A.N. - Hey, guys. I'm so very rusty that it's insane. For instance, this is my second time writing this A.N. because my computer seems to be fighting me when it comes to posting...or working in general. Anyway, I forgot to talk about a few important things the last time because I was just so nervous about posting again.
First of all, this sequel can be thought of as an alternative to the implied happily ever after at the end of Fix. It does start out with them being split up and trying to figure out how to make that work with Auri. I know there was some confusion on that point and I apologize. I meant to address that at the end of the chapter but completely spaced. This story is going to incorporate a lot of flashback scenes especially at first in order to get everyone caught up on what happened and also because a linear telling would have taken longer and would have also had a lot of time jumps.
Secondly, I forgot to thank my amazing pal, socialshipwreck, for being my beta and for nudging me to start posting again. ALSO, because this nudging might have included some of the cutest sketches of the characters which literally helped me write a lot of the chapters that I have done. So big belated thanks for that!
Thirdly and I think lastly, I can't promise the same update schedule for this and FotW that I used to maintain. I'm still feeling burnt out from school but I'll do my best to not leave you guys hanging.
I bet there's something else that I'm forgetting, but that A.N. is already super long so here we go.
Happy reading, guys!
Chapter 2
Friday, March 29th
Beth gazed out of the plane's window, watching as the buildings of Atlanta came in and out of view, replaced now and then by lines of asphalt that radiated away from the city like the fractured lines of a broken windshield. The network of paths leading from the central hub, each one leading to a different place, a different experience. Some of them she'd taken, gone to a couple of the states they led to, or the different parts of Georgia that'd remained a mystery until she'd made a choice to go down them. Right now though, the only track of blacktop she wanted was the one that'd take her home.
They were too far up for her to make out exactly where the airport was at below them, but it felt like her heart was attempting to break free of her ribs to get there. This constant circling they'd been doing, waiting for their turn to land, was only amping up her anxiety to get her feet on the ground. Fingers drumming on the armrests or playing with her necklace, she felt the way that her constant pressing was chasing the blood from her lips. The longer her eyes focused on the slowly swirling structures, the more confident she became that the pilots had flown them to the wrong friggin' state, and at any moment the passengers would be informed of the foul-up. She'd have to endure an even longer wait, one that would stretch far past the level of unbearable that she was already dealing with now.
She'd already texted to let everyone know there'd been delays. It wasn't that they were incredibly late, an hour or so, but she was impatient to be out of the plane. Thirteen hours was a long time to be traveling. A week without hugging her little bit of sunshine was intolerable. Worry, an unvanquished foe, was prancing along her intestines and down the back of her neck.
Daryl.
He was waiting for her with Auri at the airport, somewhere below her even now, as she stayed stranded up in the air. If the landing continued to take forever, Aurora might get hungry and impatient. Daryl hated buying anything anywhere that was overpriced, and any of the food found in the airport was going to cost twice as much as it should. He'd get it of course, if it meant feeding Auri, but that'd put them both in lousy moods by the time she got there.
And she wanted with every piece of hope she'd ever had, for this small reunion to go well.
They hadn't exactly discussed a plan for what they'd do after the picking her up at the airport part of the agreement had taken place. She'd hoped it didn't just involve driving her out to the farm and dropping her off. If she asked, Daryl would let Auri stay with her, she knew he would.
On her good days when it came to all of that, she knew down to her soul, that Daryl would never deny her right to see Auri. That he considered the point to be an established and irrevocable fact, that Auri was both of theirs, and that visitation was just a part of their situation now.
But that was only on her good days.
Her not so good days saw her panic-stricken that he'd decide he'd finally had enough. Would wake up and realize that legally he owed her exactly nothing, and tell her to leave him and his kid alone. Or worse, that Auri would no longer want the distracted, these days often short-tempered, lady as a mama anymore. No doubt Daryl wouldn't lack for options when it came to replacing her…
They'd move on without her and -
Beth gave her head a shake, closing her lids to the gradually approaching city. That kind of thinking was what got her in trouble. In high school, it'd been after the bad news from the doctor about her mom, and she'd been falling behind with her grades, and then what happened with Jimmy. It had swamped her, and she couldn't get out of her own head, had just wanted it to stop. And then again with Daryl and...and after Daryl. She hadn't gotten nearly as self-destructive maybe, but it'd still been plenty bad. Things had mutated and amplified in her head until she'd let them dictate her feelings, her actions, and the fallout had always been worse than if she'd only learned to take things a step at a time.
She was so proficient at dealing with other people's problems, wasn't always the case with her own. Hadn't learned her lesson as well as she thought she had. It'd snuck back up on her with the introduction of college.
