I am planning to deal with the 90's stuff in the next chapter and maybe the one after that! This episode is not one of my favourites, but it's nice to see the William Tell theme once more, and it's got some okay action in it! Also, regarding the storyline part of it. Everything that happens there is a callback to the first two seasons of the show, and to a few of the choices I made back then. Hope you enjoy!
AaronCottrell97: :D
Reality Rejection Service: He'll be popping up more and more as we entered the final half of the season.
Game-Watch: He has watched pulpy adventure films before. Nothing good ever comes out of mysterious boxes that speak.
MattPrice01: I'M TAKING THAT AS A COMPLIMENT. XD.
JD145: No, they had personalities before, it was just the case that the banksmen's personalities and their own merged together horrifically.
Radical Sandwiches: See, if you were in there you could slap some sense into them. But sadly, you are not. Those two goofs are going to have to work something out at some point.
UGX7: Thank you! Also, yeah, it really does suck that the continuity in these season is so screwed.
Bronze Shield: Yet. XD.
Australian Guest: That they are! Today's forecast is DEATH.
Greatwestern1522: You might have a bit to wait for the Star Tugs, but I can say that they will be back at some point.
CUE THE THEME!
The engines on the Island of Sodor were excited because screw it if the engines aren't allowed to have negative emotions any more, no, positive emotions all the way! To quote a film that had yet to come out, conceal, don't feel! There was some shit going on, a new thing or whatever, okay, can I go now?
What do you mean I've literally only done three seconds of the episode!?
Fine. Let's go for the unabridged abridged version. A new park was being built. Why it was being built in the area where the Narrow Gauge engines worked when we have established before that they have practically been banished to the mountains (AKA, not a safe place for a park) is anyone's guess. I suspect the government was drinking a lot as it attempted to stop the mud-slinging regarding the rapidly approaching election.
Anyway, because there was rumours of a raise in pay for the lucky sods who ended up doing the most work, everyone was trying their hardest to get things working. The Pack hadn't been called in, as they had gotten lost in the forest and were now attempting to coax Byron from his oak tree related breakdown. Therefore, they had to do all the work. Digging foundations, dropping off supplies and so on.
But as per usual, there was that ONE engine who was not doing his job with a positive enough attitude.
I'll give you three guesses wh-It's Duncan. It's always Duncan. It's so obviously Duncan that you don't even need to read the synopsis beyond 'narrow gauge' to realize that he's the trouble maker.
"Get a move on, ye slowcoach arse!"
"Doesn't even make any sense." Muttered Rusty as Duncan stormed past the little diesel in a huff. Next, Duncan saw Skarloey.
"Yer so slow ye bore snails! I'll be home beforrrre ye!"
"Ohhhh boyo, you have no idea what kind of monster you are baiting here, so you are!" Skarloey hissed, barely able to contain his anger. It had been a long day, and having to deal with Rheneas yacking in his ear about everything and anything that he saw ("Oh look! ROCKS!") had left the red engine with a hair trigger temper.
As he returned with his trucks, he caught up with the little diesel at the new park station. Why the park needed a station I'll never know, not everything in life needs to be connected to the railway. Everyone was of the opinion that the Fat Controller was just addicted to randomly creating stations in spots no sane man would put them in.
"Ohhhhhh Rusty, that Duncan, see, he thinks he's fast! Only thing fast about him is his mouth, and even then that's more because he doesn't think through anything he says! He's just a bossy boiler!"
"Scathing comeback, Skarloey."
"Boyo, I've been insulting Duncan behind his back and to his face for…coming on ten years, I'm running out of creative things to say!"
"Better safe than fast."
"That's what his mother said, was it not!? HA! I made a funny!"
"…Sure. We'll say that you did." Rusty looked wearily at the clock. "It is…only twelve in the morning. This is what hell looks like right here."
Duncan puffed into the next station pumped up (He had stolen steroids the day before) and pleased with himself. "AH FINISHED FIRST!" he bragged to anyone who cared, or didn't, to hear.
Unfortuantely, the Fat Controller was the only one within hearing distance. "In that case, you brilliant person you-" Duncan felt as though he was being insulted her "-I've got another job for you."
"I'm ye man for that!" said Duncan in full James-mode.
"You are to collect the elephant on the siding and take it to the park."
Duncan nodded. "Yes sir, that makes sense!" And off he went.
Ten seconds later, he was back. "The WHAT?!"
"You heard me."
"Despite my best efforts, yes! What in the knickers of Maggie Smith do ye mean!?"
"You'll see. It's very important, so you must be very careful."
"ME!? Careful!? Tis my middle name!"
