I know, I know. It has been a while. Unfortunately I have some skills as a writer but not all. Those skills do not include expressing certain types of emotion. Happiness, anger, humor. These things I do well. Fear, sadness, love are out of my purview. As such, this chapter (which encompasses some of those emotions) was a challenge for me. So it will probably not be good but it had to be done.

Many apologies.

O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O

The darkness was heavy and black, resting on his skin like syrup weighing him down. Cold air whipped around him, plucking and pricking at his skin like a thousand needles. Harry was panting as if he had been running but when he tried to bolt, as every harried nerve in his body begged him to do, his feet remained stuck. He swung his head wildly, searching in the darkness for friend and foe alike. But all he saw was more of the all-consuming blackness. The invisible wind howled like a wounded animal as if buffeted his body, the loud sound barely enough to cover the sound of his wildly pounding heart.

"Harry." A mournful tone called out. Harry turned to see Cedric Diggory standing under a reddened light. He was standing and staring, not moving toward Harry. He was still wearing the clothes he had on the day that he died, his Hogwarts jersey and school trousers. His face caused shivers to run through Harry.

Even under the red light his skin looked as pale a snow, tinged blue where the cold fingers of death had touched his skin. The skin on his face was rotting away, swollen with decomposition in some places, sagging and stretched in others. He turned his cold eyes on Harry, the lack of life burned deep with a frozen fire.

"Cedric." Harry tried to call but when he opened his mouth he could not make a sound. Spiders crawled over his neck and into his mouth. Hundreds of squirming legs prodded over his tongue and pressed against his throat as he was forced to swallow the foul bugs. He tried to close his mouth but it was held open with an invisible force and all he could do was cough and hack against the invading bugs.

"You did this to me." The corpse accused. The voice was not angry, not emotional. Instead it accused without inflection. The accusation echoed through the darkness. Harry tried to answer back, beg the denial. Still his voice was silenced and the other boy kept talking. "I would not have died if it were not for you."

"Please." Harry tried to whimper for respite. Tears streamed down his face as he tried to struggle but remained firmly planted in place. The air was still heavy and hurt with every breath. Panic flooded his body, filling every inch of him.

"If you had been stronger . . . You know you had the potential. I could still be alive. He did not need me. He only wanted you. Yet I am dead and you live." The older teen used the same hollow tone. It was not sad or angry, but dead like its owner.

"No, please Cedric! I didn't-" He tried to call out again but he could not figure out what to say. Was there anything he could say to prove his innocence? As he desperately tried he could think of nothing to easy his guilt.

The light flickered off and now it was only Harry standing alone in the dark. He tried to move again and was surprised when he could actually take a step. He could not see the ground but when he placed his foot down it echoed like a hard sole shoe on stone. He took a second step after a moment's hesitation, and another quicker this time. He was running. He didn't know where because there was nowhere to go. Once or twice he stumbled, his feet tripped up by unseen hands that snatched as his ankles. Still he ran. He ran until his lungs burned, his throat tasted of blood and every breath was nothing more than a pathetic shuttering gasp.

"POTTER!" A voice roared from all around him. A sudden rage bubbled up in Harry. This feeling frightened him because it was not all his. The burning fire of anger scorched him but there was a foreignness to the rage that made it not his own. It felt slimy as it whipped around his chest, leaving behind a chemical burn. He could feel it in him and around him. This unwelcome feeling of a foreign invader in his body that he could not release.

"KILL THE BOY!"

O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O

Harry woke with a choked off scream. He was back in Snape's house, laying on his bed. Sweat soaked his body, chilling in the night air, his blankets having been long gone from tossing and turning. His heart thundered through his chest like a thousand hooves and seemed determined to remain at it breakneck speed.

He forced his body to take in a few shuddering breaths, coughing when his lungs couldn't take the sudden volume of warm summers air. The sudden invading anger faded quickly, far quicker than the fear that only ebbed away slowly. His face burned with tears and his mouth was dry.

He sat up, scrubbing his hands forcefully through his hair, trying to rub away the last remnants of the nightmare. It had been a long time since a nightmare had affected him so thoroughly. Nightmares where nothing new, his first memories seemed to be him waking up in his cupboard after a green flash and a high pitched scream. Yet he had learned to live with it. To wake up quietly and quickly, mostly to avoid any punishment that would come from waking up the rest of the family. This nightmare was different. It was ephemeral and struck him deeply to his core. Even now that he was fully awake and minutes had passed he could still feel the tightness in his chest and the spider in his throat.

He swung his legs off the bed and stood, slipping his feet into the house slippers that Alex had given him. He began pacing the room, desperate to burn of the twitchy energy that came from adrenaline pumping through your veins. A light breeze from the window cooled his skin. He had the habit of keeping it open so Hedwig could come and go as she pleased. She was out right now, no doubt looking for something small to snack on. Labryinth was sleeping on his heating stone. Shortly after arriving at the Snape-Dawsen household Harry had gifted the snake a warming rock that muggles liked to use. The little snake had been overjoyed, no longer needing to ride along with Harry to get some warmth. The snake had been bored having to hide in a pocket while down in the lab and now spent ninety percent of its time languidly curled around the rock.

