Okay so looking back, screaming loudly and running out of the principal's office probably made me look a little bit insane, so maybe that wasn't the best move, but what the fuck was I supposed to do after seeing my dead - whatever he was?
Besides, his parents knew he was a psycho, they told me as much after our meeting.
Apparently one time Connor totaled his car because he wanted to know what slamming into a tree at 60mph would do.
Not-so-fun fact, he broke an arm, a leg, a few ribs, and as a result of that became addicted to pain killers.
Anyways The point of this story is that his parents probably weren't too surprised that Connor's only friend was a non-functioning, clumsy schizophrenic with extreme social anxiety.
I think the screaming must have freaked the principal out too - that, or the fact that I ran straight into him, turned to see Connor standing right beside him, dropped my backpack, and yelled,
"Holy fuck!"
Then kept running down the hall, leaving behind my backpack behind like a fallen soldier.
The funny thing is, I don't think he's ever even heard me speak, since the anxiety thing means I have trouble talking to figures of authority, so the cursing must have been a surprise.
I turn to look back once, to see Connor looking at me disapprovingly, and then I turn and run without looking back again.
When I get home, I sit down at my desk and open up my laptop to start googling ghosts and shit, and while I get a lot of fanfiction and tumblr-y stuff, there isn't actually much on ghosts.
This is crazy.
Of course that wasn't a ghost I saw.
Ghosts don't exist.
Silly boy, with your silly brain that doesn't work right.
The only thing is, I've never seen things before.
And Connor looked real - or, as real as a ghost is capable of looking, you know, given the circumstances.
I flop down onto my bed and stare at the glow-in-the-dark-stars that my mom stuck on my ceiling because I told her I was scared of the dark.
I wasn't really scared of the dark though.
I told her that because I couldn't explain that it wasn't the dark, it was the things that came with it, the prodding thoughts my therapist would call "invaders" as if they were aliens and not just my own brain, that would creep in and tell me among other things that i was the only person alive on earth because I couldn't hear or see anyone else, that everything but me had disappeared and I was floating around in a void, but also that there were things that waited in the dark for me.
My mom gave me a nightlight to try and help, but the nightlight made shadows on the wall that scared me, and I was terrified it would catch on fire and burn the house down with my mom in it.
That to me was worse than the night creatures, so I always turned it off when she left my room after saying goodnight.
I sit up and take a look around my room to ground myself in reality.
As if seeing a maybe-ghost might have affected the world I lived in physically.
But my walls are the same beige we can't afford to paint a different color.
Not that I'd want to.
The beige is kind of comforting compared to the crazy that is me.
My dresser is still the same light wood that my mom found at a thrift store and tried to paint blue.
The blue's mostly gone now, but I think the leftover bits of paint give it character.
The same rubik's cube I've been trying to solve for two years sits on my desk, next to my off-brand laptop that I stuck a happy-face sticker on to make it seem cooler - it didn't but who cares? - my bed is still made how I left it this morning with the same ninja turtle bedspread I've had since I was twelve that my mother bought for my birthday, along with a matching set of pajamas.
Everything is exactly the same,
Except for me.
I decide to email Jared, who hates me, but usually gives pretty good advice.
I log on to my computer and send him a message explaining what happened.
He replies almost instantly,
Evan did you forget to take your meds or smth?
I quickly type back
No, i really think I saw him Jared. What if he's come back to haunt me?
Listen Evan i really don't think Connor gave a shit about you while he was alive, why the fuck would he care about you when he's dead? It's not like you shoved his head down a toilet weekly
When he puts it like that, I feel a little better.
Then why do you think he's here?
Dude, you're probably just becoming a schizo or smth. Ur seeing things that aren't normal my guy
I'm not schizophrenic. I just want him to go away.
Maybe ole Con-Con's got some unfinished business
Unfinished business?
Yeah, like he didn't get to bang some girl he liked or killed someone and never got caught. That kind of thing.
Okay, that makes sense, how do I find out what it is?
Have you tried talking to your dead bff yet or do you just scream whenever you see him like some anime tween
I haven't talked to him
Try that and see if he feels like spilling the beans. J out
I'm about to ask him what to say when my mom walks into the room. I shut the laptop quickly and turn to smile at her.
"Watcha doing there?"
She asks, taking another step into the room.
"Just um, just alking to Jared. He's uh, he's - he's helping me out with a s-Spanish project."
Her face softens a little.
"Jared's always been such a good friend for you. I'm glad you guys are talking more."
That's not really true, Jared and my mom are friends and they occasionally do yoga class together, so I guess she thinks we're besties or something.
It doesn't actually matter, so I just smile and nod like we get together weekly to braid each other's hair and talk about girls together while we giggle and watch romcoms.
She nods and gestures to my med box that my therapist insisted I decorate to make it not so sad.
I just stuck a ton of those Lisa Frank stickers he had in his office on it and called it a day.
"Are you good on meds?"
She asks, by way of saying goodbye.
I nod and she nods back and we do that for a good thirty seconds before she decideds to make her great escape.
I throw myself back onto my bed and fiddle with the rubik's cube.
I guess that settles things then.
I'm gonna try and talk to Connor.