Nick's paw balanced on his cheek as he took in the weather outside the window. Dreary, dimly-lit, rainy. He disliked when the weather reflected his mood. He let a breath slowly through his nose and looked down at the brightly-colored frosted donut he was eating. How incongruous that donut looked. Nick took a small bite of the donut as if to punish it for its hubris. He brushed a paw on his navy-blue police uniform to make sure no crumbs were desperately clinging to it.

"Nick!"

The fox's ears went back briefly as he heard his name exclaimed with enthusiasm. It was Benjamin Clawhauser's voice. Nick let his eyes flick in the cheetah's direction once as Benjamin rushed over to take a seat opposite Nick, a box of donuts in his golden-furred hands. Nick resumed staring blankly out the window.

"Fancy seeing you here, Nick!" Benjamin said, taking in a gasp. "I don't ever think I've caught you at The Big Donut before!"

"Hey Benji," Nick greeted evenly. "Just need a bit of a sugar injection." Nick pointed at the donut. "Y'know, to keep up with the bunny."

"Of course, of course," Benjamin giggled, rolling his eyes, "not everyone can be as naturally energetic as she can." Benjamin drummed his fingers on the donut box. "My box is mostly for the rest of the ZPD today. I'm going to be good and only have one! Maybe two if things get stressful. We'll play it by ear."

Nick huffed with what sounded like fatigue. Benjamin's face became curious as he looked him over, then followed the fox's eyes out to the weather.

"Kind of a yucky start to the day, huh?" Benjamin asked. "Oh well; it's good for the plants!"

"Mm," Nick hummed into his hand as he nodded.

"Y'know, Nick," Benjamin leaned in on one of his shoulders, "if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were depressed!"

"You think so, huh?" Nick ran his tongue along his teeth inside of his mouth. He couldn't summon the extra effort to put on his emotional mask this early in the morning.

"C'mon, Nick," Benjamin gestured casually at him, "you've just gotten engaged! What do you have to be upset about? You have a gorgeous fiance-" Benjamin interrupted himself with a large gasp. "You're- you're not getting cold feet, are you?"

"Benji, listen," Nick huffed again, "it's a bit too early in the morning for this."

"Aw, c'mon, Nick," Benjamin's pitch pinched almost as much as his face did as he squinted his eyes, "I'm here to help. You can tell me anything."

"No offense, Benji," Nick folded his arms and shrugged his shoulders after finishing off his helpless donut, "but I don't know if you can help me. It's nothing a few more donuts couldn't help." Nick started to get up to leave.

Benjamin's face turned from its normal jovial expression, and Nick saw something unusually serious in his lively brown eyes. "Trust me, Nick. Donuts aren't going to help anything. I should know; I've polished off a few thousand of them."

Curiosity passed onto Nick's face and he eased back into his seat.

The large cheetah softly chuckled. "Do you think a big ol' guy like me walked into the ZPD and asked for a job at the desk?" Benjamin shook his head. "I wasn't always like this... Now I- I'm not going to say I've dealt with all of my problems perfectly... but I'm in the ZPD because I want to help."

Nick swept his eyes across the Donut Shop to look for anyone he knew well. Finding none, he leaned in closer. "Benji. I don't know if I can do it. I don't think I can get married to her."

Benjamin clearly looked shocked, and the oval shape of his mouth reflected this, though he made no sound.

Nick rubbed his forehead with both of his hands. "I was stupid to propose to her."

"Why- why would you say you're stupid?" Benjamin asked carefully.

"Because it was winter, Benjamin," a bit of fire leapt into Nick's voice. "It was winter, and that's the one time you don't make heavy decisions as a fox. Especially when it comes to mating and promises thereof."

"You regret getting engaged...?" Benjamin sounded quietly surprised.

Nick's silence was an adequate answer. His eyes wouldn't meet Benjamin's.

"Then... why did you?" Benjamin pouted.

"Ben..." Nick sighed. "Did I ever tell you why I wanted to join the ZPD?"

"To make the world a better place?" Benjamin sat up as straight as he could and put a bit of pep back into his voice.

