*****Trigger warning for this chapter***** There is a scene of sexual assault in this chapter and I have marked it with asterisks (*****) before and after so you can skip if you need to
Spencer dropped her bags off in Aria's apartment, and wandered around while Aria got changed to go out for a drink. The two hailed a cab from Aria's apartment building to a swanky new bar across town. They took seats at a high table near the back end of the bar where it was relatively quiet.
"So, Little One, tell me all about your new job," Spencer asked after the pair ordered their martinis.
"I like it so far. The work is challenging and my boss is a bit intimidating, but the people there are nice," Aria began. "My work friend Sophia brought me to her yoga studio last week, and I'm excited to keep going back." Then switching gears, "what made Toby and Yvonne move so close to you? I thought they were moving to Maine."
Spencer took a deep breath, not sure where to begin. "Well after my mom won the senate race, the Philips campaign disbanded rather abruptly. Yvonne was disappointed, but still wanted to work in government so she convinced Toby to move to the DC area," Spencer spoke more quickly than usual to avoid getting upset about Toby. "After my parents split up and my mom moved to Harrisburg I turned down her offer for a job for me in Harrisburg and moved back to DC for law school. I've been seeing someone, but it's still really weird around Toby."
Aria's face lit up with her friend's new gossip. "Oh, who's the lucky guy?"
"Well," Spencer took another deep breath. "It's Caleb. After the trial and everything, after Hanna began working with Lucas, they decided each lived in completely different worlds and Caleb moved back to DC. He's working for the Department of Defense, kind of a professional hacker – trying to break into the government's servers and pointing out holes in their security. It's been fairly casual," Spencer lied to herself as much as to her friend, "especially since things moved too fast with us during my mom's senate race, and since he's still good friends with Toby."
"Have you talked about what's going to happen when you move up here?" Aria was concerned for her friend. Seeing her heartbroken over Caleb once was too much.
"I'm not sure whether we are in the stage of our relationship that I can ask Caleb to move. He knows how hard things are for me at Georgetown, and supports my move here, but I don't know what that means for our relationship," Spencer began to look forlorn. "Maybe you can give me some advice?"
Aria was not sure she could give unbiased advice. Leaving Jason to chase her dream while he went to Africa with the Peace Corps was a decision she regretted every day. Each time she thought the pain was subsiding, each time she felt herself move forward in her life, some random memory of him would bring her down. Luckily she was saved by the arrival of their drinks.
"Right now I don't think I'm in a position to give you any life advice other than to drink up!" Aria grinned as she brought her glass up to clink Spencer's.
"Well you seem to be doing well," Spencer observed. The smaller girl put an exorbitant amount of effort into hiding her emotions, and a few cocktails would surely reduce her to tears if she allowed it. "How did you deal with leaving Ezra when you moved to Boston? Are you two still in touch?" Aria's secrecy when they were all in town for the trial made her friends think she was still seeing Ezra.
"I left Ezra when I went to college," Aria began slowly. "It was hard, but I needed to try to live a normal life. Dating my high school teacher kind of ruined high school for me and I didn't want that at college. But I was so broken up I had a hard time connecting with anyone during college. I spent most weekends either holed up in my room writing what I now consider to be very disturbing poetry, or out in the woods setting up surreal scenery to photograph." For a period of time at the end of her junior year, she lived on coffee and wine, sleeping only a few hours a night as she tried to capture the unravelling of her universe both on film and on paper. Nobody knew about the week she had to spend in the psychiatric ward of the hospital.
"I haven't been in touch with Ezra since he called me during my junior year of college and then showed up on my door step drunk as hell. After his book tour and new-found fame he told me he felt empty inside and that I was the only thing that could fill the void," Aria started tearing up as her breath caught in her throat remembering that night from a few years ago as if it was yesterday. She could still smell his stale whiskey and awful cigar breath, the all-consuming fear for how unpredictable she knew Ezra could be when he was drunk. A very concerned Spender stood up and walked around the table to hug her petite friend who was moments away from full-blown panic attack.
"My roommate was gone for the weekend," Aria managed to speak in broken phrases as her short breaths allowed her. "Ezra pushed himself into my apartment, and closed the door behind him as he pushed me up against the wall, ripped off my shirt and pulled down my skirt. With one hand, he held me against the wall by my throat while he undid his pants. I tried kicking and screaming for help but it only made him more excited. When he penetrated, I was completely dry, but that did not deter Ezra from pounding me hard enough to make the wall shake. The pain was excruciating, it consumed my whole being. He kept trying to convince me that we were meant to be together and that with his successful book he could take care of me and I wouldn't have to work. Basically, he promised me the Garden of Eden while the devil inside of him wreaked havoc on my body. After he finished, he passed out and I ran into the bathroom to call 911. I had to file a police report and go to the hospital for a rape kit. I took out a PFA against him, and after 30 days in Savannah jail his mother paid the wipe his record clean and Ezra moved back to Rosewood."
"Oh my god, Aria, that's awful, why didn't you reach out to any of us?" Spencer was aghast, and ashamed of herself for not being there for her friend when she needed her the most.
