Hey guys! I am so sorry for the late update! But its super long, it just took me a while to right, with following the episode. Not all chapters will be directly like the episode, some will be different. Also, I was pissed with how Greys ended last week and I didn't even watch this week's episode. IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE MERDER FOR LIFE SHONDA! Ugh. Let me know what you think of this chapter!
And I don't own Grey's. If I did, Meredith wouldn't have given her phone number to an annoying military surgeon and Derek would be alive. MERDER should never die, even if Derek is dead.
Xoxo – a merder fan for life, even if the show decides not to.
Meredith ran into the hospital, already knowing she was late. Even though she had already done tis before, she did have to make it seem like she hadn't.
But, Meredith did make it in time to catch the end of the Chief's speech.
"Each of you comes here hopeful. Wanting in on the game. A month ago you were in med school being taught by doctors. Today, you are the doctors. The seven years you spend here as a surgical resident will be the best and worst of your life. You will be pushed to the breaking point. Look around you. Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play? That's up to you."
'I played it pretty damn well and in less than 7 years,' Meredith thought to her self. 'These kids have no idea what's coming. That sucks for-oh wait. I'm one of them now.'
while Meredith was having an internal debate, the Chief looked at her discreetly and winked, showing that he knew that she came in late. Meredith groaned; she had hoped to come in unseen and apparently that didn't happen.
'Like I should have said early; I'm screwed.'
Inside the locker room, Meredith finishes getting ready for her "first" day, ignoring all the other interns rushing around and leaving the room to meet their residents. The only thing on her mind is how crappy this locker room was compared to the one at Mass Gen. She sighed. She really was going to miss her nice and comfy attendings' lounge.
"Only six women out of twenty," Meredith says aloud. "though I suppose it's an improvement from three out of twenty," she mumbles under her breathe.
An intern walks up behind Meredith, somewhat shocking her, and says, "Yeah. I hear one of them's a model. Seriously, like that's going to help with the respect thing? And did you happen to say something else? I couldn't quite hear you."
Meredith sizes the intern up. She immediately recognizes her type. This woman probably thinks she's the best of the best, wont let anything stand in her way, and a hard-ass. Meredith also figures this girl is a cocky, a know-it-all, hating everything from people to gossip. Meredith wouldn't be surprised if this intern wants to specialize in Cardio; cardio attendings have the same complex as this intern
She thinks for a quick second and decides that maybe she and this girl could be friends. The intern seems as dark and twisty as herself.
Meredith decides to actually talk to the girl, to see if her suspicions are right. But what is her name? 'I thought I talked to her briefly at the mixer..' Meredith thinks so to herself, before she remembers a name.
"You're Cristina, right?"
The intern, whose name might be Cristina, doesn't even answer Meredith's question, only firing back with, "Which resident you assigned to? I got Bailey."
'Yup,' Meredith thought to herself. 'This girl is definitely trying to make out her completion. She gets straight to the point. And will probably be a complete surgery junkie. We could completely be friends.'
Meredith inwardly smiles at the thought, before saying, "Nazi? Me too."
A male intern joins their conversation (which Meredith noticed to be the same one staring trying to stare at her in the locker room), saying, "You got the Nazi? So did I. At least we'll be tortured together, right? I'm George … O'Malley. Uh…we met at the…ah mixer…you had a black dress with a slit at the sides, strappy sandals and….now you think I'm gay."
Meredith and Christina both look at him weirdly. Meredith's reminded of the guy at the mixer, who tried to hit on her. She was reminded of why she only stayed at the party for not very long; it was crappy and people tried to hit on her. Plus, she had done this once before already. Meredith only went to appease the Chief. Then she left and went to the bar across the street from the hospital. And the rest of the night was history.
She barely heard the intern, George speak, only hearing something about him not being gay (which Meredith totally doesn't believe), Cristina not believing him and walking away.
"O'Malley, Yang, Harrington-Gray, Stevens" was the next thing Meredith heard, before she started walking down the hall to find her 'superior.'
Oops. Resident.
"That's the Nazi?" Cristina exclaimed.
