So, er, hi guys!
Sheesh, what a ridiculous delay between updates, I'm so sorry! My personal life has just taken a rather insane turn and I'm now packing for a move in only two months! As such, I'm not sure I can guarantee an update every week for now. I think you're more looking at every two weeks (sorry, I'll try and be more frequent, but no promises).
Special thanks for reviews: xNarielx, AnUnorthodoxDecision, ConnorFromDBH, HK800 and lordvaatithewindmage.
Er…this is attempt number FOUR at chapter. Plans A, B and C were all complete failures, so I'm going to have to go back to the drawing board on them – this was something that came to me on a bit of a whim. I still think it's pretty funny, and we're getting to see a very unusual combination here. Hope you all enjoy!
"This is a bad idea."
"Shut up, will you? Panicking ain't going to help!" Hank lectured while glaring at the android on his right.
"And yet I can't help but be worried about the consequences of all this! Whose idea was this anyway?!" he exclaimed while pressing a hand to his forehead.
"Look, I agree this ain't exactly an ideal solution, but we've got to do something! Would you like to tell Fowler exactly why Connor hasn't shown up for yet another day, cause he's already suspicious! You and I both know that would not be a fun conversation."
A scathing glare was Hank's answer. "Of course not."
"Well then, stop getting yourself into a twist and play it cool." A tired sigh from the android next to him had Hank grimacing in sympathy. "You can do this, Simon."
It had now been three days since the little 'body-swapping' mishap, and while it had turned out to be straightforward in swapping back the pairs of Kara/Luther and North/Josh, even adding another person to try and trigger two new pairs had been impossible. Despite the system being dysfunctional, it had rejected any new swaps until all the displaced minds had got back to their own bodies first…and therein lay their problem.
Katie had been unable to get in contact with Richard, still, and no-one was confident enough to mess with the software out of the fear of making things worse.
As such, Connor, Markus and Simon were still in the wrong bodies – and it was causing a few problems.
Simon, you'll be fine. We're connected and I will walk you through everything you need to know. Hank, Gavin and Katie are all going to be keeping an eye out for you today, and you should be doing nothing more than paperwork after Katie told Fowler that I was suffering from a faulty system upgrade.
Simon was not reassured by the familiar voice in his head. Connor, I really don't like this. What's going to happen if anyone realises that I'm not you? Not to mention that you and Markus are kind of going to be a bit busy yourselves!
It was true, Simon wasn't the only one who was playing the part of someone else today. Markus had been due to give a speech at a fundraising event, and his presence would be key to securing more financial support for the androids as they fought to institute more laws. Needing that money to fund their legal efforts, there was little choice but for Connor to go in Markus' stead – and the pair of them would be linked up just as Connor and Simon were at that moment.
The event isn't until the afternoon, I'll keep the line open for if you need me; and you know me pretty well by now, Simon. You can pull this off. At least your sense of humour is very similar to mine, that will make life a lot easier.
Simon chuckled internally. Well, that is a plus I suppose.
You're in good hands, don't worry. The day will pass swiftly enough.
"You all good there?" Hank asked while placing a reassuring hand on Simon's shoulder. Even days later, he still found himself a little weirded out by the fact that it was actually Simon inside Connor's body. 'Creepy android shit' as Gavin had put it.
"Yes, I think so," Simon told him nervously. "As good as I can be, really."
"Hey!" The pair turned to their right in the car park to see Katie waving over at them after stepping out of Gavin's car and Hank barked out a laugh at her new hair colour. Offended, Katie crossed her arms at him as she came to stop next to the duo, Gavin only a few steps behind. "What's so funny?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.
"It's not your finest choice of colour this time, Katie," Hank snickered while Simon gave her a funny look.
She hmphed in annoyance before rooting around in her pocket and growling. "Gav, what the hell have you done with my phone?" she glared over at her partner, who shrugged innocently.
"Not me this time, the car maybe?" Gavin held his hands up before nodding back to the vehicle. "Never thought I'd come across a clumsy android, but you manage to prove me wrong, Katie," he joked while holding the keys out for her.