But she was getting off on tangents again.
The plane needed to hurry up and land because she was dying to see Auri. She wanted to see her baby girl and hold her tight. It'd be a plus if neither of the Dixons were in grumpy moods when this happened. Because maybe then, if it weren't pushing things too far, Auri's daddy would agree to them all spending the tiniest amount of extra time together. Beth wondered if he could stand being around her for the length of an entire meal. She'd have to ask and find out.
But if there was a moment's hesitation from him - she told herself resolutely with an equally determined nod that probably made her look weird - if there was any uncertainty at all in his answer, then she'd just ask if it was ok for Auri to stay with her for the night. Of course, it always made him grumble when she asked, said she didn't need his goddamn permission to spend time with their kid. But rarely did it ever stop him from asking her permission any time there was any new decision to be made concerning Auri.
Tangent.
What mattered, was that she'd heard what he'd said, she wasn't going to try and talk him out of his feelings. If it was still too hard for him or if it'd make him too uncomfortable then it was for the best that they kept their contact limited.
This step, him offering to be there with Auri to pick her up, that was more than she'd had in months.
It was getting dark early these days, the holidays really would be coming sooner than she could prepare for. The car rolled down the small road, trees passing on either side like woebegone sentinels, as Beth made sure for the twentieth time that her radio was off.
Pain and (what she was told was unnecessary) guilt flooded through her when she saw him. He looked his version of perfect, or her idea of it anyhow, as he stood in front of the house that'd been their home for too little a time. Hair crowding against his cheekbones with those damn eyes of his squinting in their regular set, his arms bare and crossed over his chest as he watched her come up the drive. Beth ached to see the hard set of his mouth, a slash that threatened to never curve up in her presence again. What was left of the sun threw all of his features into a punishing relief that rested heavy on her collarbones.
She hadn't known just what level of hell she'd wind up in, to know what it felt like to run hands and lips over each of the elements that the sun's rays highlighted, and no longer be allowed contact with them. Couldn't slide her fingers along the tickling edge of his sleeveless plaid, feel the warmth and slope of his shoulder. No longer was she welcomed to grip the waist of his jeans, maybe to pull him closer, maybe to undo the button, slide down the zipper. Memories were the closest she'd get, to gazing down at him as he blinked sleepy-eyed up at her, a knowing look there despite the drowsiness...as she slid a not so innocent hand down his chest, stomach, hip…
Coming to a stop, she willed away the heat in her face. Those kinds of thoughts were hardly ones she should be having while dropping a sleeping Auri off. Not just because they were bound to do nothing other than frustrate her, but because things had been tense enough the last couple of weeks. Daryl catching on that she was looking at him in the way she so clearly was, would do nothing to improve her standing with him at the moment.
Not that she'd done anything wrong...technically.
But Lord have mercy, did it ever feel that way.
Her smile was minuscule when she hopped out of the Santa Fe, but it was still better than his up-ticked chin of a response. There was something in his general demeanor that made red flags and warning bells go off in her head. It was no longer a surprise, his well-constructed wall that had been erected all shiny and new after they'd broken up, but his stance said he was readying for a fight that she didn't know they were currently in.
He'd said he wasn't mad about what she'd done.
She'd believed him because they'd still made it a point of not lying to one another, which she sort of regretted now, seeing him all closed off and prepared to withstand whatever was about to come. On her end, Beth felt like there was a tornado approaching and no one had thought to tell her that she was in its path. Had she known this, whatever this was about to be, that it was going to happen, she might have considered making an exception to the rule. Her telling the truth had apparently not helped the dismal state of their relationship, not one bit.
"She fell asleep on the way here," she told him softly, somewhat pointlessly since it was within the first five minutes of Auri's nap, which meant next to nothing would be able to wake her for at least the next half hour. "Thanks for lettin' me take her for the weekend, feels like it's been forever since I had a chance to just focus on nothing but her."
His eyes flashed, and Beth wanted to chew off her tongue. She stilled, standing a foot or two away, her sight unable to peel away from his even if it meant saving herself. In the past, had he looked at her the way he was now, had the atmosphere been charged until she swore she saw sparks, she'd have said he wanted to bend her over the nearest available piece of furniture. But with the way things were these days, her radar must be out of whack, no way in the world was Daryl Dixon wanting to do any such thing to her.
As crushing as his gaze was, he snapped it off of her in an instant, darkened blues casting back into the car to land on his kit. She literally had to take a moment to swallow, get some moisture going in the cotton mill of her throat before she suffocated right there before him. Another precious moment was dedicated to screaming at her body to knock it the heck off, to stop preparing itself for the things only Daryl knew to do to it, and to start preparing for some kind of altercation instead.
