The ride wasn't comfortable. Asuka didn't really know why Misato had insisted on her and Shinji accompanying her to work, but she regretted not putting up more resistance to the idea as they sat close together, dead quiet, in a mostly empty train car. The dawn was breaking lazily outside.

Misato broke the silence with, "I'm amazed how fast you've pushed through the ranks, Asuka. Soon you'll be taking my job!"

Asuka shrugged, expressionless. "It's not hard. They'll take anyone they can get."

Misato paused. Asuka glanced at her and saw she was clearly unnerved by the implications of what she'd said.

"…Oh, come on. There's no need to be down on yourself. After this weekend, you'll be a bona fide lieutenant! That's worth some praise!"

Asuka shrugged again, not bothering to respond. She didn't like working for the UN military, especially when there was talk going around of her division being rechristened as "the new NERV" (talk that Misato was suspiciously silent about), but it was better than going back to school. Classes were only a few days a week, and the pool of teachers was almost as bad as the pool of military technicians.

"You do work hard, Asuka," Shinji added meekly. She shot him a sideways look. "…It's a good thing. That's all we're trying to say."

Now she didn't even shrug. She stared at the opposite wall and dreamed of a blue sea.

"Why don't you come on inside, Shinji?" He looked at her like she had grown a second head. Misato groaned internally, already devising ways to convince him.

"Misato… I have class." He glanced at his cracked watch. "I can't really waste any time…"

"Oh, you'll make it!" She waved her hand casually. "Come on! I want to show you something in the base!"

Shinji looked uneasily up at the building. "Probably reminds him of the GeoFront," she thought grimly to herself. While far from that lost cause of a crater, the staid dome design did have a familiar feel.

"Why the hell should he come?" Asuka scoffed, turning around in front of the door to glare at Misato. "What is there for him to see?"

"Shut up, Asuka…"

"Listen. Just please do this favor for me. I want you to come with us." Misato clasped his hand. "It'll be quick!"

He frowned but sagged his shoulders in defeat. "…Alright, if it's quick…"

"It might not be, but oh well." He followed her to the door, which Asuka had pushed through in a huff, not waiting for them. A pair of guards stood on either side of it, eyes fixed on the long underground hallway they had walked down to reach the base from the subway. Shinji seemed to stiffen in the moment they passed them.

The doors were as cheap as a government building could manage while maintaining a veneer of respectability: giant tinted glass, with slightly rusted push bars and hastily stamped UN insignias on each side. They could see the atrium clearly as they entered, a huge gray hangar broken up only by archways leading further down underground.

"Asuka's in such a rush," Misato groaned, walking briskly towards one of the arches. She heard Shinji shuffling his feet behind her, trying to keep up.

"M-Misato? You wanted to show me something?"

She sighed. "Well… not exactly show you… I just want you to be there while I talk to someone…"

"He's gonna be upset."

Shinji wasn't sure if he was upset or numb. Or worse, outraged. He felt his fingertips shaking, and soon his hands along with them.

"Well? How do you feel about this?" The woman, a UN human development chair named Mitsuishi, looked expectantly at Shinji and Asuka, seated against the wall. Her brief presentation was done, laser pointer clutched in her palm. Shinji stared at the floor, while Asuka's face was full of disgust.

"What's the point?" she snarled.

Mitsuishi giggled uncomfortably. "Weeeell… I believe I just explained that, but…" She cleared her throat. "The purpose of the ceremony is to officially kickstart a period of openness about the War of the Angels. Your presence will show the public that we are serious about ending the sea of rumors and beginning an 'Era of Truth.'" She reinforced her smile and beamed proudly at the end of the summary.

"Now, I know you've had this sprung on you suddenly," Misato cut in, striding up beside Mitsuishi with her hands out. "Saying no is completely fine. But I would ask that you consider it before you make any—"

"Hell no," Asuka spat. The atmosphere in the room was like molten ice. Shinji's arms were shaking now.

"So what are we supposed to do? Live under house arrest from now on?" Asuka rose to her feet, her face growing more manic. "You don't think those cultist weirdos will make a move the second this shit goes public?! You know damn well what we went through before you—"

"Asuka, please!" Misato shouted, rushing up to her. Mitsuishi, pink-faced, had stepped back towards the corner of the room. "We can expunge your names! The decision is all up to you! We were just giving you the choice!"

