Chapter 2: Saying Goodbye
Castiel took a couple of steps back from the pyre as his eyes never once left the corpse shrouded in white. Before they had covered Jack's body, Castiel had spent an hour holding the boy's cold hand while staring down at burnt-out eyes. How could he have let this happen? Cas knew he couldn't stop God but he should have been more attentive to Jack before all of this took place. Before Jack's life ended too short.
The deep regret did not cover the rest of the unexplained emotion Cas was feeling. The only time Cas remembered feeling this foreign response was when they lost Jack the first time. He didn't have much time to explore what he was feeling then because he was already carrying out a solution to save Jack. This time there was nothing the angel or the brothers could do to bring him back from the dead. Cas knew Jack was asleep in the Empty and as he remembered, no one was allowed to leave the Empty, not unless something powerful woke you up. Even then, the entity itself would not let anyone leave.
Castiel and Sam already had spread salt over the body beforehand. Now, they simply stood back out of Dean's way as he poured the gasoline. He glanced over to the taller man who stood a few feet away from him. The angel could still see the tracks of tears on Sam's bruised face. He didn't appear to be emotional now, though Cas could tell that Sam had been crying before coming outside. He knew he had to look after Sam because Cas remembered how much pain Sam had been in that first time around.
"How are you holding up, Cas?" Sam had asked him.
Cas sighed at the question as his eyes wandered back to Dean and the pyre. He didn't know how to describe the way he felt. Empty, depressed, and broken were a few options that came into mind. He finally settled on saying, "Holding on, I suppose. And you, Sam?"
Sam shrugged his good shoulder. Cas could tell that that movement alone had hurt the Winchester. "It's gonna be hard," Cas heard Sam admit. He wondered how tough it will get later down the road because right now he felt like he just might die. Losing Jack was the biggest failure he had ever experienced in his thousands of years living. "But it's not our first time losing those we love." Sam proceeded, "We will get through."
"How many more do we have to lose?"
"No one else is going to die." Sam declared.
Castiel wanted to trust Sam's words but he couldn't find himself to believe in them. He saw Dean walking back to stand between them. He held out the box of matches for Cas to take. As Cas did, he noticed Dean's purple and split knuckles. He glanced up at Dean's troubled face. He mentally shook his head at both of the brothers. He had offered to heal them but they had denied his help and Castiel knew why. They wanted to hurt from their injuries because of what they had let happened to Jack.
Dean and Sam pulled out their lighters. "Jack," Dean started, "I'm sorry... sorry I never believed in you from the start."
Cas glanced over to Sam, expecting him to say something next, but when his eyes landed on his friend, the tears were streaming down his face. He observed as Sam took a deep breath and cleared his throat, "... Sorry, I couldn't be there for you more, Jack... thank you for everything."
Cas did not know what he wanted to say. There were so many things he wanted to express but he acknowledged only four words that needed to be said. "I love you, Jack." With that, Cas lit his match and threw it onto the salted body. Sam and Dean threw their lighters into the forming flames after.
They stood there staring at the body now engulfed in the fire for a minute straight. Cas was so devastated by the reality of it all. "This wouldn't have happened if I had just…"
"Don't," Dean said as he shook his head. "None of us are going to walk away from this blaming ourselves."
Cas continued talking as if he didn't hear Dean speak at all. "I promised Kelly that I would protect Jack… and I failed."
"We all failed," Sam muttered.
"We did not fail," Dean cut in.
Cas sensed the older Winchester had more to say. When he glanced over to Dean, he saw tears trailing down his face. He didn't get the opportunity to comfort a distressed Dean when they had Mary's funeral so maybe he could be there for Dean now. Cas understood Dean was going to do whatever to make sure he and Sam didn't guilt-trip themselves for Jack's death, but Cas knew someone had to be there to release Dean of his pain. So Cas decided at that moment to put himself second to be that person.
He stepped closer to Dean's side and gently placed his hand on the hunter's left shoulder. Dean reached up with his right hand and clasped it over Castiel's hand. He didn't say any reassuring words to Dean, he settled on standing there by his side as he knew his presence would be enough. He watched the fire with Sam and Dean as they said one last silent goodbye. He knew the day was going to begin soon and already it was off to a broken start.
...***...***...***...