"S'fine," he said, nodding towards Auri's sleeping form. "Gotta talk to ya anyway."
Jesus, Mary, an' Joseph.
"Ok," she replied brightly, smiling through the pain that had decided to preemptively assert itself along each one of her ribs. "What's up?"
"Can' do this anymore."
She blinked at him, thinking, noticed the hard lines of his jaw and throat as things bunched and spun loose in her mind. Hadn't she lived through this heartbreak once already? Hadn't she thought before that that she'd known what heartbreak was? But that certainty existed in a time before her heart had been turned all two dimensional and brittle, snapped jaggedly down the middle like one of those old video game lives that warned when the character was close to dying.
"Didn't you get the memo?" Beth tried weakly. "Ya already broke up with me, Daryl. Did a real good job of it too, promise." His sight was back on her, but now it felt like he was at least three states away, a blank expression meeting her sad attempt at humor. "No need for ya to be goin' an' doing it all over again."
His tensed throat did a jerking parody of a swallow, his chin jutting to one side as he shook his head. Despite the mile-long list she had about him, of all the things she'd learned, despite knowing without question he'd welcome touch right now like he would a snake bite - the need to reach out and make some kind of contact with him was palpable. She could feel it lick along her arms, burn in her fingertips, keep time to her pulse. Beth fisted her hands, demanding obedience from her body as he spoke.
"Mean the way we got things set up for visits."
The recurring fear that'd plagued her since their breakup was quick to retake center stage.
"You said-"
"Ain't takin' Kit from ya, goddamnit." Her teeth closed hard to keep the rest of the sentence in. He was still giving her that same detached look, but there was fire backing it now, and she didn't want that breaking the surface. Not when things were this bad already. "We'll work out somethin' with yer folks, or Carol, whatever. Jus' can't keep fuckin' seein' ya all the time."
Many times when they'd talked about things in the past, she'd wished that he wouldn't shy away from her gaze. Now she knew, depending on the situation, that he'd been doing her a favor. His unflinching eye contact matched with his words, immediately caused tears to form. Beth let them fall but otherwise did her best to ignore their existence. After all, if Daryl could do it, so could she.
"Thought it didn't make ya hate me?"
There was a quiet she'd only ever experienced out in the woods, out in the woods with him, made the scratching of their boots on the driveway's gravel sound like nails on a chalkboard. The house framed his broad shoulders, light fading and sending them into a colorless mesh, bizarre because of how drenched in hues everything had been moments ago. She was trying to imprint it all in her mind's eye, wondering as she did so, just how many times she'd done this with him. Took everything about him into her, the only place it was truly safe, from both of them. Snapshots like the ones she used to send to Merle, startling clear and often viewed by her any time she found herself missing him.
Which still felt like all the time even though they were nearing a year of being split up.
She'd thought when they'd started this arrangement of visitation, that it'd be like tearing open a festering sore over and over again. Seeing him like she was now, with him looking like her just-missed happily ever after, it'd make moving on an impossibility. Maybe that was part of why she'd done what she had, but now, the idea of not seeing him at all was far worse than the previous pain. Sure, first it had hurt, but now he was even taking that from her.
His gaze slid weighted and barbed right down her gullet, ripped her throat out and continued without pause to crack apart her sternum and rend switchblade tears into her heart. It was a near thing, her arms staying in place at her sides, not pulling them up to hide the damage. He was proving something, either to her or to himself, by never pulling his sight from hers. And as the damage from those stormy blues bled her out inside, Beth wondered if she told him what it was doing to her, if he'd stop or merely continue to stare.
Continue to gut her, while their daughter slept a foot away.
"Told ya it didn't, didn't I?"
Her wounds made her want to lash out, made a word almost break past her lips.
Liar.
Beth barely managed to keep it in. Read him well enough, barrier or no, and felt it more than all her weeping cuts, just how much saying that word would put the final nail in the coffin of their relationship. Mainly, because regardless of how badly he was hurting her, asking for this further severing from the connection she'd at one time expected to last forever, Beth could still tell that he was in fact not lying. Events may have lent to his decision, but anger at her wasn't his driving force.
Partially too, she knew how ardently they'd both maintained a high level of honesty before and after their breakup. Daryl would resent the accusation more than anything else that'd happened, lose a considerable degree of respect for her too. To have her spit out bile at him, when she'd asked him so long ago to not do that very thing to her.
All that being said, helplessness wasn't a feeling she'd handled well since high school.
