The Great Romantic
Adapted from an Idea by Finbar
Chapter 1
The battle was over.
Gatoh was dead, throat cut and body tossed off the bridge.
The boat bearing the thugs had departed, taking the few survivors with it.
And surrounded by the bodies of enemies he slew lay Zabuza, dying.
But he wasn't quite dead yet.
As the snow began to fall, Zabuza beckoned Naruto over to him.
"Look, kid... I gotta be straight with ya. I don't like you, nor do I want to do this. But it has to be done. Tradition, ya might say. Not only that, but a sword should always be used. Reach into my pocket and grab out the scroll there."
Naruto, kneeling down next to the dying missing-nin, complied. The scroll was covered in markings that he had never quite seen before. He quickly passed it off to Zabuza.
"Ya see, kid, whenever a swordsman of the Mist loses his fight, he has to give his sword to the winner. Though you yourself didn't actually strike me down, out of all your team, you're the one who deserves it the most. Kakashi would never use it, and you're the only genin who showed that you knew what it meant to be a ninja."
As he spoke, Zabuza lit up with the last vestiges of his chakra, and activated the sealing matrix on the scroll. His sword, which had been resting against the scroll, looked like it got sucked into it by a vacuum.
"There... take it."
And with that, Zabuza expired.
Naruto stood up, holding the oddly small scroll.
'But... I don't know how to use a sword. What the hell am I going to do with this?'
As they traveled home from wave, all Naruto could do was pester Kakashi to train him. Kakashi always replied with "It takes way too much training to become good with swords. Do you want to make that your only focus?"
In his head, Naruto could picture it. Ninjutsu, or Kenjutsu?
Unfortunately, Naruto was still in the mindset that Kakashi would eventually teach him SOME kickass ninjutsu. So he finally decided that he'd rather not focus on swords, and just put the scroll up in his house.
He wanted to do something with it, though... It's what Zabuza would want, he thought.
He just needed to find someone who actually used swords, first.
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'Hmm... Do I even know anyone who actually fights with swords? Or seriously uses a weapon? Besides those random ANBU... they all have ninja-to.'
"Naruto! Pay attention! This is news you'd probably love to hear!"
"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei... what were you saying?"
"For those of us who weren't listening the first time I said it, I decided to nominate you three for the Chuunin exams."
'Chuunin exams? Hmm...'
"Sensei... Will there be lots of other teams from Konoha there?"
"Seeing as this year they are being held in Konoha, I'd guess yes."
'Score! I'm bound to find somebody who specializes in weapons SOMEWHERE in the exams.'
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'Hmm... Well, none of the old Academy class seems to be holding any actual weapons...'
It was before the first exam, with the Rookie Nine being reunited for the first time since they graduated.
Naruto was spending a lot of time looking around, which some took to mean he was nervous.
That was rather far from the truth.
Indeed, Naruto was looking for somebody- ANYBODY- from Konoha who might be a weapons-user.
And he didn't find nary a one.
"I'd keep your voices down... this isn't some kind of fieldtrip, ya know?"
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'Shit shit shit shit! Man, what I wouldn't do for that giant sword now that I've been swallowed by a snake! I could totally cut my way out of it if I had it!
'But I might as well go with what I'm good at...'
"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!"
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'Well, if he was ever on the list before, Sasuke is definitely off it now. If he's stabbing himself in the leg with Kunai, who knows what he would do with Zabuza's sword?
'Guess I gotta go in there and save the day.'
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"Wait... Open both the scrolls at the same time."
"Toss them away! They're summoning scrolls!"
"Iruka-sensei?"
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'Well, we've gone through a bunch of matches so far. I already knew Sasuke doesn't use weapons. Shino's too caught up with his bugs. That stretchy dude was a spy. Sakura and Ino... Both of them don't seem to be the, uh, type, to use big ass swords.
'So, who's up next? That Tenten girl? She's the one on gejimayu's team, right?'
