Chapter 116: Trusted Friends
He stayed close to the warden camp, not that anyone could blame him. The few times that he had ventured too far away from Alim and his allies, he had been pinned by many hostile glares.
Jowan thought it best not to press his luck, especially not when they were within spitting distance of Kinloch Hold, and far too many of Arl Eamon's soldiers. He glanced around nervously, but only saw Alim's companions tending to the chores of life in their little camp. Everyone seemed to have their place to know exactly where they fit in the scheme of things. He was a little envious.
He did not have the slightest idea where he fit now.
The dark haired blood mage sighed. He was still trying to make sense of all this, what Alim did for him back in Redcliffe. It…it made no sense, not in his mind anyway.
He shook his head.
He was going to be a terrible grey warden.
What Alim was asking of him, it was ridiculous. Jowan was no fighter. Maker knew, he had spent most of his time since the circle running or locked in a dungeon. He had convinced Alim to help him not only because he needed magic, but because he knew his friend was everything that he was not. The elf was a fighter.
He was not.
Jowan sighed.
He…was a coward.
He was not surprised by Alim's success, his elven friend had always been a fighter, had been since the first day he had arrived in Kinloch Hold. Here he was, this tiny little elf from some farm in the south, not afraid to mix it up with anyone, whether Templar or mage. When they were children, he quickly proved that he was not an easy mark. The older human apprentices who tried to push him around quickly learned to regret their decision. The Templars had early on branded him a troublemaker, but with combination of skill and the First Enchanter's support, he quickly grew into someone with a future in the tower…
Jowan sighed.
Perhaps that was why he had chosen Alim to help, and not Solona, perhaps he had been a bit…jealous of his friend. He had not intentionally set out to destroy Alim's life, but…but still…
The blood mage winced.
Still…the damage had been done.
If Alim had not helped him, he very well might have become First Enchanter himself one day, provided some Templar did not kill him first for aggravating them. He…
He was a far better man and mage than Jowan had ever been; now he was leading them into a war.
It was not something that he would likely survive.
He heard a heavy sigh behind him; he turned to find a wall of living stone glaring down at him.
He almost tripped as he jumped back.
The golem's eyes narrowed.
"The whiny blood mage had nothing to fear," it said, "It has vouched for the blood mage's safety. When it says it is going to do something, it does it."
Jowan blinked.
"It?" he asked.
The golem sighed again.
"It," she repeated, "The warden."
"Oh, you…you mean Alim?"
"Indeed," the golem said, "That is its name."
He nodded, still not quite to use to seeing a golem walking around like everyone else.
He pursed his lips.
He wondered where Alim had found such a creature.
"May I ask what brought you into this?"
The golem tilted its head.
"I'm here because it offered me a purpose," she answered, "I enjoy squishing the darkspawn, and besides It has been…good to me. It helped Caradin. It does not order me when we are not in battle, and it has no problem with my war with the winged vermin."
The golem made a noise, which might have been a chuckle.
"It clearly comes from superior breeding stock. Unlike my pathetic little mage of a master, it understands how to inspire loyalty, and doesn't need a control rod to do it."
She leaned down, staring into his face with her molten blue eyes.
"The blood mage would be wise to follow its example. I would hate to have to squish the whiney blood mage."
Jowan's head bobbed nervously as his heart pounded.
The golem straightened.
"The blood mage should help the painted elf and the dwarven princess; they could use aid in their checking of our stores."
She gave him a cool look.
"You would do well to learn quickly how to pull your own weight."
The golem turned returning to its own duties, grumbling about yet another mage in their party.
Jowan fidgeted.
He was definitely not in the tower anymore.
He was about to go see if Sereda and Zevran needed his help when he spotted Alim approaching. The elf had an amused smirk on his face and kept glancing back at the Spoiled Princess Tavern.
Alim noticed his him, and motioned for him to come forward.
The mage responded without complaint.
Alim was once again dressed in circle robes, the grey and black robes that a mage might wear when travelling to some official function, the kind of robes that did not get as dirty on the road. The traditional yellow and blue was usually reserved for either official functions or simply life in the tower.
Jowan was dressed similarly, grateful to finally be rid of the dirty apprentice robes that he had worn since his first escape from the tower.
He gave his friend a weak smile.
Alim's ears twitched with curiosity.
"Something wrong?" he asked.
Jowan chuckled nervously.
"I had a run in with your Golem," he answered, "It has quite the…personality."
The elf chuckled.
"Shayle enjoys her work a little too much I think," he said with a grin, "She is only happy when she is squishing something. Outside of that, she is almost always grumpy."
He lowered his voice and leaned in.
"Personally, I wonder if when she was first turned into a golem it was her time of the month, which would explain a lot."
The elf smirked.
"Not that I would say that to her of course, I would rather not be squashed into a pulpy mass on her fists,"
Jowan managed a weak laugh.
For a moment, it felt like they were just two friends from the circle again, alas he knew that wasn't so.
Too much had gone down between them, too much pain.
They would likely never go back to the way things were.
He frowned.
"Alim?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"You just did," the elf smirked, "But since I can tell that wasn't it, let's hear it."
