Hello everybody. This is a chapter, I'm really proud of. It's one of my favorite so far.
!WARNING! Contains mentioning of torture, rape and violence and the descripition of a death in fire.
Acxa and Ronan are talking about the reasons for the Call. I wish all of you a lot of fun with this chapter.
What War Has Taken
The minutes seemed to be stretched to hours. For a while, Acxa was sitting on the couch. She had rubbed with her hands over her upper legs from time to time, but with every further minute this uncomfortable knotting feeling in her stomach got worse. So she finally stood up and walked around in the quarter. Nothing personal was found on first sight. She remembered the day of the rescue. The two containers, probably only filled with equipment they had needed to survive. She walked on and suddenly she recognized a frame standing on a sideboard. Acxa got closer and her eyes shot open in surprise. The screen showed photos. Different pictures changed randomly, every ten seconds. The Galra inhaled sharp and took the frame to check the photos. She felt her throat tightened. It were all family pictures. Pictures of every family from all of the children, one photo from Ronan, Freyda and Tjaàl and a last one, with all of them together. Even AMRASU was on it. Tears came to Acxa's eyes. She suddenly recognized her hands trembling and that her fingertips on the frame has turned white under the pressure.
"It was a hard work, but AMRASU and I had most luck, that we managed to rescue a photo from every child's family."
Acxa winced and turned around. She blushed a bit, as Ronan came closer. He took the frame out of her hands and watched the photos with a sad smile.
"They need this. We all, I think. Good memories."
He sighed heavy.
"They'll never come back, but this might help to keep the memory awake."
Tears came to his eyes.
"To say goodbye."
Acxa wrapped her arms around herself and turned away with a dark face. She heard the man placing the frame back on the sideboard. The Galra didn't dare to turn around, but she recognized, that Ronan has walked to the couch and must have taken place. She hear the clicking sound of his implant and it made her eyes squeezed shut in shared pain.
"I have lost almost everything on Tantalus, General, thanks to the mad plans of the witch. My home, my friends, my face..."
His voice broke. Acxa bit her lips so hard, that she started to taste blood. She finally turned around and watched with a painful look in the crippled face of the man. The same pain was to be found in it.
"Your wife."
He nodded in bitterness at Acxa's answer. He offered her a seat beside him with a gesture of his hand. It took her all of her strength, but she walked over to him and took also seat on the couch.
"Ronan wasn't a soldier. He was an engineer on Tantalus, when Lotor and his forces came to the planet. Instead of working with exploration teams he suddenly had to learn to fight and to keep the weapon systems working. We somehow managed to maintain resistance until this dreadful day."
He made a fist in anger. The Galra saw him trembling in horror and anger. But his look suddenly changed and it was even worse to see it from him in this situation. Compassion. It was unbelievable for her, that he was able to show it for her. But he did. And it hurt her even more than his hate before. She closed her eyes in bitterness again.
"I see we both have met our own horror this day."
Acxa managed a shaky nod. The man's voice got weaker.
"As our resistance was broken, any order felt apart. But I returned to the colony, beside the fire. I had to find her. I had to try to save her."
His voice felt to a teary whisper.
"Or at least to join her in death."
He started to cry. Acxa was paralyzed. She couldn't move. It seemed, that his words and his grief were opening a black hole in her heart and it tried to swallow her. She opened her eyes again and looked in his remaining one.
"It was both denied for me, General."
He sobbed heavy.
"I found her. I found my Abby. I found my love in the middle of the chaos."
His voice became tortured.
"I had to watch, how the fire swallowed her right in front of me. The bursting flames hit my face and punched me back and as the flames parted in front of me again..."
He began to wag in desperation. The pure terror of his memories was burning in his eye, like the fire he had mentioned.
"As they parted she wasn't dead. No she was still dying in pain."
The terror clawed Acxa with brutal force. Her heart was beating up to her throat and cold sweat was on her forehead. Her breathing was quick and heavy, while her hands got a hard grip in the fabric of the couch.
"It hurts, Ronan! Make it stop!"
He was shaking his head, franticly.
"She had begged it in pain to me over and over again, until her great strength finally faded. With a shrieking tortured voice."
He faced the shock look of the Galra.
"I'll never forget her voice. This look. It hunts me. It'll always hunt me, until I take my last breath. I was damned to watch her dying and all I could do was to promise her, that I'll try to make it stop."
Acxa felt sick. The feelings were obviously crushing down on the poor man in front of her. He had fixed his trembling hands with his eye.