Meredith takes a good look at her. She definitely did not picture the Nazi to look like she did, which was short. If Meredith had to guess, the Nazi didn't put up with any shit given by anyone, including attendings, was very influential, and a good surgeon as well. Probably in general, by the looks of it, Meredith decided.
Meredith smirked. These interns had no idea what they were getting into.
George spoke next. "I thought the Nazi would be a guy."
Meredith decided to have her input. After all, she needed to fit in. "I thought the Nazi would be...the Nazi."
A pretty, tall, blond intern walks up to the three of them. "Maybe it's professional jealousy. Maybe she's brilliant, and they call her Nazi because they're jealous. Maybe she's nice."
Well, that's definitely the model.
Cristina beat her to it though. "Let me guess. You're the model."
The girl gave Cristina a look before turning to the Nazi, and extending her hand, "Hi, I'm Isobel Stevens, but everyone calls me Izzie." Doctor bailey looked at her but didn't move or say anything.
'These interns were stupid,' Meredith decided. 'You can't suck up to your resident, they'll make your life hell. Its one of the dumbest things to do on your first day.'
Bailey started off with her speech, which Meredith couldn't wait for. "I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up, I already hate you, that's not gonna change." Bailey points to stuff on the bench, stuff Meredith already recognized and knew about.
"Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers. Nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run, that's rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts forty-eight hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain, you run labs, write orders, work every second night till you drop and don't complain!"
Meredith wanted to laugh out loud. She certainly wasn't on the bottom of the food chain, more like she was almost at the top. But for now, she was at the bottom, sadly.
Bailey opens a door, showing bun beds. On call rooms, where sleep never happened. "On call rooms. Attendings hog them, sleep when you can, where you can, which brings me to rule number three, if I'm sleeping, don't wake me, unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when I get there, not only would you have killed someone, you would have also woke me for no good reason, we clear?"
Meredith decided that she liked the Nazi so far. She was going to be fair. But, she already made a mistake…so Meredith decided to call her out. She raised her hand.
"Yes?"
"You said five rules. That was only four."
A pager goes off. "Rule number five. When I move, you move."
With that, the interns (plus an attending in hiding) run down the hallway, following their resident as she screams, "Get out of my way!"
Yup. Meredith couldn't wait to get started. She could already see the playing field.
Meredith could barely remember getting to the helicopter. All she knew was the Izzie was on rectal exams (karma's a bitch), she almost screamed out what a shotgun was, which would have blown her cover, and she had her 'first patient' Katie Bryce. Who was a pain in the ass. She kept complaining that Meredith was lost and how she was missing her pageant.
And then she went and asked if Meredith was new. Which made Meredith so angry. She had to close her eyes and count to ten, to not burst out saying that she was in fact only new to the hospital but was a well-respected surgeon.
Yeah, that would not have gone over well. So Meredith stayed silent and only put in her occasional comment, so as to not ruin her plan.
"I twisted my ankle on taunt rehearsal. I do rhythmic gymnastics, which is like really cool. Nobody else does it. And I tripped over my ribbon and I didn't get stuck with somebody this clueless. And that was like … a nurse."
Boy was Katie annoying.
As she walked into lunch, she would hear Izzie and George complaining about their first day so far, while Cristina mentioned Ellis Grey.
"Did you hear about Ellis Grey's latest surgery, with the mysterious other Doctor Grey? They made medical history, it's amazing. Did you know she has a daughter?" Cristina rushed out. Meredith knew she needed to end this conversation
"Shut up, the Ellis Grey?" Izzie exclaimed.
"Uh-huh."
"Who's Ellis Grey?" George innocently asked. Oh George, you need to get caught up in the medical world.
Cristina and Izzie laugh, before answering George with basic facts about Ellis Grey.
"The Grey method? Where'd you go to med school, Mexico?"
"She was one of the first big chick surgeons, she practically invented the abdominal laparotomy."
"She's a living legend, she won the Harper Avery. Twice."
"So I didn't know one thing."
"Talk about parental pressure."
"I would kill to have Ellis Grey as a mother. I would kill to be Ellis Grey." Cristina says as Meredith decided to make herself known. (But Meredith knew that if Cristina knew the truth, she would never want Ellis as a mom.) "All I need is one good case."
