/Before I start, a special thank you to everyone who reviewed but super special thank you's to Sophi1023, TotalNerd376 and MBrabs1996 who all offered to talk. Thank you to everyone telling me to carry on and that they enjoyed it, it means a hell of a lot. Another dark chapter, sorry about that. Read carefully, if this stuff triggers you please don't read, though that would be awfully hypocritical of me to say that. Includes self-harm, dark thoughts, suicidal thoughts, ED thoughts and actions…God I'm rambling. I'm sorry. enjoy?/
The next few days ticked by at an agonisingly slow pace for Skye, the constant eyes on her, the constant questions, the team kind and concerned to the point of stifling. Skye wasn't heartless, she appreciated it a hell of a lot, really, she'd never had that before. But they were too prodding, too nosy almost, too close to finding her out.
Things had been bad, real fucking bad, her mind a god awful place. When she first joined the team, she'd played board games with Ward, sat with FitzSimmons in the lab, sat in the cockpit with May or read in Coulson's office, tinkered away on her laptop. Now with all the free time she had, she just spent it in her bunk. Doing sit ups, jumping or jogging on the spot. If not that, she was cutting or sleeping or scrolling aimlessly on her computer, her love for it all but gone. She slept a lot, sleep keeping away the thoughts or the hunger clawing at her insides. She had nightmares, sure, but even they were better than the nightmare of real life.
Things just weren't getting better and she was just falling falling falling, waiting to hit the bottom.
/
"Skye?" Grant called softly, knocking on her door for the hundredth time just that day. "It's time for lunch." he said quietly, resting his palm on the door for a minute before stepping back. He heard the sound of muffled cursing and something falling to the floor. He moved to open the door but Skye, as if reading his thoughts shouted out to him. "Don't come in, I knocked my lamp, I'm getting changed. Go start eating, I'll be out in a minute." she sounded breathless, her voice hoarse and tinged with a panic that sent Grant's heart racing a little.
"Sure you're okay in there?" he asked hesitantly, hearing something else fall.
"Jesus, Ward, I'm fine, just go bloody eat already!" came the harsh reply and Grant did leave, rubbing the back of his neck. Where the hell had their girl gone?
In Skye's bunk, the young hacker rushed to clean up, shoving her blades into her hula doll, picking up objects she'd knocked in her hurry. She cursed haphazardly wrapping a bandage around her leg, from her hip to her knee all but covered. She'd gotten a little carried away, losing time, the pain and the high and the blood making her dizzy with relief. Until Ward had ruined it.
She pulled on a pair of black sweatpants, just in case the bandages didn't hold up until she could clean up properly. She headed to the kitchen, following the pattern of the last five days. Pick up protein drink, take vitamin, move to the table. Have someone else put the food on her plate, sit down, start eating. Feel sick, get anxious, tap foot under table, get scolded trying to leave the table. Return to seat, claw at bandages under table, eat tiny pieces. Sit for half an hour until food is gone. Stand up, wash plate, head to bunk.
Jemma watched with sad eyes as Skye ate, the hackers own eyes staring straight ahead, like she wasn't even comprehending what she was doing. It was clear she didn't want to be there, she didn't want to be eating. "Skye, remember what I said about the tapping?" she asked softly, swallowing as Skye's gaze turned on her and her foot stilled. The girl said nothing, sinking further down in her seat like it would swallow her up.
Sometimes, Jemma hated being the designated 'doctor' on the Bus. They'd all read up on anorexia and such, Coulson had actually insisted. But Jemma was the one who had to tell Skye to stop tapping, because it would burn calories. She had to put the vitamins next to her protein drink, she had to make sure Skye had both. She had to put the food on the girls plate so she knew she was eating enough. She had to check whatever anyone cooked, making sure it was fairly high in calories. She had to treat her friend like an invalid, like she couldn't do anything herself.
She had to watch as Skye moved further away from them, from her.
When Skye left for her room again, Simmons slumped forward in her seat, picking idly at her food with a fork. "This isn't working." she said quietly, gratefully accepting the gentle hand on her back. She glanced sideways at Fitz, the engineer nodded silently.
"Then what do we do?" Coulson asked, as if she knew the answer to everything.
Simmons shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "Sir, I don't know what to do, I wish I did because she is hurting and I-" she choked back a sob, pinching the bridge of her nose. "I don't know." she said weakly. "I'm sorry."
Melinda had been silent throughout the meal and the discussion. She could smell something and she couldn't put her finger on it. She glanced over the table at Ward. "You smell that?" she asked and watched as he wrinkled his nose a little. "Yeah, smells like metal. Maybe Fitz had been…" he trailed off and lurched to his feet, May just a second in front of him. "Blood." she supplied, kneeling by Skye's chair, fingers touching the leg and seat. "Dammit." she spat, pushing herself up and moving intently to Skye's bunk. "Skye, open up, we have to talk. If you don't come out, I'm coming in." she said firmly.
She heard nothing and her heart started to race as she tried to open the door. "Get me something to break the damn lock!" she shouted behind her, knocking hard on the door. "Dammit, Skye, open the door!" she growled, grabbing the hammer Ward threw, not bothering to question where the hell it had come from. She slammed down on the panel, wondering now why the hell they'd even decided to let the kids choose their own bloody passcodes.
May shoved the door open, the smell of blood hitting her instantly. She faintly heard someone being sick behind her but that didn't matter, she did.
"Skye." she moved to the bed, turning the girl over, feeling dizzy as blood covered her hand. She glanced at her surroundings.
The bed, the floor, the goddamn knife dangling from Skye's fingertips.
More importantly, Skye wasn't moving.