Chapter 2: Wake Up and Smell the Cyanide

Hisoka lay in bed naked. He loved the feel of his soft sheets against his bare skin. He stirred awake when he smelled an aroma of coffee coming from the kitchen. As he stretched, he detected another scent. Something sweet, like a pastry. He groaned as he got up. He didn't bother putting on any pants as he left his room and headed for his kitchen.

As he walked into the kitchen, the sweet morning air surrounded him and he inhaled it, smiling.

Illumi faced away from him, pouring coffee into a mug that was hot pink and read "Cum Slut" on the front. Hisoka leaned on the counter watching his raven-haired roommate.

"You need new mugs," Illumi said as he turned around and handed Hisoka his coffee. Illumi looked only at Hisoka's face as if he was completely unfazed by his nakedness. Hisoka took the coffee mug and let his finger linger too long on Illumi's as he took it from his hand.

"Are you cold?" Illumi asked dryly.

"Ah. You do know how to tell a joke."

Illumi held a green mug that read, 'Morning Sex is The Best.' He ignored Hisoka as he blew air on his coffee to cool it down.

"This coffee smells delicious." Hisoka sipped his drink but kept an eye on Illumi. He looked too irresistible blowing his coffee to cool it. The way Illumi's lips became a cute little "o," and his focus, oh god his focus. The impure thoughts Hisoka had as he watched Illumi take a drink were beginning to take effect on his composure.

"Illumi, I have to ask how you handle your morning wood. Do you, being a very non-sexual person by nature, ignore it? Or do you deal with it? Hisoka looked at Illumi with hungry eyes.

"I deal with it of course. Masturbation is a good way to relive stress, too." Illumi wasn't bothered by Hisoka's sudden intrusive question.

Hisoka relished in the thought of Illumi touching himself. He set his coffee down and leaned towards Illumi to rest both hands on either side of him on the countertop behind him. Hisoka gazed into Illumi's dark eyes and sighed.

"And what is it that you think about when you 'relieve stress?'"

Illumi said nothing to answer the magician's question. He blew on his coffee again as Hisoka scraped his nails on the countertop. The sound made Illumi look at Hisoka, as it hurt his ears.

"Hisoka, it look like you need to relieve stress." Illumi and Hisoka glanced down at Hisoka's dick, which was hard between them, commanding attention. Illumi blinked. "You should probably take care of that."

Hisoka smirked and closed the space between them, pressing himself against Illumi. He wrapped one hand around Illumi's waist.

"You could help me," Hisoka purred.

"Don't make me spill my coffee." Illumi held on to his mug despite Hisoka's movement. He could feel Hisoka's length against his body. He had never known how it felt to have someone so close to him without the intent of murder.

Hisoka swiveled his hips to rub himself against Illumi. He could feel Illumi's body beginning to react.

"This is... different."

"Is it?"

"You... you're putting your erection on me." Illumi felt his body become hotter. He knew the feeling of arousal, but it had always been an inconvenience for him. No one had ever stirred him up like this before.

"Illumi, have you ever had sex?"

"No, not ever."

Hisoka pressed himself harder onto Illumi and leaned in to whisper into his ear.

"We can fix that, Illumi, come and play with me."

Hisoka surveyed Illumi up close. His breathing was heavier, breathier. He seemed to grip tighter onto his coffee mug, and his face had hints of pink. If Hisoka had to guess, he'd say Illumi was turned on.

"Illumi, you like this." Hisoka's voice was dangerously low, like a growl almost.

"No." Illumi spoke in a lower voice than usual. He held his breath as he waited for Hisoka to say something. Hisoka sighed and pulled himself away from Illumi. He picked up his mug and leaned his back against the refrigerator. Illumi breathed out and relaxed.

"Fine. I wouldn't want you to have to stab me again."

The two men stood in the kitchen silently sipping their coffee. Hisoka watched Illumi, as if stalking his prey.

"By the way, this coffee is really great. How did you make it?"

"Back at home, when the butlers made coffee, sometimes they would put pieces of cinnamon in the coffee grounds before brewing it to give it extra flavor. I decided to give it a try this morning to help offset the poison I brewed into it as well."

Hisoka spit the coffee in his mouth out into the sink.

"You poisoned the coffee?"

"It's less than a lethal dose. I noticed you and Chrollo don't have a very high tolerance for poison so I decided to help you out. Chrollo seems to be doing just fine."

Hisoka's eyes widened and he stared at Illumi in disbelief. Illumi simply finished his coffee and walked over to the sink to wash his mug. "It may have been too much. The poison seemed to have a slight effect on me as well, which is surprising considering I am mostly immune."

Hisoka walked across the kitchen and looked into the living room to see Chrollo passed out on the living room floor. His coffee mug, which was bright red and read, "Fuck" on the side, lay next to his hand empty.

"Illumi what have you done?"

"I already told you, Chrollo is doing fine. He drank his coffee quickly so he'll be awake in a few hours. I'm slightly concerned about you, though. I think you took too much time screwing around. Your liver will be processing the poison for longer so you might not pass out but you'll probably feel really terrible. Of course, it depends on a number of variables how well or not you take your poison."

Hisoka felt his vision getting blurry. He took a few steps onto the carpeted living room before feeling dizzy.

"Illumi, what the fuck?" Hisoka tried to turn back to Illumi but stumbled. Illumi walked over to Hisoka and helped him stand up straight.

"Maybe you will pass out. Okay, come over here to the living room where it'll be soft."

Hisoka clung to Illumi as the room began to spin. "Fuck," Hisoka gasped, as his head began to pound in pain. He gripped Illumi's arms, trying to steady himself, but couldn't.

"Relax, Hisoka." Illumi's voice seemed to drown out as Hisoka's consciousness faded.