Jowan sighed. He paid no mind to Alim's sass that was simply the way his friend was.
At least, that had not changed.
"I know what you told the Arl, your reasons for conscripting me."
"They were all valid reason," Alim said with a shrug, "What I'm asking of you isn't easy, but it must be done."
"I know that," Jowan said shaking his head, "But…but…"
The elf frowned.
"But what," Alim asked.
Jowan pursed his lips.
"I'm not a fighter, Alim," he finally said, "I…I won't last through my first battle."
The elf's ears twitched.
"You managed to get out of the tower," he reminded his friend, "That is no small feat."
"True, but…"
"But nothing, Jowan," Alim said cutting him off, "As I said when you were first conscripted, this is not just me saving your life, this is a punishment as well."
Jowan bowed his head.
"You said it could kill me, what makes me a warden?"
"That is correct, and if doesn't some darkspawn might certainly will. Being a warden…it…it is a hard life, I'm still learning that myself."
Alim shook his head.
"But I have also learned something else; would you like to hear what that is?"
Jowan nodded, but part of him was still afraid of what his friend might say.
Alim pursed his lips.
"I've also learned that it isn't all bad. Wardens look out for each other. We do what we must because no one else can, but that does not mean that everything is all grim and bloody all the time."
The elf smiled slightly.
"If not for the wardens, I would not be here right now. I would either have been made tranquil, or slain in Uldred's little rebellion. I never would have met the people that are helping me now. They are all good people Jowan, even if some of them would scoff if they heard me call them such."
His smiled widened.
"It was because of the wardens that I finally found out who I am, what I really am. I'm the heir to heritage as old as the tales of the ancient elves. I'll always be grateful to them for that, but even that isn't all…"
The elf blushed slightly, it was telling even in the moonlight.
"I've found love as well, both love and loss. I know it sound cliché, but that is the truth. There was this Dalish girl at first, she…she helped open my heart, when she died I…"
Alim's ears lowered slightly, but he did not stop, the words were flowing out of him now.
"I will always treasure he memory, and what might have been, and because of her, I was open to what I felt for Leli, and when she returned those feelings…I…I…"
The elf frowned and snorted.
"I'm no good at this," he grumbled, "The point I'm trying to make is this. Taking the chance, becoming a warden…it…it is worth it. It is worth everything, trust me on that."
He put his hand on his friend's shoulder.
"You…you don't have to be some runaway maleficar. You can be more. Warden Recruit is just the start."
Jowan gave his friend a hurt look.
"What if I fail? What if I die in this joining of yours?"
"At least you will die trying to be better;" he shrugged, "Isn't that better than simply letting the Templars execute you. It is something to hope for at least."
Jowan thought about that.
He had been ready to die when Alim had recruited him. He had been ready to be punished not just for what he had did to the Arl, but for what he had done to Alim and Lily. If fate meant for him to die in the joining so be it…
…But…what if he didn't…if he didn't?
Did he not owe it to himself to find out why? Could he at least not attempt to be the man that Lily had thought him to be?
Did he not owe it to Alim to at least try?
Did he not owe Lily that much?
He sighed.
"I…I will do what I can," he murmured, "If I fail then so be it."
He managed a weak smile.
"If you can do it," he said, "then why not I?"
Alim smirked.
"Well…I am better than you."
Jowan gave him a friendly shove. The elf cackled to himself.
The blood mage smiled slightly.
It was good to see that at least some of the elf he knew remained.
Alim sighed.
"I should get some rest," he said, "I got the late watch, and then we are going to be on the road again early tomorrow."
His eyes narrowed.
"I suspect that we won't be getting much rest when we reach Denerim."
Jowan nodded grimly. He thought of the last time he was in Denerim, brought before Teyrn Loghain himself.
The man…the Teyrn was every bit the warrior that the tales said he was. He was almost a force of nature himself.
Such a man would not be easy to defeat, if they could even get close to him. The Arl's men would help even the score, but still…still…
It was still a high mountain to climb, and even if they succeeded in that, there was still the darkspawn.
There was still the Archdemon.
Jowan shuddered.
Alim had said he had seen the beast in the deep roads. Yet, still he intended to stay and fight it.
Could Jowan do any less?
The blood mage shuddered.
"I'm…uh…going to see if I can help the others," he said.
Alim nodded.
"Wake me if you need anything."
Again Jowan nodded slightly, yet still seemed pale, the threats they would soon face weighing heavily on his mind.
Alim gave him a friendly tap on the shoulder.
"You will do fine," he said, "Trust yourself, and the others will learn to trust you too."
The blood mage gave him a pained look.
"Do you trust me, Lim?"
The elf paused, his pointed ears twitching rapidly, as they often did when he was in deep thought.
"I do," he finally said.
He walked away then, leaving his friend to think on what had been said.
Trust yourself.
Jowan snorted.
Not an easy thing to do anymore.
He turned and made for where Zevran and Sereda were working.
Trust was not easy to come by, not for a mage, and even harder for a blood mage.
He took a deep breath, and approached his new companions.
He had to start somewhere, he thought.
He tried to smile.
It might as well be now.