Opening her mouth to try and reason, or beg maybe, she closed it again when he shook his head in a quick shake.
"Need ya t' hear me, girl." He was still so confusing, she doubted she would ever understand him fully. His words were ones that might sound patronizing or condescending to anyone who didn't know him, who couldn't see the narrowly concealed desperation behind the sentence. "Do ya?"
Yes.
Yes, she heard, didn't understand, not like she wanted to. But just because she didn't get it didn't mean it wasn't what was right for him. They were no longer at the point where he'd listen to her before he listened to himself. There'd been a time. She'd been able to talk the man into almost anything, had wielded the precious power that he'd given her over him with a kind of awe and caution that'd worked for both of them.
But not anymore.
Now he was all but begging her, harsh expression or not, to leave him be. She just wanted to fix it, what had split them in the first place, not widen the breach. Daryl's jaw was clenching, she could see how it flexed and jutted under his tanned skin. There wasn't anything she could do, other than continue to cry and barrage him with questions and pleas, but that wasn't an option.
Not really.
Nodding, at last, Beth turned to open the back door, removing the car seat's straps with shaking hands. Scooping up the heated little body, she took a moment to hug Auri to her, tears sliding without stop when sleepy hands came to clasp at her, holding onto her neck. Arms around her daughter, Beth shuddered out a breath as a questioning noise murmured against her throat.
"Mama loves you, baby girl." She was grateful for the door that hid them momentarily from his view. "I'll see you soon, ok?"
"Hmmm, Mama," Auri muttered, clearly still mostly asleep.
Catching her breath and wiping at her cheeks, Beth backed up and froze. He always had been so damn quiet. Thinking to help, or some other intention that she couldn't fault him for no matter how much she might presently want to, Daryl had come up within easy earshot distance. Easy stumbling-into distance too. Her back had collided solidly with his chest, painfully familiar hands came up to steady her, cradling her hips as she rocked unsteadily.
Memories, all of them bittersweet these days, rushed to faithfully remind her of how much she'd lost. Times of them coming home just like this, Auri tuckered out and Daryl at her back. Reaching by her to grab the diaper bag, or to just stand there with her, his reassuring strength wrapped around her sides, pulling her back against him until he could encase them both in his hold. Times in bed, if the baby had had a nightmare, or early mornings that were made for cuddling, with him warm at her back and Auri toasty at her front, little head pillowed on her arm.
The crying, full-tilt now, not just the silent streaming of tears, hit her sudden and deep. Beth couldn't stop the way her back adhered itself to his chest, how her arms tightened a bit more on her sleeping child. Daryl's hands seemed to convulse where they'd landed, holding her steady as the sadness wracked her body. But just as abruptly, he was letting her loose, wordlessly grabbing the myriad of things that accompanied Auri everywhere she went, before waiting just as wordlessly for Beth to hand the toddler over.
For all the cliche of it, Beth swore that Auri had managed to sink a pudgy hand around her heart, that in handing her over to Daryl, Beth was helping to remove the damaged thing from its cage.
He stood bouncing Auri slightly, a habit from the burping days, and where earlier his eyes wouldn't give her respite, now he seemed incapable of landing them anywhere near her.
"Have Annette git a'hold a' me whenever ya got time an' wanna see 'er," he said, and she almost hated him for this last scrap of compassion he was offering. "C'n drop 'er off at the farm."
As long as you don't come to the door to pick her up - was a clear unspoken stipulation.
She nodded again, unable to do anything else, and watched as he turned and walked to the house. There was a good chunk of time spent in the driveway after that, getting herself under control enough to drive.
He'd texted her mama to make sure she'd gotten back home alright…
"Beth."
Her eyes flew open at the sound of her sister's voice, glancing down to where Maggie's hand had moved to still her own incessantly drumming fingers. Blinking, she looked back up and then over, to where Tara and Denise were hastily turning back around in their seats as the seat belt light came on overhead. Beth patted at her waist, feeling the clasped metal well in place and already secured, felt the plane angle slightly as they finally began to descend.
Finally.
"You ok?" Maggie whispered, leaning closer as she squeezed Beth's hand reassuringly.
She had to unwind the twist in her stomach before nodding, eyes going back to the window.
"Just impatient to get landed."
"Well," her sister said, and Beth didn't have to see Maggie to know the irritated curl her mouth would no doubt be in. "He can just calm his tits if he's thinkin' about gettin' huffy, havin' to wait."
It was a ripping feeling, trying to figure out what her reaction should be. On the one hand, she loved her sister fervently for always single-mindedly sticking up for her. On the other, she really didn't like encouraging Maggie to hate Daryl, no matter how stickery the man could be.