"I failed twice this day. I couldn't save her and I couldn't die ether. I survived, but I lost everything."
His voice felt so low. It lost every life and strength until it was an empty hollowed whisper.
"I don't just lost my wife on Tantalus, I lost myself, General. That's my reason for the Call. You have taken a happy man, who loved life and you have transformed him into a broken creature, who was forced to fight and kill. You have taken everything from him, even himself and you have created me."
He had stopped crying and the former burning fire in his eye was gone. He was broken. So completely broken. It scared the Galra to death.
"Look at me, General. You have made me hate. The dreadful fire is still burning in me and I'm scared of it. It has changed me, also physical. It has consumed the man I was. I hate what it has made me do. It has made me swear revenge."
He didn't even looked like the man, who had started speaking to her. He was sunken in the couch, grown smaller and weaker in front of her.
"You killed me. You killed the person I was. You, Ezor, Zethrid, Narti, Lotor, Haggar and Zarkon."
Beside her pure shock she managed to show a little surprised look. He closed his eye in pain.
"As soon as I recovered I unleashed my rage. I hunted every Galra I could find on this doomed planet. But no dead soldier eased the pain in me. Instead their faces started to hunt me, too. And one day I finally saw it. I found Humans and Galras, who had tried to escape the firestorm and had died together, while they had tried to survive together."
The compassion returned suddenly to his face, as he faced Acxa's painful look. And again this emotion cut deeper and sharper in her soul, than anything before.
"War is taking from all of us, General. I realized my mistake. Not the soldier, the commanders and rulers are responsible. The minds, who're planning this madness. And so I searched for the names behind this attack and I got answers. But also new questions. And a new truth. Make it stop, Ronan. War caused this pain. Her pain. My pain, my hate, my rage. Make it stop, Ronan."
Acxa's eyes widened in horror, but also in surprise. She faced his determinant look in disbelieve. Her jaw dropped. But the man nodded weak at her. Tears in her eyes made her sight milky and wobbly.
"You started searching for peace."
A bitter smile came to his lips. It was still much pain in it but it was a smile.
"For a starting point, first."
He took a deep breath.
"I had found out, that Hades was also under attack and so I got to this planet to help defending it. I hoped to find one of you there, but I also wanted to handle things different. Peace hold up the chance to heal, but how could peace have a chance without respect. So I started to treat the dead with respect, whenever it was possible. I hoped, this sign would be noticed. And it was, but not with the result I hoped."
Anger and resignation got a grip on his expression. Acxa barely dared to take a breath.
"I got cursed and offended by the other defenders, but I didn't cared about them. I fought on on their sides for some years against the returning raids, closing my eye before the obvious truth, which was lying in front of me. And then one day I found Freyda."
Ronan's breath got pressed in pure anger. He stood up and started to walk around in the room to come down a bit, but with no success.
"They had tortured her, beaten her, burned her, leaving her to die in a cell. They were raping her, as I stepped in the room."
With a hateful cursing scream he punched his fist in the middle of the couch table, while he got quickly down to his knees in order to support his punch. Under the shocked and surprised gasp of Acxa, the massive glass plate crackled and burst into pieces, like it was made of thin dry wood. She stared at the pieces in total disbelieve. Ronan remained in the position and looked down at the shattered table as well.
"Make it stop, Ronan. I made it stop. And as they tried to stop me from helping her, I made them pay for it."
He stood up again and faced the horrified look of Acxa. He looked so tortured again. So hurt.
"I escaped with her and I nursed her. And then this strong woman opened her eyes. All the fear, all the horror in her look. It broke me again."
He watched his hands in disgust.
"So much blood on my hands, General. Too much. It was the final decision for me. It's a lie to say, Humans were less cruel. War has taught me different. I didn't wanted to be part of it anymore."
"So you left Hades with her, in the end."
Acxa was shaking. She had stopped wiping away her tears. She felt so empty. But he laughed bitter.
"Not in the end, as soon as possible. Three days later, in fact"
Acxa's eyes widened in shock. She couldn't believe it.
"But Freyda has said, you left Hades with her, when she was pregnant!"
The pain in his face increased and Acxa finally jumped up from the couch in pure shock. She was trembling heavily.
"She was so scared and in an incredible bad shape. But these eyes. Her strength. I have fallen for her in the moment she had opened her eyes. I only noticed this fact later, but today I know it for sure. She was too weak to survive an abortion. It was no option. Not for me. Make it stop, Ronan. I wouldn't fail again. I offered her to take care of the child. To help her through everything. To be the father, he deserve to have..."
