Authors Chat: (Sorry for a long Author's chat this time!) Yeah, as someone mentioned, last chapter was really short. It was basically a bridge and should have been part of the previous chapter, but I had to run off to class and wanted to push the chapter out before I had left. Anyway, this one should make up for last chapter.
Also, there were a few comments about Kyoko's attitude and thoughts regarding what happened. It made me realize that not everyone would be on the same wavelength as I was writing it from. So, I wanted to explain what's going on with Kyoko as to why she seems to be thinking so naively.
This will be repeat for those who've already read it in the comments.
In the situation I put her in, she was psychologically traumatized. NOT because something so incredibly horrible happened, but rather it happened before she was really ready and that she was mentally not herself at the time.
This resulted in cognitive dissonance. Her mental state was so mixed up that she's dealing with it the only way she can. Rationalization. In this case, she's rationalizing what happened with the fact that she was acting at the time, so it must have been practice.
She's blaming herself for what happened partially because she had already been warned by Ren about loosing control of Natsu and how it could make her performance lack.
It becomes a form of self-victimization, much the same as how people who are abused feel/believe that the abuse is their own fault. (It is NEVER the abused's fault! If you are being abused, please PLEASE get help!)
Essentially, Kyoko mentally can not deal with the reality of what is going on, so she is dealing the only way she can; psychological defense mechanisms.
I would greatly appreciate your comments and constructive criticism!
That being said, italics text are direct thoughts of characters, text is in quotes, noises are done with asterisks.
DISCLAIMER: Skip Beat! and it's characters are not my original creation, they are owned and created by Nakamura Yoshiki.
Story Timeline: Y'all know the timeline by now. If not, go back and read it in an earlier chapter! (taken out for length).
Playing With Fire
Act 20
At first, when Kyoko-chan and Ren came walking down the hall from the costume department side by side, Yashiro thought the problem had been resolved. The closer they walked though, he could see from the scowl on Ren's face that there had been no resolution, and things between the two of them were just as stressed as the morning had been.
He walked with them to the car, worried for both parties but not even completely certain what he should be worried about. Somehow, Yashiro felt he missed something BIG, and they weren't sharing. In a way, it felt a little lonely. Then again, he didn't wish to be in the thick of the fray when everything came to a head.
He was torn about being first to be dropped off at his apartment complex. He was grateful AND vexed at the same time, but he knew as he watched Ren hastily turn into traffic, that this was nothing he could help them work through.
It was something only Ren and Kyoko, with any luck, would be able to work through on their own. Ren new this, but was also certain she would be uncomfortable at his apartment. That upset him in and of itself. He had really enjoyed having Kyoko at his place, despite having to keep up the façade of being Tsuruga Ren at his home, it was her presence that really made it welcoming. If he did not tip-toe through this night, she might never go to his apartment again.
He thought as he drove around trying to decide where a safe place to take Kyoko was. It had to be somewhere private that would be discrete for famous individuals. Somewhere, considering the time, that would serve dinner. Somewhere he could get them into on short notice.
That in mind, he turned at the next block to go the other direction.
Ren picked up his cell phone, flipped it open and hit the button to power it on. Nothing. He pressed and held the power button.
What's wrong with this stupid phone!?! He pressed the power button a few times trying to get a response. Then he remembered. Yashiro.
He scowled then asked Kyoko to borrow her cell phone.
He punched a few buttons and let it ring.
The other end was picked up and sounded like it was dropped before a voice came, "Hello? Kyoko-chan?"
"Yashiro, you bastard! I needed my cell phone! This is your fault, so I need you to get me Matsumoto Toshi's telephone phone number.
There was silence, then a hesitant, "You know… if you had just told me…"
"YASHIRO! The NUMBER please!"
Ren could almost see Yashiro cringe, knowing he had been pushing Ren's buttons.
"J…..just a minute Ren. You called as I was turning the locks on my door. Just let me get insssssiiiiiiide…. Okay." Ren could hear rustling in the background. "Aah… okay. Matsumoto Toshi…" Yashiro rambled off the phone number, and Ren hung up on him almost immediately.
If he made it through this unscathed, he would have to apologize to Yashiro and make it up to him somehow. Ren knew he was being harsh on Yashiro and did feel kind of bad for it. If he had told Yashiro the truth though, he would give Ren so much shit, he just wouldn't be able to deal with the situation.
"Do you mind?" he asked Kyoko, indicating he wished to make another call from her cell phone.
"N-no, go ahead."
He hit the digits Yashiro had rattled off and let it ring. He almost gave up and hung up when a male voice answered. "Yes?"
"Toshi-kun! It's Tsuruga Ren. … Yeah… Yeah, now. Will that be fine? Okay. Thank you…. Yes." He flipped the phone closed and tossed it down into Kyoko's lap, then kept driving, destination confirmed.
Tokyo's streets were busy for a Tuesday night, as late as it was, so it took more time to get there than Ren expected, and his agitation was rising.
It was worth it however, to see Kyoko's eyes light up when they drove up to the valet. He had picked this place because of her and the solitude it would offer.
