AaronCottrell97: Dead is a strong word...severely maimed though, now that's more accurate!
Reality Rejection Service: 1: Toby had his cowcatcher a few metres off. Fergus just doesn't really like Edward. 2: That something will be discussed in this chapter. 3: YAY!
Game-Watch: I mean, you make an excellent point. The last six/eight episodes aren't going to be having much Malignance action, but Season 8 and 9 will give him more to do.
MattPrice01: With regards to the Zero plot, here's what I'll say here. Zero took most of the documents that gave an insight into the financial situation of the island, hence why he was able to take the helm of a company and move it into taking a good portion of the Island's stock. Ivo Hugh was meant to be a body for the Malignance to occupy a la D10 for the Malevolence, but being killed by the Fat Director, he had to improvise and is now possessing Ivo Hugh's corpse. The scene where the Malignance watches the Magic Railroad is a reference to the fact that his first appearance was as the glowing pair of eyes in one of the universes Burnett passes. The portals being open was an escape route for the Malignance to escape back to the Other Railway, and Truro being so anti-diesel meant that his forces did not work out that Ivo Hugh was dead. Hopefully that covers some of it, I hope you enjoy this chapter more.
Streakofscarlet: Hello! I can't as of yet say what the plan is with the subplot, but rest assured, there is a plan in place. Yeah, Emily had this awkward moment early in the writing of this series where I wasn't sure where I wanted to go with her. You can tell that a little given how her characterization bounces around. So I'm glad you like the role I've got for her!
Radical Sandwiches: I like Prejudice a lot! Especially as I am a history nut, so the stuff about the blackshirts was interesting to see in the context of Sodor. It's a little bit of humour for D1, given how weird the episode is (Even if it is one I really enjoyed watching)
UGX7: With regards to D1 and D4, if you will recall at the end of Season 5 the real Diesel was captured by the Other Railway and D1 had his place assumed. Mavis is still active and alive, it was just that D4 took her identity so that she could make sure that Fergus was there.
Bronze Shield: I was thinking 1970's cop show more than anything, but that works too! I was surprised by how much fun I have writing Fergus.
Australian Guest: Thank you, and yes, UH OH INDEED.
jsw: Mayyyyyyyyybe.
CUE THE THEME
In the summer time, there is not a better place to be than the Island of Sodor.
A pity then, that it was Autumn, when the Island had the shits and made people feel like they were being attacked by Anthrax.
The holiday makers are often quite happy to be shown the 'sights' of Sodor, such as the old paddleboat that was most definitely not a tug by the name of OJ who had been hijacked and left to scream where no one could hear him. Or the flaming pool of rubber rings, which was neither a pool, on fire, or consisted of rubber rings.
In short, fleecing tourists had become something of a speciality of the Island's railways, even if the practice was heavily discouraged officially by the Fat Controller. He was too busy eating ice cream to pay much attention to the very, very, very minute details of everything.
There was, however, a problem.
And no, it was not the fact that Henry and Gordon were becoming dangerously fat and in need of a good hard workout routine.
Though that was the case, and Emily was already preparing hell for them in the name of 'fitness'. She had a lot of time to think it through, as she and Thomas were in the foundry for repairs.
"How?" asked the foreman, wearily.
"It was a complete accident!" protested Thomas, vehemently.
…..
ONE DAY AGO.
"Bet you can't drink an entire gallon of anti-freeze in one sitting." Henry muttered, as Thomas stared down angrily at the cards. He was doing a good job of winning Snap. Unfortunately, the game that the rest of the engines were playing was Go Fish, and thus, he was losing.
Unsurprisingly, much ale had flown that night.
And thus Thomas had drunk an entire gallon of anti-freze.
In fact, he had drunken three.
And, well, you can imagine.
…..
"Uh huh." The foreman was unconvinced, and turned to Emily. "And you?"
"I was….attacked. By a car."
….
ONE DAY AGO.
"WHAT DO YE MEAN I HAVE TO PAY FOR PARK PLAZA?!" Emily was so incensed at James's incessant cheating at the sacred game of Monopoly that she drew in a deep breath. Unfortunately, to save on money, the pieces had been made out of tin. As such, the sudden breath of wind sucked Mr Monopoly's car into her mouth and down her windpipe.
….
"Ah ha." The foreman shook his head, and returned to his drink. The Fat Controller popped up, as he had heard there was ice cream in the area and he was dying for anything, even some vanilla. So was Lady Hatt, but not the kind that he was thinking of.
Yes, even your humble narrator is now in the gutter with you lot.
