CHAPTER 11 : BEING DEMOTED TO SECOND FIDDLE HURTS

A subcommittee was formed and Dr Malloy presented Arthur's information about his and Baxter's father's business dealings. The information was entered in the minutes. The committee would be meeting again in seven days.

When finalised, the findings would be presented to the Discipline Council. Dr Caruthers approached Dr Glassmacher and said that in the eyes of the public the college would have been seen to have facilitated the endangerment of students' lives. All on the committee when given copies of the records were surprised at the volume of them, as well as the list of infractions which had built up without ever being addressed.

They had been advised of the situation with internal mail going missing and that probably creating this backlog of reports which had not been reviewed. They were also privy to the outcome of the off campus search and the fact that all reports and parcels had been returned to the college. There was going to be a serious look at where the procedures usually followed had failed. The first response staff, Porters and security had done their jobs, written their reports which had been then for want of a better word…lost, or hijacked as Dr. Malloy preferred to think.

Caruthers was shocked to see that the first problem this year with this Baxter character was dated Michaelmas term. Since speaking to Dr. Malloy about Arthur's history, he wanted to review the reports from his freshman year at Waynflete. He had records of Kevin Newnham's situation and was willing to acknowledge that the college was at fault and realised that it would be an additional failure on its part unless it was settled fairly, squarely and within a relatively short time.

He was surprised that even with all the bullying, the four AC's especially the Emrys student had been able to continue with their studies and do well on term exams. He was shocked to learn of the assault on Miss Weber duly reported by the college staff but only the police and hospital reports were on file. He read some of the preliminary reports from the Porters backed up by maintenance and security but nothing had been done, so the bottleneck in the system which prevented the charges being presented at committee level, existed even then.

It was a failure right down the line with people making reports which had just languished in no-man's land. He was worried that this was maybe only the tip of the iceberg.

He had his department checking files and interviewing college staff who had dealt with that particular residence. The more the committee delved into the reports, the more the picture was revealed.

-0-0-

Arthur was notified that he would be called before the committee within the next five days. His first thought was to phone Merlin to let him know that things were finally happening. Then the realisation that he and Merlin were no longer even on speaking terms, hit him. He hoped that he would be able to convince the committee that his first run in four years ago was the basis for the current situation which had involved Merlin and why.

He worried that he would be unable to speak as Merlin's advocate as he and Merlin were no longer friends and he would probably not agree. Could he even talk about Merlin's problems without becoming too involved? Regardless of how he felt he would not let Merlin's life be minimised. He would stand solid as a witness to what had happened to his friend.

He swallowed the last of his whiskey, knowing that Merlin would complain that he was drinking too much but it helped the raw pain he was experiencing.

How had it ever happened that their relationship had been fractured? If someone had told him this at the beginning of Trinity he would have laughed saying that they were having him on. Even though he knew in his heart that the love he had for Merlin had never faltered, deep down he prayed that one day in the future they would be able to let bygones be bygones and if nothing else, be at least civil to each other.

Deep down he felt that if he could only get Merlin somewhere by himself, where he could calmly and without any pressure present to him his side of the story, explaining to him, why Hugo had come to the condo, this stupid problem could be solved. He knew he was not at fault and that Merlin would understand that when he spoke to him but if he couldn't even make contact with him; how was he going to explain what had happened? The longer this rift continued the deeper it got and the more difficult to repair.

His hope that Laurence might have been able to reach Merlin had failed. Laurence gave him the impression that Merlin acknowledged that Arthur had tried to reach him but explained to Laurence that at the moment he had no interest in furthering contact.

Laurence knew that Arthur was heartbroken but had his hands tied. Merlin was an adult, he was hurt and it wasn't his place to try to convince him how Arthur felt. That was for Arthur to do and whether that would happen in the next month or in the next five years he couldn't hazard a guess.

Merlin was still going on with his life in college. He attended tutorials, went out with Toby and ate his meals with his three friends. He was determined to stay strong, however he knew that should he get a glance of Arthur, all the memories would race back as well as the pain he had experienced since that day in the condo when Arthur had mistaken him for Hugo. He could remember the friendliness and teasing in his voice and it hurt.

Laurence knew that Arthur had been notified that he would be called before the committee as a witness to many of the episodes which involved Merlin and he prayed that fate might play a trick and have them called on the same day at the same time. However, he thought that unlikely.

-0-0-

Committees are notoriously slow but finally, reports were received back from all members and a select group of the Discipline Council would meet to go through everything before calling any witnesses.

The suspense over the council's findings affected some people more than others, the Porters, Security and Maintenance were hoping to see themselves vindicated now that their original reports had surfaced.

The AC's students tried to ignore what was going on. They were enjoying being able to live their lives normally, such as studying in the library without worrying about Baxter and his followers. One evening, Toby and Merlin had wedged their doors open so they could talk while reviewing. Such a simple thing but not something they would have considered doing midterm ten days ago.

Merlin was enjoying the freedom. He knew that he had held back nothing and the whole mess was now in the hands of the college. His happiness was tempered by his inability to discuss everything with Arthur.

