"Do you hate living, Mr. Ikari?"

Shinji physically jolted in response to the question. Kaworu widened his eyes. He sighed and steadied his body.

"I… no, I don't. Why do you ask that?"

"You do not seem to be at ease," Kaworu said matter-of-factly. "Your body looks tense, and your eyes look sad. And when we first met, you screamed terribly and ran away."

Shinji blinked rapidly, trying to form a good explanation. Nothing was there. More blinking and more nothing. "Well… you can't tell everything about someone just by… uh… looking." Yeah, that worked.

Kaworu laughed gently. "Maybe you're right." He folded his hands in his laps and his smile somehow set in deeper. Shinji had to resist the urge to stare into his face too long, transfixed by its smooth pleasantness. His palms felt clammy.

"Mr. Nagisa," he started, but was interrupted immediately by, "Please. Call me Kaworu."

Shinji shuddered. "…OK. Kaworu." Ahem. "Misato said that when you she talked to you, you said something about being—"

"Are you Misato?" Kaworu blurted out in her direction. Misato looked up, startled, from her place in the corner of the room.

"Um, yes!" she squeaked. Kaworu smiled in understanding.

"I thought so." He turned to Shinji. "I'm sorry. Go on."

He took a moment to reorganize his thoughts. "Uh… when Misato talked to you, you said you were… the second."

"Hmm. Well, I think so," he said, with a curious tone tinging his voice. "It seems like the only explanation."

"So…" How am I supposed to word this… "Does that mean… there's a first?"

"Well, the people I meet all seem familiar with me, so I must have existed before. And Seele must be able to replace me if anything unexpected were to happen." He chuckled yet again. "I suppose this is something unexpected. But I don't think I will be replaced yet."

"Um… Mr. Nagi—Kaworu… there is no Seele," Shinji said, letting his discomfort shine through. "They've been gone for a long time."

Kaworu seemed mildly surprised by his statement, but hardly bothered if at all. "Really? I suppose it makes sense. If Seele was here, I would never be sitting in a place like this for a week."

"Why do you know so much about Seele if you've never met them?" Shinji asked, with less hesitation than anything he'd said yet.

Kaworu paused. Now, he seemed a little bothered. "…I am not sure." He cocked his head and rubbed his chin, apparently considering this carefully. Shinji stared at the way his finger and thumb twisted in such a precise little coil over the tip of his chin before looking away.

"Maybe I just know," he said softly, "without having to be told." He looked back at Shinji, his face remaining serious. "Do you think that makes sense?"

Shinji looked clueless, he knew he did, as he rattled the question around in his mind. "I don't know. Kind of."

Kaworu nodded and looked down at his hands. This was the first time Shinji had seen him look troubled, now or before. He began to take on something of a different color in Shinji's mind. He saw shades of an individual sitting in bed before him, mixed with that gorgeous suffocating nightmare he knew.

Kaworu looked back up, his eyes regaining a twinkle. "You have asked me a lot of questions, yet I do not know much about you." He smiled. "Other than what I see."

Shinji smiled back reflexively. "I'm not very interesting. I'm just here to… to help." Help the UN learn something for their files before they get rid of you… I'm the lowest.

"Oh, I doubt that. The Lilin are the most interesting beings in the universe." He leaned in slightly. "I'm confident of that."

Shinji felt his cheeks flush as he got closer. He became more aware of how similar he looked to three years ago: not a day older, not a hair out of place. He wondered if it was the LCL, or if he was destined to always look like this. He wondered if that was why he and Asuka's bodies had barely elongated, puberty passed but its process lingering, aged possibly a year in more than three, trapped in the stasis of 2015. He wondered if Ayanami was here if she would look the same as that moment when she took her hand out of his chest and

He flinched as Misato placed a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr. Nagisa. We have to go. It seems visiting hours are over."

"I see," Kaworu said, now as placid and content as when they walked in. Shinji stood and bowed slightly towards him.

"Thank you for having us… Kaworu."

"Thank you for coming, Shinji."

The name rolled off his tongue the exact same way. Shinji turned and left, not waiting one second for Misato to take the lead.

Asuka eyed Shinji and Misato alternately as she ate. The apartment had been silent, aside from words of courtesy (How was it? Fine. I'll start dinner. OK. Do you want broccoli? Please.), since they returned. Misato sipped her beer can absently between bites.

"Yebisu's not the same anymore," she cooed, putting the can aside and getting up to retrieve water instead.

"Maybe the people who used to make it are unfounds," she muttered darkly. She could sense Shinji flinching without having to look. The term always had that effect on him. She found it strangely pleasurable.