"Ye gods... She's perfect!"
Everyone watching turned to Naruto, who had accidentally exclaimed his last thought out loud, after watching Tenten fight solely using weaponry.
"Uhh... What are you all staring at?"
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'Well, Kakashi told me to meet up with that closet pervert... But I have something more important to do first. Then I'll find the pervert, and make him train me! Let's see... I'll go visit Lee in the Hospital and ask him where she normally trains at!'
Naruto made his way over to the hospital, and hunted down Lee's room.
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Gai-sensei!"
"Lee!"
"Uhh... Can I talk to Lee for a second?"
"... Naruto? What are you doing here?"
Naruto had walked into what would usually be a rather odd scene, but was probably normal for the two involved.
Gai stood up, from where he had been hugging Lee, who was lying down on the hospital bed.
"I just wanted to know where that Tenten girl on your team would be right now. I have a gift for her!"
'Yup... Zabuza said a sword should always be used! That's why I have to give it to someone who will use it!'
"... A gift? Well, Tenten should be out over at the training grounds around now... I'll give you directions."
'Naruto wants to give Tenten a gift, eh? Sounds like someone's Springtime of Youth is in full-bloom!'
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"Ok, Tenten, that'll be it for the day. I have to go and attend my duties at home now, anyway. I'll see you tom- What the hell are you doing here, loser?"
Just as Neji was finishing up his goodbyes to Tenten, who was gathering up all of her loose weapons, Naruto arrived onto the scene.
"Shut up, Neji. I'm not here to kick your ass. Yet."
"... Then what are you doing here?"
Tenten, who had gathered up all of her weapons using her wires, walked up to the two. She was curious about what the strange dead-last was doing here, as well.
As she spoke, Naruto quickly looked over at Tenten, and smiled. A huge, dazzling smile, that was almost, but not quite, on the order of Lee's. So it was pretty high up there.
"Here! I have this for you!"
Naruto quickly pulled out the scroll, and stuffed it into Tenten's hands.
"Use it well!"
With that, he ran away. With the way the sun was setting, though... it made him look like he was blushing.
Neji and Tenten looked at each other.
"Well... it looks sort of like one of my weapon-summoning scrolls... Only a heckuvalot fancier."
"You might as well open it up out here... He is infamous for pranks, so perhaps it would be better if whatever went off went off out here."
"Ok... OH HOLY CRAP!"
"... How did such an enormous sword fit into such a tiny scroll? Tenten... are you... crying?"
"Neji... This is one of the Seven Swords of Kirigakure. This is an honest to god sword of one of the Mist Swordsman. This... This is one of the best swords in the world! How did that guy get it?"
"... I have no clue."
"And why did he give it to me?"
"..."
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'Yup... That sword will go to good use. Now, to go find that closet-pervert...'
Naruto ran from the scene, leaving a stunned Neji and Tenten behind.
The setting sun caused the whole scene to be even more dramatic.
Word swiftly got around town (i.e. Gai started yelling about Naruto and Tenten's Springtime of Youth everywhere he went) that Naruto wanted to give Tenten some kind of gift.
When people actually SAW what the gift was... Well, most of them were confused.
"I mean, I can understand she's a ninja girl and all... But when did kids change so much that if you wanted to tell a girl you're interested in her, you give her a sword? Whatever happened to flowers? Or Jewelery?"
Of course, it just so happened to be the members of Team 8 who heard that last conversation, prompting Kiba to loudly wonder at what kind of idiot gives a girl a sword to show her that they like her.
Nobody answered him, though a bunch of the adults looked at him funny.
After the team went their separate ways, Hinata went home... Only to encounter a frustrated Neji.
Who was, unfortunately for Hinata, venting his frustration out loud.
"Stupid Uzumaki... I bet you this is exactly why he gave Tenten that sword! He knew that she'd get too involved with training herself in how to use it, so she wouldn't be able to train with me! Argh, now I'm going to have to figure it out all on my own..."