He hadn't told his Mum about anything but had had a long talk on his phone with Gaius even sharing with him the fact that he and Arthur were no longer together. To Gaius's questions, Merlin just explained that Arthur was now with an ex from London.

Gaius acting fatherly but not being pushy had said, "And, how are you managing?"

"All right! It's hard as I'm used to sharing everything which happens with him and now there's an empty space."

"Have you talked things out?"

"Gaius, there is nothing to talk out. I let myself in and was in the kitchen and he thought I was Hugo. I hate that name! He called out to him. I panicked and left. I met a young man coming out of the lift with a parcel and watched him go to the condo and Arthur let him in joking with him. Saying that he was late and he was on a tight schedule as I was due soon!"

Gaius waited giving Merlin time before asking, "Then what did you do...?"

"I hid on the stairs until I felt I could walk back to college. Gaius, it was the most awful feeling."

"What did Arthur have to say?"

"I haven't spoken to him. I can't, it would hurt too much. Nothing he can say will make me feel the same way again. I blocked his number and texts."

"Give him a chance to explain...you love him..."

"...loved him! He made his choice freely. The stupid thing is that I had no inkling that anything was wrong, it just happened out of the blue."

"Merlin, listen to me, there might be a simple explanation for what happened. Maybe, this Hugo chap is not even in Oxford anymore. Listen to me, the two of you have history. You just told me you used to love him, give him a chance. At least hear him out, listen to what he has to say and then decide. Don't live to regret cutting him out of your life." Gaius paused and said, "Do you want to talk to your Mum?"

Merlin shook his head and realising that Gaius couldn't see him, said, "I'll speak to her tomorrow night. Thanks Gaius… by the way, don't tell her as she will be worried."

Lying on his bed in a darkened room, Merlin felt better. Gaius had not once said that he was stupid letting Arthur go and not once had he suggested grovelling. Nevertheless, if it wasn't for the fact that he was one of the two main characters in this fiasco, he would have advised any of his own friends in the same situation to have taken the time to at least listen to the other person's take on the event in question.

-0-0-

Toby had told his mother that Merlin and Arthur were 'on the outs'.

She'd listened half heartedly figuring that the stress they were finding themselves in with the Baxter situation was not helping. She liked Arthur and felt that Merlin and he had been on solid ground.

She tuned in again to hear what her son was saying, "Do you remember how it was after Luca died and I'd forget and save things to tell him at supper before remembering that he wouldn't be there? That's how I think Merlin feels." He shook his head, "Not that Arthur is dead...but that weird feeling when for a second your mind becomes selective purposely ignoring what is fact, instead preferring what you feel is safe and normal such as, sharing things with each other."

"What did your father say?"

"He is so busy at this time of year, that I hardly think that the broken relationship of one of my friends is going to rate highly. Anyway, I'd better be getting back, thanks for supper." He gave her a hug and flashed her a smile so like Luca's as he left the room.

Mrs Quilley for a second wondered how her son had coped. They were all united in Luca's death but also separated in grief. As Toby had not stated that it was a secret, she decided to talk to her husband about Merlin and Arthur.

Angus had experience with young people going back to his first days in education. He had shared things with her then and she decided to see if his subsequent years of experience might contain words of wisdom when dealing with what she was sure were two broken souls.

Arthur had only been at their place at the beginning of the week, going over things regarding the disciplinary sub-committees. She had not been privy to their discussions but afterwards he had joined Angus and her for a sandwich lunch, looking back she realised that he was quite serious and when she had asked how Merlin was, he had replied with a monosyllabic 'Well…' which had not seemed out of place at the time as he was returning to college for his afternoon tutorials.

Later after having spoken to Toby, she mentioned to her husband that all did not seem well between Merlin and Arthur.

"He seemed perfectly normal to me. Are you maybe not reading things into his pre-occupation with the committees?"

"No, Toby mentioned it to me today. I really think that there is trouble in paradise," she said with a smile. "Couldn't you get to the bottom of it and offer a helpful ear or whatever it is you do, Husband Dearest…?"

"I'm really busy. Anyway, wouldn't it seem strange if out of the blue I asked Arthur, how his love life was? A less intrusive way would be for you to invite Merlin to supper and I will invite Arthur over for a drink the same evening? It could be considered a coincidence that it is the same day. Make it a Thursday as then Toby will be here. After the meal, Toby can entertain Merlin. Once Arthur arrives and has a drink, then you can send Merlin in with a message and I will skedaddle out, locking the door behind me," he'd added with a smile. "Once they are face to face, maybe someone will start talking and the three of us can slip off and leave them to it."

Mrs Quilley thought it was a brilliant idea but her husband warned her not to get her hopes up as the whole thing might come to nothing especially if once confined under lock and key to the library, Merlin might decide to take one of the duelling pistols off the mantlepiece and shoot Arthur."

"Dear, you're not being serious! Merlin would never think of shooting Arthur…"

"Or vice versa?" Angus continued with a grin.

So the scene was set, whether the main characters would attend and what the ensuing results might be were as yet, unknown.