"I thought it was 'Oik'." Murmured the Fat Controller to no one in particular as Duncan moved off.
….
"OH IT'S ONLY A STATUE!"
Duncan sounded disappointed. He was so delusional that he imagined that in a fight between himself and an elephant, he would win, no question. The other engines knew that in reality what would happen is that the elephant would probably die. Just because it was choking on Duncan's half twitching corpse.
The stone elephant was, for some reason, vital for the park. The Fat Controller had been drinking a lot when he had suggested it.
"You must wait for the brakevan."
Duncan looked at the stationmaster with disgust. "PAH! Listen here ye wee Geordie shite, I can take on any ol'mountain nae problem! Ye go back to fiddling with ye pen, and I'll do the real work! I've pushed plenty of loads heavier than this all the time!"
"Yes, like, for instance, your bloated ego."
"ACK YE CAN STUFF YER FACE!"
"…Fine. We've got to be careful though."
And so they left without the brakevan. That sound you hear is a man named Reverend Awdry having heart palpitations in his grave.
….
Duncan, if you can imagine, was not careful. The first warning sign was when he took the elephant over a bridge with no railings or walls to prevent it from tumbling into the rushing waters below. Doing so also gave his driver and fireman heart-palpitations, so that added to the fun.
After blithely taking the elephant through a local TNT factory, a tar pit and a war-zone between two different factions of Norris's, Duncan finally began to approach the normal track again. "We'll show them how fast I am!" he whistled to people watching on the platform. "I'll deliver yon statue AND still finish first!"
"How about we focus on trying to finish at all?" groaned the driver. In response to this, Duncan did the engine equivalent of flipping the bird by speeding up as he crossed a set of points. He then began to rock and roll from side to side.
This, as you can imagine, was not boding well for anyone. So much so that the fireman decided to cut his losses and jumped off of Duncan and began to hitch-hike his way back home. This made him the smartest man in our story today, though to be fair, that is not a high bar to jump over.
As Duncan reached his top speed ,his driver woke up from his coma and began to worry about the many, MANY downward slopes he would have to face.
Just as he applied the brake, Duncan started to slide down. He went faster and faster and faster.
Cue the William Tell Overture.
As Duncan rocked, rolled and rattled his way down, screeching out some Scottish curses/pleas for mercy, the driver decided to end it all. Unfortunately, he had left his gun back at the house, and he was forced instead to endure the ride downhill like the rest of us: with trepidation and the sense that really, this had been the only proper way to end the day. People reacted to this as they did to Duncan, by blandly waving and hooting car horns with big fake smiles on their faces.
Stepford had nothing on Sodor, let me tell you now.
Suddenly, Willie trundled across the line on a blue tractor. "WATCHOUT!" screamed Duncan's driver so fast that it all became one word, and slammed on the brakes as best as he could.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAIEEOOOH!" screeched the Scottish Twit, as his brake lever came off in his driver's hand.
"Oh. Uh. Well. You are on your own buddy!" Duncan's driver executed a beautiful swan dive from the cab and landed at an awkward angle on his leg. He was still far happier than anyone else would have been, though.
"RUSTYHELPMEHELPMEOHGODSTOP!" Duncan barely had time to scream this out before he shot past the bewildered diesel.
"Slow down." They said, clearly being sarcastic.
"I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T!" screamed Duncan back. "OH GOD HOW LONG DOES THIS LINE GO ON FOR?!"
The Elephant Park (Which we're calling it for some reason, I don't know, why don't we just go for Buffalo Park, or Horse Park, hell, why not Flowerpotmen Park, LET'S BE REALLY LOGICAL HERE) loomed ahead.
Someone applied the brakes, I don't care enough to say that the driver got back on, headcanon it away. It was too late anyroad, the elephant executed a cartwheel mid-air and landed with a loud splash in the lake. The unlucky frogman who had been down there was crushed to death in an instant.
In no time, the Fat Controller arrived, falling flat on his face only seven times in one two minute walk. He was cross. But then, when wasn't he?
"I told you to be careful! And you told me "DINNAE WORRY YERSELF SIRRRR, CAREFUL IS MAH MIDDLE NAME AND ALSO HAGGIS AND BAGPIPES. Kilts! THERE WERE KILTS!" or something to that effect." Duncan would have corrected this gross slander, but he was too busy dry retching into a nearby bucket. "You should have waited for the brake-van!"
"Sorry sa-BLEURGH!" groaned Duncan.
….
When the park was eventually opened, and everyone had been woken up by shoving a cattle prod in their faces, Duncan was in time to see it open. Surprisingly, the statue was still in it's position in the lake.
