Authors Chat: Chapter has been combined.

I would greatly appreciate your comments and constructive criticism!

That being said, italics text are direct thoughts of characters, text is in quotes, noises are done with asterisks.

DISCLAIMER: Skip Beat! and it's characters are not my original creation, they are owned and created by Nakamura Yoshiki.

Story Timeline: Y'all know the timeline by now. If not, go back and read it in an earlier chapter! (taken out for length).

Playing With Fire

Act 23

Kyoko rushed to her dressing room, whipping by people as they traversed the hallways to and from other rooms. She was five minutes late already, and she still had to change and do her make-up as Natsu!

It had only been three week's tapings with Ren doing the Katsuki cameo, but her internal schedule had gotten used to him picking her up so she had more time in the mornings, and that messed her up now. Kyoko was like a tornado though how fast she managed to change and even apply the make-up. After doing the role for some time now, she had become adept at applying her own make-up quickly. There were always touch-ups to be done between sets.

Being so late though had its consequences. After she rushed on set and bowed her apologies to everyone for her tardiness, she found it difficult to get into Natsu. NG after NG was called on her, and her spirits were lowering even more.

"NO Kyoko-san! Natsu-chan misses Katsuki-sensei here! You have to show the longing in your eyes! Make us believe it!" Dir. Sutoyo slammed a rolled up script down on the arm of his directors chair in anger.

She had been doing this scene for the past half hour and just couldn't get an 'ok' from the director no matter how much he said to her.

In desperation, Kyoko looked inside herself to try to figure out what Natsu would be feeling.

I UNDERSTAND Natsu misses Katsuki, but what kind of longing does he want her to show? What is Natsu feeling exactly? Hmmm… She was out to set Katsuki-sensei up for a fall, but fell for him instead. What was she feeling when she realized it? When did she realize it? Hmmm… Okay, she didn't actually realize it until he said he was leaving her behind. It hurt, in her heart. It felt like… it felt like someone was squeezing her heart but held her mouth closed so no matter how much she tried to scream, no one could hear. She couldn't really tell Katsuki-sensei anything, but she felt it very strongly.

Kyoko's thoughts froze as Ren's image formed in front of her eyes. Her own heart clenched tightly. Yeah, that's exactly what it felt like.

It was true… It was really true. She missed Ren like Natsu missed Katsuki.

That's a silly thought. I just saw him yesterday. She blushed as she remembered the hotel and Ren's sudden confession. She had been so utterly stunned, she didn't know how to react or what to do.

Do… do I love Ren, like Natsu loves Katsuki?

It was something she would have to think on later. Director Sutoyo had called for the scene to be reset, and was now ready for the actors again.

She didn't want to erase the feelings she held within her chest at this moment. She was certain she could use these feelings to make Natsu long for Katsuki. If… if Natsu felt the same about Katsuki… it won't be hard at all.

Natsu didn't have a choice but to let Katsuki go, but Kyoko had swore she wouldn't love again, so she would have to let Ren go. Right?

In the end, they both lost something precious to them.

This melancholy filled Kyoko's thoughts as Natsu, and when it came to the place she had been continually stopped before, she was able to get an 'ok' and finish the scene.

Now she just needed to finish the day and get back to the Daruma-Ya before she broke down. She knew now that she was in love with Ren. Natsu's emotions made her realize that.

But like Natsu, and in order to protect herself… she had to let him go.

. . . . .

Yashiro carefully peeked his head in through the door. Ren was sitting in front of his vanity brooding. There was no telling how he would react or what he would do these days. One minute, you could say something simple to him, like "it's time to go" and he would look at you with a hollow expression but nod, the next, he would snap at you and glare with the world's hatred reflected in his eyes. With each passing day it seemed harder and harder for Ren to get OUT of the role of BJ and become himself again.

It was clear Ren was loosing sleep and weight, and it was strange how Ren was loosing himself so much in this role. He figured it had to be related to Kyoko.

Yashiro didn't know what had happened with Kyoko, but after nearly having his hands smashed in doors slammed shut, nearly being thrown from the car as he was being dropped off after work, and becoming the target for many unwanted meals, he was disinclined to ask again.

He felt horrible that there was nothing he could do for Ren, and there was a rift growing between them that wasn't there before his sister's wedding.

"Ren?" Yashiro pushed his way into the room and walked up behind Ren. He waited until Ren looked at him in the reflection in the mirror. "It's been two weeks already. I need to let the directors of these three scripts know if you will or won't be accepting each of them." He had to try hard not to cower for fear of Ren's reaction.

Ren growled low. "Fine. I'll do it tonight." He returned to staring at himself in the mirror.