"Not quite so noble," Nick shook his head. "I wanted to belong, Ben." He held his paws out, palm up. "It's all I've wanted in life. To feel like I belonged to my family, to a pack, to an organization, to a purpose. ...To a mate."

"That's completely fine, Nick!" Benjamin said gently, tilting his head a little. "None of that is wrong...!"

"...One of the reasons I wanted to marry Vicky is because she could give me kits," Nick lowered his head, and he sounded ashamed. "Y'know, Mom's always asking where her grandkits are."

Benjamin blinked. "Nick, come on. I'd give up donuts for the rest of my life to be able to talk to my mother just one more time... but we can't live for our parents."

Nick looked cautiously at Benjamin, and saw both earnestness and sorrow in his eyes, even though he was still gently smiling. "I mean, I want kits too, Ben. I want to have a family. I want to have children that I can be there for; a father that won't just walk out when he's had his fill of things. I want to show my children the Zootopia that I've gotten a better look at in recent years."

"So...?" Benjamin kept his smile tentative. "What's wrong with just... doing that? Why don't you want to get married to Vicky? She's a gorgeous fox; and I'm sure your kits would be just adorable! ...What's the matter?"

Nick grumbled noncommittally. "...Don't you know? Can't you guess, of all mammals?"

Benjamin rubbed his mouth with his paw before replying. "...Judy?"

Nick rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "Yup. Judy."

"I mean, what about her?" Benjamin giggled nervously, his tail flicking. "As far as I know, she's thrilled by Vicky and is super excited for you!"

"It's- it's not how she feels... it's how I feel," Nick grasped at his chest. "It's how Vicky feels."

"I'm... not sure I understand," Benjamin wiggled his head in bafflement.

"Vicky knows, Benji, she know," Nick squinted his eyes shut. "She's a smart fox; she can tell."

"Tell what?" Benjamin replied unconvincingly, to a testy look from Nick.

"You're going to make me say it," Nick said in an empty voice, sneering. "Fine. She knows I've had- I have feelings for Judy." Benjamin's eyes flew open, and Nick jabbed a finger straight at him. "Don't you for a second act like you're a surprised little cub. You knew, too. Everyone knows. Judy knows."

"Th-there's nothing wrong with that," Benjamin smiled. "You're partners- it's- um, it's... ah..."

"If I ever have a problem, like a real problem..." Nick looked down, "I always get Judy to help me. I want her to share my troubles. My thoughts go to her when I see something interesting I'd like to share, not Vicky. This is a problem, Ben, it's a real problem. I feel more attached to that bunny than my own fiance."

"You..." Benjamin took in a breath slowly, "you can't marry someone you don't love. Do you love Vicky?"

"In- in a sense," Nick stammered. Benjamin let out a "shew" sound with his breath. "Yeah, I know. It's bad."

"In your defense, Vicky is an enchanting little number," Benjamin tried a tiny smile.

"I'm not going to do it," Nick hit the table with his fist, but it was a weak gesture. "I... I'm not going to pull a 'hustle' like this. Not with marriage. Not for... not for some kits."

"You and Judy have had some rough patches over these years you've been partners," Benjamin winced. "You really think you should give up Vicky just- you know, just because 'maybe'...?"

"Judy saved me, Benji," Nick said in an utterly resigned voice, "she saved me from living my life as a two-bit hustler. I mean, I was good at it, yeah, but I could have been better. But I didn't, because I didn't want to cut corners. Now, Judy? She cuts corners with a chainsaw." Benjamin chuckled at this. "Someone needs to keep control of that bunny."

"I just..." Benjamin licked over his lips, "I... I've always thought you two would be adorable together... but- I must admit I don't know why you're so devoted to her."

"...She trusted me," Nick shrugged, staring past Benjamin. His voice was completely blank. "When the chips were down, she ran right to my side before anyone else. She asked for my help. She asked for me. ...So, yeah. I wanted to help her. I wanted to be her sword and her shield."

"That's so-" Benjamin started.