"More worried about Auri than anything."
"Man's a goddamn idiot," Maggie continued, not hearing or not finding Beth's response adequate. "Breaks up with you, then decides that still ain't enough. Has to have his space after a frickin' year of y'all making things work the best you could." Derisive air quotes were used in her sister's sentence; Beth didn't need to see them to know they were there. Her eyes stayed fixed on the slowly approaching ground. "He's lucky that he hasn't given you a hard time about seein' Auri, or so help me-"
"Maggs, can we not, please?"
"You're too nice," Maggie said, tone unwavering. "Just like when all that happened with Jimmy. You took too much of the blame in that situation too."
"Maggie."
"With the man for nearly two years, raise his baby like your own, bastard can't even bring himself to tell you he loves ya." Beth was pretty sure there wasn't a place on her that wasn't blushing. Maggie wasn't yelling by any means, her voice was low and adamant, but there was little chance that their friends in the row ahead of them couldn't hear every word being said. "And don't you let him make ya believe for a second that he's not sleepin' with that-"
"Maggie."
She could feel the air on her bared teeth, fingers losing feeling as they gripped the armrests. Her sister looked shocked for a moment, taking several seconds apparently to put together where they were and who could hear them. The final apologetic set of Maggie's expression did almost nothing to calm her pulse, and Beth heaved in a breath to begin the process. The silence was a prickly thing between them as the younger Greene sister steadied her airflow and unclenched her fingers one at a time from their death grip.
The weight sat between them until Maggie laid her hand back on Beth's, leaning in again to whisper.
"Bethy, I'm sorry, ok?"
"He didn't have to." Beth had no idea why, out of all the things she'd decided to respond to, that that was one of them, but her words continued nonetheless. "Say that to me, I knew he did anyway."
"I know." Maggie's attempt to make amends was all well and good, but Beth had been freaked out about seeing him as it was, and she didn't feel particularly charitable towards her sister's effort. "I shouldn't have ran my mouth."
She heard an internal scoff, followed by a distinctly twanging - No shit.
"I get that ya can't help yourself," Beth said, with a half a smile, "older sis' an' all that."
"Have I ever told you," Denise said to Tara, volume intentionally carrying back to them. "How glad I am, that your sister lives on the other side of the state?"
The tension lifted with Maggie's snort as Tara responded swiftly.
"Only as glad as I am that your brother's up north."
Any further conversation got displaced when the plane's wheels hit the tarmac.
She entered into some kind of strange time warp, shouldn't surprise her, time always seemed to act the weirdest in times of stress. It took forever to get off the plane, an eternity to make their way to the baggage claim, but then the suitcases were coming, and she was going to see both of the Dixon's soon. Beth didn't know if she was hoping for more time to calm down, or for the moment to be over with already so that she could quit feeling on the edge of hyperventilating.
"Go on." Maggie's sudden command earned her a surprised look.
Tara clapped Beth on the shoulder as Denise watched for their suitcases. "Go and see your little girl. We can grab your stuff, meet you by the doors."
There was a millisecond where she came close to refusing, but fear was like sadness, insidious and apt to cripple her if given a chance. Clutching Maggie's hand in thanks and nodding the same to her other travel companions, Beth began to make her way towards the area of the airport that Daryl had told her he'd be waiting at. Her first steps uncertain, it wasn't long before she was almost running through the bustling crowds and rows of seats. Her heart flew in an elated kind of panic that would lift her up or lay her flat, and the blood pounded all the way down to her fingertips.
The thought went through her mind that they might not be there, that Daryl might have reconsidered his offer at the last second and she'd reach the meeting spot only to find them missing.
And then her eyes lit on one of the most gorgeous sights she'd ever seen.
"MAMA!"
And there they were, both of them flushed and bright-eyed, Auri up on Daryl's shoulders for a better vantage point. Hair up in a cockeyed but perfectly respectable ponytail, the two-year-old was sporting a white and pale blue dress that sparkled when it hit the light, her white tights and matching shoes clasped firmly in Daryl's large hands as she waved enthusiastically. Beth's body actually let loose with a frame length ache like her very bones were cramping from not being in contact with her little girl. She'd loved the trip, was thankful for getting to go, but being so far away from Auri had dampened her enthusiasm considerably.
Arm raising to wave back, Beth felt her attention immediately pulled to Auri's daddy, who was as locked onto her as his kid was.