He sobbed heavily again.
"...and to give her the chance to return home with honor. But this strong and beautiful woman stayed with me. Stayed with her child."
He squeezed his eye shut.
"I have found the love of my life twice, General. But thanks to war I feel guilty, because of it. It still feels some day, like I betray my Abby. Like I betray my love for her and at the same time my love for Freyda. It isn't fair. It isn't fair..."
He let himself fall on the couch again, exhausted and empty. He stared at the broken table and felt quite for a while.
Acxa was about to flee. Only her shock let her remain frozen on spot. It was a nightmare. The cruelest one, she could think of. If she only had protested to use the new bombs on Tantalus. If she only had protested against this whole madness even sooner. Ronan was right. It wasn't fair. It has to stop.
"Kathy is right."
His sudden change of subject caught her off guard. He offered her to take seat again, but she hesitated. He kept up his offering look until the Galra finally took place again. He sighed sad and weak.
"You stay behind your mask, General."
She avoided his questioning look. Ronan leaned forward and with a little hesitation he finally dared to take Acxa's hand. The Galra winced back in surprise, like his hand had burned her. The man sighed again.
"You tell me only more, when you stay quite, Acxa."
Her eyes widened in surprise again. Her look was filled with a lack of understanding. There was something warm in his voice, as he called her by her name. Some sort of offered understanding. But it burned in her wounds. In wounds, she had ignored for a long time.
"Don't blame your friends, Acxa. Don't blame your Amarzzari. They worried about you and they're right."
He took his implant from the couch and placed it back. The field covered his scars again.
"You haven't even tried to find excuses. It tells me, that you have seen your own mistakes, you have made. But this doesn't mean, that they are completely your fault."
Acxa bit her bottom lip again. She wanted to turn away from him, but he took her hand again and this time she let him do so.
"To take down the mask means also to face the own scars for yourself. They won't vanish behind it and some of them won't ever stop aching, but they a part of you."
He carefully took her hand up and placed it on his scar under the holo-field. Acxa felt the wrinkled burned skin and swallowed hard.
"They will be a part of you, no matter how good you can hide them. Kathy is right. You haven't bad eyes and I think we got more in common, than I once have thought of. But my hate for you hasn't allowed me to dare a look on it. So what else has War taken from you?"
Acxa pulled her hand carefully back and turned away, but she recognized a painful flicker in Ronan's eye. He kept observing her, but the Galra stayed quite. This change of behavior from him scared her.
"How, Ronan? I am responsible. How could you sit here and try to help your enemy?"
His look became tortured and incredibly sad at her desperate quote.
"Couldn't you see it, Acxa? Because War shouldn't win! Without Freyda I would have lost my battle long ago! She's my key to find some sort of peace. If I wouldn't try to fight my hate against you and for what you have brought to me, I would kill myself! And I would kill her! And Tjaàl! And Jessy and Kathy! And Chrissy, Pat, Clarissa and Sam, too! I would kill Veronica and all your friends!"
He trembled in grief and worries.
"A part of me screams against this, Acxa. Cutting your throat would be the easier part on first sight."
The Galra winced in cold shock at his words. She had seen his training and what he had done the table.
"But what comes with it? Only new nightmares. And it wouldn't even replace the old ones."
Her confused look let his worries grew visibly.
"You must have lost your parents as a child. They have probably been killed in front of your eyes, due to your words for Kathy. And Freyda has told me about the Confirakk."
Acxa winced at this word and her personal horror rushed over her face for a moment. Grief and sadness were to be seen in Ronan's face, but a glim of hope in his eye, as Acxa's mask felt for this brief moment.
"Your friends are worried for you. Even an Altean! I cannot ignore this! I can't or I loose myself again, Acxa and I'm not sure, if I would have the luck to get fixed a third time!"
He breathed hard and heavy and suddenly he took her at her shoulders and shook her a little. The Galra watched him with eyes widened in surprise and shock.
"You only taught me lessons on Tantalus, you was FORCED to learn before. War has taught you so. If I would close my eyes before it, how could I make it stop? I have promised to make it stop. And this oath counts more for me, than my sworn revenge."
He saw the deep confusion on Acxa's face. It brought the sadness back to his face. But also a little anger.
"I doesn't take the Vocazz easy, Acxa. I would lie, when I would said, I didn't wanted to get revenge. But I have learned the hardest way, that no peace could be found in revenge. At least not for me."