"Oh, who cares?" Misato sighed, settling down again with a plain clear bottle. "I think I've just outgrown it." She looked longingly at the logo even as she took a gulp of water. "This sure as hell isn't as fun, though."

Shinji was cleaning his plate unusually quickly, practically shoveling noodles into his mouth. Asuka scowled at him. "What, in some kind of rush?"

He coughed as he choked down his bite to answer her. He wiped his mouth. "No… it's just… good." He smiled half-heartedly.

"Ooh, getting a big head now, are you?" Misato cut in teasingly. "Well, I think it's terrible! You need to do better next time!"

Shinji laughed, while Asuka rolled her eyes. "Savor your food, idiot! You can cook stir fry, but you can't eat it!"

His face fell a little, but overall he seemed unusually content. His face was mellow, his lips curling upward ever-so-slightly in a resting point like a smile. His eyes were unclouded, even his posture was straighter than normal. And for once, on a school day, he wasn't wearing that ungodly school uniform.

Asuka liked it. But she also hated it. She stabbed her plate.

Asuka laid down beside him as aggressively as possible. It was like she made it her mission to upset the bed each time she did. Shinji moved to the side to make room.

"You didn't say anything about your meeting," she noted as she adjusted the sheets.

"Oh," he yawned, "I guess I didn't. All we did was ask vague questions… and get vague answers."

"Did you run off for the third time?" she asked sardonically, tilting herself to the side to look at him. He met her eyes with irritation.

"No."

She was on him instantly, his mouth was being attacked, he was being pushed back into the futon. He tried to talk but it was stifled before even a choked syllable could escape his throat. She had him pinned down with her legs and he was trapped underneath her. He felt surprised, happy, uncomfortable, extremely nervous. As always.

She pulled her head back. "Don't talk."

She must have sensed his throat, he guessed, maybe, as once again her tongue was beating his around. He held onto her arms and her biceps tightened as soon as she felt him grip them. The whole thing was like a battle and she had to be the winner. It made him anxious, made the whole thing more taxing, yet it excited him just as much. Every type of stress was flooding him.

His shirt was ruffled as their bodies starting making contact, rocking against each other, she was moving around on top of him and for what he wasn't sure. He pushed back up with his knee and she growled at the back of her throat. Her hand slid down below his chest and "Goddamn you."

She was shaking. Not even an inch separated their faces. Shinji felt his heart jump into his throat.

"All I want to do is one thing and you can't even help me do that." Her breath was so hot and it came out quaking on his face. "Damn you damn you DAMN you godDAMN you I HATE YOU!"

She slammed her fist into his chest. He reached up to catch the next, and she released a sob. Her hair was cascading down on him in the darkness and made a curtain over his face. Only he could see her tears.

"Well, Nagisa, it seems our investigation is done." The suited man nodded sagely, his folder held with two hands in front of his crotch. "And since you say you're feeling well, I'm sure you'll be released within the hour."

Kaworu nodded. "I have felt well for the last five days."

The man cleared his throat and briefly grasped a hand to his neck. Kaworu watched him in wonder. He was not familiar with this gesture. "Well, that's neither here nor there… anyway." A small yet firm smile formed on his face. "You've been taken on as a ward of the state, so we've secured a place for you to live and an allowance. And we'll leave you some contact info, if you have any problems."

"That seems quite helpful." He paused and looked the man up and down, trying to determine what sort of person he was. He seemed quite stern. The man's eyebrows rose as he examined him.

"But… I still feel confused. Where is NERV? And Seele?"

The other suited man, skinnier and shorter with a wiry box of hair, groaned and put his hand in his face. The one he had been speaking to sighed. "As we've explained several times, those organizations no longer exist. The UN has taken up all functions formerly fulfilled by NERV. That includes responsibility for you."

"I see." He didn't, really, and in fact had decided this man had nothing valuable to tell him. He quite wanted to see the other two again. "Can you tell me where Shinji is?"

The man's jaw slacked in confusion. "I—you mean the boy that was with Katsuragi? No. He's a private citizen. I can't give out his contact information."

Kaworu frowned at this. He was not used to frowning, in fact, he felt sure he had done it just once. He was not even sure why he knew the word frown or why he knew any of these pieces of information, and it only made him frown more deeply. The two men before him were long-forgotten, and they stood awkwardly in front of his hospital bed.

"We'll, uh… we'll leave your packet with the nurse." He coughed, backing away towards the door. "It'll contain everything you need."

"Okay." He didn't look up to face them as they walked out. He studied his folded hands, watched how they intertwined with each other. The beauty of arms, hands, fingers, pieces of the human body. Human. Human. Something he was not.

The room was empty now. He looked up at the door.

"All will be as the Lilin will have it." He got out of bed and went to leave.