Well, I think it's a safe bet to say that Connor's revenge went down a treat. It was by far my favourite chapter so far, so I'm glad you all enjoyed it!
Special thanks for reviews: Mayday Maria, Darnea, lordvaatithewindmage, Celestic1234, DyeTheSheep, xNarielx, AnUnorthodoxDecision, inuchara2511, ViktoriaMagrey, Momo22go, Kata, Roseheir, Anya M, ChelGallifreyHookCas221B613, Minecraft Guardiansaiyan, KaguyaAmaterasu, Subtle Shenanigans, FandomsMJ and one Guest.
It's been a while since we've had just Connor vs Hank. Time to rectify that.
This was all Ben's fault, Hank decided. Trust the old git to be nosy and ask about their prank war, only to stick ideas in his far-too-mischievous-and-inventive android/partner/son's brain.
The older detective just had to ask the question of which of them had pulled the worst prank, didn't he?
Connor had, very honestly, stated that none of their pranks had ever ended in one of them truly annoyed at the other. The same rule might not apply to anyone else who had ended up joining the prank war, but Connor and Hank had never done anything outright malicious to each other: it was just some fun to try and entice a laugh – even if that was at the other's expense. In fact, the last time one had pranked the other entirely off their own bat was when Hank was in the hospital. That was a full two months ago now.
And Hank was immensely grateful that they weren't vicious with each other after seeing Connor's revenge on Markus. Granted, much of that whole prank would never have been possible with a human, but the android leader was still ticked off at them for it.
Less so for the prank, he'd actually given Connor a lot of credit for the idea and execution. What he hadn't forgiven the other RK model for, was leaving the controller with North when Connor hadn't deactivated the motor control override.
Connor and Hank had been sent many highly amusing videos of both North and Simon abusing that power in the week since. Seeing Markus dance the hula in full-get up had to be the highlight, and had both of them in complete stitches.
The detective would ask Richard to give Markus the patch to invalidate the hack eventually… but he was still deriving far too much amusement right now.
And then, Ben had given them, quite possibly, the worst idea plausible.
"Why don't you go all out until one of you cries mercy? I bet the station would have a field day with bets on that."
Hank had scoffed, but his amusement had died a very painful and messy death when he saw a glint in Connor's eye. That glint meant only bad things. The android had liked that idea.
I'm gonna fucking kill you Ben.
Rather than give Connor time to plan something, Hank had made the first move once they got home for the night. Not wasting any time, Hank had casually fished out the remote for the hack to Connor's voice box as the android had taken Sumo out for a walk. He remembered the irritation well on Connor's face when his partner had been left barking and whining like a dog: if anything was going to make Connor break, it was this.
Maybe if he'd thought about it a little more, Hank might have realised rather quickly why he shouldn't have used that particular trick.
When Connor had returned and shouted to Hank about what he wanted for a meal, the android had scowled upon finding all that came out of his throat was a series of barks. Hank smirked and winked at him, instead grabbing a bottle of beer from the fridge before sitting down on the sofa. Sumo looked between both his masters in immense confusion at the sounds before going to sit next to Hank, while Connor continued to glare at him.
The android had not been expecting Hank to start this challenge quite so soon…but he already knew how he would make him cave. In fact, the human had given him the idea back when the voice hack first made an appearance.
With a sly grin, Connor instead strolled through to his room and locked the door in a grand show. Hank was nervous when he heard the click: Connor never locked his door.
A ding on his phone a second later just made his heart sink further.
Enjoy, Hank.
BEEP
"Oh fuck, no! Connor, of all things, why did you have to use that fucking beeper?!" he roared through the house, stuffing his face into a nearby cushion. He'd gone nuts with this thing last time, and Connor had used it in a secretly concerned gesture to get Hank out of the house.
No such chance this time, it was for purely sadistic pleasure now.
"Fuck, I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" he sighed out.
His phone chirped at him again, and Hank groaned as he read the message.
I'll consider it a surrender if you leave the house, Hank.
"Fuck off, Connor! It's not as if we've got rules with this shit!" he spat back petulantly. "And you're hiding in your damned room! How do I not get an escape?!"
I may be in my room, but the override is still active. I have hardly 'escaped'.
"You don't have to hearthis thing all the fucking time!"
One tone every sixty-three seconds is nothing like constant, Hank. Or do you think I should increase the frequency?
"Shit…" he whispered. "Connor, don't you fucking dare! You hear me?!"
BEEP
BEEP
BEEP
He roared in frustration as the beeps came every three seconds now. "Fucking seriously?!"
Perhaps you will exaggerate less now?
Hank growled under his breath. "Just you wait, you little shit. I've got a surprise for you."