He was trying to break her heart all over again, wearing that black button up she'd gotten for him during their first Christmas together. That, combined with probably the one pair of jeans he owned that didn't have holes or oil stains, and the two of them made one fine-lookin' welcoming home party. Adrenaline soared through her veins, a headiness not dissimilar to when she'd had a few shots at one of the local pubs in Dublin. Flicking her eyes between Auri and Daryl's faces, she was struck as always with how much the little girl looked like her daddy, and how much their expressions were mirroring one another in subtle ways.
The man might not be bouncing and doing his best to dislocate his shoulder with frantic gestures, but there was something like, hopeful expectation there, coupled with the world's smallest lift to the corners of his mouth. Almost as if he was trying his best to hold back a smile. Focusing once more on Auri, Beth dodged around the last few people between them, lips stretching until her cheeks burned.
"Want Mama." There was no way Beth could ever hear that word enough from that sweet voice, and the squeal of excitement that Auri made when Daryl swung her off his shoulders and handed her over, was mimicked right down to the pitch by Beth's own vocal cords. "Mama! We waited for you."
"Oh thank you, baby," she responded, hugging her daughter just as tightly as Auri was grasping onto her. "Mama's so glad you did."
"I put on my dress, an' use m'potty like a' big girl, an' we wait. We waited forever. Right, Da? Is' forever?" Beth wasn't entirely sure that Daryl could hear the question, considering how Auri's head was still facing over her shoulder. Glancing up at him, she stole a breath's worth of time to give him the most grateful look that she could. "Da's…" The toddler stopped, clearly trying to remember the right word in all of the excitement. "Say forever, we wait forever."
Stomach sinking, Beth felt her smile fade a little and pulled her sight from his.
"Oh, yeah?"
"That it migh' take forever." Her lungs gulped in the air at the sound of his voice, cracked and rumbling, just like she'd heard it so many times. When their eyes met again, it was obvious that he'd known exactly where her mind had gone, and wasn't willing to risk it staying there. "Ya said you weren't sure." He finally got around to clearing his throat. "Told 'er we had t'be patient."
"We went walkin'!" Auri said, finally pulling away enough to look Beth in the face. "All over!"
"All over? My goodness, are you tired?" She laughed at the frantically shaking head that she got in response. "Well, that's good. I missed you so much, it'd be awful if we had ta' take a nap now that I'm here after forever, huh?"
Auri nodded solemnly, little Energizer Bunny was about as easy to get down for a nap as she was to potty train. Feeling tears cloud her vision, Beth tried to hide them by peppering Auri's face and neck with kisses, making the two-year-old giggle ecstatically. She wasn't totally successful, felt the liquid seep out no matter how desperately she clenched her lids. Dashing at her cheeks and refusing to look at the man that had seen her unwanted tears too many times to count, Beth went back to cradling Auri against her chest and felt relief when little arms willingly closed just as securely around her neck.
Slight warmth on her face and she opened her eyes in time to see Daryl lean closer to them, closing the distance between his lips and Auri's ear.
"Say, missed you, Mama."
When she was younger, elementary school, Beth had tried to slide down one of the school's slides on her feet, like all the cool kids did. Except it had rained that day, and instead of sliding, her feet had shot out behind her, and she'd landed at the bottom of the incline directly onto her chest and stomach. In the seconds that followed, she'd been sure she was dying, because her body had refused to suck in air as she'd told it to. Each pulling gasp only trapping itself in her throat until her vision had dimmed, and pain radiated like a sunburn through the impact site.
Until eventually, eventually, she'd tried once more to get her lungs to accept the oxygen they needed to survive, and they'd grudgingly did as she'd bid them.
Hearing Daryl's whispered instruction, it was the way they'd taught Auri how to talk. Getting her to repeat words and sentences that were murmured in her ear so that she could recite the message to the other parent. For Beth, it was like she'd taken that fateful step onto the slide, and just like before, ended up with the wind knocked out of her. Any chance she'd had of not crying openly got demolished as soon as Auri did what her daddy had asked her to.
"Missed you, Mama."
"Lil' sunrise, I missed you so so much." At the watery sound of her reply, both Dixon's pulled back to look at her, and Beth smiled through the pain in her chest. She really was getting good at that. "I was," she began, hoping to distract them. "Was thinking, maybe we could all hang out a' bit? Get some food or somethin'?"
Daryl didn't answer, his attention seemingly engrossed in the slow journey of one of her tears.
Licking her lips nervously, she shook her head. "But if, if that doesn't work, would it be alright if Auri spent the night with me?"
"No, Mama," Auri said, sounding crushed as she wiped (verging on roughly) at Beth's cheeks. To the point where, it was hard to know if she was answering the question, or just telling the tears to stop. "Da said treat."
