Chapter 22: Dreams and Visions
She was lost in darkness.
She struggled against it, fought against it, but there was nowhere to go, she felt…trapped, as if she was buried underneath leagues of stone. When she tried to cry out…only darkness emerged….
And the darkness was not empty.
It began slowly, she could smell smoke, feel the extreme heat coming from the lake of lava bellow her. The shadows seemed to have a life all their own, she could make out over a dozen pairs of glowing eyes.
Eyes that were all watching her.
And there, in the heart of the darkness, she saw it. It was a shape of golden splendor; blue light seemed too flicked about its surface. This thing…the strange and unusual thing!
Then…it began to bleed.
Blood pooled around the object a puddle at first but growing, ever growing, if filled the darkened chamber!
She struggled trying to free herself, she tried to cry out for help but only blood seemed to come out.
That…that is when she heard the laughter.
It was a woman's voice, at least that is what it sounded like, but unlike any woman's voice she had ever heard before. The voice was cold, the laughter was cruel sounding, and dripping with madness!
It was at that moment when someone finally noticed her. She tried to swim away from the loud thundering footsteps, but it was no use.
A hand of stone reached down for her, it…
IOI
Leliana awoke; she lay in her bedroll, her breath coming in heavy gasps, her skin damp with sweat.
She could still feel the heat from the lava, that mad voice laughing in her ears.
She pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to will away the last of dream's images.
No, not a dream, another vision!
The sister sighed, she…she was starting to fear that she was going mad. Why was this still happening? She had obeyed the Maker's will.
Why was he torturing her like this?
He is not torturing you, her conscience chided, he is preparing you for what is to come next.
She did not like thinking about that, but she could not deny the possibility.
She rolled over, tried to fall back to sleep, but as soon as she started to drift off again, the darkness began to return.
She sat up, unwilling to face the vision again.
She looked outside of the tent. Dawn had not yet come, and the fire had burned down to ambers.
She was surprised to see that Alim was awake, the elven warden sat near the dying fire eating an apple and staring up at the slowly lightening sky. Bandit lay asleep at his feet, twitching as he dreamed.
She had not wished to disturb him, but the thought of going back to sleep right now did not appeal either.
She slipped out of her tent, and almost wished she had not. They were still pretty high in the Frostback Mountains now. Fall was already giving way to winter. A cold biting wind blew out of the west, making her shiver; she was dressed simply in her boots and nightgown. She rubbed her bare legs, seeking to warm them against the cold. She sat across from Alim, dipping into her pack looking for something to eat.
"Can't sleep?" Alim said startling her.
She nodded, finally finding a piece of dried meat; she pulled it out and began her breakfast.
Not that it was much of one of course; she would start work on a proper meal soon, as soon as she had banished the last shadows of the vision from her mind.
"Bad dreams?" it sounded more like a statement than a question
Once again Alim startled her; it was rare that he would speak to her outside of giving her orders or asking if she had succeeded in the tasks he had given her.
Still…he had let her help him after Bellethiel died, she had been concerned for him then, maybe…he was concerned for her now.
It was unlikely, but possible.
"Yes," she said softly, answering him.
The elf nodded.
"Me too," he confessed, "Blighted darkspawn, blighted Duncan, I sear sister, if our old commander was here right now, I would kick him in the balls for not warning me about these damn nightmares."
Leliana nodded, she had heard Alim cry out in his sleep, Alistair too, she…she found herself grateful that she was not a warden herself.
She could not imagine being forced to endure the darkspawn in both her dreams and her waking world.
Alim shivered he wrapped his coat tighter around himself, cursing softly under his breath.
"Can I get you something?" Leliana asked.
"I'm fine," he replied, but…his ears twitched, he was thinking. He glanced up at her; he was trying very hard not to gawk at her legs. She was still a chantry sister after all.
She seemed so…lost, he had heard her moaning in her sleep something about heat, and laughing. He knew that he should not care, that if he was in her place she would not try to understand him.
Yet…he made the attempt anyway.
"What did you dream?" he asked.
She sighed, part of her was afraid to tell him, he…he did not believe in her visions, she had kept quiet about them because she did not want him to think her mad, or at least not as mad as he thought she was.
"I doubt if you would believe me," she said.
The elf sighed.
"I will make you a deal sister," he said, "You tell me what you were dreaming about, and I promise to keep Alistair away from the cooking for a week…fair deal?"
Leliana laughed, she had sampled what Alistair called cuisine, the deal was more than fair.
