A/N: Sorry for such a long lag time in updating. *Insert lame excuse here* Thank you to all the new followers – you've encouraged me to keep going. Please let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I apologize in advance for my character's mocking of autism. It's not a condition to be made fun of, by my character is kind of an asshole.
After the return of Jason DiLaurentis, Liam grew shy and withdrawn. Aria could barely recognize him somedays. It looked like he wasn't sleeping, and smelled like he was drinking heavily. In an attempt to assuage her guilt at Liam's downfall, Aria suggested he take Robin out to dinner. When Liam arrived to work the next morning with a shit-eating grin on his face, Aria knew he'd scored. Liam wasn't quite back to himself, per se, but he was no longer in despair. Aria could hold both friendly and professional conversations with him without feeling like she was twisting a dagger in his heart. Now, ever since that first date, Robin and Liam had been practically inseparable.
One Friday evening, when the Rosewood crew was descending upon Boston, Robin and Liam were the first to arrive at the Skellar. They grabbed their usual spot and toasted each other with a glass of single-malt scotch. Both had been frustratingly single for so long, they felt like teenagers embarking on an unknown journey. Everyone found it surprising how easily Robin, practically the female equivalent of Barney, had fallen into a relationship. Their second date was to a Bruins vs. Canucks game, Liam had managed to score floor seats, solidified their bond instantaneously.
Moments after they downed the scotch, Ted walked in, rocking his birth-control red cowboy boots, followed by Barney. Carl at the bar poured them a pitcher of Sam Adams and handed them two glasses a piece. Ted and Barney joined Robin and Liam, and Ted poured a round of beer.
"How are the two new love birds doing?" Barney asked as he made a crude gagging gesture. Barney never made a habit of seeing his prey outside of the bedroom. Though he'd never admit it, Barney was partially jealous. To him Robin was an enigma, the only woman he'd consider his sexual equal, the only woman he'd failed to get into bed. How in the world had she fallen for this boring book editor type?
"We're kickin' ass and takin' names, Bonnie and Clyde style," Liam replied. "You want next on the list buddy?" Liam pounded his fist into his hand for theatrical effect. Barney just rolled his eyes. At that moment, Marshall and Lilly walked in holding hands – as if to continue mocking Barney with coupleness. They stopped at the bar to pick up two more glasses and two more pitchers of beer.
"Ted," Barney announced loudly, "I need you to step up your wing-man game tonight. The air of relationship is suffocating. The only cure for that is a one-night stand with some hot chick I'll never see again. Here's the story - you're my autistic brother who's too shy to talk to pretty girls. That'll put their guards down and I can swoop in to quell the animalistic desire they get from talking to you. Some poor, shy, autistic fellow that has a hard time meeting girls will bring out the motherly instinct in the female persona. They won't want to take advantage of you, but will rather have a strong masculine presence to fulfill the void you open in their hearts. Well-played breaking out the boots again my disabled friend."
"Oh my god Barney, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Lilly spat as she sat down at the table. Then changing her tone, "where's everyone else? I thought Marshall and I were late."
Moments later, the front door opened and Aria, Jason, Mike and Mona walked into the Skellar, spotting their friends immediately. Suspiciously, however, Spencer and Caleb were missing.
"They're probably passed out again," Aria murmured. A look of concern flashed across Mona's face.
"Caleb's dick is going to fall off soon if they keep up at the pace they're going," Jason ambiguously explained. Mike snickered. "Also, they're probably waiting for Hanna and Emily."
As if on cue, Caleb and Spencer walked through the side door into the bar, followed by Emily and Hanna. Aria quirked her eyebrows at Hanna, whose buzzed antics could be spotted a mile away.
"Rough drive, Han?" Aria asked, knowing what sort of hell they must've sat through on I-84 through Connecticut.
"The traffic was atrocious," Emily spoke for her girlfriend. "Hanna needed something to knock off the edge before we came down. Caleb broke out his Jager for the occasion." Emily shook her head slowly, knowing what sort of evening Caleb had set up her girlfriend for.
