So this one is unique. I'd never seen this one before until I started writing it. Must be because it was one of those episodes that wasn't widely released like the other episodes. Hope you enjoy it.
Also, of note, gonna give ANOTHER little tribute to my first Batman, Adam West. Because apparently everyone appears to be dying at the moment.
AaronCottrell97: Yeah, he kept the show afloat, really. That sheep line, by the way, was me just randomly shoving in a bit because I figured "Eh, it'll make people laugh!" Glad you enjoyed it!
Reality Rejection Service: Yes, he took the wrong lesson away from this episode.
Bronze Shield: Heh! Saw him in the ep and figured "Eh, why not?"
Game-Watch: Exactly. Hard work! James's worst fear.
UGX7: Thomas, when he's not being a dick, has become the shit-stirrer of the engine community.
Radical sandwhiches: Probably. James/Red Balloon OTP.
MattPrice01: Let's be honest, the fact is I pretty much DID have a giant monster attack! And...yeah, hold that thought about forms of logic, cause again, super-analytical chapter in Season 8! I also watched Curse of the Were Rabbit. That ending takes on a whole new meaning with him gone...ah well. Hope you enjoy this silly story!
trestonfortson2016: Thank you! Carlin's a great character to write, as is Duck. Sane characters in a world of madness are a blast to write for me. Early season Thomas is an interesting choice! I admit to having a lot of fun writing him as this childish idiot, but I do like that I've sort of developed him along similar lines to how the show did.
Hughie96: One of the nicest comments I've seen in a while, and that says a lot seeing as most of the comments are great!
CUE THE THEME!
"It's snowing again."
"Tell me something I don't know, Gordon."
It was winter on the Island of Sodor...I guess!? Honestly, trying to keep track of the Island's seasons and/or weather patterns is a bit like trying to understand how finances work. It can be explained, but no one will be happy and/or enthused by the end of the talk. In particular, it was an icy day that made everyone panic over every turn of the wheels. The engines were working hard, for they didn't mind the cold.
Let's just laugh it out of your system. We all know that isn't true.
All right, to be frank, they weren't complaining as much because of the warmth of their fires. And also because their drivers and firemen would repeatedly wrap them up in wool in an attempt to smother their complaints.
On this evening, the Fat Controller came to the sheds. The engines had apparently forgotten that Edward was now missing, and hadn't been seen for three days, so concerned were they with being a little chilly. And when you say it like that, it sounds kind of bad, doesn't it?
"THERE'S A BIG FREEZE COMING TONIGHT!" He declared, in full Yorkshire mode. "There will be trouble at t'mill, and at the stations! So, James and Percy, get your arses in gear, you'll be delivering some extra coal to all the stations! Try to ignore the smell at Lower Tidmouth, the stationmaster's on the drink again and he's decided to shun the use of a official toilet."
No one wanted to think about that, so the two engines merely stated "Yes sir." and prepared to start off. The Fat Controller drove off...right into the wall, so he was forced to limp off in the general direction of a bench where he would spend the night flat out.
Thomas decided to pick up the baton of dickery that was being passed around the sheds recently, and having not learnt much from the incident at the Smelters, decided to scare the shit out of Percy again. "You'd better hurry, Percy, or Scary Jack Frost might get you and turn you into an icicle!" He paused, and added for effect what he thought a ghost sounded like. "Oooooooooooh."
"Terrifying." said Henry, with as much dryness as he could muster in the current situation.
"Who's Jack Frost?" asked Percy, who hadn't been taking his pills recently for his head wounds.
"No, it's Scary JacK Frost!" Thomas was very insistant. "That's his full name, don't you know?"
"PAH! Don't be silly!" James, who was in no position to argue over stupidity given the Red Balloon incident, was eager to start off. "Jack Frost is not real! In fact, he's not even scary!"
"Yes he is."
"No he isn't."
"Yes he is!"
"No HE ISN'T!"
"He is ALL WHITE with a big spiky face! ...Sounds a bit racist when I say it like that, but it's the truth! Would I lie?"
Percy stared at Thomas. "Yes. Yes you would."
"RABB-...RUBBISH!" James amended hastily, and rushed away before anyone could pick up on his slip of the tongue. He knew that Jack Frost wasn't scary, but Percy wasn't sure. If Toby or Duck had been here, they would have knocked some sense into the two of them. Unfortunately, they weren't.
...
The two engines set off from different points from the coaling plant. That way, they could hopefully meet up once they were halfway across the Island, and then go home and get some kip.
Naturally, on a night like this, the spooky owls were busy making a lot of noise to distract them. Twigs cracked underwheel, the wind whistled through every crack and hole in the area, a pair of glowing pupils illuminated the night-
Percy did a double take. But there was nothing there.