She sighed, how best to begin, she could lie she knew, she was an excellent liar, but she did not want to…not about this. She wanted Alim to understand that what she was seeing was more than just dreams.
At least…she hoped they were.
IOI
Fergus could not sleep.
Every time he closed his eyes they were waiting for him. Eyes that had once been so full of love had turned to anger and blame. Anger at him for failing them so completely, and for letting their murderers escape without being punished for their crimes.
They were all there now, Father, Mother, Elissa, his beloved Oriana, and…
Fergus's heart lurched.
Oren…his son…his poor little boy!
He stifled a sob…barely.
It would have been better if Howe had killed him in Highever, then he could have been with his family. Now…now Fergus was all alone. A Teyrn with no Teynir to rule over, he had nothing left but his life, and that he would give happily, if he could see his beloved family again.
Fergus left his tent, he wiped at his face, trying to return it to a blank mask. He would see if Sten needed help with his patrol, provided the Qunari had not gone to sleep of course.
He had been in so much of a hurry; he walked into a stone wall that had stopped outside his tent.
A stone wall named Shale.
Fergus looked up at the golem, truth be told, it gave him the creeps. Why the wardens had let it come with them was beyond him.
She looked down on him with its cold glowing eyes.
"What is the dirty knight looking at?" Shale inquired.
Fergus was confused, "The…the what?"
"The dirty knight," the golem repeated, "It is a knight after all, and it is dirty, I think the name is most accurate.
Fergus touched his face; his hand came a way smudged with grime. He looked down at his armor, and saw the rather unseemly state that it was in.
He could practically hear Oriana berating him.
"What has happened Fergus, you look a fright!"
Thinking about his wife, brought tears to his eyes again, he did his best to push them back, but he was not entirely successful.
Shale continued to stare at him.
Fergus felt his temper starting to flare, why could the golem not leave him in peace?!
"The dirty knight was talking in its sleep," the golem said, "I heard it crying out a name. Crying out for someone named Oriana, is this person important to the dirty knight?"
Fergus wanted to tell the walking pile of stone to mind its own business, but…at the same time…
"She is…was…my wife," he mumbled, "The mother of my son."
I see," Shale responded, "Is the dirty knight's family still waiting for it, or have they given it up for dead?"
Fergus' temper flared.
"They are dead golem, my wife, my son, my sister, my parents, everyone I have ever loved! They were murdered in our home, and the bastard that did it still walks free. They are not doing anything anymore, simply rotting in whatever hole the murdering bastard tossed them into."
Shale continued to stare; it only made Fergus more angry.
"They are gone, and I am still here. If it taking me the rest of my life I will see their murderers punished for what they have done, and then they will know what it means to cross…"
Fergus paused, he…he had almost let it slip that he was a member of House Cousland.
Such a thing had to remain secret, at least for now.
"I have nothing left," he growled, "Only my memories that haunt me now, so please…please just leave me in peace!"
Shale did not move; the golem seemed to be…digesting what it had been told.
Fergus readied himself for some snarky comment, or perhaps for the golem to try to hit him.
It did neither, in fact, its response surprised him.
"The dirty knight is lucky to have its memories."
Fergus stood there, unable to respond.
Shale continued.
"I have no memories of my past; all I remember now is standing in the square, in the village, unable to move. It would have been nice to remember something, anything besides the stupid little villager scurrying all around me. I would be happy to have memories of something before. It would have been worth it to have something beyond watching the villagers scurry around me for so long."
Fergus paused, in…in that moment he found himself remembering so many things. Playing with Elissa when they were children, the first time he saw Oriana, watching Oren come into the world. These…memories, they were precious to him, more so now knowing that the people that had been a part of them were now gone.
He felt tears, running down his cheeks.
The golem sighed.
"And now the dirty knight leaks," It said shaking its head, "Why do squishy ones leak so much! How the sloshing of your wet little bodies does not drive you mad, I have no idea."
The golem strode off, leaving Fergus unable to stop himself.
He had not cried, not when he first heard about his family, the shock had been to great then, but now…now…
He could not help it, and he could not stop it.
Tears flowed, but he found himself laughing as well his family would have been horrified if they could see him now, all covered in dirt.
Elissa would have made some smart comment; Father would have likely backed her up.
Oriana would have demanded that he clean himself up this minute, less Oren get the wrong idea.
Mother would have tried to comfort him, to remind him of his duty as a Cousland, that as long as he still lived, the Cousland line continued.
It was ironic that his family's last lesson to him had been delivered by a snarky golem.
