his colleague's annoyance as he was afraid his drink might spill.
"Hey!" John exclaimed, being pushed into the room. "Hey!"
Jack shut the door and turned around, a strange look in his eyes.
Used to his friend's antics, the Doctor merely sighed, settling down on the office chair. "If you're trying to convince me to sing to Clara, it's not happening."
"Hohohohoho!" Jack laughed, rubbing his hands in glee.
"There's plenty of mental hospitals here in the UK," John said. "Would you like me to send you to one?"
"If anybody here is insane, it's you, Johnny boy."
The Doctor wrinkled his nose in disgust, setting down the mug he held. "Please do not ever call me that again or I will hit you with my shoe."
Jack then decided to get straight to the point as he had been wanting to discuss with his friend all about it, but he kept ignoring his texts. "So here's the plan that I came up with: we're going to make Clara jealous!"
John glanced at him, flabbergasted by the anti-climactic plan of his weird friend. "That sounds stupid and probably is."
Jack knew he was one step ahead. "Alright, just so you know, my plan is genius."
"Stupid."
"Genius."
"Idiotic."
"Brilliant," Jack sang as he left the office, making his way to Clara's. He knocked on the door once and waited for her to give permission to enter before opening the door.
If Clara was completely honest, she wasn't quite surprised to see Jack in her office again, grinning from ear to ear. No doubt it has something to do with the Doctor. "Can I help you, Dr Harkness?"
"Why yes you can, Dr Oswald," he said, taking the empty seat next to her desk.
He's up to something alright.
"And what would that be?"
"We make the Doctor jealous."
Clara froze. Was Jack onto something? First Missy and now her weird colleague. Looks like she would have to take John's advice seriously.
Jack then continued. "Wouldn't you want to see what sort of response he'll give – maybe he likes you underneath all that compliments disguised as insults."
Clara forced a laugh. She was sure he was catching on. "What do you mean?" she said. "They're just insults – plain and simple."
"Don't you want to gauge his reaction?" Jack asked, wording his pitch for the plan differently, and it seemed to be working since her eyes lit up. "I mean let's be honest here Clara, we both know he has the hots for you."
She pretended to not believe his claim, putting on a sceptical look.
"Besides, you can see it as revenge for calling you a she-devil, elf-woman, Dr Bosswald, Empress of all control freaks and Clara de Vil."
"He called me what?!" she demanded. Does she even look like someone who's obsessed with killing animals, let alone puppies to begin with? The jealousy plan didn't sound so bad now.
"He even sang 'Clara de Vil' at one point."
"Screw it, I'm in."
Jack grinned. "Great, we can flirt after he returns from his lecture."
As the Doctor made his way back to his office after his second lecture of the day, he produced the keys to his office. He wasn't really looking forward to marking his students' coursework which he held with his free hand, but he had to do what needed to be done.
Suddenly, he heard laughter and giggling coming from the break room. It sounded like Clara's. What was so interesting that it made her laugh? Curious, he placed the pile of coursework on the desk and popped into the break room.
"And that's when I said 'ladies, your viewing figures just went up'," Jack ended his anecdote, giving Clara a wink.
John squinted his eyes in suspicion, but he remained calm and collected.
"Oh, hello, handsome Doctor," Jack greeted. "What brings you here to this room full of people and one very beautiful woman," he said, flashing at a smile at his colleague, who made the effort to look interested.
So that's what they're doing. Clara is going along with Jack's stupid plan. The question right now is why? He wasn't going to get involved in this a single bit.
"I'm just wondering what you two were laughing about," the Doctor grumbled, opening the fridge to look for some sort of snack.
"Just telling Clara about that one time I lost my clothes at the gym," Jack replied. "And had to wear a Dora the Explorer t-shirt."
"I never knew Jack was so funny," she said, shooting looks at the Doctor.
John knitted his eyebrows.
"Everything alright, Emperor of Attack Eyebrows?"
He glowered at being called that. "Yes, Empress of all control freaks," he grumbled.
"Aw, your future kids are going to love it when they I tell them about their parents' cute nicknames for each other," Jack couldn't help but comment. "Every couple needs that."
"Do I even look like her boyfriend to you?" the Doctor retorted, crossing his arms.
Jack flashed him an innocent smile, wrapping an arm around Clara's shoulders. "No, more like her husband, really, right Daisy?"
The Doctor tried his best not to show a single emotion. How can Clara go along with this? She looks amused.