-0-0-

Monday afternoon, Toby mentioned that his mother had said that if Merlin was free, would he like to join them for supper on Thursday.

For a second, Merlin's heart expanded at the word Thursday but then he remembered that he no longer had a standing invitation for supper at the condo on Thursdays. For a brief second he wondered if Arthur would be eating alone or entertaining his new 'friend'. 'I don't care!' he told himself but his heart prompted him to realise that he ready did.

"I'd love to come, is there anything I could bring?"

"No just you!" Toby said grinning.

-0-0-

Tuesday afternoon, Merlin had a session with Dr. Caruthers and Claudio. Dr Caruthers seemed very pleasant and Merlin felt quite relaxed with Claudio and happy that he was there. It was just a run through of all the reports of happenings in the residence which had finally reached the committee. Dr, Caruthers seemed satisfied with what he heard and apologised to Merlin for the length of time it had taken for them to be brought to his attention.

"We hope to be able to have this settled once the Council has met and then hopefully things will settle down for you and your friends."

Merlin did not ask what might happen to Baxter as he really didn't care as long as he was out of his hair. He thought, 'Well, Arthur will be happy as he will be able to stop worrying about me' and then he realised that Arthur probably no longer worried about him anyway.

-0-0-

Claudio had been told as a courtesy to notify Arthur that Dr. Caruthers had met with Merlin and all the reports seemed to be in order. Arthur thanked him for the call.

Arthur could not shake Merlin from his mind, where on innumerable occasions during the day he seemed to take up residence. The worst time was at night, when he lay alone and his mind played tricks on him that Merlin was there in bed. He's wake up in a panic believing that he was waiting outside the door in the corridor for Arthur to get up and let him as he had forgotten his key.

The key was a lifeline for him as Merlin had never retuned it. He might have thrown it in the bin but Arthur liked to think that Merlin had it safely in his possession. Then he'd tell himself that it was stupid as if he wouldn't accept his calls or texts, why would he want to safeguard a stupid key?

Once about two weeks after Hugo's visit, Laurence and he had been walking down the street on their way to a restaurant and he had stopped dead, causing a minor pedestrian traffic jam, as he had seen Merlin and Toby, laughing and grinning as they came out of Costa's with drinks in their hands. It was as if his vision shifted from panoramic to keyhole view as all he had eyes for was Merlin, before he knew it he had stepped off the kerb and only Laurence's hand on his arm had stopped him from walking into a passing tour bus.

Laurence said, "Not here, not now, he won't listen! You need to meet face to face to be able to get his full attention and convince him of your innocence."

Pulling away angrily Arthur said, "Well, without being able to speak to him, how do you expect me to be able to arrange that!" He looked across the road and said, "Now he's gone and so has my appetite. You stay out and eat if you want, I'm going home."

"We'll go back together and get a takeaway…" Laurence knew that Arthur would either scoff down his meal and go to his room or take the uneaten meal into his room with him. So much for socialising with his roommate!

Gaius had phoned Laurence within a couple of days of hearing from Merlin to see if he could shed any light on the matter. Laurence assured him that Arthur was not the guilty party and that he had in fact been trying to do something nice for Merlin which had gone horribly wrong. He suggested that Merlin's lack of confidence had him now doubting that Arthur had ever really loved him.

"Gaius, he even refusing my offer to get them together so that they could talk. I think we will just have to stand back and let them settle it however they wish. I know that Arthur would at a drop of the hat contact Merlin to explain what happened but at the moment it is Merlin who is in control as he is refusing to have anything to do with him." He told Gaius about Arthur's almost walking in front of a bus in his haste to reach Merlin whom he had seen walking in town.

"Laurence, promise me to make yourself available if he needs you, sooner or later if Arthur is determined to get this straightened out he will but until then Merlin is the one feeling abandoned. I don't even know if he has told Gawaine which he would have if he had been here instead of Oxford. I told his mother just that Arthur and Merlin were going through rough times and bless her heart, she said that she'd pray to Saint Joseph Patron Saint of a Happy Home."

"Just what my mother would have said and you know, Gaius, it's not such a bad idea. No one is at fault in this mess, it is just one big misunderstanding that only talking and listening can sort out; however they need to be on speaking terms."

Laurence tidied up the kitchen putting the leftovers in the fridge. He wandered along to his room and hoped that Arthur would get some sleep.

-0-0-

Merlin is dreaming, an unknown young man with an Oxford scarf says to him, "Don't have second thoughts now, of course, you should play hard to get as if you give in, he'll walk over you again… Mark my words, if he really loves you, he would be here breaking down the door to see you."

Merlin feels slightly guilty as he is the one who has severed any communication.

They're now in Wales and it is snowy, the cottage is freezing and someone throws him a duvet, he glances up and sees Arthur who smiles at him and he grins back moving the duvet slightly so that Arthur can slip in beside him…

He was woken by the chapel bells, he knew it was early but before he rolled over for another hour of sleep, he decided that should Arthur ever try to contact him, he would hear him out…