Ren looked up the tower of the Grand Prince Hotel and hoped Toshi had everything taken care of. The less time he had to spend in the lobby, the better. He didn't worry too much about drawing crowd's attention at such a swanky hotel, but you could never be sure.
He handed his car keys over to the valet attendant, got his ticket, and ushered Kyoko inside.
She seemed to hesitated briefly as they moved toward the concierge counter, but Ren's hand on her back gently encouraged her forward.
"Matsumoto Toshi, please."
The attendant looked him up in a directory then placed the call.
Kyoko turned around to take in her surroundings. The lobby was exquisite. The white marble floors and walls were polished to high shine, and the wall of windows showed the beautiful night sky. This was one of those rare very clear nights when many stars could be seen in the sky. It really felt like royalty.
Kyoko felt a little giddy. In a normal situation, she would be here polishing the floors or on some other menial task to the Love Me department for LME. Instead, she was here for personal reasons. There were a few restaurants in the hotel, any of them would be nice to eat at.
"Mogami-san, lets go."
Ren had finalized everything with Matsumoto Toshi while Kyoko had been gawking at the richness of the hotel Lobby. She followed him to a side set of elevators, and when they entered, he hit the second to top floor.
The view would be amazing from up there. Kyoko's excitement began to drown out her nervousness and anxiety of the true reason they were here. Slowly but surely, she was on her way to the Magical Kingdom, and she could feel her spirits rising with every floor they rose.
The elevator slowed and came to a stop with a soft *bing* as the appropriate floor leveled with the elevator and the doors opened. They were invited out of the elevator by warm decorations of reds and browns trailing plush carpet down the hall with a wall of windows on one side and a wall with a few doors on the other.
Ren led the way to the fourth door, ran the electronic key in the lock, and opened the door to their own private palace.
The room was sparsely decorated, but the beauty of the room was in its materials. Warm cocobolo rosewood rose in strips along the wall between the antique yellow silk paneling. Each panel disappeared behind crown molding of the same warm red-brown wood. The floor was covered in tatami mats dyed to match the silk paneling with the borders done in a rich brocade of red-brown to match the rosewood, patterned with soft pink sakura flowers.
The common area was largely open with sparse furnishings made of the same rich wood and accents of pink sakura flowers scattered meticulously around the room.
The room was absolutely gorgeous. So much so that Kyoko was almost afraid to enter. It would cost an entire year's salary to even rent a suite like this for even one night. She couldn't pass up on this opportunity though, and stepped inside and quickly removed her shoes. Ren paid less attention to his surroundings and seemed familiar with the room.
He slipped his shoes off and walked over to the low table to look over the centerpiece.
There was a note card folded in front of a bottle of champagne set in a basket of ice to chill and two Champaign flutes. Ren got the impression that Toshi had distinctly misunderstood when he had requested this suite on short notice.
"I knew a woman would one day win your heart! Please enjoy this little treat. ~Toshi"
Ren quickly refolded the card and slipped it into his breast pocket before Kyoko could take notice.
He picked up the champagne bottle and cut the foil then proceeded to pop the cork and pour himself a glass, then, looking up to see the worry lines reforming on Kyoko's brow, poured a half glass for her.
"Here. It'll help."
She didn't ask what it would help with, nor did he offer further comment. She accepted the fluke of lightly bubbling honey-colored liquid and tipped it up to her lips.
Her first taste of champagne was somewhat surprising. The bubbles fizzled and tickled the tip of her nose, but the light fruit scent was heady and rich. There was a mild alcoholic taste, but the sweetness counteracted it's potency. She found the drink pleasant and took a slightly longer sip before settling the glass down between her hands and stepping farther into the room.
Ren walked to a wooden cabinet, opening it revealed a small writing desk, telephone, notepad and a few other amenities including a room-service menu. He walked over to a chair and sat, inviting Kyoko to sit on the couch near him.
"If it's alright with you, we'll have room service delivered?" She nodded as he handed her the menu.
She chose French cuisine, chuckling a little to herself as she picked her dinner from the list.
"What's so funny?"
"I was just remembering Tsuruga-san wanted frog's legs the first time I gave you the choice of what to eat."
Ren smiled at the memory as she handed the menu back to him.
"hrm… no frog's legs on the menu. I guess I'll just have to settle for something else then," he sighed jokingly. It felt good to be able to joke like this.
He called in the order then turned back to Kyoko. He stared at her a few minutes before speaking.
"What will you do after Box 'R' finishes? Has Manager Sawara lined any work up for you yet?" He decided he would wait until they were set down to eat before discussing the hard issues, so he let Kyoko chatter on about her next project while they waited for room service to arrive.
It raised his own spirits a little to hear her ramble like that, but its saddened him just a little also knowing he may never get to hear it again. Perhaps it was the small amount of champagne that loosened her tongue allowing her to feel at ease, but Ren couldn't imagine such a small amount of liquor would have such an affect on her and so assumed it was the hotel he had chosen with her in mind. He was happy that he could offer her something so simple to raise her spirits.