"Yeah, I wonder whose fault that is," she deadpanned while taking the keys. "Probably the sadistic trio of my boyfriend, brother and best friend who get way too much fun out of messing with my gyroscope and optics."
"Well, at least your nickname of 'Bambi' is well earned, Katie," Hank shouted after her, to which the older man laughed as Katie flipped him off in reply. Gavin shook his head fondly as Hank stared him down knowingly. "What did you do to her?"
Gavin gawped in, completely over the top, shock. "Why do you think I've got something to do with this?" he asked, scandalized. The glee in his eyes gave him away though.
"Gavin…" Simon said slowly, to which the human squirmed a little.
"Dammit, how do you manage to do that exact same tone of voice that Connor does, Simon?" he grumbled before looking over his shoulder to see Katie still rooting around in the car. Smirking, he turned back to the other two. "She did just comment on how Richard, Connor and I kind of take turns messing around with her."
"Come on, Gavin, what colour does she think her hair is?" Simon pressed on.
"Light violet, a bit like the shade that became a craze for older women to have for a while instead of grey hair."
"And when exactly are you going to tell her that it's fluorescent yellow?" Hank asked slowly. "How does that even work anyway?"
The detective smirked while reaching into his jacket pocket, and both Hank and Simon bit down a chuckle as Gavin pulled out a phone and snapped a shot of Katie with it. "It's easy when you can just reprogram her colour spectrometer to swap two shades over. She'll realise what I've done as soon as I show her this," Gavin told them while turning his attention to his partner. "Looking for this, Katie?"
Katie stopped her search and turned upwards at Gavin's shout, finding him idly twirling her phone between his finger and thumb. Hank choked back a loud laugh while Simon made no effort to hide his giggling at her irritated scowl. Gavin kept smiling at her and turned the screen around as she came to a stop right next to him. "For the record, I've seen you with worse than this," he went on, smirking even broader.
Her mouth fell open as she stared at the picture for a second before aiming a (half) playful swipe at Gavin's head, which he was obviously practiced at dodging for how quickly he dove out of the way. "You asshole!" she exclaimed. "Have I been like this the whole time since I changed it? How did you even know I'd be picking this colour next?!"
"I didn't, but you've had that little flip in your spectrometer for a few weeks now," he teased. "It was only a matter of time before you went back to one of your favourite colours."
Katie scowled at him before shifting the colour slightly, now a pure white instead of going for what, she thought, was the off-white. Gavin snapped another photo and turned it for her to see, at which Katie was satisfied with the colour and took her phone back with a final stare. Gavin just winked at her, earning a half amused, half irritated sigh from the android.
Hank couldn't help but smile at the playfulness between them, and Simon too was grinning.
"I didn't realise the DPD had such time on their hands so as to lark around in the car park."
The Lieutenant's attention snapped to the very unwelcome company approaching from behind Gavin and Katie, and he had to suppress a smirk at how Katie rolled her eyes. Everyone turned to watch as Perkins sidled up to stand between Katie and Simon, though for once the man didn't carry that infuriating arrogance. He actually seemed rather annoyed.
"Agent Perkins, how nice to see you," Hank greeted sarcastically. "You're a day early, we take the trash out tomorrow."
Gavin snorted while Katie had to bite her lip to keep a straight face. Simon had a tiny smile as Perkins glared at Hank. "I am not here for your games, Lieutenant. I'm here to tell one of your detectives to stop interfering in official FBI business." Perkins' look swiftly shifted to Katie, to which the android's eyes widened in surprise.
"Excuse me?" she asked, offended. "How am I interfering in any FBI business?"
"By making repeated and unauthorised attempts to contact Richard," Perkins clarified. "He is on a very sensitive mission and your messages are an unwanted distraction."
Katie glared at the FBI agent coldly. "Well, contrary to your assumptions, Agent Perkins, I am now my brother's two-way emergency contact, not our mother. As such, I am authorised to try and contact him if he is needed, and we do need his expertise for something. It may not be life-threatening, but it is a serious situation."
"Well, that is an oversight which will need to be corrected. I will not have an android as Richard's contact, the risk of the passing of classified material is too high," Perkins sneered.
