Norris von Stig will appear after the episode proper! Got to build it up a little! We'll get more of what he's actually about in the next chapter, but I think this is a really fun intro to him.
AaronCottrell97: And you shall GET SOME MORE. TODAY.
Reality Rejection Service: HA. ...Well, I mean, I think at this point Edward's still stuck in Shed World. So someone has to step up.
Bronze Shield: Hey, you said it, not me.
Game-Watch: They did! Or didn't you read the Scaredy Engines episode? XD. Thank you!
MattPrice01: :D
JD145: Indeed! The old titles are really fun. As opposed to the more boring one.
UGX7: Probably!
Radical Sandwiches: That they have, that they have!
Greatwestern1522: That does sound accurate.
CUE THE...less than impressive theme music.
THE PAST.
"TAKE ME SIDEWAYS UP THE DUCK POND, MORE BUILDING?!"
"Eh. Apparently the incident with the Molotov Cocktail kinda screwed over the library situation."
"AGAIN!?" protested Thomas, his Sudrian Blue paintwork almost peeling away in outrage. "Why the hell is it that we're only getting buildings reconstructed now!? DID YOU ALL SLEEP AND MISS THE MASSIVE WAR WE FOUGHT!? There was a big demon and everything!"
"Not like the rest of the world has forgotten that. Oh wait!"
"...Shut up, Kelly, this is why no one likes you."
"I know. And I'm comfortable with that."
At the site for the new library, Thomas dropped Kelly off. Onto his head. "Oh, and to add to that, wind's strong today! I'm going to have James whine about getting everything on his paint for days now!"
"It's far too strong!" said Kelly. "It's gonna cause havoc for the building site!"
"For someone who doesn't care about his life, you're sure worried about things." Thomas paused. "That...That wasn't an invitation for you to kill yourself, I mean! I don't want you to kill yourself! OH GOD KELLY, DO NOT, FOR ANY REASON, KILL YOURSELF."
"Can't make any promises. But to answer your question, I care about the rest of the crew."
"OI, KELLY, STOP HOGGING CAMERA TIME!"
"Even if they don't care for me that much."
Jack and the others were struggling to get their work done. So no one really noticed much of a difference in that regard. But something that was new was that Kelly's crane arm appeared to be locking up. "Oh, this is bad." said Kelly, who wanted a relatively painless death that didn't involve Miss Jenny in any way, shape or form. Unfortunately, as his arm locked down, the wind began to pick up in full force, and the large support beam that he was holding began to weigh heavy on him in a literal sense.
"LOOK OUT!" said Jack, helpful as ever.
It was, as per usual, too late. Kelly toppled over, his arm and the beam smashing into a nearby building.
"Holy shit, I take my eyes off them for one second- ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?!"
"...Yeah...um...just a bit stuck. Is anyone else hurt?"
"NO! IF THEY WERE, YOU WOULD KNOW, AND IT WOULD ALL BE YOUR FAULT."
"Don't ever become a grief counselor, Jack." said a weary Isabella.
"ALSO, SHED'S DOWN."
"Oh dear." said Kelly, who just wanted to be left alone to rot in agony. But soon enough, he was back on the lowloader and he had to face Miss Jenny. "Sorry about that, Miss Jenny."
"Wasn't yer fecking fault! I can't believe I'm saying that about one of me own crew! Ye're more screwed up than a whole bag of screws in a screw factory! ...YOU'RE FECKED IS WHAT I'M SAYING."
"I...got the drift, Miss Jenny."
"We'll get ye back to the yard and get the workmen to earn their fecking keep by making ye wheels better!"
"What's that about my HOLY SHIT WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WHEELS."
"Boy, and they say I've slow reactions." muttered Thomas. Out loud, he added "I'm glad it's just your wheels!"
"Me too." said Kelly, with no real feeling. He couldn't help but feel as though he was a big risk. What if he fell over and hurt someone? Or god forbid, what if his attempt to end it all put someone else in the crossfire? He glanced to Isabella, who offered him a cheerful looking smile. He tried to smile back. It didn't really work.
...
That night, the wind blew hard.
"EEEK!"
So hard that the men in the red balloon nearly took out a church steeple in the chaos. And as the wind blew, the rain bucketed down. Kelly was glum. Hypothermia was one way that he did not want to die. And as the workmen worked hard on Kelly's wheel, and wondered why they were still here when they could have left ages ago, Kelly tried to think about where this desire to die came from.
He hit a wall.
Literally, as his arm started to act up. "SORRY LADS!" He shouted to Alfie, who winced in agony.
And come the next day, everyone else had left him to his own devices. The rain had stopped, but the wind was still blowing a gale. So Kelly sat, and thought about a variety of things. Like how he was really beginning to wonder if he should invest in a decent therapist.
"KELLY!? THANK THE FECK YE'RE ALIVE, LAD! ISABELLA'S COME OFF THE FECKING ROAD! Why she did it, I don't know, the stupid bint! I told her to stay on target and now she's hanging off a fecking bridge! Anyways, long story short, ye get yer arse in gear!"
"ISABELLA'S IN DANGER?!" Kelly started forward...and then stopped. "Wait, shouldn't you get someone who actually knows what they're doing?"
"THERE IS NO ONE ELSE, YE FECKING CHICKEN! Else I wouldn't have come to you!"
"Never become a motivational speaker, Miss J."
...
Isabella, when thinking about her life, had never really imagined that it would possibly end with her dangling half off the road and half over a ledge like a seesaw. Yet, here she was.
"HANG ON, ISABELLA!"
"OH THANKS, KELLY. I WAS GOING TO LET GO, BUT NOW THAT YOU'VE SAID IT-"
"Are you...Are you okay?!"
"WHAT. THE. FECK. DO YOU. THINK?"
"..."