"I... I wanted to belong to her, Ben," Nick breathed out. "And God help me, I still do."

"You've never brought this up with her," Benjamin shook his head. "There's no way you have..."

"Or else I'd probably already be married to her," Nick said wryly. "I mean, if she swings that way."

"With the way she looks at you sometimes?" Benjamin chuckled. "If she could undress you any harder with her eyes I'd think your uniform would actually come flying off."

"Pff, it's just a fox thing," Nick rolled his eyes, flicking his hand upwards. "You know how everyone who says they're straight has like this 'exception' for foxes or whatever. What's it. 'Foxes are free'?"

"With Judy, I think it's a you thing," Benjamin insisted. "And as bright as she can be, she can also have a hard time seeing what's right in front of her. ...Especially if you're the one hiding it."

"Ben, I've gone through this a million times in my mind," Nick folded his arms again. "Is she attracted to me? What would our jobs be like if we got together? Would she- would she want to adopt?"

"You don't think she would?" Benjamin wondered.

"A career-focused bunny like Judy?" Nick shrugged. "I couldn't ask her to-"

"Now now, wait," Benjamin wiggled a forefinger, "her drive is to make the world better... and doesn't adoption fulfill that in spirit? I bet some poor kit or cub out there would love her for a mother."

"Maybe," Nick groaned. "Shew... and it was a really nice engagement ring, too." Nick chuckled grimly. "Maybe Vicky'll throw it at me when I call it off."

"You don't think she'll understand?" Benjamin pouted.

"No," Nick shook his head firmly. "She won't. Because she wants to be more important in my life than Judy is... and I just don't see that happening. My proposal to her... it- it was supposed to seal the deal. But to be honest I don't think Vicky would be happy until Judy wasn't such a big part of my life."

"And you don't want that," Benjamin was pretty sure.

"Never," Nick frowned. "I always want Judy to be a part of my life. A big part. ...The biggest, if it can be so."

"Well then, I guess you've made up your mind," Benjamin smiled broadly. "I would have looked forward to what your kits with Vicky would have looked like... but..." Benjamin rubbed Nick's arm. "You have to be happy, Nick. First and foremost." Benjamin smirked. "And don't worry about the ZPD thing if you end up with Judy after all. It'll be fine."

Nick finally found his mask, and slipped on his usual sly grin. "That reminds me. What's the deal between you and Chief Bogo?"

"Oh, hahaha, would you look at the time!" Benjamin burst out with an extended nervous giggle and shot up with his donut box. "I have to get to the station and- er-"

"It's still early, Benji," Nick teased, looking out the window. The rain was beginning to let up.

"Just have to make sure all of my Gazelle stuff is arranged right so I can display the donuts for anyone that wants one, and- ah, I'll see you later!" Benjamin squeaked out in a high voice and made himself scarce.

Nick let out a sigh of relief. He looked through his phone. It's lock screen and background may have been pictures of Vicky, but his picture folder was still full of a certain gray-furred bunny. After that first fateful case, he'd never once questioned his feelings for Judy, but he also didn't dare to let her know of their depth. Now, he was beginning to dare.

"Serendipity," Nick said quietly. "I really don't like you. Here you are making me want to bet everything on this gray-furred doe." He flicked through picture after picture of Judy, trying to find just one he disliked enough to get rid of, but it was proving to be an impossible task. "Vicky would be safe... secure... passionate. A good mother. I have no idea what Judy would be like- if she'd even want to be a mother. If she'd even..." Nick trailed off into a groan.

Nick stood up, suddenly and decisively. The rain started to pick up again, and Nick smirked, twirling his umbrella in his paws before heading out into the inclement weather.

"Sure, the rain lets up for Ben, but not me, hm?" Nick chuckled. "Serendipity... I know Karma has already paid me back for whatever wrong happened in my life. Anything more is gambling, it's a lusting for what I desire, not what I deserve."

Nick stared up at the overcast morning sky. The rain came harder.

"Well, you devious little doe," Nick smirked. "I'm ashamed to say I'm fallen for your charms. I'm ready to go all in."