"Katie Bryce is a pain in the ass. If I hadn't taken the Hippocratic oath, I'd Kevorkian her with my bare hands" Meredith decided to voice her opinions, to draw attention away from herself and her mother. Everyone stares at her.
'I thought this is what interns talked about. I'm pretty sure nothings changed,' Meredith thought, nervously. 'I can't screw this up.' So she finally decides to say, "What?"
Meredith notices that Burke shows up and immediately know it's for the intern surgery. As much as she wants a surgery, to cut, she doesn't want this. She would give herself away.
"Good afternoon interns. It's posted, but I thought I'd share the good news personally. As you know, the honour of performing the first surgery is reserved for the intern that shows the most promise. As I'm running the OR today, I get to make that choice." He claps George on the back. "George O'Malley. You'll scrub in for an appendectomy this afternoon. Congratulations."
"Me?"
"Enjoy." It was dead silent.
"Did he say me?"
As Meredith gets hounded with questions by Katie's parents, she knows that she knows the answers to them all. But it would be suspicious if an intern did so she decides to tell them, "She's, um, well, you know what, I'm not, I'm not the doctor, uh, I'm a doctor, but I'm not Katie's doctor, so I'll go get him for you."
Meredith goes to Bailey and before she can speak, Bailey asks, "What?"
"Katie's parents have questions. Do you talk to them or do I ask Burke?"
"No, Burke's off the case, Katie belongs to the new attending now, Dr. Shepherd, he's over there."
As Meredith looks and begins to walk where Bailey was pointing, she realizes it's Derek, her one night stand from the morning. But worse, he notices her and starts to walk to Meredith, before she can run away.
'damn,' Meredith thought. 'And I thought my time here would be normal. This definitely messes up my plan…but, technically I'm an attending, just not at this hospital so the relationship, if any were to exist, wouldn't go against any rules…'
But before she could think further, Derek pulls her into an empty stairwell.
"Doctor Shepherd"
"Dr. Shepherd? This morning it was Derek. Now it's Dr. Shepherd."
"Dr. Shepherd, we should pretend it never happened. "
"What never happened, you sleeping with last night? Or you throwing me out this morning? Because both are fond memories I'd like to hold onto."
Man, he was persistent.
"No. There will be no memories. I'm not the girl in the bar anymore, and you're not the guy. This can't exist. You get that, right?"
"You took advantage of me and now you want to forget about it."
"I did not take - "
"I was drunk, vulnerable and good-looking and you took advantage."
Meredith smiled. "Okay, I was the one who was drunk, and you are not that good-looking."
"Well, maybe not today. Last night, last night I was very good-looking. I had my red shirt on, my good-looking shirt, you took advantage."
"I did not take -"
"You want to take advantage again? Say Friday night?"
"No. You're an attending. And I'm your intern." And there's something else familiar about you, about your name, Meredith wanted to say. It's not the first time I have heard it before… "Stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?"
"Like you've seen me naked."
Derek smirked and Meredith wanted to melt yet tell him to stop. He could be so goddamn annoying and cute at the same time.
"Dr. Shepherd. This is inappropriate. Has that ever occurred to you?"
And with that, Meredith left, but not without noticing Derek's sigh.
Meredith watched as George took out the appendix but didn't know what to do when complications occurred. It sucked, failing in your first time in the OR. She watched as he earned the nickname 007, realizing that interns were still ruthless.
Yet she knew how he would feel. It's how she felt, and still feels, from all the backstabbing and naming calling.
She realizes this as they sit in the tunnels, with George feeling all down. She tries to convince him otherwise, but doesn't have the heart to do so. Because you cant convince someone otherwise when you've heard it been said, or when you're the one that's been called the names.
And so when a page fore Katie Bryce comes Meredith runs, because she cant stand to be there any longer.
Even when it was a false page, when Katie only wanted to tell Meredith that she was bored. But it was better than the tunnels she decided.
Meredith takes the hits. When the guy, Alex, yells at the nurse asks as if the right diagnosis, as he attempts to flirt with her. But she says nothing, only a, "She may not have pneumonia, you know. She could be splinting, or have a PE."
"Like I said, I hate nurses."