"Are you listening to yourself, Perkins?" Hank exclaimed. "You're seriously insinuating that one of your agents and one of my officers would conspire to steal classified information? If you even knew Richard half how I do, and trust me, I really don't know that ass well, you'd know that's utter bollocks."
"Not to mention that to suggest such a thing of Katie is appalling, she's one of the most dedicated officers in Detroit!" Simon added.
"You ain't doing a very good job of putting aside your prejudice towards androids, Perkins, and I'll make sure that Fowler bars you from setting foot inside the precinct until Katie's got a written and public apology from you," the older man snarled.
Perkins chuckled. "Ah, such loyalty, how pretty. Nevertheless, I cannot waste any more time with you lot. Ta-ta." With that, the man sauntered off.
"What a fucking asshole," Hank growled before turning his attention back to Katie. He wasn't surprised to see she had been pulled into a hug by Gavin, but he was a little shocked when he saw tears in her eyes. "You okay, kid?"
Katie pulled back after a couple of seconds and roughly scrubbed away the moisture at her eyes. "I'm fine, I just want to do something," she replied lowly. Hank chanced a look over at Gavin and raised an eyebrow. The detective was seething, though he was doing a good job of not letting anything on outwardly.
"You head on in, Katie. We'll be right behind you," Hank told her, to which she marched on ahead determinedly. Once she was clear, Hank stared at Gavin knowingly. "Lemme guess, you didn't say anything cause you were trying too hard not to swing for that bastard's face?"
"Good shot," Gavin snapped back. "Wish I had the same relationship with Fowler as you do, think he'd managed to make sure I keep my job if I shoot the fucker in the leg?"
"I think we'd be able to make a good case of justifiable force, that's for sure." Hank then noticed that Simon was suspiciously silent. "Shit, sorry, Simon. Things aren't usually like that around here."
Simon looked up at them in mild surprise. "Oh! No, that's not what was on my mind. I was just discussing that little 'encounter' with Connor."
Hank's eyes widened. "Wait, were you two-"
Just then, Gavin's phone rang rather loudly, and he stared at the number in mild surprise before it twigged why he was being called by the RK200 (supposedly). He answered while throwing on the speaker. "Take it you heard all that bullshit, dipshit?"
"Yes." It was easy to tell from the tone that Connor was not happy. "As did Markus once I patched him in."
"Oh boy, I hope Perkins is gonna get his horoscope read to him," Hank smirked.
"How's Katie?"
"Pretty upset, unsurprisingly," Simon told him. "I know you guys probably deal with a lot of anti-android paranoia, but that was a rather personal attack."
"I think the kid's gonna be a little shaken today," Hank said sadly. "Know any way to cheer her up?"
"As much as I wish I could, I'm not really an option today, Markus and I are going to be far too busy."
"Yeah, you might be, but we ain't," Gavin told him. "If you've got an idea rattling around in that head of yours, Connor, I'll do it." His smile grew cruel as he looked at the duo opposite him. "Besides, I don't think your old man and Simon will be too opposed to some well-earned payback."
As it turned out, Connor didn't have an idea – but Gavin and Simon came up with one on their way into the precinct, courtesy of Hank.
The bullpen might look busy on first appearances, but if anyone came over and took a close look at what was going on, they'd be in for a surprise. Word had quickly spread around of Perkins' actions outside that morning, and they suddenly had a whole squad of people willing to pitch in and help for some payback. Since they were a police station, at least half the people there did have to keep working – but half of the partnerships had instead been dedicated to the task of ensuring Perkins got what he deserved.
Katie was relatively unaware of the buzz around, choosing to focus instead on her work. It was a somewhat shitty time for it to be the last few days of their little partner swapping exercise, but at least it meant that she wasn't suspicious when Gavin was conspicuously absent for a portion of the day. If she'd been paying closer attention, however, she would have noticed that he was without Chris and had instead vanished with Simon.
Hank reluctantly made himself the 'responsible' half of himself and Tina, allowing her to become one of Gavin and Simon's accomplices. He still wasn't convinced that this idea of theirs was going to work out at such short notice, but he was damned if he wouldn't help them out. As it so happened, it left him in the perfect position to keep an eye out on when Perkins was leaving Fowler's office.