"I need to find a way to carry more passengers!" he said.
"Get bigger arms, sir!" said Thomas, the cheeky shite.
"We have so many holiday makers-"
"And not enough engines, we know, we know." Said Emily. She had been here not long and even she had picked up on the general theme of the Island.
"A double decker problem to be sure!"
"Double…decker….problem" Sir Topham Hatt thought, and then he had an idea. Then he went off and bought himself the finest Double Decker Ice Cream he could find. And as he ate that ice cream, he had another idea that was tangentially related to the phrase.
"We really should get rid of that bridge." He thought to himself as he went under THE bridge and- Okay, you've read the title, don't pretend it's a surprise, it's Bulgy.
Bulgy is a double decker bus who was turned into a henhouse after a silly accident. That sounds mean, until you realize that it's apparently 2003 and we can't say that he was trying to kill all of the engines and was a really racist git about it. Since then, he had spent most of his time trying to convince the chickens to remain in their place (Get it? Because birds, and he's a right wing arsehole? …Look, not all of my jokes can be zingers, okay?) and getting rather annoyed when they kept on laying eggs and…other things, around his top half.
"Good news Bulgy I'm shoving you back on the road!"
"Who the hell are you, I've never met you before in my life?!"
"Stuffed nose, Bulgy?"
"You try being a coop for ten plus years and not getting feathers up your nostrils, it's bloody awful! …I mean, thank you sir, I shall try my best to…be really…useful. And be the best bus ever!"
The Fat Controller was still naïve to some of the ways of the world, so he didn't notice the fact that Bulgy was currently humming something relating to the USSR national anthem under his breath.
The next day, he arrived at the foundry. Thomas looked at him and immediately wondered if Oliver and Duck knew about this.
"THOMAS HAVE YOU SEEN-" Duck took one look at Bulgy, swore and turned around "-NEVER MIND, THE WORLD HAS GONE MAD AND I HAVE GONE WITH IT!"
"Bulgy!" exclaimed Thomas "What are you doing here?"
"We…We've never actually met?" Bulgy asked, in surprise. "Also, I'm being repaired. I'm going back on the road."
"…I'm sorry, what was that? The blocked nose makes it hard for me to understand."
"I think ye'll be helping the new fermer!"
"The…the new fermer? Is she thick or something?"
"Have you seen the fanart we've got of here?" Thomas muttered under his breath. "Also, it's an accent thing!"
"He needs to deliver his vegetables around the Island!"
"Love, I've already got vegetables to deliver, the kind that are sheep to be lead by me! To a better understanding, and ta very much for the update on the working class, but I think it's time to MAKE SODOR BULGY AGAIN!"
"…So are the people vegetables or sheep in this analogy of his?" asked Emily as he left to get sorted out.
"Who knows? And judging from what Duck and Ollie told me, he's just as friendly as ever. Wow, who knew that old arsehole buses don't get any less of an arsehole as they get older? …Also, maybe leaving him in a field was a bit of a bad decision on our part."
….
Soon, Bulgy was cleaned up and raring to go. If by raring, you mean sullenly and blankly making comments about how many immigrants clearly worked here. However, the fact that his driver had been squished by the rest of the road vehicles meant that they had to find a replacement, and so he was driven back to his usual spot, to show off how shiny and clean he was, even James was impressed.
"MMMMMMMM, nice arse." He muttered to himself.
"Thank you!" said the farmer, who was quite proud of his prize donkey, and was glad to get some notice.
"We'll start in the morning, you'll stay here tonight!"
One might think that the owner of the house was trying to sabotage Bulgy. And you would be right. In his defence, living with Bulgy for ten odd years was bound to take it out of you.
The hens, impressed by their laying grounds new look, crept back into Bulgy when he was fast asleep and soon found nice perches to settle upon, despite not having the ability to fly. Yet another mystery that needs to be solved upon this Island.
Bulgy knew nothing. But when had that ever stopped him, eh?
As he picked up a lot of passengers, many of whom felt the keenest sense of déjà vu, he set off with one goal in mind.
Discuss the good word of that good woman who was certainly not in the least bit controversial: Ann Widdecombe!
Needless to say, the ride was unpleasant even before the issues with the poultry began. He had been driving so smoothly that the hens didn't' wake up, not even when Gordon rushed at him, poop-pooped him and began letting out a bizarre "CLUCK!" noise in an attempt to shake Bulgy's confidence.