"Lots of people like the elephant in the lake." Said Lady Hatt, neglecting to mention that in this case, 'lots' equalled 'one person, whom is the mayor'.
"Well we've got to commemorate the day Duncan was a little shithead, haven't we?" muttered the Fat Controller.
"HOORAY FOR DUNCAN'S MISTAKE!" shouted Rusty and Skarloey as one. Elephant Park would no longer be known by that name, but was instead referred to by a variety of names. Duncan's Mistake, Duncan's Folly, That One Place Where Duncan Done Goofed and The Enchanted Glade (The latter by Peter Sam).
Duncan stayed remarkably quiet for the rest of the week out of embarrassment. Everyone was convinced that getting him to have another accident would do wonders for everyone's morale.
….
"Hello stranger."
Edward looked up and offered a fleeting smile to Mavis, before staring back into his glass with the sort of practiced calm that greeted most people on the edge of sanity. "Hello, Mave. Want to join me?"
"I've got a few minutes here, then I've got to head back to take care of the nightmares on wheels. So, sorry, but no."
"Fair enough. …How are Bill and Ben, by the by?"
"Oh. You know."
"Maddening." The two engines said as one, before laughing for a moment.
"You know-" said Edward quietly "-I really do appreciate you setting up that statue of BoCo in the quarry. It means a lot to me and I'm sure that it would to him as well."
"It was nothing. Honestly I think it encourages the twins to get their arses into gear."
Edward chuckled. "Sounds about right. …You do a good job, you know. I'd do it myself but with everything going on at the moment, it's just…little difficult."
"Yeah, I heard about that. Apparently Duck threw Oliver out of the sheds and told him to steer clear if he wants to keep his dome in a secure place." Mavis rolled her eyes. "Honestly, it's getting really old."
"Yeah."
"Oh, reminds me, some news for you. I was listening to the foreman rant about something or other, and he mentioned something about a meeting in the town hall in a few weeks."
"Really?" Edward frowned. "I mean, it's not that unusual surely? I mean we're not Simpsons level of holding a meeting but at the same time-"
"It's not the fact that they're holding a meeting, thicko. It's more the subject. It's regarding some sort of…takeover? Does that mean anything to you?"
Edward's eyes seemed to flash. "It does. Right, thanks Mave. Duck and Toby should hear about this."
D1 smiled as Edward scurried off.
Things, he thought, were going fairly to plan.
….
THE PAST.
The eighties rolled around with the force of a freight train. Captain Zero spent less and less time in the Other Railway now, and was instead going out on missions to areas like Dream Street, or Flitterwick Harbour, or any of the other places where the so called 'old ones' lurked. There, he would kill them and return their corpses back to the docks to be examined.
At least, that was the excuse he told the Fat Director.
Instead, he had Reginald and the rest of his crew do the dirty work, while he headed off on his new vessel towards the Island of Sodor, armed only with an old chest and plenty of time on his hands.
That vessel? The first gift he had receieved from the remaining Mysterons. A paddleboat, once known as OJ, and now adorned with the nickname of Lakesider III. It was roomy and comfortable to live on, at least for someone used to living a rather stressful life like Zero was.
He arrived at Tidmouth Harbour and moored his boat not too far away from it. This being the sunny period of Sodor's life, the dock manager was not nearly as concerned about this as he should have been.
And there, he began to put his plan into motion.
A weather-beaten jotter had been bought at one of the ports on his way there. In it, he jotted down several musings and related plans, plans that were so complex and contradictory, that he had no doubt that should anyone find it from the Iron Circle (Of which he had been made aware of now), it would be taken as proof that the Malevolence was on the move. If he could get them to take out that creature, then it would save him a lot of trouble.
Next, he set about procuring himself a few uniforms. Namely those of a workman, and one of the many blue uniforms used by guards, drivers, firemen, porters and stationmasters. This was in case he needed a disguise, which he sorely did.
And then he began to look out for any signs of the Malevolence's agents on Sodor. He soon saw who he was looking for. Or rather, heard.
"ACH! Scheiße!"
The engine that was known as Marklin soon became of particular interest to the Captain, and to the Malignance, as 1984 rolled in, bringing with it chaos and a group of documentary makers.
As he sat there and wrote away, the Malignance spoke up. "You should focus on the engines working here."
"For what reason?"
"Simple. Think about it, you run the risk of underestimating them if you don't see what it is you can learn from them. See their weak spots, their flaws, what buttons you can push and so on."
"…Can't we just kill them? More specifically, yerself?"
"This place drains me. My magic, my abilities, myself, everything grows blurry. No, this is something for you alone to deal with. And above all else, they have to survive. Unlike the Pack, there are one or two engines here whom I think we can reason with."