Two and a half hours in, it didn't look like the situation was going to diffuse any time soon. Hank had the feeling this had suddenly grown a lot bigger than Perkins getting Fowler to stop Katie from contacting Richard.
He clearly wasn't the only one surprised, as seen from when Gavin and Simon reappeared, the two looking at the glass rather perplexed. To be honest, having Gavin take Simon for the day was probably the best thing that could have happened, it made it a lot less likely that someone would discover that something was amiss.
And, now that he was really thinking about it, he hadn't seen Tina for quite a while either, which was odd considering the absolute frenzy she'd been in while trying to fill out paperwork. Given that they didn't have anything urgent on the go, he could only assume that it had something to do with whatever the other two had in mind.
Maybe he should have actually asked them what they were up to, he had the feeling that this might go wrong…
Another twenty minutes later saw Fowler's office door slam open, the glass shuddering under the force, and a very unhappy Perkins storming out. Fowler was looking furious behind him, so whatever had been discussed got heated at some point. As Perkins began stalking out, Hank's eyebrows rose when he noticed Gavin nod over to Simon, whose LED began cycling yellow.
Oh boy, here we go.
Hank's eyebrows rose when he saw Gavin stride over casually to the cells behind Fowler's office and gesture subtly for someone to come out. That was when he saw Tina appear with one of their perps – someone that everyone in the station was well acquainted with for being a serial thief. "Stevie the Thievie" was an infamous nickname – Ben was never going to live letting that one slip on a drunken night out. What she wanted with him was an interesting question.
Tina led the way with her charge, Gavin and Simon hanging back just far enough to not be noticeable. Unable to help himself, Hank sent a quick text to Katie asking her to meet him at the back door. He had the feeling this was something that would make her feel a lot better if she saw it live.
Hank stayed in one of the back offices, one that was all but abandoned nowadays, and watched as Perkins bickered at someone down the phone. He really wasn't happy at something, and Hank could see the trio of Gavin, Tina and Simon hanging around at the opposite side of the corridor. It was only a few seconds later that Gavin and Simon left, the human detective giving Hank a wink on his way out, the pair sidling past Perkins without so much as a backwards glance.
The fuck are they up to?
"Hank?" The lieutenant turned to see Katie approaching him, a look of complete confusion on her face. "What's going on?"
"Fuck knows, I just know that your boyfriend and Simon are up to something," he told her while staring out the window, trying to puzzle out why the other two were hanging around Gavin's car at the far end of the parking lot, clearly not doing anything.
"Gavin and Simon?" she asked incredulously, also leaning to look out.
"Yep, and they seem to have roped in Tina too. Gotta say, I knew Gavin had a vindictive side; just never thought I'd see it being aimed towards an FBI agent," Hank said knowingly, to which Katie's eyes widened.
"Oh he's not going to try and cross Perkins, is he?" Katie exclaimed. "I thought Gavin had enough sense to not get on the wrong side of someone who could wreck his career!"
"Yeah, but Perkins is just way too easy a target, I don't blame him," Hank jibed, which fell flat. He could see Katie was worried sick. "Besides, I can say nothing, I socked that bastard when it meant buying Connor more time even though I figured it was the end of my career. Not that I cared about it that much at that point, I know."
His gaze fell to the android next to him and he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "We humans do stupid things for people we love." Katie blushed profusely and offered him a shy smile, seemingly placated for now. "Besides, I don't think Gavin's gonna implicate himself too much here. He's roped in help, look." Hank pointed over to Tina and her perp on the other side of the corridor, to which Katie scowled slightly.
"Stevie? Why did Tina bring him out, aren't we keeping him locked up until we get a search warrant for his place?"
"I get the feeling that Stevie's about to earn himself a 'get out of jail free' card, courtesy of helping Gavin out," the lieutenant smirked.
Just then, the two noticed that Perkins let out a rather loud swear down the phone before hanging up. He then began storming across the car park, to which Tina uncuffed their perp and let him loose with a clap on the back, along with a quiet muttering that went unheard by Hank. Katie's android hearing meant she picked up every word, however.