Then he turned a corner, and found himself dealing with Trevor, who was moving at glacial pace. "GET OUT OF MY WAY!" cried Bulgy. With the stuffy nose that they somehow hadn't managed to fix, it just made Trevor burst into giggles at the sound and sight of him.
And just as Bulgy prepared to go around, Tom Tipper and his mail van came around the corner ready for their honeymoon.
Bulgy took the turn.
Tom Tipper panicked.
The hens woke up.
The passengers screamed.
In short, chaos reigned.
"GET US OFF!" they screamed. And so they did, emerging covered in straw, feathers, eggs, excrement and shame. "THIS BUS IS FULL OF HENS! This is actually the least weird thing that has happened this week but still! WE SHALL TELL THE FAT CONTROLLER!"
"Ah, nuts! It's actually not my fault for once!"
Trevor moved like Fast and the Furious, Sodor edition, and passed him. Tom Tipper was currently throwing up in a field, while his van made vaguely sympathetic noises that ended up deafening the passengers as they left.
….
When he was sent to be cleaned, Bulgy was dismayed to see Thomas and Emily telling each other awful chicken jokes.
You know the sort.
"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because they saw Bulgy's ugly mug."
"What did the hens say to their eggs about Bulgy the Bus? He really cracked me up."
"What's big, red and is a giant cock? A rooster. …Also Bulgy."
"SILLY HENS! SILLY PASSENGERS! You can have them both!" Bulgy was just about to throw his toys out of the proverbial pram when Emily spoke up.
"Hmmmmm….farmer still needs someone to take his shit ta market."
"A vegetable bus!? Hmmm….a brilliant idea! Glad I thought of it like the alpha male true Brit I am!"
"YES!" hissed Thomas "Get rid of him before he becomes a reoccurring character!" He coughed. "And we're all patched up, so you're a-okay on the passenger front!"
"If I want your opinion blueballs, I'll ask for it!"
It would be nice to end the story like thusly:
Bulgy is perfectly happy now as a vegetable bus, given that he has a smart coat of green, a fashionable serving hatch and plenty of time to rant about things he hates, which is everything. The Fat Controller decided he would be the only vegetable stand on wheels, and he enjoys carrying the vegetables. They don't lay eggs and they never complain.
Unfortunately, we cannot end this story like that. As unfortunately, Bulgy was using this opportunity to sell his latest Daily Mail-esque claptrap entitled 'THE SLAG', and went around insulting everyone.
Then he insulted Terrance.
But that is another story!
...
THE PAST.
Captain Zero had been fished out of the water three hours after he and the Fat Director had travelled, via time portal, six weeks into the future. The Fat Director himself had hit the water a great deal harder than Zero had, and thus was now out of action for the foreseeable future. There was no telling what kind of damage had been done inside the mind of Lowham Hatt.
Once he had healed, he was greeted by Ivo Hugh. Or what remained of his body, that is.
"This carcass is not the one I had intended." scowled the Malignance. "It aches. It is slow. Unworthy."
"Perhaps, but it is the best we can do in yon circumstances. Besides which, ye've got yer own...well, incorporealness to deal with, correct?" Zero coughed. "So how did ye get out?"
"The amount of energy used to kill the Malevolence, and the amount of energy he expelled during his death, was sufficient enough to provide a key for my imprisonment. At least, to an extent." The Malignance grimaced. "You are correct in that I have some measure of form as a spirit, but with that in mind, I still have limited powers. Brute force with a touch of finesse. I was a god once. I wish to be so again."
"So what's the plan now?"
"Now...well, first of all, I think it high time we established a far better base of operations than whatever 'this' is."
"Would the Island of Sodor be helpful?"
"It would, actually." The Malignance raised an eyebrow. "You have a plan?"
"Of sorts. Remember that prat Drampf?" The Malignance did not. "Wonky hair. Orange skin. Small hands. ...Bit of a dick?"
"You might as well be describing a great many humans...though the image does ring true somehow. ...Why?"
"Simple, his son and I kept contact after the events at the election, and he's recently had a look at these documents I took from the Fat man's office. Yon Hatt's not nearly as invincible as he may think he is."
"Then I think taking the Island back would be a good place to start. ...One last thing."
"Yes?"
"Lose the accent. It's hard to take you seriously with it."
…
Duck arrived back at the sheds with a face as pale as paper. He glanced around to find only Edward, Toby and Percy there. The conversation died away as they spotted the Great Western engine looking like he had been through hell.
"What happened?"
