A.N. - Hey guys, thanks so much for the continued support and for doing your best to withhold judgment for the time being. ^.^ I know things seem crazy right now, but that's half the fun. I don't think I have anything major to report. I'm taking time to reread both of my stories in the hopes it'll get me back in the groove. I'm hoping to write a worthwhile chapter 40 on FotW for you guys. Happy reading!
Chapter 3
Sunday, April 7th
Daryl stretched with a rumbling noise that felt good all the way down to his toes. Body pulling taut and slackening with a sigh as he rolled over onto Beth's side of the bed. The stray thought had his lids pressing shut, hard, until colors flared and his eyeballs felt near to bursting. Beth's side of the bed. Beth's. Beth. Like with a lot of things, she'd been right about the bed being a good investment. His old mattress had certainly served them well - and often- but he'd literally gotten it for nothing and it'd come with a set of stains he hadn't asked or wanted to know about.
The new bed though? Fuckin' heavanly to sleep on. Almost dangerous, made it hard to get out of, and while he and Beth had been together, there were many days where they hadn't. Sometimes with Auri between them, her giggling and hiding under the covers, sometimes just the two of them...Hours filled with slow kisses and nuzzling against one another as the day ticked by outside.
Only thing he didn't like about it these days? Damn thing felt too big, much too big, without her in it with him. Mattress spanned out behind his naked back, made him feel all exposed and shit. But she'd refused to take it, along with a lot of the other stuff he'd attempted to browbeat her into taking.
By browbeat, he meant he'd repeated himself again and again until she'd made fedup huffing noises and given in. The only thing he'd really gotten into it with her about was the TV that he'd gotten her for Christmas. Girl had all but cussed him out. It'd taken him threatening to throw the damn thing in the trash, or down the driveway after her departing car, that'd finally made her mutter darkly while allowing him to stow it in the back of the Santa Fe.
He ground his face into the pillow that no longer smelled like her, and hadn't, for too long a time. Still had the scent of her favorite laundry detergent and dryer sheets though, some spring fresh whatever that smelled like a breed of mutated flowers. But she'd liked it, and tempered with the earthy sage aroma that always marked her presence, he hadn't really minded it all that much. Kept buying it after she was gone because, well, he obviously couldn't handle letting her go completely.
His fingers twitched in between the pillow and the bed. He shouldn't do the thing he was thinking about doing. Wasn't anything healthy that was for damn sure, made him a shade more pathetic each time he did...
Ah hell, can't hurt nothin'.
Sheets rubbed warmly on either side of his torso as he moved back across the mattress, arm reaching down to his phone's position on the floor. He wasn't sure when he'd stopped wearing a shirt to sleep in, when it had stopped mattering so much to him, to be covered up all the time.
Shifting onto his back, Daryl had a brief flash of a memory, one involving a morning after with Beth, he'd been too worn out from their previous night's activities to do anything other than tug his sweatpants back into place at the time. Also, too tired to react much when the monitor went off with Auri's plaintive cries, the bed had moved minutely as Beth had gone to get her.
He'd come back to sudden consciousness at Auri's gasp and whisper. Owies. Shrinking in on himself at the fear in her voice, he'd cringed at the idea of having to explain how the marks had happened. But he couldn't. Couldn't tell his kit that there were daddies that did that to their babies.
"Yeah, Daddy has owies," his woman had said lightly. "And what do we do to owies?"
"Loves?"
And that'd been the first time. Two pairs of lips left a variety of kisses on his skin, some a bit more slobbery than others. Auri not willing to quit until she'd pushed his shoulder, made him get on his stomach so she could follow each line. He'd had to shove his face in his pillow, didn't let the rivulets escaping his eyes change his breathing, fisted his hands and gritted his teeth. Felt his muscles relax the longer it took for the two of them to finish. How the attention changed from being in reverence to playful. The two of them racing to reach each scar, Auri had ended up covering him with her tiny body, blatantly cheating by blocking Beth, kissing at random and laughing herself to tears.
It was a vivid little recall, all impressions and phantom sparks against his skin.
Unlocking the device, he went to the app that was buried within a couple different submenus in his phone. Treated the goddamn thing like it was a porno he was trying to keep hidden. Shit, he honestly wasn't able to decide which one would embarrass him more. Getting to the little red and white icon, the stylized P jumping out at him, Daryl huffed and tapped his thumb against the screen. It was the dumbest dirty little secret he could ever imagine anyone in the history of all fuckin' creation to have, but the thrill still flitted about his lower abdominal region and he hunkered back into his pillow feeling somehow perverse but excited.