"You were all busy with school and living your own lives. I didn't want to bring you guys into my mess of a life. I went to counseling once, but the lady seemed to not believe my story. The counseling was almost as bad as the assault itself as I had to relive the entire traumatic event. I didn't want my friends to see what a frail person I had become," Aria said, starting to calm down but still quite shaken up. "I spent a lot of time incorporating surrealism into my writing and photography, basically trying to capture the disintegration of my universe. The only person I was actually able to connect with was this guy who worked in a beer store that was right next to the alternative bar I frequented. At first I just thought Gordon was a weird dude, but I had brief conversations with him as we stood outside smoking cigarettes."
"You smoke?! Since when?" Spencer gasped.
"I used to smoke. After the incident with Ezra I began drinking heavily and smoking cigarettes and barely sleeping. I was convinced I was uncovering spectacular secrets of the universe, I could see and sense all sorts of connections that weren't there. Gordon and I talked about chaos theory and he brought up chaos magick, encouraging me to check out the writings and art of Phil Hine and Austin Osmond Spare, which by the way are mind-blowing when contemplated from the right frame of mind. Gordon considered himself a shaman and magi, and explained belief systems can be used as tools rather than ends in and of themselves. Magick, with k to differentiate it from circus magic, is a way to cause change in conformity with will. Basically bringing an intent to fruition requires deep meditation and focus."
"Well that sounds, eccentric," Spencer replied, contemplating this whole new side of Aria no one seemed to know about. "Is that how you managed to get past the Ezra thing?"
"Kind of," Aria began, "but ultimately my deep thinking and lack of sleep led to daily hallucinations and delusions. I was hospitalized for a week, and I've been on a variety of different mood stabilizers and other psychotropic drugs ever since."
"Holy shit, what happened when we were all back in Rosewood for Charlotte's trial? The others and I thought you were shacking up with Fitz but didn't want us to know about it. I assume the PFA was no longer valid in PA, so how did you handle seeing him?"
"I avoided the brew and never went anywhere by myself. Hanna and Emily were confused when we were having drinks at the Radley and I needed one of them to walk me to the bathroom and the other to stay at the table to make sure nobody put anything into my drink when I saw Ezra walk in. He took a table right next to ours and started up a conversation with Hanna. After Em and I returned from the bathroom and saw Hanna & Ezra wave to us, I quickly left to get a cab and texted Hanna goodbye," Aria said.
"They told me about that. We all just figured it was some sort of cover to make everyone think you hadn't gotten back together. I feel horrible for thinking you were still dating him on the down-low."
Spencer flagged the waitress for two more drinks and started telling ridiculous stories about what she and Caleb imagined Toby and Yvonne talked about, in hopes of lightening the mood. Caleb imagined Toby was super-awkward at the types of fancy dinners Yvonne brought him to, and that when they were alone Yvonne talked in a southern drawl to make Toby less self-conscious. It worked, as the thought of how awkward their relationship must be – Toby was certainly not a city guy – made Aria smile.
Just then a couple of guys in their mid-thirties, a blond guy wearing a suit and a dark-haired guy wearing jeans and a red tee-shirt stopped by their table. The blond announced their presence with "Haaaave you met Ted?" before quickly walking back towards the bar.
Ted apologized for his friend and then introduced himself to Spencer and Aria. Ted explained his friend Barney was kind of a lunatic, and invested way too much of his time to making extravagant plans to get laid. Then occasionally he'd try to help Ted. Ted turned out to be a charming, funny guy and the three sat chatting until last call when Barney returned with a girl named Natalia to inform Ted his evening was about to get legendary.
Ted walked Spencer and Aria outside and hailed a cab for them before turning towards the stairs that led to his apartment above the Rathskellar. "Good night ladies, thanks for saving me tonight. I'm sure I'll see you next time!"
Spencer nudged Aria when they got into the cab. "He's cute, you should've slipped him your number."
"Nah," Aria said sleepily as she rested her head on Spencer's shoulder. "He's not quite my type." No one but Jason DiLaurentis was Aria's "type."
Two weeks later Spencer returned to her and Aria's apartment around 4:30 – a bit earlier than usual for a Friday, but their professor was feeling generous and dismissed the students early. As she was turning the key to open the deadbolt, she could feel her phone buzz then heard Aria's ringtone. Once she opened the door and set her things down she answered to hear her friend's extra-bubbly voice.
"Come to Happy Hour with us! We're at the Rathskellar!"
"Woah Little One, take a deep breath," Spencer responded, smiling at her adorable partner in crime. "Who's we?"
"My friends from work! There's Sophia, and Liam, and some other people that got stuck in a late meeting with Jillian should be here soon. Right now it's just me, Sophia and Liam," Aria replied, trying to cover her early buzz. "And Ted's here too now!" so much for covering her buzz.
"Ok, I'll be there in 45." Spencer was not particularly in the mood to rush back out into the city, but it was hard to say no to Aria, and she needed to get her mind off Caleb. She hadn't spoken to him in more than a week and he barely replied to texts.