Duck took a sip of a large brandy that Percy had been saving for himself. "I got it wrong. I got it so wrong. See, those boxes we found? Those aren't for us to be moved around like models, they were just something to make us think they were. It's the kind of impossibly stupid plan that we would usually face, but what we didn't think of was this...where the hell have our enemies been? ...That meeting you told me about, Edward? It was tonight, and….shit." Duck winced. "Bloody Nora, everything that's happened has NOT helped our standing with the public."
"I'm…I'm sorry, what?"
Duck sighed. "We got there too late to make any real contribution, but from what I can gather, the Mayor was there, he was able to talk to the Fat Controller and tell him and us what happened." He swallowed. "A lot happened. The new boss of Zed Industries appears to have gotten on the best possible side of the community."
….
The meeting was packed to the brim with nearly every major member of the Island's community. So crowded was it that they had run out of chairs, so wherever they could, people stood or slouched or just plain old sat down.
Mayor Bedella looked nervously around. There was, for the first time in a long while, a sense that a change was coming. And that was worrying in this climate.
The figure at the front smiled, coughed politely to get everyone's attention and took to the stage. "Hello, and thank you all for coming. I appreciate that the Island is chaotic to navigate around at the best of times, and, well, when have the best of times ever come here?" There were a few chuckles of appreciation. "Anyway, to get down to business. I am the chairman of Zed-Industries, the company that will be taking over the running of the television show as soon as filming on this series is complete. Now, I am obviously going to open the floor up to questions later, but I would like to first put forward a little idea as to why I think it's advisable that you back me and my company. I present, exhibit A."
The screen above him flickered into life, and every pair of eyes turned to see several very familiar images. Percy crashing through the chocolate factory, Duck going headfirst into the barber's shop, Thomas falling through a mine, through a barn, through a wall, through the stationmaster's house, drinking up the only supply of anti-freeze in the entire Island, Gordon crashing through Kirk Ronan and more and more. Each image was familiar, but with the words spoken by (As we know him) Captain Zero seemed to make them take on new life.
"This is just what we could find documented over the last twenty or so years of life on this Island. Let me make what I am about to say abundantly clear. What I am doing will not destroy the railway. Too much of this Island's livelihood is earned through this railway. With that in mind, let me echo what I have no doubt many of you have said throughout your lives in your minds. There is a need for change. You have all suffered at the hands of the foolish drivers, firemen, guards, porters, signalmen, stationmasters and the engines themselves. People who cannot keep themselves in check and bring you fine citizens to rack and ruin in the course of it."
The crowd seemed to agree with this.
"I have on hand several papers regarding a study carried out by independent contractors regarding the amount that this Island has lost as a result of the foolishness of the North Western Railway since it's inception, and let me tell you, change is needed to get both it and this Island back on track."
He grinned.
"Now no doubt you are thinking something about Mr Drampf besides me. Well his father may have been a controversial man, but Jasper here is as fine a man as I have ever met. With that in mind, allow me to note, our company will be offering work for all of you lads and lasses, regardless of colour, creed, gender or what you like in your bed at night." Chuckles arose.
And so it went on, and on. Points were raised and no one really had a counter for them. References were made to the amount of money Thomas had drained thanks in no small part because of his campaign to become mayor. The frequency with which stations were closed and reopened were also a factor, and safety decisions such as the incident with the Boulder, and the several dozen earthquakes and avalanches that had occurred there.
The Fat Controller, Duck and his crew arrived just in time to see the entire community throw their full support behind the Captain's proposals, and were left with mouths hanging open as Bedella, gritting his teeth, was forced to make him an honorary citizen of Sodor.
…..
"…Is it wrong to say that I almost admire him, in a very, very grudging way?" Toby asked, as the silence set in.
"Why?"
"Well…he's not exactly wrong, is he? We have caused lord knows how many accidents over the years, and several incidents involving most of the community. It would be one thing if he said that he was going to eliminate the railway, we did win at Shining Time and they will remember that. But by making it so that he can fix things, it puts us very much on the back foot."
Edward growled. "And not to mention that he'll be targeting all of those staff members. You think the Norris family will last in this environment?"
Duck sighed. "Can today get any-" He paused. "No. No I shall not say it." He looked at the other engines, who gave him a curious glance, and sighed. "Can today get any worse?"
"DUCK!"
"Oh, speak of the devil. Hi, Boxhill."
"I say, old thing, you might...want to brace yourself!"
"Oh, what?" Duck said grimly.
"It's Oliver. ...It's pretty serious."
Duck stared at Boxhill for a moment, then started off at top speed towards the works.
CLIFFHANGER.
DUN DUN DA.