"You knew I would say no, you stupid bitch!" Shinji flinched at the insult. Misato took a deep breath in, while Asuka lost her momentum. The tiniest bit of fear seeped into her display of rage.

"I-I… take my name out! Take my face out! Take it all out! I'm not involved in this!" She backed up towards the door, looked to each person in the room, and then bolted out. Mitsuishi had fully retreated into the corner.

Misato turned to Shinji. His whole body was shivering. "Shinji… it's OK. You don't have to say anything now."

He felt her hand on his shoulder and his body stilled itself. But it didn't stop how sick to his stomach he felt. He got to his feet, exerting himself to turn his head up and look at her.

"I-I… I'll think about it." Misato seemed surprised at this answer, but she smiled warmly.

"Go to class now. Everything'll be fine. You can make your decision whenever."

She kissed him on the forehead. He moved for the door without another word, mouth dry and chest burning. As soon as he closed it behind him, he could hear a shouting match begin inside.

"I mustn't run away… I mustn't run away…"

He hadn't said it in a year, at least. But he mumbled the mantra under his breath, unceasingly, as he skulked down the hall, clutching his stomach.

Asuka glared at him as she exited the bathroom. "How long have you been waiting here?"

Shinji paused. "…I just thought you might… wash your face."

"You sure you weren't trying to work up the courage to peek, pervert?" On another day it might have wounded Shinji a little, but he understood it as blowing off steam. Her face softened when he didn't react.

"I was vomiting." Her voice was quiet, but sharp as steel. "Fuck them."

"I don't think we should blame Misato…"

"I don't understand why you're not upset." Her tone of voice was furious but frantic, almost seeking validation for its anger. "This shit will be even worse for you than me."

He shook his head. "I'm just tired. It's like I can't get angry." He paused. "And it's not Misato's fault."

"This your way of saying I should apologize to her?" she hissed, looking him up and down. His face curled into an ugly frown.

"Asuka… I know this is hard for you…"

"To hell with me, it's all about mommy, right?"

He closed his eyes and tried, unsuccessfully, to steady his breathing. "I just wanted to check on you. Honest. It's not… it's not wrong to be mad."

"…I'm tired too." He opened his eyes to see she was staring to the side. Her voice was much smaller than before. "I'm tired of taking secret train rides to this goddamn hole to help make killing machines. I'm tired of not being able to walk in a crowd because I might get stabbed. I'm tired of being stuck with two people who remind me of the worst days of my life. I'm…" Her voice trailed off and she glanced at him. His face showed it; that one stung.

"I'm really tired." Her mouth was a thin line, but her eyes were watery.

Normally when they hugged, Shinji felt at peace. If anything, his rare moments of simple, uncomplicated affection with Asuka were among his happiest memories. But this time he just felt uneasy. He stared off into the distance above her shoulder, wondering when their living situation was going to end: when the incompatibilities, the bad memories, the mood swings, the tension of their relationship would be too much, and inevitably, he would be alone again.

"I'm going to leave early," she whispered, voice muffled.

"OK." He saw him walking at the end of the hall. He was staring at him.

"I was asked to come here for a test." Kaworu leaned his head back against the wall, smiling easily. "I hope they received the information they wanted."

"What kind of test?" Shinji felt relaxed talking to him. Maybe it was more of a deadened feeling than a calm one, but finally his shoulders stooped instead of tightened as he made idle chat with the boy he had killed.

Kaworu tilted his head. "I'm not sure. They asked me to lie down in a metal tube for twenty minutes. But it must have been important. Otherwise, they would not have called me."

"Maybe they're just checking your health," Shinji offered lamely. Kaworu chuckled.

"That seems unlikely. I believe they just want to know more about me." Kaworu turned his eyes, more solemn than before, onto Shinji's. "Is that what you want, too? To know more about me?"

Shinji stared for a minute before shaking his head. "Not really. I…" He shuffled his feet. "I just wanted to talk to someone."

"So anyone would do?"

Shinji felt a knife in his gut. He winced and shoved himself back to the real world. "…No. You said… you were born to meet me…" He sighed. "So I thought maybe it wouldn't hurt to just… talk. Just talk. And be friendly. It's the least I can do."