Fergus sighed; he did his best to wipe away the tears, and tried to focus on doing what needed to be done.
They would all be in Orzammar soon, he had visited there once as a boy, along with his father and King Maric.
He would be able to help the wardens, show them how best to deal with the Assembly and King Endrin.
It is what his Father would have done.
It was…what a Cousland would do.
It was…what he would do.
IOI
Alim listened as Leliana spoke.
The sister told him many things, about her vision in Lothering, the one involving Zevran, and the most recent one as well, the one involving the dark place and the river of blood.
He listened closely, not exactly sure what to make of it. He had to admit, he was tempt to think the sister was just crazy and let it end at that, but…
When she had finished, he sat quietly, thinking back to his time in the tower, and all the things that Irving had shown him, some of them could have been considered crazy as well, if they had not been true.
Leliana gave him the saddest of looks, she was clearly looking for confirmation that she was not mad, and that what she was seeing was not just nonsense.
Alim could not say that. He shifted uncomfortably, he removed his hat examining for damage, a dark spawn arrow had damaged it during the fight in Honnleath. Bandit sat up, sensing his master's discomfort.
Alim smiled, and scratched the dog's head; he snuffled happily and lay back down.
Leliana cleared her throat.
Right, he owed her an answer.
"So what do you think?" she asked him.
"I'm not quite sure," he responded his ears twitching slightly, "Tell me sister, do you have any mages in your family?"
The question took her aback. She…no one had ever asked her that question before…
She was not sure how best to respond.
"I…I'm not really sure," she said honestly, "My Mother was a serving girl, she served the Lady Cecily for many a year…my Father…well…I do not know who my Father was. My parents were not married. Why do you ask?"
Alim tried to put this delicately, most people did not like being accused of having magical talent, he was not looking to insult her. He had a theory…nothing more.
"There are mages that believe that the benevolent spirits of the fade will talk to us sometimes," he began, "Usually, they have no interest in us or our world, but sometimes they will help. Can they see the future? Can they show it to us? I do not know. It is one option. You might have a touch of magical sensitivity, as I said it is one option."
"The fact that the Maker has sent these visions is another option, no?"
"It is," Alim shrugged, "I'm not one of the faithful sister. I never was and never likely will be. You asked my opinion on these…visions of yours, and I have given it."
"So you believe me," she said brightening, "You…you believe what I am saying."
"I believe you are experiencing something," he replied, "I can't say if that it is the Maker, or fade spirits, or even the holy cheese wheel of Andraste. Mages like to think that we understand the fade, but sadly we only scratch the surface of its full potential. What knowledge is available to us is limited; the chantry will not let us explore it properly. We simply do not know."
Leliana sighed with relief, she…she had feared that Alim would laugh at her, or worse think she had gone crazy and ask her to leave, but he had not…he was at least giving her the benefit of the doubt.
It felt like a weight had been lifted from her heart!
She could have almost kissed the elf.
"I…thank you warden. I have feared…feared that I had gone mad."
Alim laughed.
"Sister I have news for you; you are as nutty as a fruitcake," he chuckled, "But so am I, so is Alistair. That is the only explanation for why we are all here. This little band of misfits of ours against not only the darkspawn horde, but the Archdemon, and Teyrn Loghain as well. Few in Thedas would call us sane."
Leliana laughed.
"I suspect you are right," she grinned, "Few would risk what we are attempting, but it must be done, yes? The darkspawn must be opposed."
"Believe me sister, if I did not have them in my head now, I would likely disagree, but since I would like to have a goodnights sleep again sometime in my life. I have to accept the charge that has been given to me. Oh the wonders of being a Grey Warden! I'm just enthralled, truly!"
The sister smiled.
Despite his prejudice against anyone involved with the chantry, Alim found himself cheered by that smile. It was small, but the fact that he had inspired it warmed him slightly.
It was nice to know that he could make her smile.
A cold gust of wind blew through the camp, Leliana shivered; she wrapped her cloak around her bare legs.
"Orzammar will not be as easy as we thought," she said flatly.
Alim nodded, he suspected that would be true, even if he did not believe in her vision. It seemed unlikely that they would simply be able to walk up to the King of the dwarves and discuss the treaty over tea and cakes.
It would be nice, and it would likely happen in a perfect world.
Sadly, Thedas was far from perfect.
Leliana had warned him that madness and blood awaited them in Orzammar.
Alim found his enthusiasm to visit the place greatly diminished.
Sadly, he had no choice; it was like Alistair had told him.
A warden does what he must.