Authors Chat: I'll answer a few questions from the reviews this time.
Where were/are kyoko's demons? – I've chosen to focus on the more realistic personality quirks, and while the demons are an added factor in the Manga, they aren't really something Kyoko is very conscious of. She has yet to be angry around Ren to release them, and Ren has not been angry enough around her in this fanfic for them to sense his anger and want to reach him.
Will this fanfic end with the cameo's end or keep going after? – I have no idea when I will stop this fic, but I do have ideas to keep writing things after the cameo is completed.
Why didn't Ren notice he gave her a hickey much earlier or at all? – That is because he tries to spend his time with Kyoko NOT looking in places that would cause his heart to race too much!
From the very first review; Why Katsuki and Natsu? – Because Yumiko27 from FrankyHouse mentioned M rated fanfics, so I said I would write one for her and asked which pairing was her favourite. Her response? Natsu and Ren's Emperor of the Night. I chose to use Katsuki because I could see a plausible history for the character that would allow him and Kyoko to be acting in the same production. I.E., Katsuki's a high school teacher.
Finally, this wasn't really a question, but rather a statement regarding the last chapter.
Does it really hurt that bad to loose your virginity? - the short answer is it is possible, but not that likely. There are many factors affecting the pain a woman may feel. If you want to know more, read the comments or do your own research. Just make sure you are emotionally ready before you have sex. I encourage abstinence until marriage or at least engagement.
I would greatly appreciate your comments and constructive criticism!
That being said, italics text are direct thoughts of characters, text is in quotes, noises are done with asterisks.
DISCLAIMER: Skip Beat! and it's characters are not my original creation, they are owned and created by Nakamura Yoshiki.
Story Timeline: Y'all know the timeline by now. If not, go back and read it in an earlier chapter! (taken out for length).
Playing With Fire
Act 16
Ren's fury seeped away as the blood began trickling down his fingers and onto the floor, the mirror shards lying broken around him. He looked at his fist as the blood welled out through the cuts and spilled over their ragged skin boundaries.
Ren couldn't help but laugh at the irony as he dropped his bleeding hand to his side. He had punched the mirror to take out his anger and pain on his false image, and in turn, had caused more pain to his real self.
Sighing in exasperation, he turned from the wall and stalked over to the shelving unit where he kept his first aid kit. He took the kit with him into the kitchen and set it down heavily on the counter as he went to the sink and turned the water on cold. Ren held his hand under the cold water, washing away the blood and slivers of mirror left on his knuckles, then gently washed his hand with soap and wrapped it to dry in a clean dishtowel.
He held the towel tight against his chest while he fumbled in the first aid kit for some gauze and medical tape. The blood was slowly restarting and seeping into the towel. It stung a bit as he pulled the cloth away from the wound, and Ren could see some of the cuts were pretty deep. He probably should have gotten into the car and drove to the hospital for stitches, but he was afraid that if he left before talking to Kyoko, he would never be able to see her again outside of work. Could she really hate him? He hoped not, but did not trust his desires. That was what got him into this mess in the first place.
Ren took a small bottle of hydrogen peroxide from the kit over to the sink and twisted it open with one hand then poured a small amount over his fist. He prayed he got all of them because it hurt so damn much as the peroxide foamed in the wounds. He clenched his teeth at the pain, trying not to cry out, and was reminded of Kyoko's cries.
"It hurts… it hurts… please… please Tsuruga-san… please… Stop… It hurts…"
"Damn it." He had to shut his tightly to hold back some tears. The pain of his hand and the pain in his heart were just too much.
When Ren raised his head, his decanter of scotch sat on the countertop, inviting him to drown out his sorrows. Ren hastily reached for a tumbler and splashed a little in the glass, downed it, then poured himself another and downed that too.
He patted dry his hand and wrapped it tightly with gauze and then tape, then turned his attention back to his scotch glass. He got a few ice cubes from the freezer and filled the glass to the brim, then capped the scotch and pushed it to the back of the counter.
He turned to leave the kitchen, stopped, then turned back and grabbed the decanter of scotch before carrying it and his glass into the living room to collapse on the couch.
Ren stared at up at the ceiling, but all he could see was Kyoko's face, crying, and in pain. He hated it. He hated that he had been there for her when she was little, then was forced to abandon her, his only friend. He hated that once again, he was forced to … no … this time he ran away from her when she was hurt.
Ren sat up a bit to take another drink and realized his glass was empty. When had he drank it? It didn't matter. He poured himself another glass full and drank.
Still he saw her face. She had been so passionate… so…
Ren blushed at the memory, blood filling his cheeks and vessel unbidden. The blood only remained in his cheeks though as his vision of her slowly twisted and he looked up from her body to see the panic in her eyes through her tears.
Could she ever forgive him? He would have to apologize at least. He had said he was sorry, over and over, and over, but it didn't seem to sink in. It seemed more like the pleas of a man who knew he had done wrong, but did so anyway under the guise it was better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
Had he asked permission, he knew it would not have been granted. He felt low. Uncontrolled. Young. Stupid.
He refilled his glass again, and he briefly wondered if she would even be willing to finish the shoot with him. Would she refuse to work with him?
Would he be her new Shou? Hating him so passionately that she was blind to all else? …Blind to his love?
Ren blinked and tried to remember. When had he drank all the scotch? The decanter was as empty as his glass, and he set both down with a *clunk.*
Piss… gotta take a piss…
Ren rolled over the edge of the couch, landing on his hands and knees.
"I do-believe… I'm trunk."