He released her out of his grip, but observed her pensively. The woman avoided his eye again. Her look wandered from the broken table to Ronan and then to the frame on the sideboard, to rest on the changing photos.
"Do you respect all terms of the Vocazz, Ronan?"
A dangerous glow came to his eye, but he nodded.
"Of cause. With all the consequences. But I also respect the opportunity to settle things different, if possible."
Acxa kept focused on the frame. She did a little sigh and stood up. Her face returned to her stoic look, she used to have, but the muscles of the corner of her right eye was jerking slightly.
"Then everything necessary is said. I know your reasons, and they were more than worthy for the Vocazz. I cannot deny my guilt for your lost, Ronan and you've honored me by giving me the chance to restore my grace and honor. And you know, why I have done, what I've done. I failed questioning decisions. I helped making bad ones. The Parfazzi is opened. Send me the date for the final challenge, when you have found one."
She was about to go, but Ronan blocked her way. He watched her deep in her eyes and the Galra barely withstood his look. He nodded finally at her.
"Fine. Due to the circumstances, I'll wait with it, until we have found and destroyed the facility ship."
She nodded back but suddenly she felt his hands resting on her shoulder. His look was serious.
"Honor could be a bastard, when found in War, Acxa. It has betrayed me more than once."
It seemed, that he thought about something, but then he shook his head, slightly.
"Don't let it betray you, too. Cause I will seriously try to search for a peaceful solution. One we both can live on with. I owe this so many people and most of all myself. But I'm in danger and I'll need your help, too. You owe me that, General. Cause another mistake from you..."
He looked at the table.
"I will respect your choice, if necessary. But I wouldn't forgive you, if you'll force me to make this step."
He gave her a free way.
"You may see it as a warning."
Acxa closed her eyes and hit her chest with her fist. Ronan returned the respectful greeting. Then the Galra left the room. Ronan walked back to the couch and let himself fall on it. He watched his hands again. He could have shot her with her own blaster down in the canyon. It would have made things easier. He bit his lip and shook his head harsh. No, he had seen Veronica kissing her. He had seen her friends. He had seen his own pain in her face.
Make it stop, Ronan.
This weight was hurting so much. He felt his anger rising again. She didn't seem to have listened. She didn't seem to understand. Or she did she denied to understand? He wasn't sure.
Make it stop, Ronan.
How could he make it stop. He has tried once. With Freyda and Tjaàl. But War had found them, again. Now only more blood was on his hands. He hated her for it. But this hate was the reason for the pain. For so much pain. Freyda had showed him this fact.
Make it stop, Ronan.
How could he, when he seemed to have to fight alone. When the other side still wanted to be the enemy and only seemed to search for punishment and not for redemption.
Ronan felt a kiss on his forehead and opened his eye. Freyda was leaning over him. He hadn't heard her coming.
"Where're the kids?"
She stroke carefully with her thumb over his cheek.
"Jessy. She said, we should have some more time for us."
He had never seen her face so worried, before. He knew the question in her beautiful yellow eyes.
"Yes, I've seen it, too."
She gave him a smile, but it faded as she recognized his grief and sadness.
"But you're right, she hasn't seen it for herself."
Freyda laid herself beside Ronan and nuzzled her head carefully on his chest. Ronan started to rub her horns.
"She hasn't understand, that I didn't offer her the easy way. That I want to purge the guilt not the person. She deserves it. I deserves it even more."
Freyda sighed.
"She's a true Galra, in this case. Separating both isn't easy for her. It wasn't for me, remember."
Ronan kissed her on her head.
"Help me Freyda. Help her to see it, cause I fear I couldn't."
He started to shake and Freyda wrapped her arm around him to hold him tight.
"Look what my hate has made me do. One careless moment and war is laughing on me again..."
"No!"
Freyda's eyes were burning as she lifted herself up a bit to face Ronan's look.
"The Call is also a chance. Few Galras realize this. But you and Tjaàl have shown me. But you also have seen it, Ronan. Thanks to Abby, beside of all your grief. You may have called in rage and anger, but you take it with the proper honor now! You have seen it! She has a chance to realize it, too.
Ronan nodded with tears in his eye. He carefully brushed with his fingertips over the golden chain and the ring.
"Not only Abby. Thanks to you, too, Freyda. You and the kids."
She smiled warm at him. It drove away his worries. Only her face was left and this beautiful proud smile on her lips. The lips he was kissing deeply within the next second.