Seeing Cas, Dean, and Sam mourning his death felt wrong. He felt misplaced standing behind his family when he knew they were suffering. Jack was about to call out to them but a voice from behind him stopped his action.
"They can't hear you."
He glanced over his shoulder to see a dark-skinned woman standing behind him. He recognized her as the woman who had met him when he woke up in the Empty. "I don't understand," he said as he focused his attention on the woman, "Who are you?"
"My name is Billie. I am Death." She stated as she walked forward.
Jack was a little shocked at first but the woman spoke in a soothing tone, one that made Jack less afraid of her. "Why did you bring me here?"
"So we can talk."
Jack observed the three men in front of him standing close together. He wanted to tell them that he was alright but he knew he wouldn't be able to. "Are you going to let me be with my family again?"
"In time you'll be reunited with them. There will be a cost." The woman, Billie, informed.
Jack stared at the back of Dean's head. He remembered Dean pointing a gun at him and almost pulling the trigger but didn't. Did that mean Dean still wanted him around? "If I return, what will happen? What's the cost? Will Dean hate me?" Jack could tell that Billie sensed he was a little upset and a bit confused. If Jack returned and nothing changed, what would be the point?
"He won't." Billie assured, "If anything, he might question it at first, but nothing you won't be able to handle."
Jack nodded his head. He believed the Winchesters and Castiel thought highly of him. He was aware they had high hopes he was going to be on the good side but he had let them all down. He had disappointed the only ones he cared about.
Jack closed his eyes as he listened to the wood breaking from the fire. Hearing each loud pop made him startled. The pops started to sound different as if someone was snapping their fingers. This made Jack's mind force him into remembering his encounter with his Grandfather. He had only heard about the man and the things He had done before he had met Him, but after the fact, Jack concluded his Grandfather was not a good man. Even God had wanted him dead because He was afraid of him. Did that make Jack a monster?
Jack pulled himself out of his thoughts when the snapping sound faded away. He opened his eyes and noticed he was in completely different scenery. He saw Billie disappear into one of the many aisles in the room. He followed her until she stopped at one of the shelves.
"This is my reading room. You see this?" Billie asked as she rested her hand on a shelf where a lone thin black notebook laid. "As of right now, there is only one way you die. I know you're concerned about being possibly killed by Dean, but I can assure you it's not by him, Sam, or Castiel."
"So, I get killed again by my Grandfather?" Jack questioned.
Billie shook her head as she smirked. "God might have been able to kill you, but that's not how you stay dead."
This provoked Jack's interest. "Can I see it?"
"One shouldn't read how they die, Jack, but I get how curiosity works." Billie nodded her head toward the book. "The choices you make are what gets you killed."
Jack hesitantly picked the notebook off the shelf and opened it. He didn't like what he was reading so far. It seemed to had gone into great detail about the dangers of him using his powers to kill. When he got to the end, he was in disbelief at what he had read. "You... you are going to kill me?"
"Yes," Billie responded, "but not today and certainly not tomorrow." Billie took the book from Jack's hands and placed it back on the shelf. "You're powerful, Jack. You need to learn how to control it before you go back into the world. If you lose control, well, you read what will happen."
Jack took in Billie's information. He was shocked, to say the least at what he uncovered. There were so many questions racing through his mind though one stood out for him to ask aloud. "How will I go back to my family if they burned my body?"
"Leave that to me. Your body will be restored with your soul."
"My soul? You can do that?"
"I can resurrect life to any state I want it to be. Your soul is easy to retrieve and reviving your body won't take that long at all." Billie started walking out of the aisle with Jack following close behind her. "In the meantime, you'll be sent back to the Empty. I'll be there shortly to get you out."
Jack glanced down at the floor. He was upset to go back to the Empty as being there frightened him, but Jack knew it would be worth it. Soon he would be back with Cas, Sam, and Dean. "I understand."
Billie could sense the boy's uneasiness. Laying a comforting hand on his shoulder, she softly stated, "You're a good kid, Jack. I'll see you soon."
Author's Note: Sorry I didn't get this out sooner. I saw Endgame on Friday and I still haven't recovered. A huge thank you to those who left a review and PM, I enjoyed reading your comments! Please leave a review or a PM as reading those motivate me more. I love to hear what you guys think so far of the story. The next chapter posted will be where we get into the story and I can't wait for you guys to read it.