It's strange, Dabi reflects.
For so long, for way too long, he had lived his life in a world of black and white. Being raised in an environment where he was never allowed to formulate his own opinion and thoughts, the ideals of his father- no matter how twisted, was shoved down his throat since an early age.
Heroes were the upmost important beings in society, for they protected the weak and defended the run of the mill civilians from the dirt that creeps around the edges. Always there, waiting to devour an innocent soul.
It was his duty to follow in his father's fiery footsteps.
To continue the perfect image of their family honor.
To be the knight in shining white armor that arrives to every beck and call. That dotes on the people that idolize. That rescues some little kid's cat stuck on a tree or helps an old lady across the street. That arrests the scum that dare disrupt order. That tells the frightened to have no fear, because he is there.
Yet, what could he do when his own father's armor was tarnished by his greed and envy to be only the best?
Who was he to even question his father's warped view on society, when his father stowed away his true intentions?
How was he even to process the fact that him and his siblings only even existed because of his father's failure to be the best and it was up to them to dethrone the Number One in Endeavor's place? That they were never truly felt the love and security that a parent should give. That they were nothing but mindless and emotionless drones to carry out Endeavor's wishing. It disgusted him. Filled him with distrust and hate of the so called "great heroes".
There is no such thing as a true hero. There is no one that had, has and will walk on this earth that ask for nothing in return of their "good deeds". There is always an ulterior motive, Dabi had learned. Any person claiming to be completely selfless and only lives to serve, only makes Dabi more suspicious.
When he decided be a thorn in his father's side, he learned a great deal about the lesser, unwanted side of society.
Villains, who only came into their own role was because of a sole reason in Dabi's mind.
The failings of the heroes.
Even seeing those self proclaimed vigilantes running around being treated like villains at times makes Dabi scoff. Just because they don't posses a pathetic piece of laminated paper stating that they're good enough to be a hero, automatically gives them a jail sentence? How cruel society truly can be.
Too long had he seen the broken and the wounded, the weak who had wanted to help others and be a hero to maybe their family or friends or maybe like in Dabi's case- a familial obligation.
Yet, they were cast aside.
Being called weak and not good enough over and over and over does a lot on a person's psyche. Hell, he's not only witnessed it first hand- he's lived through it for fifteen agonizing years of psychological torture.
It was then, when he listened to criminal's petty stories and murderer's lament that he had realized that the world was not black and white like how he was taught.
It was nothing but a muddled world of ugly greys in his eyes.
And so that's how he viewed his skewed world for eight long years. It was as if he lived an old time television, never seeing in color.
He knew that if he was met with a grisly ending, the world would just keep on spinning. That he wouldn't be missed at all. After all, not even his own family misses him. Why would his colleagues?
There would be no grandiose funeral held for him, no weeping mourners, no loved ones sharing cherished memories with a sentimental smile as tears trickled down their cheeks.
It was just him and his cold grey world. For those eight years, he had thought that he was perfectly content with that.
Until.
Up until a flaming ball of crimson and gold with wise remarks and easy smiles hurtled into his life like a comet. When that comet landed in his life, his world exploded in a vast hue of vibrant colors that nearly hurt his eyes.
Seeing the sunrise for the first time for what it really was, was truly breathtaking.
Now, Dabi can't stop looking around, entranced by every bit of color that now seeps into his life. His frigid world thawed out and he actually finds himself enjoying the gentle warmth of the sun. Dabi asks himself how he had even lived as long as he did in a world so cold and was fine with it.
From the soft green of the grass to the bright blue sky and even down to the muted browns of the hideout, Dabi loves it.
His ideal thoughts are interrupted by a poke in his side.
"Watcha thinkin' about?" He glances over and is met with Toga's bright smile and Twice standing behind her.
"Don't you ever go to school, kid?" Dabi feels a sly smile at Toga's pout and she sticks her tongue out at him.
"Aren't old men like you supposed to take your daily evening nap?"
"I'm only six years older than you." Toga bounces on the heels of her feet and pokes him in the side again with a gleeful smile.
"I know, you're ancient!"
"Brat."
"Geezer!"
"Bitc-" Twice cups his hands over Toga's ears and tuts at Dabi.
"Dabi! Don't be mean." He can only offer a shrug at the duo.
"It's not mean if it's the truth." Toga wiggles away from Twice and grins widely at Dabi, the sharp points of her canines digging into her lips.
"You know, Dabi," She sidles up next to him- a mischievous glint flashing in her ochre eyes, "That's exactly what I'm talking about."