Meredith thought of a lot of things she could say to this hotshot, but decided with, "What did you just say? Did you just call me a nurse?"
She barely heard his respond, but went to answer her page to Katie Bryce, only hearing Alex ask if she was single.
Meredith wanted to snort. She would never date an ass like him.
As she nears Katie's room, she sees nurses rushing around and starts to run.
A nurse asks, "What took you so long?"
Another one starts to ramble off information. "She's having multiple grand mal seizures, now how do you want to proceed? Dr. Grey? Are you listening to me? She's got Diazepam, 2mg Diazepam, I just gave her a second ago, Doctor, you need to tell us what you want to do. Dr. Harrington-Gray!"
Meredith takes a deep breathe. Of course her patient would crash on the one page she didn't run to answer. Meredith picks up the chart.
"Okay, she's full on Prazepam?"
"She's had 4mg. "
"Did you page Dr. Bailey and Dr. Shepherd?" As much as she didn't want to page them, she had too because she was an intern. It's what the protocol was for something like this.
"The Prazepam's not working."
"Phenobarbital, load her with Phenobarbital."
"Pheno's in."
"No change."
"You paged Dr. Shepherd?" It pained her to ask this. She knew she was capable, but no one else did, except the Chief. And this wasn't his patient, where she might be able to get away with not aging him and taking control of the situation.
"I just told you."
"Well page him again! Stat." 'God where is the attending when you need one. I was always on time, never late like Doctor Shepherd here…'
"What do you want to do? Dr. Harrington-Gray, you need to tell us what you want to do!"
Beeping fills the room.
"Heart's stopped!"
"Code blue, code blue! Code blue, code blue!" They pull out the defibrillators. Meredith takes them, her brain knowing what to do; its second nature, she's done this a million times before.
"Charge pulse of two hundred."
"Charged. Clear."
"Still defib. Nothing."
"Charging. 19 seconds."
"Charge to 300. "
"300. Anything? 27 seconds."
"Charge to 360. Come on, Katie."
"49 seconds."
"At 60 seconds you're supposed to admit her - "
"Charge again!" the nurse doesn't and Meredith gets mad; she knows what she's doing! "Charge again." The nurse does, finally. "Anything?"
"I see sinus rhythm."
"Blood pressure's coming up."
"All right now. Pressure's returning. Grid's coming back..."
Derek Shepherd then came running in. "What the hell happened?"
Meredith sighed internally. She knew this could get interesting. But she wasn't going to cower in front of him, like any intern would. So Meredith stood her ground. "She had a seizure, and - "
"A seizure?"
"Her heart stopped."
"You were supposed to be monitoring her."
"I checked on her and she - "
"I got it. Just - just - go. Someone give me her chart, please?"
As Meredith turns to walk away, she stopped. Even though she was an intern technically, she wasn't going to let Shepherd walk all over her. He was in the wrong and she knew it.
Just as she was walking by Derek, she stopped him and herself, while tapping Derek on the shoulder. She knew what she had to do.
So before she decided to run out or scream, she whispered to Dr. Shepherd, "Let me make this clear, Dr. Shepherd. You and I both know that I save Katie Bryce's life right there. You're just blaming me for you not being there on time. Attendings are supposed to show up when there paged and not run late, yet you did, only to have the intern show you up. It's a blow to your ego. We both know I did nothing wrong, that I actually saved her life, even if I showed up late. So Dr. Shepherd, I did my job and I did it right. I don't deserve to be sent out. But if makes you seen as the good guy, as the hotshot attending cause, then I'll leave. But not because I screwed up."
And with a shocked look on Derek's face, Meredith walked out of the room, not once looking back. She even ignored Bailey, as she tried to tell Meredith about answering a page right away.
But Meredith was on fire; she wasn't going to let anyone take her down.
A while later, Meredith sits in the conference room with Cristina, who is suturing a banana. Meredith recognized it as a coping technique to stay away. Before she knew it, Doctor Jackass came into the room, giving a long speech.
