/Greetings, fellow fanficcers. It's been a while, I know and I can only apologize but I'm here, I'm alive and I've got a new chapter for you guys. My personal update will be at the end of the chapter, for those who want to know. On with the story. Ps...only two more episodes left I'M UNABLE TO CAN./

There was silence for a few seconds and then Skye started to cry. Ward was horrified and he immediately started to backtrack. "Oh God, I'm sorry-" he pushed himself away from her, one hand in his hair, his breathing quickening again. "I'm sorry, I didn't think..I'm sorry," Fucking idiot. God dammit, Grant, talk about a fuck up. Could you be any stupider?

"Ward, woah, Grant. Hey! Grant, calm down, It's okay!"

"Okay? You're crying and I just-"

"Ward, stop!"

The older agent swallowed and stood stock still, turning his gaze to Skye.

"I don't know why that just happened, but Grant, you know, I just failed to kill myself and woke up and...then I hear that and I'm just feeling so much." she mumbled. "I'm not crying because of you." her eyes were soft and worried. She'd seen Grant spiral downwards after The Beserker Staff and though he'd insisted he'd not had a panic attack, Skye more than knew the signs. He had panicked, and whether it had been full blown or not, he had had an attack.

But Skye had never seen this desperate for breath and it terrified her.

Ward stiffened. What the hell was he playing at? Skye, focus on Skye, you have to be fine for her, have to act fine.

"Sorry..I was worried I'd upset you further." he said quietly, once again the calm and collected Agent Ward.

"I should let you sleep, but I meant what I said Skye. Just remember that. And I...well, I will always be here for you. If you want me to leave you alone, want me to stay with you, want me to talk or say nothing, hold your hand or not touch you...I'll do it." he said quietly, earnestly. "I'll be back, get some rest." he bent down and tentatively pressed a kiss to her hair. "Any preferences on who you wanna see next?"

"Melinda." she said softly, tiredly, her eyelids drooping slightly.

Ward nodded and smiled, backing up out of the room and into the coridoor. "May, she wants to see you." he turned on his heels and walked away from the group, hands sliding into his hair. He stood outside the doors, wanting to run but needing to stay.

He obviously hadn't hidden it as well as he thought because Coulson stepped out beside him, offering him a bottle of water.

"Agent Ward."

The specialist said nothing, uncapping his bottle and taking a swig.

"Okay, well since you aren't in the mood for talking I'll be blunt. I need to know if I need to take you off duty or book you into the hospital. And I don't want or need lies because you've seen how Skye is."

"I'm not going to kill myself. I've had a gun on me for the last few days. If I wanted to, I would have." he said flatly.

"Well, I've booked you a psych appointment with Andrew as well as the doctor here. I'm not asking you to talk to me, but talk to someone because I don't want to walk into a room one day and find you dead by your own hand, prefereably not at all." he said gruffly and turned back the way he had come.

Grant was being honest, he was not in danger of killing himself. Did he sometimes think about it? Yes. But thinking about it and planning it were two completely different things, he'd learnt.

Ward sighed and took in a breath of cold air, leaning back against the wall.

Seeing Skye in that bed...well, it had made him realize that he'd never faced his own demons. How could he expect Skye to get help if he wasn't accepting help himself?

He hated talking to people, he hated people knowing his past, he hated seeming weak. That was why his incident in the hall had been more than mortifying. For his team to see that...the team he had to protect and keep together?

He sighed and rubbed his head, pinching the bridge of his nose and forcing back the images, the memories.

A noose lingered in his minds eyes and it wouldn't leave no matter how hard he tried to push it away.

With Skye as she was and Ward starting to crumble, he knew they were in for one hell of a bad ride.

/Hey! So, I'm here. I got out of hospital and I have a few updates- I haven't cut myself per se since the hospital, I have done things but for me to have not used a blade is a BIG thing for me. I'm been crazy suicidal these past few weeks and I honestly think I'd be safer in hospital again but hey. Some boring updates- I've been using a rubber band and incense, and it's helping me a little. The urges are definitely there, I still want to self harm and kill myself. I#m super anxious but...you know, I'm alive aren't I? So..I guess that's something. I want to thank you all for your messages and comments, it means so much to me. And to know that you guys think I'm good at something is amazing because I really just don't think I'm good at anything. Oh hey, I'm trying to get into acting, I've done a few little things and I hope to carry on. Wish me luck! I'll try to update soon and uh...not kill myself. Bye guys. Sophie xx/