Chapter 11: Japan's Confession

They played for another hour before Japan yawned.

Noticing, Italy paused the game. "Uh-oh, someone's tired!"

"Please, don't let me interrupt the game." Japan protested.

Italy shook his head. "Nope! We have a day of fun tomorrow! Seborga said we were going to go to the beach, so we need plenty of sleep." He stood from his seat, stretching.

Germany tried not to notice that the hem of Italy's T-shirt rose above his midriff. He failed drastically.

"I'll go change the sheets in the guest room." Italy offered.

Japan nodded. "Thank you, Italy."

Italy hummed as he retreated into the hallway, leaving Germany and Japan alone. Silence permeated the room, tense with expectation and worry at the prospect of Japan's conversation. Germany wasn't sure if it was just him that felt it or not.

"So. You wanted to talk." Germany said finally, figuring he should get it over with.

Japan nodded again. "Yes."

"I can't believe I didn't realize you knew about Holy Rome." Germany said.

Japan looked over at him, his expression almost nervous. "I know."

"How did you?" Germany met his gaze, those supressed feelings of confusion emerging again.

Japan pulled the zipper of his tracksuit to his throat, letting out a sigh as he did so. "I... when I shut myself at my house in the 1600's, Netherlands and I grew quite close. You could say he was one of my first friends, even if it was more of a business partnership than anything else. Though we don't do business anymore, we still talk occasionally. He was the one that told me Holy Rome fell, which was interesting. He seemed to be invincible before he fell. This was when I started having the ambition to be the most powerful country in the world, even if I didn't try to act on it until World War Two."

Germany frowned, recalling the desperate fear he felt for Japan from his cell at the Allies' headquarters toward the end of the war. Why hadn't Japan just surrendered? It was over. There was no hope. And yet it was a perfect peek into Japan's character that he had been missing. In his ability to read the atmosphere around him and make peace, Germany had missed the cold fury. The fierce warrior. The intense ambition and persistance that he had somehow missed in his ally and friend. That single action was the most vulnerable peek into Japan Germany had at the time. Japan started talking again, shocking Germany back into the moment.

"Netherlands knew I was interested in this, so when he told me there was an update on the Holy Rome situation all those years later, I could not resist. I knew I should have minded my own business, but I had to know it anyway." Japan's voice had a tinge of bitterness. "So I set out some tea and he told me. As he was nearly right in the middle of the action, he knew intimate details. Details that I probably had no right to know." Japan sat back, for once looking like his age. "I had already known about the details of your death with France... but for the right price, Netherlands was willing to tell me everything. So, I gave it to him. It was a trifle at the time, just money. Money really doesn't seem to matter when you're a country. It's fleeting. Temporary. But secrets? Secrets last forever." Japan shook his head with self-hatred. "Your secrets... last forever."

"Japan-"

"Please." Japan held up his hand, his usually calm face marred with an expression Germany had never seen before. Something almost broken. A reopened wound. "I- I just... I have to tell you. I've held onto it for centuries."

Germany paused before nodding once.

"So, when I had this new ammunition, this new inside information, I was delighted in what I found. Holy Rome reborn as Germany? This was very interesting indeed... perhaps it was possible for a country to return if it got powerful enough. Perhaps it was a chance for me to take more risk and come back unscathed. But you had no memories of your previous life, so it was no longer an option for me... but then I got something even better. Prussia was raising you. If I could kidnap you, then I would have something against Prussia. He would surrender. That would be more land and more power." Japan bowed his head to his lap.

Germany frowned. He found it difficult that Japan could have once had thoughts that were so... cruel.

"And better yet, I found out that Holy Rome and Italy were in a relationship of some kind. Though it was never specified, there were mutual feelings between the two of them. So, if Italy saw you and put the clues together, he would realize his first love was alive still. Even before Netherlands had finished speaking, I had formulated a plan. I would kidnap you from Prussia. I would threaten him with your life unless he surrendered. Then, I would take Prussia's land as my own and kill him."

Germany's mouth was agape. For a moment, he imagined his brother bloodied and lying on the floor, a wound flowing in his chest as Japan stood over him, a white fist clenching the handle of a katana.

"After I conquered Prussia, I would tell Italy about you and who you once were. I would present the proof. And I would do the same. I would kill Italy, and then when all was done, I would kill you too." Japan's fists clenched the fabric of his track bottoms. His voice warbled dangerously as he continued. "And I would have three countries as my own. More land. More damned power." Japan looked up at Germany.

Germany's frown disappeared as he noticed Japan's eyes brimming with tears. This had to have been the first time he's seen his friend cry.

Japan took a shaky breath. "But you grew so powerful so quickly. And I couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough. If you hadn't managed to grow that fast... who knows what I would have done? But I signed a pact with you and Italy. Because you were both powerful. It was originally a tactical solution. But then you and Italy showed me kindness and friendship. Compassion. You two became my best friends. And every single day I think about how grateful I am that Prussia did such a good job raising you. Because if he hadn't... I would have killed my family." Japan let out a single, choked sob. Almost like it was an indulgence to show emotion in this heartbroken moment.

Germany scooted closer to his friend and rested his hand on his shoulder, unsure of what to say. "Japan, I- I'm so sorry."

Japan shook his head and drew away from the contact. "Don't be. Why would you be sorry? I almost killed you. I almost killed you and Italy... I have hurt so many people, Germany. Even during World War Two when I thought I had learned of having a family, I was the last one to surrender. I don't- I don't deserve your pity."

Germany's mind flashed back to his and Japan's conversation in the kitchen about France. It seemed like so long ago.

"He killed a child!" Germany yelled.

"And how many have we killed, Germany? How many people have we killed for the sake of power?"