As most shit, it had started harmlessly enough, Beth had wanted to show him different models of porch swings. Then it had been different yard decorations and lanterns. Cute homemade clothes for kids. Recipes for meals she wanted to try. Pictures of bucks and bows, other hunting things he tended to find interesting. Somehow she'd gotten him signed up for it, downloaded the app on his phone, showed him how to use the stupid thing.
So if she had an issue with him using it to peep on her life, her interests, she really had no one to blame but herself. With the way things had gone down between them, he was sure to lose an actual argument with her over it. Which is why he kept it very much to himself, his favorite pastime, wasn't hurting anyone, might not be fair to her, but stopping wasn't something he could do. Wasn't like he knew how to traverse the realms of social media, figure out how to get some of the things she was on, all those books and grams and things. This is what he had, fair or not, right or not, he needed it.
He went to her profile, or at least that's what she'd told him it was called, and looked to see which of her boards had been updated recently. Girl was on the damn thing all the time, he figured it was an outlet for some of the stress she encountered during the school year, a way to decompress in between classes, at night before she fell asleep, in the morning when she wasn't ready to get out of bed. Made him feel closer to her. Like maybe she knew all along that he was shadowing her, wondering at her choices for the things she'd saved. Torturing himself with not being able to ask her about them.
When he was really hating himself, really wanted to feel the pain slice, he imagined she was completely aware of his seedy habit, and saved images that she knew would hurt him most.
But that was just when he was utterly disgusted with himself - so once or twice a week was all..
She had a few different categories. One for do it yourself shit, crafts for around the house that sort of thing, food was another one which included those recipes she'd stopped sending his way. She spent a lot of time on certain subjects over others. Like her section that had a lot of movie and show things in it. Pictures of scenes from her favorites, like The Mummy and Stranger Things.
She found the craziest things to save to her Art Board.
There were sculptures from places he'd never seen or heard of, figures that had nearly the same pigmentation she did, clasping at each other in ways that made him ache. He wanted to know if she'd actually gotten to see them somewhere, if she'd noticed how the sculptor had made their stone skin give way under each other's grasping fingers.
There were drawings that exploded with color and depicted everything and nothing from picture to picture. People, animals, or buildings, that basically leapt off the screen at him, or shapes, that wound around one another until he was nauseous trying to figure out where they ended and started. He thought she saved them due to their hues more than their subject matter.
But he couldn't know for sure, and sure as hell wasn't going to out himself by asking.
Her newest board was one filled with the strangest words he'd ever seen. Didn't know if she'd started it in order to keep track of the terms she was encountering during classes. Some of them weren't even English though, or were, but came from way back and weren't really used anymore. A lot of the time they seemed random, something she'd seen and liked, kept it because she probably thought it sounded funny or interesting.
But then, it felt like now and again, they spoke to him, about how she was feeling. They punished him no matter the level of cheerfulness in their meanings, because either happy or not, he wasn't there to share or help her with it. More than likely, if it was something painful, he felt it likely that he'd been a contributing factor if not the direct cause. Knew that he deserved the impotent frustration that came with knowing and not knowing her motivations.
Daryl had actually started a list in some beat up notebook she'd left behind, had a page for those words he thought had nothing to do with him, and one that did. Not surprisingly, the second one was filled with a lot of entries that made him want to shy away from the paper. Just another reason not to tell anyone, made it look like he thought a lot of himself, that he'd affected her in the way the definitions said he had.
Stupid thing, to make a list, but he couldn't risk saving them to his own profile-thing. Have to explain himself, worse, cause her to somehow make it so he couldn't see them anymore. He hadn't viewed or saved any other pictures since they'd broken up, even though she'd taught him how. Didn't want her to know he was still using it, just in case...just in case.
She'd been at it again since the last time he'd checked, which had been yesterday morning.
The new saves included:
Spheksophobia - The fear of wasps
Balter - To dance gracelessly, without particular art or skill, but perhaps with some enjoyment.
Exiguous - (adj) [ig-zig-yoo-uhs] - Scanty; meager; small; slender.