When his heart finally slowed down to a plausibly normal tempo Harry decided that he needed to get some water. As quietly as he could he slipped out of his door and made his way to the kitchen. He padded softly down the stairs with a practiced silence but was stopped as he passed the living room.

"Harry? What are you doing up?" Alex called out. He was lounging on one of the chairs in the living room, him and his book illuminated by a singular light. He looked confused as he noticed the boy. He had a tumbler full of scotch resting on the arm of his chair, his fingertips resting on the edge of the glass from where he had just put it down.

"I got thirsty." Harry shrugged. He didn't know why he lied. For some reason he felt embarrassed to be woken up from a nightmare.

"Of course." Alex muttered distractedly. The man was trying to keep eye contact but his eyes kept slipping towards the fireplace. Sweeping and pausing in a continuous motion. The pit was empty and cold. Harry waited for him to say anything else.

"What about you?" Harry asked, pulling the mans attention back to himself.

"I'm waiting." He mumbled. He lifted his glass to his lips again before pausing as if he had remembered something. With a quick motion he placed the glass on the table as far away as he could reach. The glass rattled with the rapid motion, sounding loudly throughout the silent room.

"What are you waiting for?" Harry questioned, taking a step forward. Alex just sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. He was about to say something when the fireplace roared to life. The room was lit with green and a figure stumbled from the flames.

Snape staggered into the room, his arm clutched to his side. There was a soft clatter as a mask fell to the floor. Harry immediately recognized it as a Death Eaters mask. In a flash Alex was up and under the arm of his husband. He helped Snape fall onto the couch.

"Merlin Sev." He scrambled to pull off the robes. He peeled back Snapes hand growled lightly at the sight of blood.

"Calm down Alex." Snape grunted. He sat up a bit to help get the sleeves over his shoulder, revealing a white shirt that was saturated with blood just above his hip.

"Calm down?! You come falling into the living room covered with blood and you are telling me to calm down?" He yelled, summoning a towel to press it to the newly revealed weeping wound.

"This is nothing. Just a flesh wound and easily dealt with. Just go and get my first aid kit." He turned to motion to the door that lead to his lab and caught sight of Harry. "Potter what are you doing up?"

"Um . . . getting a glass of water." Harry stuttered out.

"You get my kit then." He snapped. "Fuck, stop pressing so hard." He growled at Alex. The lawyer just glared at him in response. Harry ran down to the basement and jogged to the shelf that held the first aid kit. It was mostly full of potions and a few bandages. Snape had been insistent that Harry know exactly where it is and what it contained before allowing him to work in the lab. He snatched it from its place and bolted back upstairs. In the living room the two men were arguing in low voices, heads close together and mouths pulled into sneers.

"Got it." Harry huffed, speaking up when they both fell silent at the sound of his steps.

"Bring it here Harry." Alex waved him over. Harry proceeded to follow the mans orders as he went through the complicated process of applying potions, casting spells and eventually wrapping the wound tightly with bandages. Snape groaned as his husband worked on him, since the man in question was treating him with a less than stellar bedside manner. He refused to look his husband in the eye and worked in a stolid silence except for when he was talking to Harry. Eventually they were finished and the potions repacked into their box.

Alex stood, grabbing his glass off the table and went to stand by the fireplace, his body turned away from Severus. Snape sighed and watching him with a vaguely annoyed look. Harry glanced between the two of them, wondering what the hell was going on.

"You are being childish." Snape commented. Alex just threw him another glare and took a long drag from his glass. Snape rolled his eyes and turned back to Harry. "Perhaps it is time for you to return to bed. There are spare water glasses in your bathroom."

"But-" Harry protested, still confused. Snape just raised a hand to stop his complaint.

"Things will be explained to you later. However, it is late. I am tired and there is no immediate problem that needs to be dealt with." Snape leveled him with a serious look. Harry glanced at Alex but the man wasn't looking back at them. He hoisted himself up and made his way back to the stairs. He chanced one last look at the room before making his way up. When his feet landed on the upper level he heard the loud shattering of a glass. He wanted to go back downstairs but he knew there would be fighting. He had always held Mr. Dawsen and Professor Snape in a high regard and thought that their relationship was as close to perfect as anyone could get. He didn't want to see them arguing, to hear the raised voices. So instead he shut the door to his room and hoped that everything would still be okay in the morning.

O~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O

After Harry had left the room Snape leaned back into the couch, staring at his fuming husband. He waited for a long moment, wondering if the other man would finally breach his tipping point and at last say something. He tapped the bandage as he examined it. The pain had almost faded completely and he knew that his wound would be mostly healed by the next morning. Despite his anger Alex was a great mediwizard. Still he fumed by the fireplace and Severus knew there was no way that they were going to walk out of this room without some sort of fight.