"Don't ask that." Germany begged.

"I wouldn't say it if it were not true." Japan said, looking like he dreaded the answer as much as Germany. "We both have killed so many people…"

Looking back, there was so much unnoticed meaning behind that conversation. If only Germany had been paying attention... the sound of Japan's voice through the argument. Heavy with regret. With a burning self-hatred that only a country could know.

"You said it yourself." Germany reminded Japan. "After our argument about France... you said we make mistakes. Does that make us bad?"

"But this wasn't a mistake." Japan protested. "It was all intentional. A lust for power and I let it consume me."

Germany looked down at the carpet. "How many people have you killed since then? By choice, I mean. Not when your boss forced you to."

Japan opened his eyes, still staring ahead. "None."

"How many times have you been there for the other countries when they needed your help?"

"I... don't know."

Germany nodded, looking straight at him. "Because there have been so many times that you've helped them. How often do you go to America's to help him with whatever stupid projects or horror movie screenings he had going on?"

Japan's hands loosened their grip. "Many times."

"And how much time did it take you to decide to leave your presentation to help Italy?"

Japan paused in thought.

"Seconds. Not even a minute. And I bet that the moment something went wrong and you figured out Italy would have to go home, you had a plan when the rest of us were too shocked to do anything. This was after months of preperation and practice."

Japan shook his head. "It still doesn't make up for what I did. What I was trying to do."

"Of course not."

Japan looked at Germany, his eyes wide open in horror.

"But that doesn't mean it never will. We can't ever take back the mistakes we made. But we can heal the damage left behind by them through our... love for each other. Through the things that we do every day to help each other and show each other that we care. I don't think what we did in the past matters as much as what we try to do now." Germany let his hand fall on Japan's shoulder again. "So take comfort in that, I suppose. We live in the present, which leads into the future. The past is passed and gone."

Germany was startled out of his attempts to comfort his friend as he heard soft footsteps behind them.

"Well said." Italy said, his voice unusually calm.

Japan whirled around. "Italy... how much did you hear?"

Germany furrowed his brow. How was Italy so quiet?

"All of it." Italy answered, resting his hand on Japan's other shoulder.

"Italy, I- I can't say how sorry I am."

"Then don't." Italy said. He rounded the couch, his hand never leaving his friend's shoulder as he took a seat on his left side. "You're already forgiven."

Japan's shoulders sagged with relief. "I can't understand your kindness."

"Oh, Japan... you've held onto this for far too long." Italy soothed.

Japan lowered his head and nodded. "I've never told anyone. It's been weighing on me."

"It's okay." Italy looked over at Germany. "We all have secrets. I think it's as important to let them go as it is to keep them."

Japan sighed. "I'm so tired."

"Oh." Italy laughed sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "I uh.. haven't changed the sheets out yet. I'll just... go do that." He got up.

Japan gave a close-mouthed smile. "It's okay, I need some water anyway."

"There! It worked out perfectly! We had our bonding moment, and water!" Italy said, leaving the room.

Japan stood and walked to the kitchen, Germany following him.

Germany sat down at a bar stool as Japan grabbed a glass from the cupboard and filled it.

Japan took a sip. "So why are you and Italy so tense?"

Germany looked down at the counter. He recognized the deliberate change of subject, as it was a conversational trick he often employed himself. He shut his eyes, sighing as he decided to let it slide. "We- we were in the Pantheon. We were alone. I turn around and Italy is looking at me. And he comes closer, and we almost... kissed. Then my damned phone went off." Germany was more embarassed than he was willing to admit this. But he knew his friends' ability to read the room and employ diplomacy. They were skills that Germany lacked in, admittedly. He figured if anyone were able to help him, it would be Japan.

Japan paused, taking another drink of his water. The two sat in silence for several moments, both lost in their own thoughts. "Interesting development." He took a seat next to Germany on the other bar stool.

Germany nodded.

They continued in their silence for about two minutes, Germany fiercely regretting telling Japan. He looked up as he noticed Japan chuckling to himself. "What is it?" He snapped.

Japan shook his head, his eyes closed behind his glasses. "Nothing. Just thought of something funny." He opened his eyes, observing Germany. "So is that all?"

Germany clasped his hands in front of him, his eyes returning to the counter. "I don't know what to do." Another pause. Germany looked up to see Japan staring at him with a deadpan expression. "What is it?"

Japan set his glass of water on the counter, taking a deep breath in through his nose. "Italy almost kissed you. You would have kissed if your phone hadn't gone off. And you're asking me what to do?"

Germany nodded, glad that Japan understood. "Ja."

" Dear Lord Jesus, what do I do with these gay disasters?"He sighed in Japanese.

"Huh?" Germany raised an eyebrow.

Japan sighed again. "Nothing, nothing. I am afraid I will be no help."

"But what-?"

Italy stood in the doorway. "What is it? Maybe I can help! I finished your bedding, Japan."

Japan turned, giving Italy a grateful smile. "Thank you."

Italy turned to Germany. "Are you ready for bed, Germany?"

Germany stood and stretched. "I'm more tired now than I think I've ever been."

Italy held out a hand.

Germany was so tired that he didn't even think twice as he grasped it, allowing Italy to lead the way. He was too tired as he heard a thump as he left, and too tired to realize that it was from Japan face-palming. He was too tired to pay attention to what Italy's room looked like, and barely what Italy was saying as they burrowed under the blankets.

"It's sad that Japan carried that around for so long."

Germany grunted, barely keeping his eyes open. "I wish we had known. Perhaps we could have helped."

Italy turned over and smiled. "I think you did a pretty great job!"

Germany hummed, finally giving in to the temptaion of sleep. "Goodnigh', Italy."

Italy giggled. "Goodnight, Germany."