Thor didn't feel like thinking about what would happen if he didn't get his bracelet back before Thanos's arrival. His past self, though, couldn't seem to let the subject drop and couldn't relax. Finally, to stop him, Thor suggested: "Do we have any ale on board this ship?"

"Ale?"

"Or I'll settle for wine."

He set about drinking. It was only once his bender had fully run its course – once the ship was out of alcohol – that he realized he had been drinking a full week and Thanos had not come.

He would have asked his past self to theorize with him about why that might be, but his past self had long since lost patience with him and left him to drink alone in a maintenance closet.

He resolved to become functional again, so that he might be allowed to return to the main bedroom. He succeeded, but in the end got very little rest anyway: partway through the night, he was awoken by a flash of blue light and a smoky portal opening beside the bed.

"Loki!" he said – delighted, still, to see him. He rushed to turn lights on.

His past self was much less delighted: he climbed out of bed and shook Loki – hard. "Where did you go?" he demanded. "And- and what are you wearing?"

Ah, yes: Loki had returned to his old black and green leathers.

"Just illusion, brother," he explained. "I tired of seeing that Sakaarian garbage-suit when I looked in the mirror. Did you know, they make their clothing from synthetic-"

"Loki." Past-Thor cut him off. "I asked you where you went."

"Why, Earth, of course." Loki held up a fist, turning so his bracelet gleamed in the light. "To get one of these. Sorry it took so long – I expected that Stark could reverse-engineer a piece of his own technology in a couple of hours, but apparently it was a lot more complicated than I-"

"Stark?" the Thors said at the same time.

Thor blinked. "Stark is alive," he realized in wonder.

Past-Thor was must less entranced. "Why on earth would Stark help you?"

Loki smirked. "I borrowed some of Bearded Thor's information, and claimed to be his ally from the future. When I told him of his daughter he melted like a popsicle. Humans really are pathetic, they just-"

"Stark is a good friend," Thor interrupted. Lecturing was really not his bag these days, but some things just had to be said. "And he sacrificed everything to redeem our mistakes and repair what Thanos had done. If you harmed him…"

"I didn't harm him," Loki interrupted right back. Quiet and serious, finally. "All I wanted was the bracelet. And now I have one, so:" He took Thor's bracelet from his pocket, and held it out. "Here you go."

Thor snatched it back and re-fixed it to his suit.

"Now if only I had a suit and a vial!" Loki said insincerely. Then frowned as though in concentration. "Oh… wait." He waved a familiar gesture to clear away illusion, and suddenly his leathers were gone: he was wearing a red quantum space suit. "There." He held up a vial. "And there."

Thor's jaw dropped. "Where did you get Pym particles?"

"Pym. Obviously."

"But-..." He looked Loki over critically. The suit was ill-fitting, and seemed to be of Scott's older make rather than the Avengers' new white ones, but it was clearly the genuine article. "And you stole that suit."

"Well spotted."

"Why?"

"Why did I steal it? Because they aren't available in stores," Loki said innocently. "If they were, I'd have been able to just steal some money and buy one."

"No, I mean-" He sighed in exasperation. He'd forgotten how exasperating his brother could be.

Past-Thor took over. "He means," he said coldly, "Where the fuck do you think you're going? You are needed right here. You are needed to defend this ship."

Instantly Loki's jovial, teasing manner disappeared. "I die defending this ship," he barked. "While you apparently sit around and drink beer. Forgive me for exploring alternatives." He turned to Thor. "I'm coming back with you. Skipping over my own death. Your time machine is expecting a return journey from that wristwatch, and mine is benchmarked to match it. I see no reason why I can't come along."

Past-Thor raised his hand. "Uh, I do," he said. "You belong here. What are you going to do – leave me?"

"What, the way you're always leaving me?"

"Loki." Thor walked over to him, reached out and gripped his shoulder. "That's not fair."

"It is." Loki twisted out of his grasp. "You wondered what my last words meant? It seems we've found the answer. We've found a way to rescue me. So let's say goodbye to this tomb, and get the hell out of here."

Thor bit his lip. Was this what Loki had meant for him to do? Go back in time, snatch his brother from the jaws of death, and return him to a world where he had never died – but half the universe had?

"Loki... you want to talk about tomb, let me tell you some things about the world I come from," he said. "The devastation that Thanos wrought was beyond description, but I can-"

"No." Past-Thor's eyes flashed suddenly – crackling with lightning. Bolts of it ran down his chest. "You two are princes of Asgard," he rumbled. "How dare you talk about abandoning her people in their hour of need!"

Thor glanced over at Loki... who was swallowing nervously, and wouldn't look at him. He didn't know what to say. They aren't REAL people of Asgard, because I come from a different timeline seemed harsh, and it might get him blasted if he was not careful. Who knew if Pym particles or a quantum suit would survive a lightning strike? He spread his hands, conciliatory. "Nobody said abandon," he soothed.

"If you leave the Tesseract here," Past-Thor went on, "Thanos will come for it. We aren't prepared to fight him."

Loki frowned. "Fair point," he said. "I'm not looking to leave you in the lurch, brother. We'll kill Thanos first, before we go. I can assure you he deserves it."

Thor blinked. "What do you mean, kill Thanos? I've told you what he is and what he can do. We can't just walk up to him and-"

"Yes we can." Loki was short and precise. "I open a portal. We three enter. We two distract him, while you, Bearded Thor, walk up to him and kill him where he stands."

Thor blinked. "Just... you want me to just, walk up to him and...?"

Past-Thor crossed his arms. "Aim for the head."

Thor stared at him. He could still feel Stormbreaker in his hands. Sinking into that evil, that foul-...

Loki interrupted him with a loud, pointed clearing of the throat. "Actually."

Thor frowned. Shook off his dark mood. "Actually what."

"Actually, I don't think aiming for the head is a good idea," Loki purred. "I think we're better off with… ahem. The opposite."

Thor looked at his past self for help. "The... opposite? You want me to go for his feet?"

Loki sighed. "No."

"Then...?"

Loki sighed again. Facepalmed. "I want you to use your suit. Shrink until you're invisible to the naked eye, until Thanos won't even know you're coming. Then you can walk right up to him, climb up his pant leg, and-..."

He explained the rest in gestures – complicated gestures, which Thor didn't understand. "Loki, I hate mimes. What are you saying?"

Loki cleared his throat and tried again. A circle with his fingers. His other hand jabbing into it. Fingers walking. Then both arms flung wide.

"Oh, gods. I got that." Past-Thor cleared his throat too. "Um. He's saying he wants you to... to… to murder him… from within."

Thor frowned. "What, like... like I turn him against himself… emotionally, or-...?"

Loki hissed and finally gave up his delicacy. "No, Thor. Like you crawl up into his asshole."

"What?"

"When you erupt back into your normal size there, he'll be blown to shreds," Loki explained. "It would work. And it's better than the assignment you gave me on Asgard, so don't tell me it's not fair."

TBC.

I did warn that there's a hint of eau du crack here. But don't worry, it doesn't get any crackier. One or two parts left. Let me know what you think!