Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
A clean slate or the only thing I've ever wanted.
I never thought I'd have to choose. I never knew it would be the hardest decision I'd have to make.
Carlisle told me that I need to be sure of my decision. It is extremely strenuous on the mind to remember and then gain a massive amount of knowledge, just to have it all wiped. Not to mention we'd have to do today all over again after; the introductions, the explanations, everything. They can't pick and choose what to erase and what to leave intact. They choose from a certain point in time: our death. That and everything before is erased so all we remember is this life.
It's even worse to have it wiped and then have it reversed. They did it once to a woman named Renata. Her brain went into a form of shock and was permanently damaged. She became a potato, for lack of better word. Her body and brain shut down and became unresponsive. From what Carlisle told me, she remained that way until someone put her out of her misery. She was turned into a pure form of energy and released from our world.
That doesn't happen a lot. The release, that is. Well, I guess changing your decision doesn't either. Anyway, there's really no need for people to constantly be released. It's not like we can really die again.
Carlisle said that release is only used for drastic measures. They try not to, simply because it's almost a punishment for the soul and their, their- ugh, I don't know what to call them. Carlisle said soul mate, but it's their "Carlisle is to Esme as Edward is to me" person.
There are special people that do it, like how Carlisle does memories and Edward does portals.
Off topic- but soul mates? Are Edward and I soul mates? Shouldn't there be some sort of draw or something? I mean, Esme and Carlisle clearly fit together well, but how the hell do they know they're soul mates.
I think I'll just keep using Edward's lame description for now.
Everything and anything.
That might be worse, actually.
Back on track. I need to decide.
AN:
I constantly have a million and one ideas running through my head, but none of them are for this story. Every time I sit down to work on it, I lose my inspiration and just stare at the blinking cursor.
I decided to puzzle it out. I wrote what I could see into chapters and then filled in the blanks to make it flow. If this is posted, then you can safely assume it worked. If not, well I guess I'm talking to myself again.
This is long overdue and I'm so sorry. I love that even when I'm struggling with it, you all continue to read and support this story. Thank you so much for putting up with my horribleness.
-Cannibal