"Oh you're," she stumbled, trying to get some sort of confirmation out of a mute Daryl. "You two going to get a' treat after ya drop me off?"
"Yeah!" Auri answered, bouncing excitedly again.
"Ok then, I guess—"
"Nah," he blurted, blinking quickly and shaking his head, like waking up from wherever his head had just gone. "Said we'd go. All of us." A finger tick-tocked between them, and she had to glance between the two of them several times, see their affirming nods before she allowed herself to smile once more. "Git somethin' ta' eat, get a' treat. Right, Kit?"
"Oh!" More bouncing. "Mama! We go to Jerry's! Get marsh-car-mellow shake!"
Her brows had time to furrow, and then Daryl was scoffing and shaking his head.
"C'mon, now ya ain't even tryin'." Auri's answer was to cover her mouth with her hands and giggle quietly. Bright blues met hers as he explained, sounding oddly embarrassed. "We practiced all mornin'."
She didn't know how many more bittersweet feelings she could take, but watching him rub uncomfortably at the back of his neck while Auri continued making small tee-hee noises, Beth knew she'd hang on as long as she could. Her gosh dang eyes kept leaking, causing Auri to rub once more at her face, her happy smile disappearing.
"It's ok, Mama," she said worriedly, patting Beth's face, little brows bunched in concern.
"Mama's jus' tired," Daryl answered soothingly, one of his hands coming up to pat the anxious toddler on the back. A stabbing shot lanced through each of the bones from her fingers to shoulder, when that hand slid down to hesitantly rest on hers, curling around, holding her hand against Auri's back. Where they could feel each of her small breaths together. "Had a' long trip, remember? All the way across-"
"The ocean," Auri supplied for him, bobbing her chin knowingly. "We get food, then Mama can take a' nap."
Beth and Daryl both smiled at the kid's careful wording, that Mama could take a nap. Rough fingers falling away from hers, made her realize, not for the first time, how long it'd been since she'd gotten one of his hugs. Wished she could try for one now, but there was a brittle edge to his countenance, to his movements, said he'd done all that he could.
When his eyes narrowed and scanned around her, she figured he'd gotten around to putting some things together.
"Where's all yer stuff, an' people?"
The next hour or more was filled with them finding the others, an awkward amount of small talk, and then Beth saying goodbyes to the others as she walked to Daryl's car with him and Auri.
If she'd been nervous that their drive back from Atlanta was going to be as uncomfortable as Maggie and Daryl in the same space had been, their girl dispelled that concern immediately. Auri talked and asked questions the entire trip, nonstop alternating between Beth and Daryl, perhaps she intended to make sure that her usually reticent daddy didn't retreat into himself. Now that he was mostly occupied with driving and answering what inquiries were lobbed his way, Beth was able to sneak a peek or two at him. She got to see the way he maintained a crooked smile, one that was obscured now and then by his fidgeting fingers that ran down the whiskers next to and underneath his mouth.
For a minute, just a minute, she let herself believe that things hadn't happened like they had.
That this was an everyday occurrence and she'd get to have it again and again.
Pulling into Jerry's parking lot, getting the munchkin unsnapped from her seat, they headed in, each of them holding one of Auri's hands. Every couple of steps they'd countdown and then swing the screeching two-year-old off her feet. Laughing, Beth glanced over at Daryl, who blinked quickly away from her and back down to his kit. But she'd seen...sadness, some variant of remorse maybe, a split second before his hair fell forward and hid his face. There wasn't any time given to linger on the expression though, because Auri was grinning up at them and they had little choice but to grin just as widely down at her.
"I like you dress, Mama." Auri chirped, her shoes making slight slapping noises on the fast food place's floor. "Is' boo-tiful, like a' princess."
"A princess? Gracious, thank you, baby, don't know if anyone's ever said I looked like a princess before." In fact, Maggie had said she'd been out of her mind for wearing a dress with all the traveling they'd done today, but she'd wanted to look nice. Daryl made a coughing noise, but Beth couldn't tell if it was due to what she'd said or because they were getting closer to the counter. "You're lookin' like a princess too in that pretty dress, that one Nana Netty gotcha?"
Auri nodded primly, looking quite pleased with the compliment.
"An' watch, I spin." And she did just that, releasing her hold on them and twirling around, sending the light coming from the overhead fixtures to strike off the glittery bits of her dress, turning herself into a little giggling disco ball. "See, Mama?"
"I do," Beth laughed, scooping her upright when she was about to topple over. "You spin so fast."