'Naruto gave Tenten a sword? And didn't that old man say that boys give girls they like... swords?'
It would be an hour before a branch family member found the unconscious form of Hinata on the floor.
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So the month of training went. Naruto met Jiraiya, and learned about frog summoning. He didn't really think about Tenten at all, not really knowing the girl. He just hoped she did the sword justice, or something like that.
Tenten spent the entire month training, in learning how to use the sword. She knew it must have some kind of secret property... All the 7 Mist swords do. She just couldn't figure it out. But she did get a good handle on how to use it, though.
Neji was freaking pissed as hell the whole month, due to his lack of a training partner. He was unable to learn Kaiten, for that same reason. And he blamed it all on Naruto. He made it very clear to everyone he came across that he would get back at Naruto, too.
Unfortunately, he never really specified what he was going to get back at Naruto for. All he would ever talk about is Naruto giving Tenten that sword, and that it enraged him.
Most people took that to mean that Neji was also interested in Tenten, and that Naruto had stolen her from him. Rumors travel quickly in Konoha, and by the end of the month, the story had evolved into something out of a crappy romance novel.
And, oddly enough... Most people seemed to side with Naruto here. Because he was the one who gave Tenten a priceless gift, to try to win her love. Most people (i.e. the women of Konoha) saw that as an incredibly romantic gesture (Or perhaps just the Kunoichi of Konoha, as the civilian girls could appreciate the gesture, but they wanted it clear that they preferred jewelry), and that it must be Naruto's human side showing through. And that kind of thing should always be encouraged.
Tenten kept on wondering about all the weird looks people were giving her, and how a lot of random people she didn't know kept on asking her about Naruto.
Naruto was a puzzle to Tenten. She barely knew the guy. They hadn't ever even spoken. Then he, out of nowhere, gives her a priceless gift in the form of a sword, and proceeds to disappear. She didn't know what to think. She'd always been a no-nonsense, serious Kunoichi, not one of those love struck fan girl types.
But now... She was pretty confused.
Oddly enough, she got the most advice from a drunken Hinata.
She didn't quite know WHY Hinata was drunk so often lately, only that she was. Hinata also quite often stalked Tenten around, looking pretty angry. Or as angry as Hinata can get. So it was actually kind of cute, and fairly funny.
When Tenten would confront the drunken Hinata, Hinata would usually start mumbling stuff about Naruto. Hinata would say stuff about how he never gives up, and always keeps on trying, and usually she'd say something about how Tenten should see how long Naruto can go without stopping.
Well, Tenten never thought it was GOOD advice... Hinata just kept on telling her random things.
This was also Tenten and Neji's only interaction during the month of training, when Hiashi would send Neji out to find his missing daughter. Hiashi had yet to realize who had been stealing his Sake... but when he found out, there'd be hell to pay.
Neji would just hunt down Hinata, pick her up, and walk away with her, usually without any warning. He'd then carry her back to the Hyuuga Compound, seeing as Hinata was usually too drunk to walk.
Unfortunately... the Village gossip vine took this the completely wrong way.
All they ever saw was an angry Neji carrying around a struggling Hinata.
The plot thickened... Now, Neji was somehow getting back at Tenten and Naruto by kidnapping his cousin, to have his way with her? Lots of people in the village were aware of the Hyuuga girls infatuation with Naruto (or they were after they heard Hinata drunkenly mumble about it as she wandered around town), so it seemed obvious to them that Neji was trying to get back at Naruto for stealing his (Neji's) woman.
Oh, what tangled webs we weave.
Author's Notes: This one I picked up and wrote, and may actually continue soon. It's a rather hilarious crack concept that will also be able to build up some decent romance, as well.
The original idea was by Finbar, who also wrote a few snippets for it over at TFF. It never got past the idea stage… But hey, my Naruto muse is starting to come back, so who knows?