"I think that is quite a lot to do," Kaworu said thoughtfully. "Many Lilin have not been friendly to me."

Shinji felt the implications of that sentence. He had been through the wringer of UN questioning not too long ago. "I'm sorry." He considered moving a hand forward onto his, sympathetically, but immediately rejected that idea. It was way too much for him.

Kaworu smiled. "It is not your fault." He placed his hand on Shinji's. Apparently, it was not too much for him.

Asuka's eyes were fixed on the door for nearly an hour. When Shinji finally stumbled in, her blood was pumping, her eyes were dry.

"Asuka, I—"

"Where were you." She will accept an answer, any answer, with a slap on the wrist, except the worst one that comes to mind.

"It was…" He shut his eyes tight. "I met… Kaworu at the base…"

Asuka's whole body tightened. "What? Not so scared of that freak anymore?"

"Don't talk like that…"

"Talk like what?!" She shot up from her chair and got up in his face. "I tell you I'll be home early, and that means you go cavorting around with your Ken doll. And now you think you can stomp up and tell me what to call it? Huh? HUH?!"

Shinji's face is empty except for pain. "I'm sorry."

"Don't ever apologize to me," she seethed. She whirled around and walked toward her room.

"Asuka, please…" She snapped her hand away the instant he grabbed it. She stared him down, cold and unpitying.

"Maybe I should move out." Her voice was quiet, but based on how wide Shinji's eyes got, it was as if she had stabbed him.

"A-Asuka… no…"

"Misato won't care. I can go far away from Tokyo-3." The more she spoke, the more she was warming up to the idea. Shinji was shaking his head with a grimace, fat tears forming in the corners of his eyes. "Far away from the people that want us dead. And I can start moving on. I can start doing the things I want to do. In a country that isn't the closest thing to hell on earth."

She paused and exhaled sharply. "And you have a new toy to play with."

Shinji was blubbering. "Asuka…"

"We need to change."

She slid inside her room and latched the door shut. She heard Shinji rap on it weakly, breaking out into full-blown sobs. In a rare display of forwardness, he even tried to open it. But it was too late. She laid down in bed and covered her head with a pillow.

Kaworu had long been irritated by the strange new sensation of hunger, but he still felt no strong inclination to sleep. And so he sat perched next to the window, watching the moon disappear to the crest of the sky. He imagined Shinji cradled up next to it.

They had holed up in his apartment and talked much longer than he anticipated. And the longer they talked, the more things he told him. Kaworu was still not accustomed to some Lilin behavior, but judging by the way Shinji would pause and look around nervously before he shared certain things, he supposed that they were secrets between only them.

"Even before you showed up, I would still… I would still think about you. Sometimes."

His mind pored over the vague description of what he had been like in Third Impact. Kaworu wasn't entirely clear on what Third Impact was, nor was he entirely clear on what made Shinji tremble so badly when spoke about it, but apparently he had done something while it happened that had deeply affected him. Maybe it was the first him. Maybe it was a different him.

"It was me," he whispered. He tried forcing himself to remember. Who was Kaworu Nagisa? Who was the person that captured this boy's eye? How could he be as much like him as possible?

And who was Ayanami?

"And… no one understands it, but… I-I see Ayanami too. And I don't know if it's just me or if it's everyone and I'm just the only one who'll say it but… she watches me. Sometimes I see her at the end of the street. Sometimes in the corner of my room. Once she was outside the window. She's always watching me, and don't tell Asuka please please, but I like it. I feel—I feel like maybe, maybe, she's still here. She's not gone, and she's just letting me know that every once in a while."

Shinji looked into his eyes with such a desperate expression. The next words came out ashamed, yet hopeful.

"And maybe… maybe she'll come back too, like you did. And maybe we can all—we can all be together."

"All be together." Kaworu didn't know who all was. But he wanted to be one of them.

His loss of purpose had dissipated: Seele was no longer on his mind. He wanted to stay with Shinji. He wanted to keep knowing his secrets. He wanted to keep being Kaworu Nagisa. And he wanted to be a much better Kaworu Nagisa than the first could ever hope to be.

"This time, Shinji, I'll make you happy…" Kaworu put his cheek against the glass and watched the last sliver of the moon creep out of sight.