I'm struggling with chronic illness and brain fog is so real. I hope this chapter makes sense. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going with this or when the curse break will be so I'm just writing what comes to me. Hope you enjoy anyways.
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Tilly stopped by Roni's on her lunch break, carrying an armful of books that she placed carefully down on the bar.
Roni smiled at her. "Hey Tilly, what can I get ya?"
"Just a hot chocolate please. Is Margot around?"
"She's in the back, I'll get her for you."
Tilly couldn't help but notice the look in the woman's eyes.
She looked...sad?
But in an instant it was gone as Roni turned to call Margot and make her drink.
Ten minutes later, the girls sat in the back of the bar, sharing one seat as they flicked through the books.
"I found some new ones at pops book shop. I thought since we were making lists, we could search for some new things."
The two had started writing lists not long after they'd officially gotten together.
They wrote lists on foods to try, places to travel to, activities to do.
Together.
Tilly had never felt like this in her whole life.
Belonging. Trust. Love.
Plus the lists gave her something to look forward to.
Even on her worst days, she could look at those lists and be reminded of all the good things to come.
They ranged from small stuff like make pancakes, read the same book together, take silly pictures in a photo booth.
And then bigger stuff like swim with dolphins, eat real sushi in Japan, go on a boat ride, see the pyramids.
Tilly tried to quell the thoughts that popped into her head.
About what would happen if Margot left her, if all she had of her were those lists.
But Margot was a part of her happiness, not the whole of it.
And they were doing good, really good, and Tilly didn't want to think about what could happen.
"I know." Margot hummed, opening a map of the world. "Close your eyes and touch the book. Where you land is where we'll go first."
Tilly smiled and placed her hot chocolate down, closing her eyes.
She moved her finger around and slowly brought it down.
Margot couldn't help the laugh that escaped.
"Unless you want to swim in the Antarctic, I think you should try again."
Tilly nodded and carefully put her finger down again.
"Huh." Margot hummed.
Tilly opened her eyes and looked down.
America. Tallahassee.
"Not quite the adventure we had planned." Tilly smiled.
"Going anywhere with you is an adventure." Margot hummed. "It might be cool there."
"Really? We're going to Tallahassee?"
"Why not? We did say whatever you landed on first."
"Tallahassee it is." Tilly beamed, leaning in to kiss her.
"I can't wait." Margot smiled, eyes shining.
"Me neither." The blonde tucked herself into her girlfriends side, closing her eyes for a moment.
"You okay?" Margot asked softly, stroking a hand through Tilly's hair.
"Huh?" Tilly blinked, touching her cheeks. She didn't even realise she'd been crying.
"What's wrong?" Margot frowned.
Tilly shook her head, hastily rubbing her eyes. "I don't know. I think...maybe I'm happy?"
Margot's face softened and she cupped Tilly's chin with one hand. "You are?"
"Yes." The blonde swallowed. "And I'm sorry."
"Sorry?" The girl tutted, wiping a tear away.
"I wish I could just be happy. But happy...leads to over thinking. And wondering when it will end. And I spiral."
"Till." Margot kissed the tip of her nose. "I know how you feel. And it's okay."
"How is it okay? I...we're having a nice time and I...I always ruin it with my thinking and my thoughts and-"
"You do not ruin anything. You're scared. Worried. That is okay."
Tilly sighed and dropped her gaze to her hands, twisting in her lap.
"I just want to be normal. Happy without the rest of it." She said quietly.
"I know. But normal is overrated. And what is normal anyway? You're you." Margot wrapped her arm around Tilly and rubbed her arm.
"I'm me." She said quietly, closing her eyes and sighing.
"I will do whatever I can to keep you happy. But you're doing it too, Till. Taking your meds, therapy, opening up up to us. You're not alone. And you're so strong."
The blonde nodded weakly, smiling a little. "I love you."
"I love you." Margot handed her her drink and smiled warmly.
"Now, since we're going to Tallahassee, we need to figure out what the pack. How to get there. Where to stay."
Lists helped her ground herself.
"C'mon, I need my girl to help me write the best list ever." Margot hummed, passing her a pen and opening a clean notebook page.
"Now, what's the weather like there?"
/
It was short, I know. And I didn't want every chapter to be a complete episode because that's not realistic. I hope it was okay nonetheless. Please leave a comment and if you have any ideas I'm eager to hear them so please let me know!