"Must we go through this now?" Snape flinched as the crystal tumbler crashed on the floor. The glass and liquor coated the floor but neither man made a move to clean it up.

"Go through what, Severus?" Alex sneered, finally turning around. His expression was thunderous. Alex was normally one to control his temper, unlike Severus who dealt with anger with sharp tongued insults, smiling in front of the rage. In the end he would erupt like a volcano. Going from nothing to berserk in an instant once something finally tipped him. After that there was little anyone could do, though Severus was in no mood to try and alleviate the anger. To tiptoe around his husband.

"We have had this conversation before. This is something I must do. There is not use in being angry." Snape sighed.

"Am I not supposed to be angry when my husband leaves me alone in bed to go kneel at the feet of a mad man only to return home bleeding and tortured. Your hands are still shaking from the cruciatus curse." He demanded, pointing to the tremors. Snape shifted his hands so that they were folded in his lap.

"I am needed. A little pain far outweighs the benefits of having someone attend the meetings." Snape snipped back.

"Your death is not a benefit." Alex sneered. "This is where this godforsaken crusades of yours ends. With you in the ground. Why can you not see that?"

"I can see that quite well," Snape stated in a placid tone. "That does not change the fact that I am the only one who can do what I do. There needs to be someone in his inner circle and that is me. My death, though tragic, may be a necessary part of this war."

"There are other people who can spy." Alex growled. He was pacing the living room like an agitated cat, swinging his arms and snarling under his breath. Severus swept his wand to get rid of the glass so the man would not cut his feet.

"There is no other person who has the access and skills that I have." Snape replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. "We have discussed this. There is no way we can win this war without knowing what the Dark Lord is planning."

"We are not at war!" Alex shouted. "He may be back but he has yet to do anything. His followers are locked up and he is weak. Why do you need to start so soon?" Severus scoffed.

"You do not know anything about war." He hissed back

"This again?"

"Yes this again. It is a valid critique since it is coloring your view. Most of the last war was fought in the shadows. This is how this one will be as well. We are not all going to march out onto a field and bow to one another. The Dark Lord will work with subterfuge. He will infiltrate the government and continue working on the plans he had laid out so long ago. No one who has not seen the damage he has done right in front of them can understand just how dangerous that man is. Just because the war was quiet does not mean it was less deadly. Under estimation of your enemy will be your downfall. You know this."

"You are just paranoid." Alex replied in his defense though not nearly strong enough.

"Do you know how many people have returned to his side? Go on, guess." The man prodded.

"Thirty, forty." Alex shrugged but from his expression Snape knew the man was guessing high in an attempt to not look fooled.

"Over one hundred and twenty. More in the next couple of weeks if he manages to track down some of those that went into hiding. And how many of those people are already planted in our government? How many have strength in the underworld? Worse yet, how many do you think have influence in both?" Severus sneered.

"The Dark Lord may be mad but he has not lost his ability to think. He is having a second chance at a war. He gets to start over and he is no longer the wet behind the ears pup who lost to a babe. He knows which mistakes are to be avoided, which plans won't work and which ones will. In his time as an incorporeal being he had learned patience. He has also crossed the bounds of magic in his attempt to regain his body and will no longer have any compunctions to do so again. Give him any time to work unsupervised and he will take far more than we could ever recover. Last time we nearly lost to him because everyone underestimated him until it was too late. It took a chance of fate to stop him. Now he is stronger, wiser and less afraid."

"Do you think that makes it easier? Knowing that he is madder and more cunning than before?" Alex asked. "Am I supposed to smile happily as you sacrifice yourself as a lamb? You are a Slytherin, goddammit."

"I don't expect you to be happy. I expect you to be pragmatic. To be a Slytherin yourself." Snape pointed a finger at his husband. "Self-preservation may be one of the tennets of Slytherins Code but it is not the main one. One must be willing to sacrifice to get their ambitions. I expect you to understand and respect that."

"And what is your ambition in all this?" Alex asked with a quiet tone, finally stopping his erratic pacing to stare at his husband. "What ambition do you have that you would be willing to end up dead?" Snape groaned and covered his eyes dramatically. "What?"

"There is no way to say this without sounding incredibly corny." He huffed.

"Tell me anyway."

"There is one thing that I need more than my own life. That is you in a safe world. With The Dark Lord existing in this plane there is no way that you will be able to continue to have a safe life."

"You were right." Alex said after a long moment. "That was incredibly corny. I almost wish you hadn't said it." He let out a soft chuckle.

"Then you will respect me decision? Are you willing to accept my reasons and let me do as I wish?"

"I am not stupid enough to agree to let you do as you wish." Alex replied, an affronted look. "But I can understand, to some degree, what you want. I will get off your back. Now let's get you upstairs."