The next day saw one extremely grumpy human, and one just as frustrated android reappear at the precinct. Hank had barely slept for the first couple of hours until Connor had at least had at least shown the small mercy of stretching the beeping out to an interval of roughly thirty minutes. While they might be trying to break the other's will, they would never let it come at the expense of their jobs. Still, neither of them were in the greatest of moods.
Hank could swear he now had an echo of that damned beep running through his head (he hadn't the faintest idea how Connor had hidden the beeper so well, but he was beginning to wonder if the android had hidden it on him given how it was suspiciously still going in the car…), while Connor was infinitely annoyed that he hadn't managed to override the hack. He'd even tried to dig the chip out of his neck, but was rewarded only with a sharp shock through his circuits which had deterred him from attempting it again without help. And now the advantage was going to lie with Hank.
In the house, Connor didn't care about not being able to speak, whereas Hank couldn't escape the beeper. Now, at the precinct, Connor couldn't escape the lack of communication being noticed. Worst yet, they were in the midst of cold cases. That meant there was no reason for them to leave the precinct or interview anyone: i.e. there was no ready excuse for Hank to turn it off.
They sat down at their desks without a word being spoken, and it attracted a few glances from around the bullpen. Given their pair's closeness, the frosty atmosphere was a little odd. The stares then turned confused when they heard a beep through the area.
Unaware of their audience, Hank growled at his partner. "Can you at least turn that fucking thing down?" Everyone was bemused when Connor didn't answer him, but Hank's phone pinged and the lieutenant looked at it before rolling his eyes. "Oh I dunno, maybe so the whole fucking bullpen doesn't get involved?! Having my old ass grumpy as fuck is bad enough, can you imagine how bad Reed will get if you irritate him too?" Another ping. "Ouch, has you not being able to speak cranked your sass up a few levels? That was bitchy even for you."
Connor shot Hank a withering glare before going back to work, the lieutenant sighing before following suit. The glances around the bullpen soon turned knowing and a frantic flurry of messages passed between everyone there, save for Hank and Connor. Within an hour, everyone had not only worked out most of the story, but bets had been placed on which of the two detectives was going to give into the other one first. Ben had not been wrong about the precinct have a field day at the thought of the two going head-to-head.
Chris had been left in charge of the bets (being deemed the most trustworthy member of the force), and once they were all in, he couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at some of the results.
1. It was almost a perfectly even split on who everyone thought would win.
2. Contrary to popular belief, rather than stopping the prank, Fowler had placed his own bet. Chris was even more surprised when he thought that the Lieutenant would be the victor. Fowler had only replied with a knowing look, one that came from butting against Hank's obstinacy for years.
3. Chris had to double check with both Gavin and Katie when the young woman passed along their bets, but it was soon proven correct. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he'd see the day when Gavin was supporting Connor and Katie was backing Hank.
4. Everyone figured it would take at least two days for one of them to surrender. The popular guess was that it may take as many as five given their legendary stubbornness.
The one thing they hadn't quite worked out yet, was just what had happened to Connor.
Ben volunteered himself as the scapegoat, and there was a rapt audience when he approached.
Hank and Connor both gave him a cool stare as Ben came to a stop next to their desks with folded arms and a knowing smirk. "You know, I didn't quite think you two would try and break the other one quite so soon. Get impatient, Hank?"
The Lieutenant flipped him off. "Fuck off, Ben. You've not seen some of Connor's pranks, the little shit is incredibly inventive. I didn't want to give him time to plan something truly terrible." Connor looked equal measures unimpressed and flattered at Hank's statement.
Ben laughed. "All right, all right. So, it's a safe bet that this freaky beep going on is to irritate you, Hank, and god knows I'd have gone demented long before now if I'd been living with it. I guess what's making me really curious is what's up with you, Connor? Cat got your tongue?"
Connor sighed as Hank smirked widely. "Come on, Connor. Why don't you show 'em? It's a sight and a half." Hank's phone started vibrating like crazy and the older man laughed at seeing all the middle finger emojis appearing. "Don't be such a damn baby, this is no fun if you just stay silent for the next however long. Just say hello to Ben."
Bodies leaned forward to see what was coming next. And even Connor was surprised when he spoke, finding that rather than a bark, it was a high-pitched meow which came out. It evolved into a screech as Connor shut his mouth again, and the android looked at his partner in utter betrayal. Hank's shit-eating grin just made Connor's displeasure grow.
A sound similar to an elephant having it's trunk blocked mid-trumpet caught their attention from further in the bullpen.
All three of them turned around, only to see Gavin's face bright red in shock and Katie desperately holding a hand over her face, finger and thumb blocking her nose so she wouldn't splutter in raucous laughter. "Well, I think we're all going to ask about that noise later, Gavin," she teased before spinning back to Connor with a Cheshire cat grin, "but only after we ask about that lovely meow of yours, Connor." A few people behind were chuckling at the amusing result of Gavin's attempt at choking back his laughter.