"Well good morning. I'm going to do something pretty rare for a surgeon; I'm going to ask interns for help. I've got this kid, Katie Bryce. Right now, she's a mystery. She doesn't respond to her meds. Labs are clean, scans are pure, but she's having seizures. Grand mal seizures with no visible cause. She's a ticking clock. She's going to die, if I don't make a diagnosis. Which is where you come in. I can't do it alone. I need your extra minds, extra eyes, I need you to play detective, I need you to find out why Katie is having seizures. I know you're tired, you're busy, you've got more work than you could possibly handle. I understand. So, I'm going to give you an incentive. Whoever finds the answer rides with me. Katie needs surgery. You get to do what no interns get to do. Scrub in to assist on an advanced procedure. Dr. Bailey's going to hand you Katie's chart. The clock is ticking fast, people. If we're going to save Katie's life, we have to do it soon."
'More like begging us to save his ass. He has no idea what is wrong with Katie,' Meredith thought. 'He's not looking to teach us, like her should. Jackass.' It was ironic; an all-knowing attending was asking the know-nothing interns for help.
And Meredith was going to make sure she was going to be the one to find the solution and scrub in. Plus, Meredith loved Neuro just as much as General.
Which is why she found herself in the library with Cristina, sitting on the floor, looking through books on end, trying to find a diagnosis for Katie Bryce. Along with Cristina asking her questions about what she had towards shepherd.
The only reply given was, "He's just a jackass, know-it-all attending." Any more information would give away her away.
Until Katie's pageant talent is brought up, which Meredith remembers something and before she could blink, she was pulling Cristina out the door to find Dr. Shepherd.
They found him just as he was getting on the elevator. "Oh, oh, Dr. Sheppard! Just one moment, um, uh, Katie competes in beauty pageants - " Cristina began.
"I know that, but we have to save her life anyway."
"Okay, she has no headaches, no neck pain, her CT's clean, there's no medical proof of an aneurysm - "
"Right."
"- But what if she has an aneurysm anyway?"
"There are no indicators. "
"Ah, but she twisted her ankle, a few weeks ago when she was practicing for the pageant - "
"Look, I appreciate you're trying to help, but - "
Meredith was getting tried of this, so she decided to interrupt. "She fell. When she twisted her ankle, she fell."
"It was no big deal, not even a bump on the head, you know she got right back up, iced her ankle and everything was fine, it was a fall so minor her doctor didn't even think to mention it when I was taking her history, but she did fall."
"Well, you know the chances that a minor fall could burst an aneurysm, one in a million! Literally."
The elevator doors close and they begin to walk away, with Meredith feeling down. She knew her diagnosis was right; she spent enough time in Neuro to know that. But then the elevator dings and Derek steps out. Meredith turns around, shocked. She didn't think that Derek would actually listen to them.
"Let's go."
"Where?"
"To find out if Katie's one in a million. Cut to Cristina, Meredith and Derek looking at a scan."
"I'll be damned. It's minor, but it's there. It's a - " But before Derek could finish, Meredith interrupted. She couldn't contain her excitement in knowing she was right.
" - A cerebachnoid hemorrhage. She's bleeding into her brain."
Both Derek and Cristina stare at her shocked and impressed that she knew that.
Oops. Oh well, too late to take it back. Plus, she was right.
It took Derek a few minutes to speak. "Yes. You are correct Dr. Harrington-Gray. She could've gone her entire life without it ever being a problem. One tap in the right spot - "
"And explode."
"Exactly. Now I have to fix it. You two did great work. Love to stay and kiss your asses, but I gotta tell Katie's parents she's having surgery. Katie Bryce's chart, please."
"Oh, and Dr. Shepherd, you said that you'd pick someone to scrub in if we helped."
"Oh, yes, right. Um, I'm sorry I can't take you both, it's going to be a full house. Elizabeth, I'll see you in OR."
As those words come out of Shepherd's mouth, Meredith gets excited. She's proud; she didn't think that on her first day shed be back in the OR again. She couldn't wait for the high.
"Good. Thank you," Derek says as he leaves.
But Cristina looks pissed tat she didn't get to scrub in. She nods to Meredith before turning to leave.
"Cristina..."
Meredith sighed. She hoped she didn't lose her friend.
Meredith sits outside with George, trying to comfort him and her. She tells him that they'll make it but she isn't so sure. Being an intern isn't easy.
