This episode is fine. I like it. Though I do have to wonder, of all the characters that have been brought back, why is it that Alicia Botti is one of the ones who got used more? It's odd. Also, we've got some things setting up other plots that won't be started for a bit yet. But that's after the episode, so you can skip that, if you want.
AaronCottrell97: Very true, very true.
Reality Rejection Service: Truro is not nearly as smart as he thinks he is.
Bronze Shield: Glad you all enjoyed it!
Game-Watch: Eh, to an extent. I'd argue that at the very least, Season 7 gave most of the characters at least one episode to have a good moment. Toby Had A Little Lamb is definitely better than Toby's Windmill, if only because it gives Toby a bit of dignity.
MattPrice01: It's a silly pun, but I enjoyed writing it! Glad you enjoyed it!
UGX7: It's a pity they didn't do more like this episode with Toby. And yeah, that accent is...certainly something. I actually used an online translator for it, just for kicks.
Radical Sandwiches: He probably should. Then again, they're kind of stuck together. Oh, and no payment necessary. Just get to the back of the queue. And there's a long one.
CUE THE THEME!
2003 dawned. And at last, the snow stopped coming down. At least, for a bit.
And the engines on the Island of Sodor began to look forward to summer time. The Fat Controller arranges lots of concerts, and then several funerals just on the off chance that people die. This makes sense when you consider that the infamous 'Topsy-Turvey' concert of 32 was held on the Island of Sodor. The one where several slugs, the size of pigs, invaded the concert and proceeded to eat several cauliflowers. And the people who had grown them. Not to even get into the Great Duck Plague of 53. And of course, the attempt to relaunch Topsy Turvey back in the seventies, which had ended with twelve dead, fourteen injured and the near economic collapse of the whole Island.
So concerts and funerals tended to go hand in hand. When music goes drifting through the air, the engines do enjoy it. Primarily because that means that there is a chance of getting paid.
One morning, the engines were all very excited. Alicia Botti, winner of the most unfortunate name since...ever, the famous opera singer was arriving on Sodor to give a concert.
"She's a coloratura"
"Well we musn't hold it against her." Thomas sighed. "Okay, tell me Gordon. What is a...what is that word you just used?"
"It means that she can sing high notes very, very, very, very loud." Gordon said. He was glad that he had stolen the word from Edward's dictionary the day before, or otherwise he would have looked a right prat.
"The Fat Controller will pick ME to collect her! As I am the brightest and shiniest and also the one who has the most beautiful face."
"That doesn't hold up, James." remarked Henry.
"Besides, he shall choose ME! As the most important engine here!" Gordon's usual boast didn't exactly make anyone sit up and listen. Thomas was to busy trying to stroke his ego into flaring up one last time.
"Could choose me." he murmured. No one listened to him, as Percy stormed in looking incredibly mucky. As per usual, then.
"Well one thing I think we can agree on." said Gordon. "He won't choose Dirty Percy over here!"
"DON'T CALL ME DIRTY PERCY! ...It makes me sound like a percussionist!"
"...A what?"
"Pervert. I meant pervert. Bloody head wound's acting up again!"
...
The next day came, and the Fat Controller didn't choose Gordon.
Or James.
Surprise surprise, it was Douglas.
...No, of course not, it was Thomas. Whoop-de-doo. Why is this a surprise anymore?
"Make sure Oldbag and Dingbat are squeaky clean! Also, make sure that you wipe that stupid grin off of your face, you look positively ridiculous, and we don't have time to give you a face lift."
"Yes sir!" Thomas couldn't let the insults get to him, he was feeling far too important and puffed up for that to matter.
"MOVE ASIDE, PEONS! DIRTY PERCY, GO AWAY! FOR IT IS THOMAS'S DAY TO BE IMPORTANT!" he declared in an sutiably hammy fashion. He was running dangerously close to his 1984 style attitude here, and it did not go unnoticed.
"But I need a washdown!" wailed Percy. "We had a whole episode about it! And my passengers will laugh at me!"
"They don't already?! Besides, I have to be squeaky clean and junk! You'll just have to wait! Patience, Percy, is a virtue!"
"So's not being a complete dickbag, but that hasn't stopped you! I CAN'T wait! I'M A GUARANTEED CONNECTION!"
"Piss off!"
And off Percy sulked.
Gordon looked, and felt, dead inside.
Soon, the tank engine was shining and squeaky clean. He was incredibly smug, and pleased with himself. As he waited to be coupled up to the two coaches, though, the workman paused for a moment. "Did you?"
"Yeah, was that-?"
A slow squeak, the kind that one might expect from a door with rusty hinges, cut through the yard. Thomas raised his eyebrow, and in his most tranquil, yet furious, voice, asked. "And what, pray tell, is that?"
The driver got down on his hands and knees and oiled Annie and Clarabel's undercarriages. Please note that you should never do this to anyone in real life, as it tends to get you looks. And far louder noises than squeaks, let me tell you.
"That should take care of that bothersome squeak!"
"Did you really just say that?"
"Shut up, you're only a fireman."
...
On the way to the docks, Thomas heard the squeak again. And since the two coaches were sulking because of the insults thrown their way, he couldn't exactly ask them. It was bothering him something fierce, as it didn't sound like a squeaky clean squeak.