"...It's good to see you, Kelly. And yes, I'm fine, I guess. If you ignore the whole plunging to my death."
"Bit of an exaggeration there, Isabella. I assumed you'd fallen off a viaduct or something."
"JUST...get me up, please."
"Okie do-Why is there a piano on your back?"
"Don't ask."
"But I just did."
"...I hate you sometimes."
"Don't worry. I hate me all the time. Okay, let's get this off you first." And so Kelly began to gently move the piano off of Isabella's back. One might argue that this was rather stupid, considering that removing a counteweight might mean that she was going to tip over completely. But...well, I've not got an answer on me, but I'm sure you'll give us feedback on that.
The wind blew...and the piano swayed.
"AAAAAAH!" cried Old Mother Hubbard, who was there for some reason."BE CAREFUL!"
"Oh, it appears to be stating the fecking obvious day today." muttered Miss Jenny. Kelly gently laid it down and groaned. Now for the hard bit.
"Well, on the pus side, at least the piano is safe!"
"Never knew you were a music lover, Isabella."
"Oh shut up, you."
And with a lot of people watching (Including Jem Cole, who had let himself go in recent months due to the stress of restoring Elizabeth), Kelly's arm began to do it's magic work. It was hard work, and the wind didn't help matters either. Isabella began to teeter on the edge, with only Kelly's arm holding her in place. "Oh, is this death?!" she shouted. And then she suddenly realized something. "Kelly?! You've stopped!"
"Y-Yes! ...Um...I...I don't think I can do this! Look, there has to be someone better at working in the wind-"
"GET YER ARSE IN GEAR! YE CAN DO IT KELLY!"
"But I-"
"DO IT!"
"Listen, you really don't-"
"DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!"
Under the peer pressure of Miss Jenny, how could Kelly refuse? His winch started up again, and this time he threw everything he had into it. His back cracked seconds later, and with a gasped pain, he tightened his grip. Slower...
And slower...
And slower...
And slow-
"I'M UP! Mind my paint!"
"Ohhhhhh thank you, lord." Kelly gasped, collapsing to the ground and breathing heavily. "MY BACK IS NEVER RECOVERING FROM THIS."
"Phew! I didn't want to have to explain why there's another truck dead to the office! ...Poor Nigel. TA, KELLY!" Miss Jenny quickly hurried off before the people who had been stuck on the road decided to give her a piece of their mind. And so, Kelly and Isabella were left to wait it out together, as they caught their breath. There was a long silence.
At last, she spoke up. "Thank you, Kelly."
"...S'alright. ...Glad you're okay."
And soon they were on their way again. And Thomas could see that for once, Kelly was happy.
...
THE PRESENT.
Which is something that couldn't be said in this situation.
"I want to go home." said Kelly, miserably. "Or at the least, to a B&B that isn't complete and utter trash. Which given that we're here...might be hard to find." He glanced around. The battle against the Top Gear lot had taken a lot out of them. And still, the others were willing to pursue them. They might, after all, know the way.
Besides, Max and Monty wanted to meet their biggest hero.
"When I find that Stig-" said Byron "-I'm gonna pulverize him! Like you lot should have done!"
"EH? YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU HYPOCRITE!" shouted Max. "WASSUP WITH THE WAY YOU TREATED CLARKSON?!"
"Oh piss off!"
"We're better off just calling it quits!" snarled Nelson. "We take this road down here, we'll be even more delayed. And I for one want to be there to rub in the Best Ensemble in a Kid's Show Award right in that smug lot's face-"
"SSSSH." said Alfie. "Can you hear that?"
"Oh, in this city? Try saying what it is we're supposed to listening for-"
"No, he's right!" Kelly clicked his tongue. That was a statement he had not expected to say ever. "There's something."
A faint rumbling beneath the city seemed to reverberate above even the rest of the noise and bustle and hustle that was occurring all around them. Soon, even Jack and Patrick had shut up, and for a moment, the Pack were unsure what to do.
Abruptly, the sound ceased.
They waited a minute.
"WELL-" said Jack, after another moment "-SHALL WE-"
And then the ground exploded upwards. The Pack scarpered back as best they could, but even so, Oliver and Monty were knocked back a fair bit. The street was quickly emptied, save for the idiotic vehicles. They merely froze and looked ahead at them.
At the figure who emerged from the wreckage. At his Sudrian Blue jumpsuit, with what appeared to be brass-knuckledusters attached to his gloved hands. At the helmet, visor glowing a faint red in the light.
Oh, and also at the large, military grade tank that he was standing on and pointing straight at the Pack.
There was a second of pause. Then Kelly screamed in pure terror. "MOVE! MOVE MOVE MOVE!"
Norris Von Stig had arrived.
...
"I like how your plan to redeem our honor is to essentially lay waste to an entire city. And where does he even reside!?"
"The sewers, apparently." said Hammond, as they watched Jeremy Clarkson take in the destruction with something approaching orgasmic glee. He handed James a crisp. "You know, we could just leave him, you know."
"Well, I mean, if you're offering."
"I mean he doesn't have a car, does he?"
James looked beyond Hammond. "He does now."
"Wha-?" Hammond turned, just in time to see his own car blast off with a rather amused looking Clarkson flicking him the bird on his way out. "YOU BASTARD!" He swung round to look at May. "HOW-"
"You left your keys on the table. Really, Hammond-"
"Why didn't you stop him!?"
"This pie is delicious! I was busy savoring it! How hard it is nowadays to find a shop that actually sells honest to goodness English Pies!"
May continued to enjoy his pie,as the Pack fled in terror towards them. Hammond watched as May's car grew closer and closer to the tank. Making a decision, he snatched May's car key from the table, launched himself towards it, got in and started the engines.
May, meanwhile, went back inside to get another pie.