Meredith feels proud when she outsmarts the Doctor, Alex, who tried to hit on her, when she names the causes of post-op fever.
She smirks when the Chief tells him to do as she just instructed. She winks at the Chief when he smiles and rolls his eyes at her.
And she begins to get the rush of the high again when she steps into the OR.
"All right everybody, it's a beautiful night to save lives, let's have some fun."
But when she hears those words, she realizes something. It took her one shift to realize it:
She knows this man. His famous opening lines he says every time he steps into the OR.
Because he's Dr. Derek Shepherd. MD, F.A.C.S. World-renowned Neuro Surgeon.
The same Dr. Shepherd she works on a case with before, back in Boston when she was a resident.
The same neurosurgeon she looks up to and wants to be like someday.
And Meredith is the attending-turned-intern who slept with him.
Who is in the same OR as him. Who she wants to do her Fellow with.
When she sees Cristina…
"We don't have to do that thing where I say something, and then you say something, and then somebody cries, and there's like a moment..."
Meredith let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. She got her friend back.
"Yuck."
"Good. You should get some sleep. You look like crap."
"I look better than you."
"It's not possible," Cristina says as she leaves.
Meredith smiles and says to herself, "The high, I missed the high surgery gives me. At least I got through my second first day…" She laughs a bit; not realizing a certain Dr. Shepherd has heard some of what she said.
And when she turns to see him, she is shocked but tells Derek she'll see him around, leaving behind a very confused Derek.
'Second first day? Missing the high of surgery? But she's an intern…" Derek shakes his head. He realizes he must have miss heard her.
Yeah. That's it.
But Derek couldn't fully convince himself that.
Meanwhile, Meredith makes her way to the locker room to change, then head to the Chief's office. When she realizes he isn't there, she crashed on the couch, waiting for him to come.
The chief is shocked when he sees Mer-Elizabeth in his office.
"Dr. Harrington-Gray."
"Chief."
"I hope your first day went well and everything was to your standards."
"It was. I got to scrub in on a Neuro surgery today. I didn't think I would make it the whole day without doing so."
"That's good." The Chief then frowned. He knew Meredith wouldn't be in here unless she wanted or had something to say. "Elizabeth - " he began.
"We are alone Chief, call me Meredith."
"Meredith," he began again. "Why are you here?"
Meredith sighed. "Der-Dr. Shepherd. Where is he from? Where did he work before this?" She demanded.
The Chief raised an eyebrow, but nonetheless answered he questions. "He is from New York, he owned a private practice and worked at the hospital associated wit it as well. Why?"
"Because Richard, I think I've worked with him before, on a consult case in Boston."
The chief drew in a big breath. "Did he recognize you?"
"No, thank god though. It took me the whole day to realize that I've seen him before. But, I don't know how long before he realizes it for himself."
"That's good, at least."
"I have two requests."
"Go on."
"First, I need a surgery in two days, any general surgery would be fine. I have tomorrow off, but tomorrow night could work. But I don't want anyone in the OR. OR 2 should be fine, there is no gallery. And no scrub nurses in there either. Just you. No one can know. Ill do the surgery and then go to rounds afterwards. No one needs to see me in the OR."
Richard was confused. "No scrub nurses, are you sure Meredith? That won't be easy. But I can assure you no one will know. The surgery will be under my name."
"Yes I am sure. You can help me out. And good, I don't need any gossip going around. Just page me tomorrow when to come in and I will be there."
"I will look at my schedule and page you with the time and surgery. Ill watch the OR board to make sure no residents add their name to it."
Meredith smiled. "Thank you. As for my second request, I want to do my Neuro fellow under Dr. Shepherd. Not now, only if or when he discovers who I am. Then I will begin it. Until then, I want my intern hours with Neuro doubled."
Richard smiled. She sure was Ellis Grey's little girl. "That is a much easier request. It will be done."
"Thank you Chief. I look forward to scrubbing in with you tomorrow."
"As do I. It will be my pleasure to finally be able to work wit you"
Meredith smiled at the Chief.
With that, she walked out of the Chief's office feeling confident. She so couldn't wait for tomorrow.
She twirls the blade in her hand three times. It felt so good to be back in the OR, back in control. She missed it.