Appeared to be a random collection this morning. That was ok. He liked those ones maybe the best. Where he could examine the ones she'd picked and know they had nothing to do with him. No idea what had prompted her to squirrel these specific words away onto her board. Might be, she'd had a scare with one of the little flying fuckers out at the farm or on campus, or maybe the app had - what the fuck was it called - recommended or populated some new words for her since she'd shown interest. Beth had said...said it'd do that.
Working his lip between pinching teeth, Daryl fought back the wave of melancholy that came close to miring him in a desolate kind of loneliness. This was a classic symptom of withdrawal, he knew it, had been through it already. Had been able to reach a steady but manageable state of misery over the last year or so. Getting clean off her was a bitch, he'd lived blissfully strung out for so long. That hadn't been real life, it'd been real what they had, but good stuff was quick to burn someone out. Leave them haggard and confused. He was still damn lucky, still had Aurora, couldn't be a selfish ass and expect the world to give him more.
Most days he didn't know whose fault it was that they weren't together. Usually, it was obvious that it'd been him. Other times he thought maybe she'd had a small something to do with it, and then he'd come back to the way the universe had always proven itself to work from his perspective - willing to screw anyone and everyone over without cause or the slightest provocation.
He spent a few minutes concentrating on the words, sounding them out silently, letting his tongue flick against the backs of his teeth, lips carefully forming the vowels. He'd made sure to stick to the regular sleep times for Auri, so he knew he had a few more peaceful moments left before she was up and wanting breakfast or a walk. Turning, he fished in between the mattress and boxsprings, his thumb grazing the last box of rubbers he'd bought back what felt like a lifetime ago now. Grunting and shoving the package farther over, he found what he was searching for.
The notebook flexed under his grasp as it was pulled clear.
Hadn't wanted to write any of the new ones down at first, but, then the one about dancing had made him remember that first Father's Day, when she'd helped him clean. Ponytail flying every which way, each hop and bob of her body sending flashes of pale skin at him where her overalls were ripped around the knees, where her shirt ended too soon to not startle him.
He finished balter's definition, pen point resting on the page. She'd been wearing those damn overalls when she'd met up with him to look at this place to rent. He'd found it so distracting he'd had to check his phone three times for the code that the property management had sent him to unlock the box that held the house key.
His face burned like hell as he read the text message for the third goddamn time in a row. The wind at his back threw hair in his face, had a chill that said the season was thinking about changing, and he cursed under his breath when he had to hold flapping bits of his too-long locks out of the way. Thankfully, his girl was too busy talking a mile a minute to register any kind of hold up.
"—such a great place I know it's kinda out in the middle of nowhere but I didn't think you'd mind that at all considerin' where the cabin is. Michonne said she almost bought the place to rent out herself, but that the grounds would be a lot of upkeep and people would probably want to put a fence up to keep the animals away. This management company said they weren't goin' ta' do that, so we might have to look into what other things we can do. Don't wanna have to worry, what with Auri and all. I just noticed how it doesn't take long to get from here to the highway which will work great for my commute time. I'm so excited about classes! And I know it's a lot of credits to begin with, but they really say it's about time allocation and prioritizing and I doubt I'll have much of a problem with that, I mean they're only prereqs, prerequisite cla— Oh my gracious! Daryl! Look at this place!"
He actually chuckled as he moved aside so she could bolt into the empty space of the living room. The sound wasn't much other than a few loud breaths, but he was still getting used to making them, been doing it more and more often lately. In all fuckin' honesty he should be paying attention to the amount of windows, a lot of upkeep there and he'd need to ask what kind they were and what sort of insulation the place had. Should be double checking the square footage and what sort of agreement he'd be signing up for when it came to that gravel drive. Who the hell was going to keep that thing up to snuff once the bad weather hit?
But Beth was twirling over the dark hardwood floors like she was wearing one of her Sunday dresses and not the ratty old pair of overalls. Sweet curves of her face getting lit up by all those windows, cheeks flushed, bunny nose turned up slightly, teeth showing between cherry blossom lips. He tracked her progression through the space, eyeing how the bright rays flared her milky coloring, made the heat that'd been restricted to his face, migrate to the other usual places. Cowboy boot covered feet carried her on tiptoes in swirling moves over to the kitchen, lithe body bending to glide a fingertip down the wood countertop that was almost the exact same dark shade as the floor. Taking a hopping little leap over to do the same to the kitchen island, swinging along its perimeter to head down one of the hallways.