He steadied the world before crawling on hands and knees to the bathroom then used the toilet to stand. The wall threatened to crash into him, so he held it at bay with his hand.
The flusher on the toilet kept eluding his grasp, and complained loudly when he managed to flush.
"Shhhhh!"
He continued to hold the wall at bay as he made his way back into the hallway.
His bedroom door remained closed, but he wondered what SHE would look like. Was she asleep? Was she avoiding him?
I know what. She'll need her bag… in the morning.
He kept the wall upright as he went back into the living room. When he released the wall from his defenses, the floor then fought against him with all its might, twisting and turning and trying to get away from him.
He defeated it though and the entry way loomed before him, holding Kyoko's bag hostage.
"hoooooooo-no jadon't." He reached for the bag and hastily pulled it away to safety and hugged it to him as he fought his way back to the bedroom again.
Ren held the doorknob to prevent the door swinging closed on him as he entered the room and set the bag down against the adjacent wall. Kyoko was curled in a ball facing the other wall. Moonlight from the far window fell gently on her still form. She was breathing easy, but she did not speak.
He turned to go, but as he attempted to pull the door shut behind him, it rebelled, falling open and pulling him into the room with it.
He turned and gently shut the door with him in the room.
That'll teach it to throw me around. He nodded in satisfaction at his revenge.
He found the wall in the bedroom attempting to fall in on him as well, and so leaned to hold it up. Looking down, he saw Kyoko's overnight bag sitting lonely against the wall, so he slid down the wall to sit beside it and keep it company.
"Um… Kyoko…" He spoke softly, "You maynot beliefe me… but I really am sthorry. Sthorry… I'm so sthorry…"
He felt moistness drip down his cheeks. Tears to be sure, but he had to check. He ran his palm over half of his face clumsily. He pulled his hand away wet, the tears glistening against his hand in the moon light.
He suddenly smiled and snorted a laugh. "…fairy dusteh," then he moved to wipe his hand against his still unbuttoned jeans. They moved sideways out from under his hand, and he had to try again to catch his knee and dry his hand.
A short silence ensued as he tried hard to think.
"You know… I was a fairy once. A printh even… and I met a printhes who wan-ned to take meaway an made me flllly. I had to leave her shortly after tttthat though, buh' what she gave to me wash shomething I treashured more 'an anything." *Laughs* "More 'an the fairy kingdom itshelf. She came runnin to me an crying about all the bad thingsh, buh' after she wassh done cryin, she would laugh and shmile at me. She didn't keep cryin or sthay angry or sad. She jus moved on. …an I took her waysh and forced everythin' down from then on. Anytime shomething wassh too hard, upsthet me, made me angry… I shmiled and moved on. After my anger got the besth of me – and I 'urt a lot ofh men – I shmiled, and moved on."
"…but turnsh out, I din't move on. I. Ran. Away. I pusthed everythin down an ran away, forgething the pasht, forgething myshelf."
"A family friend took me in an gave me a placsh. He made me learn two lan'guishes. Japanesh, and masks. Masks shpeak a lot you know. They have their own way of communicathing. You shee… Tshuruga Ren ish a mask. He speaks to the world, but ne'er really shays wha's underneath. He'sh an idol. He'sh proud. He'sh strong. Not like the man underneath. At least 'e washn't."
"Then you came alonn an made him rememer all the thingsh 'at hurt an you took 'em all away. Thosh thingsss 'at hurt, though, were the glue tha kep' the mask on. You brokeh the mask 'n shlowly pried away the piechesh."
"That Corn shtone… The angel in HISH PV… The ten year ol Kuon… Shomeone so frajele need'n shomeone to care for 'im when shick… They're all me Kyoko. Every one ofh 'em."
"You laid em all bare, en then washed wha's un-un-unerneath and made it good again. That shtone had so many bad feeling thrush in it, but you made it-take-away the bad an shaw it for only leavin the good. That angel… Your angel… you. You made me shee the beaut-y in living through the pain. The ten year ol' Kuon. You really'ad me pegged. I had forgothen 'ow much I loved an do'ed on my fahther."
"…You made me shee 'im becaush of it. He forgives me. My mohther ash well." He laughed, "You made me rememer her an teach you how to be a model."
"You made me feel tha warmth… I wan'ed to shee you more an more… that shpark of love. Ish all you Khhyoko. So you see, I can'elp but love you."
He fell silent, waiting for her to respond, but she didn't say anything.
He pushed his back against the wall and forced himself to stand then dragged his feet with him around the bed. He kneeled down near the head of the bed, a short distance from Kyoko's face.
"Kyoko? Didjou hear me? I'm in love with you."
When she still did not answer, he reached up carefully, and gently pushed the hair from her eyes. She was asleep, but the movement caused her to stir.
"Kyoko," he called softly.
"Hmmmmm?" she murmured and raised her eyebrows questioningly.
"I love hyou. I'm shorry for hurting you." He leaned down and softly kissed her cheek.
He didn't wait for a response, he stood up and stumbled out of the room.
His decanter and tumbler had stayed right where he left them, but the problem was, both were empty. He concentrated to pick up the tumbler and made it to the kitchen and filled his glass with water. With any luck, the flavor on the ice and few drops in the glass would make the water taste like scotch.
He slowly and carefully trudged back again to the living room with the half full tumbler in hand, trying not to spill a drop.
He laid down on the couch staring up at the ceiling and dropped his arm and glass down to the floor. He was still holding onto the glass, and by the time it hit the ground, he was asleep.