Clearly he was going a little insane. He shivered, and growled as Thomas's smug face came into view. "Jack Frost is not scary, Jack Frost is not scary, Jack Frost is not scary!"
"OH YES HE IS!" cries the audience.
Percy wondered when he had entered into a pantomime, and then realized that having not gotten any sleep, he was actually hallucinating a whole lot of things at this moment.
Elsewhere, James had just entered the valley that lead to Henry's Forest. "Silly Percy with his silly beliefs, all steamed up over silly Jack Frost and that silly story about silly Jack Frost! What a silly-bill-WHATTHEHELLWASTHATNOISE?!"
"It's a horse, James."
"Ah...right."
...
Percy's last delivery was to the station of Lower Suddery. He didn't really understand why, as he knew that the station was closing down soon because of some sort of cost-cutting measure that the Railway Board had suggested to the Fat Controller.
Edward, wherever he was, was going to have words to say about that.
The stationmaster, glad that he would get some rendundancy packages sooner, arrived to spot Percy and cheerfully waved. "Oi! You! Green engine! We're going to need twice as much coal to keep the village warm!"
Percy sighed. He didn't want to sleep in a nice warm shed anyway. "Sure thing, this is my last stop. I suppose I can wait the night. You can have mine. Please for the love of God, don't waste it on something stupid."
"Us? Stupid?"
"Yes, well, living on this Island makes you a little paranoid about these things."
Carlin parked him a siding, put out his fire and left him with only a lantern for company. "Do you think scary Jack Frost will find me?"
"Probably!"
The fireman punched Carlin on the shoulder.
"I mean...nah. Jack Frost isn't scary. He's a real teddy bear. And Elizabeth'll be bringing you more coal in the morning...so you have that to look forward to! Have fun!" He said with far too much cheer for Percy's liking, and headed off arm in arm with the stationmaster to the local pub, known simply as 'The Staggered Gentleman' for nourishment and a lot of fun.
Percy wondered if this good Samaritan streak was worth it.
Late at night, the icy wind howled across, blowing large chunks of snow and sleet down upon everything in sight. Percy groaned and wondered why it was that this was always what happened to him. Why was it that he was the one who had to deal with the freaky weather on such a regular basis? And soon, it was so cold that icicles hung everywhere, even from Percy's nose.
"Bloody hell, this is some very impressive icicles! How the hell do they form in these positions?!" Of course, to anyone other than Percy, this sounded like...well, muffled nonsense. Or the average speech of a politician. Zing. "Ohhhhhhh b-b-b-bother." He sounded like Winnie the Pooh with a stutter now.
...
James had arrived at Wellsworth, the last stop on the journey around the Island, and dropped the last of his coal trucks off there. Once more, Edward was nowhere to be found. James, however, didn't care. He wanted to get home as quickly as possible. So instead of waiting for Percy, as had been agreed, he shoved off through the rising snow.
Now, in the fog, everything looked different. Like it was going to get him. James was a paranoid bastard, as we have learnt steadily through the last five and a half seasons. "Scary Jack Frost." he muttered. "Pah!" But even his "Pah!'ing wasn't helping much now.
At last, he reached the signalbox, and he sighed in relief. Getting to Lower Suddery meant that soon he'd be able to reach the Junction, and that in turn meant that he could take a short cut back to the sheds. He whistled to make sure that he was known. He glanced to one side.
Time seemed to stop as he laid his eyes on what appeared to be Snow Miser reincarnated into a tank engine form, and with the added benefit of looking and sounding like a demon. His jaw dropped.
"H-H-Hello...J-J-James!"
James reacted with calm and aplo-Ha! No, of course he didn't. "AAAAAAAARGH! SCARY JACK FROST HAS COME TO CLAIM MY SOUL! OH WHAT A WORLD, WHAT A HORRIBLE WORLD!? WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN HENRY TAKEN INSTEAD OF ME!? I DON'T WANNA GO, I DON'T WANNA GO, PLEASE, YOU GOT THE WRONG GUY,, THERE ARE PLENTY OF RED ENGINES ON THE ISLAND?! DON'T LISTEN TO THAT GUY WHO DID MIDDLE ENGINE, THAT WAS ALL A LIE! A LIE! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
He didn't stop running until he got back to the shed.
Percy was very baffled about what had just happened. So baffled that he failed to notice that his lantern had been taken.
...
The next morning, Elizabeth brought Percy plenty of coal and another reason why he regretted staying overnight. Namely, having to interact with her for more than five seconds. "EH!? Oh my, you look like Jack Frost visited you! You look even worse than usual, you young piece of trash!"
"Hello to you too, Elizabeth." said Percy through frozen teeth.