"Well, now that everyone's here," Spencer began almost giddily, "we should have a toast!" Spencer signaled Wendy the waitress and whispered a drink order. A few minutes later Wendy returned with a tray full of light red-colored shots.
"Don't tell me you ordered Shirley Temples," Barney groaned. "This is why we never let the ladies do the ordering." Then as an aside, "Robin doesn't count as a lady because she has impeccable taste in scotch, among other reasons." Barney's sexual frustration at not being able to get Robin into bed resulted in innumerable lesbian and sexual identity references.
"They're Swedish Fish," Spencer ignored Barney's comment matter-of-factly. "Blackhaus and cranberry juice. Bottoms up!"
Everyone picked up their shot, toasted each other, slammed it on the table and knocked it back. It went down smoothly, tasting just like the candy.
In order to fit everyone around one table, Caleb and Marshall pushed three tables together in the middle of the bar and rearranged the chairs. Carl at the bar gave them a wary eye, but as his best customers, he let them rearrange. "You guys are putting those back before you leave tonight, or I cut you off for a week." Caleb raised an eyebrow at Marshall as if to say Like that would ever happen.
About two more drinks in, once all the pleasantries and small talk had been worked through, the topic turned to the engagement party shenanigans.
"So what the fuck's the deal with that Fitz guy?" Robin asked Aria. Surely Liam had given her some insight into Aria's previous relationship. "Liam told me he was an ass to work with, but an underground child porn ring? That's leagues below asshole."
"Oh, where do I even begin," Aria asked rhetorically, as she shook her head with eyes closed.
"She fucked him for over a year when he was her English teacher," Hanna slurred. Of course everyone heard those rumors but the comment was a bit too crass, even for Hanna.
"Hanna, no," Emily scolded as she took Hanna's beer out of her hand. "You sound just like – "
"There's a lot more to the story," Jason cut Emily off before she could tell Hanna she sounded like Alison.
Aria took a long sip of beer to calm her nerves and gather her thoughts. "Ezra and I agreed it would be best to split up before I went to college. He didn't want me to miss out the way I had in high school. But after my sophomore year I was out with Noel and ran into Ezra. He was drunk, flipped out and called me a slut, among many other things," Aria gave a brief overview of what she had assumed led Ezra to begin stalking her in Savannah. "Apparently he wasn't over me, and he absolutely hated Noel. There was nothing serious, we were just hanging out." Aria looked nervously at Jason, worried the mention of Noel might strike a wrong cord.
"Noel?" Hanna raised her eyebrows expectantly.
"It was just a short fling," Aria replied off-handedly. "Nothing serious. It just so happened we had a lot in common after the first couple years away from Rosewood. Though it turns out Ezra has a jealous streak. A few weeks into my junior year Ezra showed up in Savannah on a weekend my roommate was gone."
Jason put his arm reassuringly around his girlfriend as he sensed her anxiety mounting. Liam offered a supportive smile. Spencer and Aria shared a look that indicated Spencer could take the story from here.
"Lousy sonofabitch sexually assaulted Aria," Spencer announced with disgust. "She had to take out a PFA against him, but that didn't hold jurisdiction outside the state of Georgia. When he proposed another novel to Umbrella Publishing, they obviously jumped at the chance. His first book made them a ton of money. Ezra said he'd only work with Aria," Spencer continued before Liam jumped in.
"Aria told me what happened with Ezra, and that's why I moved into her apartment when Spencer moved out. His happy family act didn't fool me, and when we worked on his book he was psychologically abusive. It was only a matter of time before the physical abuse would begin."
Mike's eyes turned to stone. "Ezra did what?" he said with an unnerving intensity.
"Can we just drop it?" Aria buried her head in Jason's shoulder. Jason rubbed her back gently and kissed the top of her head.
"How 'bout another Swedish Fish?" Marshall jumped in to derail the trip down nightmare lane. "Wendy! Another round of Fish!"
It was going to be a long night….