Spencer begrudgingly changed out of her stuffy law attire into casual ripped jeans, an off-the-shoulder red shirt and classic blue Chucks. She walked out into the cool late fall afternoon and called an uber. When she reached the Skellar, a few more people had joined Aria, Sophia and Liam. Needing a moment to get into the right frame of mind, Spencer walked to the bar and asked for a double-shot of Jim Beam along with a Beam and Diet. When the bar tender poured an extra-heavy shot of Beam, Spencer winked at him, downed the shot, put a $20 on the bar and picked up her other drink. She smirked at Aria in the mirror behind the bar, then turned and joined her friend's work crew around the two large booths they'd claimed for the evening.
Aria introduced her work friends, whose names went in one of Spencer's ears and out the other. Spencer only knew Sophia and Liam, and didn't particularly care to know the others, so just waved a generic "hi" to everyone and took a seat next to Ted. As Spencer looked down and took a sip of her drink she nearly sprayed the whole mouthful on the table as she caught a glance of Ted's ridiculous footwear.
"What in the hell are you wearing on your feet Ted?" she asked, starting at his red cowboy boots.
Ted stood up to show them off again. "Awesome, right?!" He'd already gotten mocked when he showed up, but was too proud of his ridiculous boots to let anyone get him down.
Spencer just smirked and nodded her head slowly. "Whatever you say, Cowboy."
Out of the corner of her eye she could see her little friend bouncing up and down in her seat trying to get Spencer's attention. "Yes, Aria?"
Aria pointed to the far end of the bar and squealed "look who it is!"
Spencer slowly turned her head to see a dark-haired man wearing a red plaid shirt with his back to her working on his laptop while drinking a Harpoon IPA. It was a vision she'd seen many times as she always arrived slightly late for their unofficial dates. But it couldn't be. Spencer felt as if she'd been in a desert for weeks without water and her mind was playing tricks on her. That man could not be anyone other than Caleb, but it was surely a mirage. Without thinking, Spencer stood up, her mind in a trance-like state, and walked over to her mirage. She tapped the man on the shoulder and he turned around. Spencer was staring into Caleb's dark brown eyes, the very same ones she had grown to love during their time together.
"Spencer," Caleb said with his beautiful smile, bringing her back to the moment, "hi."
Breathlessly, Spencer reached her arms around the man she'd left tearfully in D.C. when she moved up to Boston, the man she thought she'd never see again, the man that held her entire heart. "What are you doing here?"
"My government contract ended, and I interviewed for a job yesterday at Carbonite Inc and decided to stay up her for the weekend," Caleb replied. "I wanted to surprise you, so I got ahold of Aria and made plans to meet up with you guys out here. God I've missed you so much," Caleb whispered as he hugged Spencer tightly.
"So wait, you're moving up here?" A confused Spencer raised her eyebrows suspiciously, still a bit skeptical of the whole situation.
"I'm planning to if I get the job offer," Caleb replied nervously. He hadn't known what to expect from Spencer when he surprised her. She planned for everything, and had never been too keen on surprises. "Maybe I'll move up here even if I don't get the offer," he said cautiously, "if that would be ok with you."
"OMG, of course it would be!" Spencer gushed like a school-girl as she pulled him in for another hug. I hope to god this is not a dream, Spencer added in her head, as she felt her whole body warming with excitement. "Come over and meet Aria's friends from work!"
In the two months since he'd been in Africa, Aria showed up in fewer of his thoughts and dreams, but there was still a lingering desire to hold her, smell her, make love to her. They had come together, each in broken pieces, to become something beautiful. He was struggling with sobriety, the death of one sister and the hospitalization of the other. She had been reduced to shambles, a mere façade of her former self, by the rape of her ex-boyfriend. Jason was the only person in Rosewood she told about it, the only one she felt truly safe with. Then he left her, alone and crying on the floor in the middle of the airport. God I am an idiot he thought.
Nicole Francesca was from Tennessee and joined the Peace Corps about a month after Jason. She was attractive, and nice to talk to what with her Southern drawl, but Jason wasn't as interested in her as she was in him. Still, Nicole was one of Jason's favorite people in the group. They could hold deep intellectual conversations and she did not have the same "Holier Than Thou" attitude most of the people in the group had. Somehow Jason had ended up with the most narcissistic faux-altruistic people possible. Their days were long and grueling, helping to rebuild schools and requesting donations for supplies from the headquarters in America. The people of Ethiopia were genuinely happy for the good will of the Corps and excited to help out in any way they could.
One night, after a particularly intense conversation between Jason and Nicole, the inevitable happened: they had sex. Nicole had gradually fallen for Jason – his brooding green eyes, heart of gold, deep intelligence and godly body – and fallen hard. Jason, acutely aware of Nicole's feelings, tried to play along. He was lonely, his body craving the gentle touch of a woman, but deep down it didn't feel right. In the months following their first night together, Jason became more attracted to Nicole but could never get Aria off his mind. As Nicole fell harder for Jason, he tried to be the man she wanted, but deep down he grew to hate himself…
a/n: Please no Spaleb/Haleb bashing yet. Hanna's love life takes an unexpected turn while working with Lucas, and I promise she will not end up alone. Hopefully this chapter doesn't seem too rushed, but I've started a new job and do not have as much time to write as I had before. I'd love to know what you think!