"Have fun, Stevie. See if you can outrun those two while you're at it for a laugh!"
Outside the precinct, Gavin and Simon were speaking quietly on either side of Gavin's car, waiting for when Perkins finally got off his phone. Once the FBI agent was done, Gavin nodded towards the android, getting him to activate the auto-pilot on the garbage truck that they had 'hired' for the day. It juddered forward from where it was parked at the side of the area, cutting Perkins off in his direct march. As the man stumbled in surprise at the appearance of the truck, he swiftly found himself being elbowed in the back…
And right into the trash collected inside the truck.
Simon and Gavin sprang into action as Stevie ran past after shoving Perkins in, the human diving for their 'assistance' who then dodged, except it was right into Simon's path. He was quickly tackled and cuffed, but not without a subtle pat on the back from Gavin. "Nice work, Stevie," he complimented. "You'll be out tonight. Try and at least keep yourself out of trouble for a month, yeah?"
"No promises, Reed," he sneered, "depends if anything catches my eye."
"Well, here's a friendly suggestion. While you're out, I'd at least learn how to fucking run faster or try and grow another brain cell. Might do you some good."
As Tina collected their help to stick back in a cell for the time being, Simon scowled over at Gavin. "A little unkind, wasn't it?" he asked.
"Nah, that poor bastard burned most of his brains out on red ice years ago. All he's got left is getting a little fun out of us chasing him. If he actually knew how to run and hide, it would be a game I'd happily get involved in – since the shitbird normally can't keep low and always gets himself in trouble looking for a high, he lands in our laps. So long as he doesn't hurt anyone, I'm happy enough letting him out a few days early for this," Gavin elaborated. He smirked while nodding over to the trash lorry. "Shall we?"
Simon followed him with a small smile of his own, and the two were still smiling away when they came across Perkins just managing to scramble his way out of the truck: covered head-to-toe in various scraps of food, liquid and other decomposing items. His face screamed murder as he saw the two approach with overly friendly smiles. "Oops, looks like the Lieutenant got his days wrong, age will do that to you. It's trash day, today." He smirked nastily at the FBI man. "That's the thing about our work down here, Perkins. You've gotta watch your back, or you never know what'll happen," Gavin taunted before sauntering off, Simon right at his side.
"Connor says he appreciated the parting words," Simon told him with a grin.
Gavin snorted. "Glad to hear I've got the dipshit's approval. Makes a fuckin-Ah."
The pair looked over to see Fowler standing at the doors, a stern expression on his face.
"Shit."
It was another hour before anyone emerged from Fowler's office, and Katie was a bag of nerves the whole time. Hank hated seeing her barely able to concentrate on anything, instead stealing glances up to the office every time she saw the tiniest movement. Tina and Chris, angels that they were, pulled her into the break room for a while to stop her fretting. He wasn't exactly worried per se…but this was the second time their precinct was going to have a mark against them for a member of their force targeting Perkins in some way.
Huh, that might actually make sure the little weasel stayed away. Maybe a good thing too, Hank wasn't sure that Perkins would leave in a fit state next time – there was somewhat of a queue of people lining up to take shots at him.
The office door opened with Simon leading the way out, looking rather solemn, and an impassive Gavin right behind him. Katie shot out of the break room to meet him, but before she'd even got a word in, Fowler's voice boomed out. "Hank! Katie! In here, now."
Katie looked torn, but Gavin urged her to go with a hand on her back. He flashed her a small smile before walking out of the precinct. Hank met his eyes on the way out and Gavin smirked before flipping him the bird.
It can't have been that bad then.
Hank met Katie inside and the two saw Fowler lean up against his desk with an inquisitive look on his face. "So, do you two want to tell me anything about both incidents today?" he began.
They shared a brief look before Katie spoke. "Both, sir?"
"Yes, Katie, both. Namely, Perkins getting assaulted by one of our regulars, with some of our officers' blessing: and the encounter in the car park that preceded it."
"Perkins got all he deserved," Hank stated coldly. "The asshole started his anti-android paranoia and intimated that Katie and her brother could be stealing classified secrets due to their nature and relationship. I, for one, think he got off lightly."