He hit the floor a few seconds later. The last thing he saw was Illumi's shoes.

…...

When Hisoka woke up, he lay on his bed covered in sweat. It was dark out. He rolled out of his bed, groaning at the general dull pain in every part of his body. He cracked his neck and stretched his arms, getting a feel for his body's limits. He seemed fine after about a minute. He made his way to the living room, where Chrollo sat on the couch watching the news.

"What time is it?" Hisoka asked.

"Five. In the morning."

"Fuck." Hisoka murmured and sat down next to his roommate.

"Illumi isn't allowed to make coffee anymore"

"Agreed."

The two of them sighed. Hisoka blinked, suddenly realizing something.

"Did you... or did...?"

"Hmm?" Chrollo glanced at Hisoka.

"Did Illumi carry me to my bed?"

Chrollo shrugged.

Hisoka smiled and stood from the couch. He looked around the living room.

"Where's Illumi"

"He's in your closet."

"Ah. So, he hasn't woken up yet?"

"Don't think so."

Hisoka grinned. He walked into the kitchen and brewed coffee, adding sticks of cinnamon to the grinds. Chrollo refused a cup before leaving to do research at a Library in the city.

Illumi woke up and wandered into the kitchen. He took a rainbow mug with a picture of a dick on it from the cabinet and poured himself some coffee. Hisoka sipped his coffee and grinned while Illumi moved about.

"What's got you in such a good mood this morning?"

"You know, Illumi," Hisoka spoke from where he sat at the kitchen table. "…I think you actually care about Chrollo and me." Illumi leaned his back against the countertop, facing Hisoka.

"What led you to that conclusion?"

"You poisoned us."

"And?"

"And... you carried me to my bed."

Illumi scoffed. "That doesn't mean anything."

"Oh, but it does. Chrollo and I hope you'll never poison us again, but from where you're from, poisoning is a way to train your body to be stronger. You poisoned us because you were concerned that we weren't strong enough."

"This is true."

"And then you carried me to my bed and Chrollo to the couch so we could be comfortable."

Illumi stayed silent.

Hisoka chuckled to himself. "You were concerned for our wellbeing, Illumi. I think that means we are your friends."

Illumi sipped his coffee.

"Assassins don't have..." Illumi stopped himself mid-sentence. He sighed. "You're both kind of my friends."

"Glad to hear it." Hisoka grinned. They drank their coffee together silently.

…...

Illumi did pushups in the living room, partly out of necessity, partly out of boredom. His phone buzzed. He lay on the shag carpeting and looked at the text.

"Don't pretend like I didn't turn you on the other day in the kitchen."

Illumi scoffed. He typed on his phone:

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Shortly after, his phone buzzed again. It was the eggplant emoji. Chrollo had told him that the Eggplant emoji was a phallic symbol. Illumi wrote back:

"There are worse things that can happen to you than being poisoned."

Illumi stood up, shaking thoughts that threatened to corrupt him. His phone buzzed again.

"Was that a flirtation?"

Illumi decided it was best to ignore Hisoka's texts. He got up from the floor, and again, his phone buzzed. There was an attachment to the message. He opened it, and immediately regretted doing so. It was a close-up Hisoka's erect dick. Illumi quickly wrote back:

"I've seen better."

Illumi didn't even have time to look away from his phone before another message came through.

"Uh... Guys? You do realize that this is the roommate group chat, right?"

Illumi saw the message was from Chrollo. Hisoka replied:

"Oh, don't worry, Chrollo. You can look at it too if you want"

Illumi frowned. He typed back:

"What a slut."

Both Hisoka and Chrollo seemed to be typing at the same time.

Chrollo's message read:

"No thank you."

Hisoka's message read:

"Illu, you sound jealous. I'll only send my dick pics to you from now on."

Illumi rolled his eyes. He looked at the message again. "…I'll only send my dick pics to you from now on." He laughed. As if he cared who Hisoka sent pictures of his genitalia to.

Illumi leaned against the large window in the living room overlooking the city. He sighed and tapped his foot, seemingly anxious. He was probably getting cabin fever. He'd need to take on a job soon.

His phone buzzed again, it wasn't the group chat this time, but a private message from Hisoka. There was an attachment. Illumi opened it hesitantly.

He was surprised to see it was a picture of himself, leaning against the window, looking at his phone, smiling. A message followed.

"Were you hoping it'd be a dick pic?"

Illumi looked up from his phone and saw Hisoka standing in the living room, naked.

"You need to delete this photo." Illumi spoke first.

"You were smiling." Hisoka grinned.

"No, I wasn't" Illumi asserted. "You will delete this photo."

"I have proof right here that you were smiling." Hisoka held up his phone with the same photo.

Illumi moved quickly towards Hisoka, so fast that he couldn't really see his footsteps. Before he knew it, the phone that was in his hand was in Illumi's.

Hisoka didn't protest as Illumi took hold of the device.

Illumi opened Hisoka's photo album, which was a gruesome array of pictures of dead bodies, pictures of his dick, by itself in some pictures and inside someone else in others, and at the very end, the photo of Illumi, standing against the window. He deleted it quickly and handed the phone back to Hisoka.

"Don't take any pictures of me."

"I like it when you tell me what to do."

"Ugh." Illumi's nose raised in disgust, and he walked past Hisoka.

"Where are you going?" Hisoka called after him as he approached the door to the apartment.

"Out." Illumi grabbed his key off a hook on the wall by the door and left. He closed the door behind him and caught himself sighing.

"Unbelievable." Illumi mumbled to himself as he walked away from the apartment to get some air.

…...

Chapter 2, Fin

…...

Note:

Hello everyone! For those of you who have been reading this story, I'm doing updates of the earlier chapters! Feel free to re-read and review as you please

Thank you!