There was a knock at the door indicating the food had arrived, and when Ren let the attendant in, he wheeled a cart through the room, slid open a set of doors revealing a small dinning table and floor-chairs. He easily pushed two of the four chairs out of the way and began setting the table for two then setting the covered dishes on the table for them to uncover and enjoy at their leisure.
Ren signed for the meal and motioned for Kyoko to go ahead into the room ahead of him and choose her seat.
Kyoko had picked a selection of dishes she couldn't pronounce correctly, going based on description alone, and was pleasantly surprised with each dish.
She began flaking a piece of whitefish into the sauce on her plate when Ren began speaking.
"I've been trying and trying to remember what I told you last night when I set your bag down inside the bedroom door, but it's all just too fuzzy…" He let the sentence trail off, hoping she would begin to fill in the blanks.
Her brow furrowed. "I'm sorry Tsuruga-san… I didn't even notice you entered the room after… after I fell asleep." Her words caught in her throat. If she was going to try to keep the conversation light, she would have to be careful of what she said.
"Just great." Ren was serious and sarcastic at the same time. He was glad that she did not hear what he had said when he himself couldn't remember for sure, but he had a sinking suspicion he did not want her to remember what he had said either.
Unfortunately for him though, he may have apologized, and now had to start all over again with trying to find the right words to say to make everything alright.
"Mogami-san… First let me say that I truly am sorry for hurting you. I should never have let things get that out of hand.
"No Tsuruga-san, don't apologize. It's like you said, I let Natsu get away from me. Then, I-I was the one who messed up and I couldn't finish the practice."
Ren stared at her with uncomprehending wide eyes. This was in no way her fault. This wasn't about practicing, and he was surprised she could even think that way. The thought just didn't make sense. Did she really honestly believe this was her fault?
"This WASN'T your fault. I knew you were engrossed in your role as Natsu. You think differently when you are so into your role. I knew this. What happened didn't happen because of Natsu getting away from you."
"Then… but if I hadn't been Natsu so fully, I would have paid better attention and could have understood what you were trying to teach better! I failed you Tsuruga-san! You told me a long time ago that courage wasn't enough. I thought I had enough determination, but now I don't have any! I couldn't finish the scene! I wasn't able to persevere as an actress!" She was almost standing, leaning heavily against the table, so adamant was she that she believed herself to be at fault.
"Mogami-san! Stop being ridiculous! This had nothing to do with your perseverance as an actress. Strike it from your mind, I won't even let you think that!"
Kyoko's eyebrows came together hard as she looked to the ground. She just didn't understand. How could this NOT be her fault? Ren was a better actor than her, her senior actor, and SHE had been the one to stop the practice!
"…It really had nothing to do with you… It was my fault. I … I was thinking with my little head rather than my big head." Ren's face blushed. He could hardly believe he was saying that to Kyoko, though the euphemism was better than the alternative. Saying anything so directly in mixed company was rude beyond belief.
"There's nothing wrong with your head Tsuruga-san! It isn't too big OR too little, it's just right for your body. And I don't see how the size of your head could affect your performance, or make me mess up and stop practicing!"
Ren choked as he was taking a drink, sputtering when he heard Kyoko's words.
He coughed as he anguished about how naive she could be sometimes.
"I did not mean my head was too little or large. I was talking about… thinking with my brain versus thinking with my body."
"oh. …OOOH!" It was Kyoko's turn to blush and sputter. She had not expected that sort of comment, much less explanation.
"I… I should have stopped before things went out of control. I mean, I knew you were…um… that is, I thought you were… well, inexperienced, but I did not stop."
"No Tsuruga-san, it really IS my fault! If I had controlled Natsu, she wouldn't have made you do those things. You could have… stopped…." Kyoko's face was almost as red as the grape tomato she was trying to stab with her fork.
"Stop it Mogami-san! I'm not some man who's easily manipulated and looses his senses!"
"But then that would mean Tsuruga-san would have gotten… um… excited… over any woman though… For Tsuruga-san to be that way with me… after all… I'm just your Kouhai… " Kyoko was mumbling mostly to herself, trying to justify what Ren was saying to her so that she could cope with the unsaid confession.
"MOGAMI-SAN! JUST SHUT UP! GOD! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU DO TO ME!??!"
Kyoko's eyes went wide as she shrank back from him. This was the first time he had yelled at her. He seemed so… so…. So, what?
I… must be hindering him from having a normal relationship with a woman… I'm always around him… He must not have a choice… I was there… just at a moment of weakness…
"I'm so sorry Tsuruga-san! I didn't realize. Of course I'm a bother. I… I should have known. Had you told me sooner, I would have practiced on my own! I'll try to do better on my own so I don't bother you anymore! I just… thought you finally accepted me really as your Kouhai. I never realized I was taking up too much of your time, that you didn't have any time to go on dates and see women."
Ren held up his hand to silence her as he dropped his head, staring at his lap in exasperation.
"God… you really don't get it do you?" he said softly, not particularly at her but rather about her.
Kyoko cocked her head thinking what he must mean, but gave up.
"Get what Tsuruga-san?"
"THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!" His head shot up as he yelled angrily.