Pondering this, Zero had taken a moment to take a little stroll down the road towards the level crossing. He stood there for a moment, watching as a rather fat man got out of his car, and went to get something to eat.
At which point, the number four engine ploughed his way through the car, without even stopping.
That, he noted, rather set the tone for his stay on this Island.
….
Much as he was loathe to admit it, the Malignance was right, and not least because a quick check at the list mentioned specific engines that lived on the Island playing a part in future events. And as he couldn't be arsed to learn any of their names, he wasn't going to take chances.
His next encounter with one of the Island's incredibly odd and confusing engines came where he attempted to break into the Fat Controller's office in an attempt to gain some understanding of how the Island's finances were.
"Need a distraction." He murmured, and so, looking that way this, he bent down to uncouple the nearest train, before sneaking off and listening to the cries of shock from passengers and workers alike as a little blue tank engine went off hooting about how splendid and famous he was. While leaving the train behind.
Unfortunately, Hatt barged past him and knocked him onto the tracks. Quite frankly, the only reason that the number two engine didn't kill him was because he had appeared to have a brain.
After that, he was mostly stuck on trains for a bit, which usually ended up either breaking down (Requiring among other things, a bootlace to patch a hole, or a bus to save him in the middle of snow) or running into other technical issues (Losing the guard, or being sent on a loop line for what felt like forever). He also briefly assaulted a water tower at Elsbridge while drunk (He told the unimpressed thing in the chest that the water tower owed him money) and reluctantly put up an out of order sign, which apparently led to some fish going on an adventure straight to the Fat Man's belly.
All seemed well.
And then something happened that made Zero sit up and take notice.
….
The Marklin engine had been the one engine that Zero had never been able to get much information on. He had gotten into quite the conversations with the Island's lunatics…or as they were known elsewhere, inhabitants, and received nothing from them about the origins of said engine.
And then the events that were to lead up to the infamous Strike of 84 began. And he watched as Marklin pulled the strings. He watched as Marklin whispered insults to the coaches to repeat to Numbers 3, 4 and 5 ("You're lazy and slack, you're lazy and slack!" were their favourite), and then offered up insults regarding their need for a turntable to push their tempers more and more.
Stranger still, was that as he attempted to nick something off one of the trucks at the sheds, he could quite clearly see Marklin and his crew tampering with one of the turntables, before hurrying off. A quick inspection showed that the tampering was potentially fatal.
He would have just left them to it, but he imagined that this was something that the Malignance would not be pleased with him with. Especially as…well, oddly enough, he hadn't actually killed anyone yet, which was intriguing.
His double tampering made the turntable a pain in the arse for two engines, once by jamming it, and the other for making it go much too fast, but as he told this to the Malignance, he detected a faint note of…admiration in his voice.
"Not a bad thing to be doing. I know that whatever this…Marklin fellow is doing, we should do the opposite. Keep this lot alive just to see what they can come up with."
"If ye say so."
"I do."
….
Marklin had attempted to use the chaos of the Island to make a final sweep of the area and determine whether or not the Lady was there. As such, he hadn't expected Zero to get into contact with Honest Jim, a member of the Other Railway's most recent attempts at cloning, to provide the Fat Controller with a selection of engines (Mostly failed experiments that would make the maddest of men sober in horror) to pick from to end the strike.
The fact that he chose a smart little green engine with small wheels was of no concern to Zero. The fact that Marklin began to withdraw himself and prepare for a retreat back to the Other Railway, however, was.
"What if he reports me?"
"He will not have seen you, if you are careful. Besides which, this works out very well for us indeed."
"Oh?"
"He'll be desperate to get back on here and cause as much chaos as possible. He will slip up. He will make a mistake."
"I sure as shit hope so."
The ground shook.
"What was that?"
That, as it turned out, was the sound of Number 3 hitting a conveniently placed goods train that had been intended by Marklin to kill him. A quick anonymous donation to Crewe via Zero, and yet another plan was thwarted.
And thus, things went relatively well. Save for him accidentally keeping an overzealous policeman up all night leading to the purchase of Toby, and then accidentally knocking a switch in the signalbox to leave a bunch of tar wagons open for someone to crash into, that is. Oh, and that one moment where he accidentally removing most of the supports for a mine, leaving one engine struggling helplessly in the dirt.
But apart from that, relatively well.
Eighty five was quiet. Only thirteen major accidents that year.
Then came eighty-six.
….