The cashier at the register smiled as they finally wound up at the place they needed to be at. Daryl gave Beth a chin dip, telling her to go on and order. She'd just opened her mouth when a large figure made its way out from behind the shiny metal wall that separated the restaurant from the kitchen and back offices. Beth smiled brightly as Jerry, the owner, stopped short when he saw them.
"Beth!" The happy greeting paused a beat when he saw who she was there with, but recovered quickly enough. "And the Dixons too! Wow, hello, Miss Auri. How are you?"
A glance down at Auri showed Beth a shyly smiling face, cheeks pinking slightly as she tucked her head under Beth's chin. The change was always a somewhat shocking one, how speedily all that talking and manic movement could come to a complete halt. Used to the toddler's bashful nature, Jerry smiled and held up a finger before disappearing to the back. Beth and Daryl ordered, her ex shaking his head benignly when Jerry came back out with a large milkshake in hand.
"G'on an' make that medium shake a' large," he directed, but the cashier landed a waiting look at Jerry who smirked and shook his head.
"No way, dude, it's on the house." Approaching Beth and Auri, he raised his brows questioningly at the little girl. "Can I get a 'hi, Jerry' if I give you this great big ice creamy goodness?"
A small nod knocked into her neck and Beth pressed her lips together to keep from laughing.
When it was immediately handed over, she had to help balance the heavy cup, jostling her quiet passenger until the tiniest - "Hi, Jerry" - could be heard. Beth rolled her eyes, such an adorable little dork they had.
"Whad'a ya say?" Daryl prompted out of reflex.
To which a whispered - "Thank you" - was added.
"You're most welcome," Jerry whispered back, eyes crinkling with his smile.
They went and sat in the area that housed the sizeable in-door toy, much of which Auri was still far too small to play on. The bits that were her size though, she climbed on with painfully careful moves, born of parents that were slightly overprotective and had cautioned her towards safety all of her life. Beth and Daryl spent the time until their food came, helping her up small sets of cushioned steps, bumping into one another repeatedly when trying to get out of Auri or the other little kids' way.
Each brush of his arm or hand elicited a new wave of goosebumps, and each of Auri's thrilled peels of laughter made something warm and solid settle in against her heart. She'd missed this, them together, not just Daryl and the moments they'd had alone, or Auri and their occasional sleepovers, that was there too of course but...Beth missed getting to see them as a unit, of seeing Daryl open up with his kid like he did with no one else. And in Auri, she saw the epitome of absolute joy. Every time her parents cheered for her, she became surer of her steps, more determined to do the small slide on her own.
And it was wonderful, watching her as she never fell, appearing prouder with each successful trip. Beth wanted this back, desperately, utterly, but it took zero amount of wondering to know how badly any wheedling on that front would go with Daryl. He'd said he couldn't keep seeing her all the time, it'd been a few months since then, and here he was without any apparent issues. She wasn't going to be able to boss her way into what she wanted or try to take control of the situation.
No matter how much her mind was telling her to.
A little boy darted past her, dark-haired and mischievous eyed, and Beth staggered back out of his way, trying her best not to send the fast-moving tyke sprawling over one of her feet.
She wobbled, and a callused pair of hands gripped her arms, making sure she didn't topple over onto any of the kids playing around them. Without thinking she leaned into him, getting her legs righted underneath her, tipping her head back to thank him. He was so much closer than she'd expected, could feel his long exhale trickle along her jawline, fingertips digging into the soft flesh of her biceps as they both stalled out in sync. Beth's tongue fused to the roof of her mouth when her gaze flicked down to his mouth without her authorization, stayed there too, even as she screamed at it to go back up.
His deep breath made her blink and finally yank her sight back to his. Another endless moment passed, but like a shared internal alarm, they turned in unison to see where their kid was.
Auri stood near the top of the miniaturized set of steps, studying them fixedly; her small face all devout solemnity, it changed rapidly once her parents were looking at her. An innocent grin curled up her lips, blooming into a full-blown smile, that Beth tried to return.
"Mama! Da! Watch, watch me."
"Ok, baby. We see you, go on you can do it." Beth straightened as she spoke, feeling every dragging stroke of Daryl's fingers as they skidded across her back, the other hand skimming down to her elbow before both retreated from her body. "We're here, we see you."
She strove with everything in her, not to read too much into it, the way he stayed near her even once she was stable again. It didn't mean anything, that he didn't move away, that he allowed their arms to brush again and again. Or that when their food came, on the way to their table, he had one hand around Auri's, and the other resting against the small of her back.
It didn't mean anything.
But it sure did take some more of the bitter away from the sweet.
...
Thanks for reading!