Hank barked a laugh, to which Connor growled. That set various people off into a mixture of giggles and snickers. "Last he heard, he was barking. I just switched it over after Ben asked whether the cat had got his tongue. Simon was kind enough to give me a whole range of animals to choose from when he modded the chip a while back." As the Lieutenant eyed Connor with triumph, the android decided to embrace the change in his vocal range and hiss at him. "You know, I think you're getting a bit too comfortable with this, Connor."
The phone pinged again.
You asked for this, Hank.
Everyone watched in bemusement as the beeper started going off every second, to which Hank groaned loudly and stormed off. "Nope! Not hanging around to listen to that! I'm going to dig around in the archives for…something!"
As he made a very quick exit, the whole bullpen erupted in loud laughter. Connor sighed deeply and sat back with his eyes closed as he heard Katie's voice come through the android network.
Never thought I'd say this, but you look exhausted.
Connor sighed mentally. I find being unable to speak quite infuriating, strangely enough. I know we do not need to speak, but not having the freedom to do so is…troubling.
Well, looks like Gavin might be paying for my new coat after all. And he was so sure that you were going to win.
That had Connor opening his eyes in surprise, and he looked at Katie in shock. She was talking to Gavin verbally to make sure he wasn't aware of their mental discussion.
Katie…are you telling me that Gavin bet on me winning, and if I'm reading this situation correctly, you are backing Hank?
Yep, and that was before we even knew what the Lieutenant had done to you. I'm even more confident now.
Traitor. He muttered back sourly, which had Katie laughing.
By the way, where have you hidden that beeper? I'm surprised the Lieutenant hasn't found it by now.
Connor started smirking. I modified his phone months ago to act as a beeping device, and given my current…impairment, he has it next to him at all times. Although, I have hidden a physical beeper on his person as well.
Wait…he's got one on him and he hasn't noticed? How does that work?
Hank's a deep sleeper, and his hair is very thick.
By the time a week had elapsed, neither of them had given in. As the days had rolled on, they were slowly getting needled by their co-workers to try and tempt one of them to surrender, but neither of them would. After the first day, Connor had turned the volume of the beeper so that only Hank would be irritated by it, and the android had made a habit of hiding the second beeper in different locations around the house once realising that Hank really wasn't parting from his phone. It seemed like he was…lonely. That talking to Connor was something he sincerely missed, and he was always eyeing the phone for a new message.
Connor missed conversing with him verbally, the electronic messages just weren't the same. He couldn't put across the right tone with just the text. Their mutual prank seemed to have a very unintended side-effect in leaving them with feelings of solitude, even though the other was right there. It was…touching, to both of them, to know they missed the easy banter they shared.
Except at this stage, their pride had taken over. The only way this was going to end, was when one of them gave in.
Or, as it so happened, it was stopped for them.
Six days after their stand-off started, the pair were hauled into Fowler's office. "Right, you two've got a new case. Hank, give Connor his voice back, and Connor, turn that fucking beeper off. You need to be free of distractions. I was happy to let this slide while you two were on the down low, but this won't be taking place in the field, got it?"
Sharing a glance, the pair were actually relieved to get the order. Hank flicked the switch in his pocket while Connor mentally deactivated the device implanted in Hank's phone. The older man smiled at him warmly, to which Connor smiled back. "Better?" the human asked.
Connor was hesitant, but nodded as he spoke back. "Yes. Much better."
"Right, you two have a job to do. Get the fuck out of my office."
Hank rolled his eyes at the statement as the pair left the room and strode out through the front door, talking animatedly the whole way. Just as everyone was getting ready to dive into the pool and divide up the winnings at seeing Connor speaking again, Hank spun back with a raised hand. "Nope, no winner here, folks. Fowler put the brakes on it, so you'd better put the plans for the winnings on ice," he stated, earning a lot of disgruntled groans.
The pair smirked as they wandered out to Hank's car, taking a moment as they sat inside. Their expressions changed to something softer now that they were alone and Hank chuckled. "You know, I think this week has been one of the loneliest I've had since the uprising. It was even worse than when I was housebound after the accident. I've missed hearing you, Connor."
Connor nodded in understanding. "I completely agree, Hank. I found it strange how much I missed speaking to you. We may have been conversing the whole time, but it just…wasn't the same. The silence at home was almost upsetting at times."
"Ditto." Hank turned the key in the ignition and started reversing, but he flicked a small smile back towards Connor. "So, what are we going to do? We never found a winner."
The android winked at him. "I think this calls for a rematch at a later date, don't you?"
Hank ruffled his hair affectionately. "You're on, kid."