He had taken a job as a safety inspector, for the most part. It gave him a bit of an insight on the engines and how they reacted. True, there had been some issues (Accidentally screwing up how much coal came out of a certain hopper for one, sending a perfectly good traction engine to the scrapyard for another because he was so pissed he couldn't see the wood for the trees), but for the most part, it had allowed him to get the measure of them.
And though he knew that they were all very stupid and incompetent, there was something in the way that the Malignance spoke of them and in how they acted that made him think maybe, just maybe, there was something that could be harnessed there.
And then one morning, he was loitering around the Tidmouth Sheds when he saw something move towards them. Something sleek, and black, and very, very different to what he was used to on this Island.
Dimly he heard the Fat Controller speak. "Here is Diesel, I have agreed to give him a trial. He needs to learn. Please teach him, Duck. Ah damn, I've got that shareholders meeting to go to!"
"Good morning." Purred the Diesel in the oiliest, slickest voice he could imagine "Pleased to meet you, Duck."
Marklin, Zero thought grimly, and set off at once back towards the boat.
….
"A…..diesel?" The Malignance sounded curious if not a little…angry. "He would take the face of the abominations I hear of on the mainland. And yet if this is the same engine, then how…?"
"Yeah, an ugly looking arse too! He's pretty smart with his remarks, too."
"You have…processes that can transform steam into diesel?"
"To an extent. It's a pretty bloody poor process that we've been considering scaling up a bit, but most engines we get are desperate to avoid the scrapper's blade, and will take any port in a storm."
"Disgraces!" shrieked the Malignance, and the world seemed to shake with his righteous anger. "The normal ones are bad enough, but those are just…just…PERVERSIONS of the order of everything! Perversions of perversions, creating more and more disgusting and horrifying ways of spreading their influence to all …. Kill him if you can. Get him off the Island, certainly."
….
"So you say that this here shows Diesel insulting the trucks?"
"Yessir."
"And it also shows him making rude remarks about my wife?"
"Uh huh."
"And that it also shows him making plans to murder Duck in an incredibly over the top barber shop accident?"
"That is true."
"And also that he was planning on inciting a truck civil war that could potentially wipe most of the steam engines off the Island?"
"Indeed."
"And you found this in a drawer he had in his sheds marked 'EVIL PLANS, PLEASE DO NOT LOOK UNLESS YOUR NAME IS DIESEL/MARKLIN, TA VERY MUCH' and was billowing black evil smoke?"
"Those are the facts."
"….And you are-?"
"Billy. From Maintenance."
"…Are you sure?"
"Yep!"
"….Sounds legit, okay, now-"
"I also took the liberty of getting the vicar to preform some weird kind of exorcism, because he's actually a ghost from one of the engines who used to work on your railway, and uh, basically you should get on that right away because Duck is going to die."
The Fat Controller was drunk, so this all sounded logical to him. And, well, you know how the story goes.
…..
Several incidents ended up happening before the year was out to make Zero decide to return to the Other Railway for the time being. Namely this involved him sending a spiteful brakevan to his…sorta death (Which was actually deliberate, but no one knew that), fiddling with the controls of Thomas and causing him to destroy the stationmaster's breakfast (And house), accidentally screwing up the points system (Sending Edward onto the main line and Gordon onto the branch) and dropping a crate of treacle on the head of the idiot named Percy. And in-between that, he was making sure that the bombs dropped off were removed, and that the various operatives sent to assassinate others failed.
But all that aside, by the time Christmas rolled around and Diesel had left the Island once more, Zero was left to think things through.
"If I were you-" said the Malignance as he sat there "-I would return home now so as to make this report to your master. That way he will not overtly suspect anything of you."
"There is merit in what ye say." Zero acknowledged gruffly. "I gather that Marklin's arrival here will mean the days of easy living are…well, over to an extent."
"The engines here will definitely interact with the Other Railway more now, given that they have been made aware that there are, pardon the play on words, malevolent forces at work here." The Malignance made a sound like the clicking of his tongue. "I wonder…is there any way to keep both sides busy while we make sure that my return is….achieveable?"
Zero thought for a moment, and was about to suggest that they merely waited to see how long the Malevolence would take to be reborn…when his eyes caught sight of a book on the shelf. The letters MoD clearly stood out.
"Actually, ye might be in luck on that score. I've got a few old mateys I need to catch up on." He checked his list, and grinned wolfishly. "And wouldn't ye know it, tis the first election in decades soon."
He opened the door of Lakesider III.
And stared into the eyes of the Clown.
"Oh. Oh." He attempted to say something funny. He failed. "Oh."
"Ah, so you know each other." The Malignance appeared to be smiling. "This is my servant, Captain. Now, shake hands, because you're going to be seeing a lot of each other in the coming years."
"Oh. Goodie."