"That you're a bitch?" Toga only giggles, her steady gaze is only broken by a small blue bird that flies by. There's a wistful look in her eyes before they snap back towards Dabi once the bird disappears from view.
"We're family, right?"
"God, I hope I'm adopted if we are." A cutting glare only makes Dabi chuckle, "What? It's the truth. You're all terrible." He's only teasing and he knows that Toga knows this. Part of the reason why he can stand her is that she seems to have a good read on him and his rather dry sense of humor.
"Don't act like you're top shit, Dabs. At least we ain't a crusty gremlin like you." Twice pipes up from the right of him.
"Can it, Two-Face." Twice's reply is in the form of the middle finger and Dabi happily returns it. In the corner of his eye, he spies Toga withdrawing a soft red feather from her cardigan.
It's ethereal. Soft tufts at the end of the quill stir gently in the soft breeze. His chest begins to clench uncomfortably.
"Where did you get that?" Dabi tries to keep the defensive bite out of his question and can only pray that he sounds casual. He watches as Toga runs a small finger delicately over its plume, her eyes alight with what he can only label as a childish smugness.
"Found it." She answers in a sing song lilt, "Awfully pretty, isn't it?" Dabi says nothing as she holds it and in the dusky sunlight, it seems to glow serenely. He can't contain the sudden urge to cough and forcibly turns himself away from the crimson feather.
"You should probably quit smoking, y'know. You sound like you're hacking up a lung over there." Twice observes before patting Dabi on the back in hopes of helping with his coughing. It only agitates the flowers further and Dabi roughly pushes Twice away, gasping for breath. There's a stumble behind him and a gruff "hey!" from Twice as Dabi leans forward, coughing into his hand.
"Uh, Dabi?" He only shakes his head, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. He tells himself that he needs to breathe. To concentrate. It's always helped before and it has to help now.
Flowers can't stop blossoming in his lungs and he begins to feel faint from the thundering of his heart. Resting a thin hand over his chest he tries to calm himself, dark spots dance in the field of his vision. There's muted chatter all around him, he barely registers the panicked hands that hover around him. Weakly, Dabi swats the persistent hands away.
His mind begins to scream nonsense hysterics at him, to just fucking breathe. He can't, he's never had this much build up of blossoms in any of his previous attacks before. There's no room for air; nothing but the feeling of soft petals pushing up against his lungs and trachea.
Out of reflex, he tries to activate his quirk; if coughing can't get rid of the flowers, then burning them will. He'd rather have ash in his throat than the sweet, sickly petals anyway. A weak sputtering fire is summoned before dying out as quickly as it was summoned. He tries it again but the small flame wouldn't even be able to set a piece of cotton ablaze, let alone the flooding of flowers. That one is snuffed out even faster.
Small hands catch Dabi as he begins to fall further forward. In his daze, he can see a pair of scared golden eyes floating in front of him. Sluggishly, he asks himself when the hell did Hawks come here or how the hell Hawks even knew where they were at. He focuses more onto the eyes in front of him as if they are the only the only thing that's keeping him from losing consciousness. Only then does he realize that it's not Hawks but merely Toga. Her mouth is moving but he only catches the last part of what she's shouting at him.
"-ou okay?" Her question sounds thousands of miles away, it takes a moment for Dabi to even process the question. When he opens to his mouth to reply, bright snow white flowers finally fall out in place of lost words. He can only watch as they slowly flutter down, there's a gasp and more questions peppering him but it only lands on deaf ears.
"-ner get Shigaraki! Quick!" He thinks it's Twice that's shouting but he doesn't know anymore.
Dabi looks up at the magnificent setting sun of the familiar and ever breathtaking colors of gold and vermilion. There's the clenching in his lungs and he exhales slowly. Too mesmerized by the sight to be bothered by his shortness of breath any longer.
Dabi's hand fall limply to his side and drops his pack of cigarettes, closing his eyes. He lets himself soak up the last of the warmth from the sun before he slumps forward into Toga's arms.
His last thought is how beautiful the setting sun is as he drifts into darkness.
Author's Note
Of course I had to end on a cliffhanger!
Toga means well, but I mean, who would of guessed that taking a feather out would just about kill her honorary big brother? Certainly not her. I love their dynamic though, writing out their interactions always remind me of dealing with my own pesky little sister.
Speaking of Toga, how about that new chapter? Ugh, Hori, please keep the LOV safe. I am curious though, we've seen the backstory of Twice, Shigaraki and now delving into Toga's... perhaps Dabi is next? One can hope.
Anyway, that's all for now. Until then.
Reviews are always welcome!