He squeaked into the docks and towards the ferry, where Alicia Botti was waiting. Behind her, watching intently, was another member of the Railway Board, eyes as hollow as ever and writing calmly on his notepad. Thomas tried to make himself as small as possible, all the while still squeaking away, as he pulled up besides the Fulton Ferry.
The Fat Controller held Clarabel's door open.
Gordon, Edward and Henry watched from the sidings.
Thomas took a deep breath.
At which point, Alicia Botti saw the source of the squeak. A very, very small mouse who appeared to only be able to move like a Christmas tree ornament.
It is a well known fact that Opera Singers have very, very, very powerful lungs.
Alicia Botti put this fact in the mind of everyone within a thousand miles as she screamed. She screamed repeatedly, non-stop, flat out, for what felt like four hours, but in reality was only thirty minutes. She screamed for so long and so loud that windows shattered everywhere. Women went into labor. Firefighters were called out to emergencies. Air raid sirens, still left in place following the war, started. A whole contingent of Norris's, all convinced that it was finally time to take up arms against the dirty Reds, marched towards Knapford with various armaments. The lantern thief, in the process of nicking yet another lantern, decided that whatever this was was more powerful than he, and so decided to lay low for the next week or so, just in case.
After she had stopped screaming, the opera singer passed out. No one else could tell, though. Their eardrums were not quite shattered, but they were almost there.
"Definitely a Coloratura"
"WHAT WAS THAT, GORDON!?"
"EH!?"
"WHO!?"
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?!"
Once she came around, Madame de Botti was furious. "NO NO NO! I-A CANNOT-A POSSIBLY DO ANYTHING OF THE-A SORT! THERE-A SHALL BE NO CONCERTO IF I-A HAVE TO-A A-TRAVEL IN THAT RIDICULOUS COACH FILLED WITH THE-A VERMIN-A AND THE-A DROPPINGS AND THE-SQUEAK! MAMA MIA!"
"All right, calm down Bella Lasanga." said Topham, who lived on an Island filled with people with over the top accents, and even he thought this was going a little far. His cheeks were red. Not as red as Thomas's mind, who wanted to sink into the ground and never come out again.
To make matters worse, Percy rushed in, apparently having fallen into the chocolate factory again on his way here. He jumped out of his skin as Alicia began to coo at him. "LOOK-AT-DE-LITTLE A-GREEN ENGINE! OH HE IS-A SO CUTE! SO-A SWEET, AND A-DIRTY! I-A LIKE MY-PEOPLE TO-BE-A DIRTY!"
"Dear god, if he ends up becoming her consort, I'm leaving." muttered Henry.
"PEASANT" snapped Gordon, in full on snooty mood.
"Yes, I am pleasant!" said Percy. He was just glad someone noticed him. As they climbed onboard, Percy left with the smuggest expression on his face possible. He left three engines with jaws dropped, and one slightly nonplussed engine in his wake.
"Well..." said Edward, the Nonplussed Engine. "That...happened."
...
Later, Percy and Thomas met each other at the wash down. Gordon was also there, but his wheels had come off the track, and he was mightily peeved. "I'm sorry I called you Dirty Percy. You go first." Thomas said this with gritted teeth. He didn't really want to apologize, but Edward had rather pressured him into it.
"Thanks Thomas!" said Percy, with forced cheer. He had not enjoyed having to take the prima donna around the Island. "It feels good to be friends." He almost vomited up those last words. "But where's your mouse?"
"You'll see."
"Will I?"
"I...I don't know, let's just forget this thing ever happened."
And that night, Alicia Botti sang her heart out. It was...an unique experience. Thomas and Percy, however, decided that they've much rather turn their bunkers to the outside world and watch the mouse, whom the Fat Controller had given a home in Tidmouth Sheds, and whom they had named Alicia. It was boring. And both engines knew it.
"This is entertainment right here."
"This is the last time I let you talk me into anything, Thomas."
...
13/08/01
How odd it is.
This is a little less formal than the others for reasons that...will become clear. But I found an answer, into what it was that you wanted me to look into. Or at least...part of an answer. I am not sure as of yet.
The time portals haven't stopped. They've merely slowed down. It used to be that every day or so, one would pop up. It would be for a brief moment, maybe, not even enough for someone to notice. But it would be there. But now? The machine that Davidson created, to... record and harness them, if you would like to call it that, still lies in the old quarry. My assumption is that the Great Western Engine didn't know what it was for. So...he didn't remove it.
I've been using it for the past year to measure the regularity of the portals appearing. To be more specific, on here.
And thus far?
Once a month.
That's it.
It may be that more have been popping up in areas across the world, as they did during our heyday. But thus far, I've been getting little. There is one area in which I've been able to find quite an amount of disturbance. Checking the data you have sent me, it would appear that this was the area where the Malevolence made his last stand. Before escaping through one of the portals and into the body of Ten. The 'grotto' as it is referred to has been relatively untouched. I believe this results from the constant movement this Island undergoes. No one place stays the same for long, and this is out of the way even at the best of times.
And there's a indentation, around one area, where a man may have landed after a long fall. There are those who say that they saw a hot air balloon arise from the area where I stood, and that it vanished after something or other fell from it.
Will keep you updated.
J.D.
...
15/08/01
He is here. Mr Benn has found me.
Get me out of here.
Now.
J.D