Yashiro knew he would get no more conversation from him, and felt a bit awkward standing behind him in silence as Ren fought with whatever internal demons were forcing their way through his personality these days.

The thought had occurred to him to take Ren's cell phone for Kyoko's phone number when he wouldn't notice and phone Kyoko to ask her himself what had happened between them, but Ren was more determined than ever not to allow Yashiro to get his hands on his cell. After two broken phones and the hardships caused by them from Yashiro's touch alone, Ren wasn't letting his cell phone out of his sight. If Yashiro needed to make a call and asked Ren to use his under the guise that his was broken, Ren would request the number and dial the phone and relay speaking from the phone with Yashiro rather than let him hold it himself.

He turned and headed back out the door to Ren's dressing room and back toward the stage. He was genuinely worried about Ren.

…

Ren turned around as the door to his dressing room shut quietly. He looked to the coffee table where Yashiro had left the three scripts for Ren's approval or declination, shoved his chair away from the vanity, then stepped off the platform and over to sit on the couch before the small table.

Since his performance as Katsuki first aired, he'd been receiving more and more offers for roles requiring romance, and all three scripts called for it. As he was now, he did not think he was capable, but he knew he couldn't turn them all down, or his career would be right back into the staleness it had fallen in.

He would probably receive roles for villains after the movie aired and he was finally revealed as the mystery actor portraying BJ, but that would be some time away still. He had only been on the set with limited cast from the movie production for two weeks now that he was finished with Katsuki, but already it was affecting him so greatly that he was starting to fall into old habits.

Perhaps letting my true self out wasn't such a good idea. He frowned silently. No… it would have been okay if… if she were by my side still…

Ren looked at his cell phone, still at the end of his vanity where he had thrown it in aggravation at his three millionth attempt to NOT call Kyoko.

He hung his head into his hands as he worked to overcome the desire to call her. Then the anger came back to him. He had seriously fucked up. He kept telling himself that every day she hadn't called. He couldn't call her though, he had told her to call him when she was ready. He had said his peace and had to let it be.

He couldn't feel that she hated him though. Knowing Kyoko, if she had, she would have got up and left immediately after he blurted out his declaration. He had waited awake night after night for Kyoko's call. Yeah, she would be sleeping at two in the morning, but what if she wasn't? What if she would call, and he would miss the call being in a deep sleep. He HAD called her before at almost midnight and she had been awake.

So maybe she didn't hate him… maybe she had just put it in her head to forget about him, and had done so…

He was so MAD at himself! Why couldn't he just keep silent!? Why couldn't he just say… just say what? That it was because of the acting? That it was because of her loosing control in her own character, Natsu? It wasn't either of those though, and couldn't bring himself to lie to her, and again, he hated himself for that. For what he did. For letting her go. For not calling her. For not chasing her…

He had poured all those sentiments into his role as BJ and found that at the end of the day, when he left the set, the emotions still overran him. BJ was cold. Heartless. Void of all outward emotion, but boiling over inside. Very much like Tsuruga Ren. Only Tsuruga Ren had had something special… a charisma about him that drew people to him. A charming fake smile that was warm and inviting and dazzling. Now, when Tsuruga Ren did smile, it was cold and empty.

He was loosing himself to BJ, and Kuon was beginning to show through. He was angry all the time. He was violent. The cuts on his hands till hadn't healed from breaking the mirror. Hard to heal wounds when you keep breaking them open from boxing without gloves on.

His gym at home had never received more attention than late. He was always in there; running, and boxing, and lifting weights. Some days he would go home and go straight to the treadmill and stay there until he would shower and go straight to bed, trying to exercise himself to exhaustion so he couldn't think anymore. Everywhere within his gym though had reflective surfaces. Everywhere but the one wall where the mirror remained broken and mostly removed from the wall. When he looked at that shattered wall he was reminded of that night, so though he spent hours in the gym trying to forget, he could not escape the thoughts that plagued him.

He would have to do something, and soon, or everything he had worked for here in Japan would have been for naught. Lory had helped him before to pick up the pieces, but that hardly seemed a possibility for Ren.

If you've never before known love, if you've never before known heartbreak, then how can you know how to live again through it?

Ren looked up now from where he held his head in his hands and again at the scripts in front of him.

Two scripts were new stories, but the third was familiar. Maybe… just maybe, if he took this role, he would be able to play it well enough to not worry like he had for Katsuki. He knew what it felt like to love someone now, so that wouldn't be a problem, right?

Ren rolled up the script in his hand as he stood and headed out the door to find Yashiro.

This was the only script he would accept: Ring Doh 2.