"We've all seen what your thoughts of a fitting comeback to Perkins are, Hank, I ended up referencing that incident when dealing with Gavin and Simon."
Silence.
"…Simon?" Katie asked quietly. How did…?
"He volunteered to show me the footage of this morning, and some of the conversation required some elaboration. So, yes, I am well aware of the fact that it was in fact Simon that was here today. He was most apologetic for causing an issue." Fowler smirked. "I've gotta say, you lot manage to get into some right messes with your little prank war; and I agree with Hank, that yellow wasn't really your colour, Katie."
Despite the seriousness of the situation, Katie giggled. "Maybe not, I suppose I should be thankful that Gavin at least told me before work started." Her face crumpled again. "Captain-"
"I know what you're going to ask, Katie, and I'm sorry, but there was no way that I couldn't leave this unpunished. Perkins is a federal agent after all." Hank scowled at Fowler as Katie's posture slumped. "Like I said, I referenced the last time that one of our officers was involved with an incident with Perkins to decide upon how to proceed." Fowler's focus shifted to Hank. "You wanna tell Katie what you got for breaking Perkins' nose?"
"Three weeks suspension, but it was counted from the day of the 'altercation'," Hank smirked. "Considering the city was evacuated for two of that, it meant that I only really missed about a week."
"Right." Fowler spun back to Katie with a small smile. "I think a week's suspension for Gavin is plenty. You'll be with Hank until such time as Connor manages to get himself back in his own body; I'm assuming that it'll takes less time to correct that than a week?"
"Well, that depends on if Katie can get a hold of her brother," Hank told Fowler. "The whole reason behind this mess today is because we can't reach him. He's the only one with the know-how of the memory hub to switch them all back."
"Yes, well…it turns out that was not due to the reasons you might expect." Katie looked at Fowler inquisitively. "You aren't the only one with contacts in the FBI, Katie. After all the dealings with Perkins the first time, I pulled some strings to have an old friend of mine's daughter transferred to his team. She's confirmed that all your attempts to contact Richard were being blocked by Perkins himself. That was why our meeting earlier went on for so long, I was getting the other half of the story. I'll get in touch with her and she'll make sure you get a connection this time."
"That rat bastard," Hank swore.
"Thank you, sir. I appreciate that," Katie said sincerely before turning for the door.
"Katie." She spun back at Fowler's call. "You've been a very unfortunate victim of anti-android sentiment more than once while working for this department, and this is the second time it has come from a completely unacceptable source. The minute anything happens, you inform me. I will not stand for that treatment to one of my finest officers, understood?"
She blushed lightly, dumbstruck, before smiling gratefully. "Yes, sir. I…Thank you, Captain."
Fowler nodded as Katie left, to which Hank turned back with a smirk. "You've got a soft spot for that kid," he told Fowler knowingly.
The captain snorted. "She tamed Reed and made him at least tolerable, that makes her a good one in my book."
Hank barked out a laugh. "Please tell me you at least put Reed on paid suspension?"
"Of course. I'd have quite happily left him alone had the option been available. I quite liked his little revenge act, even if he got in some rather questionable help. On that note, Hank, make sure Stevie gets chucked into rehab for six weeks, a decent one. I know we probably can't stop the kid stealing shit, but let's get him off that crap going through him, yeah?"
Giving Fowler a salute, Hank left the office with a broad smile to see Simon speaking to Katie sheepishly next to Connor's desk. "Sorry, Hank. I kind of had to tell Fowler the truth to stop Gavin getting in more trouble," he said quietly.
"You're all right, Simon. Turns out Fowler's just plain amused at the situation," Hank reassured him. "You did the right thing."
Katie hugged him warmly. "Thank you, Simon."
He reciprocated happily. "Of course, Katie. I know we were all a bit sceptical about your relationship before, despite what Connor's said, but I can believe it after today. I'm sure the others will be looking forward to the footage." Simon smirked over at Hank. "Connor is asking what still you want for the wall."
Hank roared in laughter. There could only be one, really.
"Trash belongs with trash, what else?"