Within seconds, the coal had been placed into the fire...and we'll leave aside why the coal magically turned into floorboards when the camera got inside Percy's cab. Carlin was clearly drunk again, and having stolen several of the boards from The Staggering Gentleman the other night, had not wanted them to go to waste. And this fire somehow melted all of the ice off. Even from his nose. Which was made of skin and not metal, so you tell me how that works.
I'll wait.
.
.
.
.
Not got an answer? Fair enough.
"So Scary Jack Frost...is only frost!" said Percy the Incredibly Slow On The Uptake Engine. Soon, he was as warm as toast. And as intelligent as toast. So he puffed on back to the sheds.
James was sitting on the turntable, spinning a yarn to all the engines about defeating the mythical Scary Jack Frost. It was impressive bullshittery even by the Island's admittedly high standards. "I saw him, lads! I saw him, and I did BATTLE WITH HIM! And by the end of it, he knew my name! He screamed it to the high heavens as I bested him in combat! "Please James!" he wheezed "Please no more!" in between bouts of bleeding and praising the ground I walked on! Ah yes, by the end of it, HE KNEW MY NAME."
"And that you ran away."
Percy's interjection caused all the engines to laugh. Even James.
Then Percy lunged at Thomas and started to beat the crap out of him for trying to trick him for the second time in so many weeks.
...
"Hello there!"
Duck looked up and beamed at Toby. "Mate, it's great to see you! Please, by all means, take a pew. I'm just heating up some soup, figured that since we're here, might as well warm ourselves up." As the tram slid his way into the goods shed, Duck looked around. "No Edward, yet?"
"No, we're assuming that he's taking a day off, what with the whole 'having his branch-line removed and being put back on shunting duty for the forseeable future' thing being a bit of a sore note." Toby paused. "Hope he's having a grand time, wherever he is."
...
ELSEWHERE, IN SHED WORLD.
"How the hell did I get up to Floor 21!? I haven't gone up any stairs! And it's only a five floor building from the outside!" Edward stared at the rows upon rows of sheds in horror. "AND HOW ARE THERE THIS MANY SHEDS IN THE WORLD?!"
...
"He's probably having a ton of fun!" Duck agreed. He turned serious. "But, listen, we can do this without him. Any update on any of the things we've been examining?"
"Well...the Railway Board have been active. I mean, there are some stations that are getting closed out right, especially along the old branchlines. Elsbridge's been rebuilt for quite a while now, but it's still being closed down for some reason. Same goes for everything along the Wellsworth and Suddery branch save for Wellsworth itself. Most of the old Skarloey landmarks are being claimed as 'derelict' but there's not been any problem with them for years, even after all that hoohah with the Malevolence."
"So...not evil or worrying in and of itself, just questionable business decisions." Duck sighed. "Still, it's worth keeping an eye out. And on my end...nothing. At all. No contacts, no hints...I'd at least understand if I got a message stating that we weren't to talk anymore, at least it'd be SOMETHING!"
"That's gone past worrying and entering the realm of terrifying." Toby looked at Duck, curiously. "You're not telling me that, aside from that Jinty and Pug, you had no friends from your days as a spy?"
"No...friends, not as such. But there is one engineI do trust. The Duchess of Hamilton. She had a hand in my training, always pleasant to pass the time of day with. Perhaps if she'd been in charge, we'd have never...no, can't think like that. If I can talk to her and see where the land lies, perhaps that'll give us some idea of what's going on." Duck thought for a moment. "No update with regard to our Fake incident. Aside from the discovery of someone who appears to look quite a lot like Daisy in the pile of corpses from the Battle of Sodor, I've drawn a blank there."
Toby hesitated. "There is something else that's rather odd. But it's so minor I feel silly for mentioning it."
"Toby, history is built on the foundation of minor, odd things. The arrow that hit Harold Godwin in the eye, the split second decisions made by Scott of the Antarctic, the bomb that failed to kill Hitler...history is changed forever in such moments...what I'm basically saying is suck it up and tell me about it."
Toby shook a little, amused. "You have the voice of a poet, Duck."
"So it has been said."
"Well...there have been a recent spate of disappearing lanterns." Toby was aware that, had this been anyone else, he would have gotten a baffled glance at best and a slightly withering glare at worst. But this was Duck, who dealt with the odd on a regular basis, so he merely looked curious. "Yeah, there's times over the last few months where we've had lanterns put on, or they've been left on platforms...and they've just vanished from sight. There's no reason for the any of the personnel of the Island to be taking them. I'd be willing to put it down to a juvenile prank, but who would steal this many?!"
Duck thought for a moment. "I'll...add it to my to-do list, mate." He sighed. "Who wants a quiet life anyway?"