Daisy, one of the senior lecturers in the department, looked up from her laptop. "I heard some students say that they thought you two are married to each other."
"Are you sure you don't have a crush on me, Dr Smith?" Clara asked innocently.
Bloody. Hell.
"Of course I have a crush on you," John answered sarcastically. "I think you're an amazing woman with an amazing ego."
This time, it was her turn to cross her arms. "Yes, putting your PhD on display in your office screams humble."
"The file cabinet is transparent!"
Jack decided to take things a bit serious now before things get out of hand. To think that these two idiots standing before him wonder why other people think they're married. At least he managed to obtain a reaction from the Doctor. That death glare he received for putting his arm around Clara was as visible as the sun. "Ok, this is the part where you kiss and makeup – I'm willing to be on the receiving end too."
Clara broke eye contact with the Doctor and reached for the kettle on the counter. "This is childish."
"Yes, colluding with Jack is childish."
"So is coming up with 'Clara de Vil'."
The Doctor said nothing as he gazed intently at her for a brief second before grumpily retreating to his office.
"Did I just witness the Doctor sulking?" Jack commented in surprise.
She turned around, holding the warm mug with both hands and taking a sip of her tea. "More like acting like an emotional 12-year-old," she mumbled. She was sure his reaction was genuine, and this was confirmed when she heard her smartphone beep. It served the Doctor right for calling her names. Idiot.
"At least now you know that he's into you," Jack said, snapping Clara out of her thoughts.
"I think he was more annoyed that I found out about the nickname," she replied calmly, hoping that her face won't give away anything.
"Come on, that was hard evidence there," her colleague continued.
Clara put on an unconvinced look before her phone beeped once more. "Pretty sure the Doctor was just being his usual grumpy, Scottish-self."
Jack crossed his arms as she walked out of the break room. "Dammit, I'm running out of ideas," he muttered under his breath. Nonetheless, he couldn't help but wonder if there was something different about them. He couldn't quite place his finger on it, but in a subtle way, Clara and the Doctor were behaving strangely… or perhaps it was just his imagination, like it always is, as pointed out by some people.
As soon as Clara stepped into her office, she shut the door firmly before pulling out her phone.
Meeting room in exactly ten minutes
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It's either an apology or an interrogation over why she decided to gang up on him. Checking the clock on the wall, she had about seven minutes left before she had to leave.
After finishing her drink, Clara quietly left her office, making sure the hallway was empty before heading to the Mechanical Engineering department.
She produced her card and tapped on the reader before opening the door, greeted by the sight of John sitting on the square table.
"Is there a reason why you dragged me here?" she asked, putting away the card. "I'm willing to listen if it's an apology."
The Doctor knitted his eyebrows, now on his feet. "I'm not the one who decided to go along with Jack's stupid plan."
"You deserved it for calling me names."
He paused, processing her words carefully. "You call me names too, Clara," he argued.
"Yes, but I wasn't the one who came up with 'Clara de Vil'," she said, poking his holey jumper.
Confusion washed over his face. "That's what upset you?"
"Yes, and Dr Bosswald, really?!" she demanded.
He crossed his arms defensively. "Old man is offensive too, and for the record, I came up with that name before he started dating," he retorted. "Now here's my question for you, Clara Oswald: you do realise that Jack now suspects something, right?"
"I'm well aware of what I'm doing, and I wouldn't have agreed to play the prank on you if I knew it was risky," Clara answered in frustration. "For the last time, the old man remark is just a tease."
The Doctor knew she had a point, and he was trying hard not to make the argument any worse, but it was difficult to resist when she looked so smug and sure of herself. "We-"
One moment they were glowering at each other and the next thing he knew, she had gotten on her toes and crashed her lips against his. "You really need to shut up," she commented, a smile playing on her lips, hands resting on his chest.
He stared at her like a startled owl, but his features then darkened and he bent down, capturing her lips.
It was funny how they had agreed to keep things professional at work earlier in the day and now here they are, snogging each other senseless.
The Doctor set Clara on the table, mouths never separating, their kisses getting desperate by the second.
She had always been one who obeyed the rules, but was they really about to shag in a cramped meeting room? They were acting like a bunch of hormonal teenagers. Then again, life's too short not to shag the Doctor in the workplace.
John was just about to run his hand up her stomach when the door beeped. The couple immediately broke the kiss but never had the time to do much more as they were greeted by the sight of Bill Potts with her mouth agape.