Older home, ranch style, it'd been remodeled before the owner had either got sick of living in the middle of nowhere or decided the house wasn't remote enough, no one seemed certain. Definitely nicer than his shitty cabin had been on first inspection, spendier too, two jobs and renting out his old place would more than cover the monthly dues on this one, but it was quite a change in living costs. Couldn't stay at the cabin any longer though, Merle was still there, still acting right, they needed the room what with Auri steadily getting more mobile. He went around, touching what she had, more making a show of considering things than actually doing it.
Thing was, he didn't really give a shit where they lived, long as it was safe for Auri. Would hate living in the smack dab middle of town, but hadn't been too worried about that being a possibility considering Beth was about as partial to that particular idea as he was. Animals, he knew what things to do to keep away any animals, plus, depending on what they were, he'd be more than willing to welcome them on over for a visit. Might cut down on the grocery bill.
No, he wanted to get whatever place she wanted, whatever place made her the most excited, the most happy. Woman did so much for him and his; she deserved to live in whatever place felt most like home to her. So if it was this place, he'd get it, work out the bills and upkeep questions later. Just wanted to keep that smile of hers in place, keep her dancing around like she was on a stage somewhere. It was easy to prowl around behind her, going through the different rooms and bathrooms. Everything looking fine enough to him as he wondered how opposed she'd be to testing out the stability of some of the walls.
Wood floors, not a lot of cushion there.
Might need to buy them some rugs, put one in front of that fireplace that was in the living room, get to watch the flames dance over her uncovered skin. Yeah, he liked that little fantasy just fine. Liked the way she grinned at the size of the closet in the master bedroom too, how she played with the faux wood blinds, and swept her hands over the wide countertop in the master bath. Everything she saw seemed to please her, and Daryl felt himself settling into the space in preparation for her verdict.
They were back in the main living area when it came.
"Hmmm, I don't know." His head snapped back in reaction, brows clipping together with the same amount of force. "It's a lot of money."
"Ain't bad," he said with a shrug, turning his face to look at her. Those two little lines were grooved into place between her brows, bastards always made him fidgety. Didn't always mean something bad, but he'd seen them too many times when it was to make him feel anything other than anxious. "Porch is nice."
Kind of a random detail, but it was true. The thing wrapped around the whole house, white washed and nearly idyllic looking, besides the busted up porch swing on the left front corner, it was close to perfect.
"Think you could fix it?" she asked, leaning a hip against the counter. "The swing?" He pulled his mouth to one side, acting like he had to consider it. "An what about these cupboards? Look how light they are, when Auri really gets to movin' there's gonna be sticky little handprints all over 'em."
Repositioning himself in front of her, moving her so that her back was to the structure she'd been leaning on, Daryl hooked his hands into the dip between the front and back of her overalls. Beth wiggled some fingers through the spaces that his buttons left, blues gazing up at him as he pressed their hip bones together.
"Swing ain't gonna be no problem, find one ya like an' I can hang it. L'help clean up anythin' the kit makes a' mess of, we c'n do it on Fridays since ya worked out yer school schedule."
She thought about it for a blink or two, lips pursing into something resembling a pout. "That's our date day though."
He shrugged, already planning to do it by himself. "We'll figure somethin' out." His fingers raised up to her sides and dug into her slightly, liking the way she pushed teasingly against him in response. "Ya like it though?"
"I do, but are you sure-"
He muttered in fake irritation and moved his hands to cup her ass before hoisting her up onto the island's counter. Beth let out a startled eeking sound that made him smile maybe a little cockily at her as he kneaded her thighs, felt the muscle bunch and flex. Good height, the counter was, for the things he had in mind for it right now, a little high perhaps for some things, but even better than the one back at the cabin for others…
Her smile was a playful one that she attempted to hide as her legs wrapped firmly around him, hands at the nape of his neck, he gazed at her half-lidded, his hands continuing their focus on the muscles in her legs. Pulling her into him with each repeated stroke that stopped at her kneecaps and began again at the bottom of her ass. She was doing her level best to exude genuine worry, arms tightening so that she was even more flush against him, her heat spilling into his abdomen through their clothes.
"I don't," she murmured, stopping to shoot him a warning look when he quit his gripping in order to unsnap the straps of her overalls. The corners of her mouth twitched up when he ticked his chin at her in question. Closing the last small span of distance between them, Beth finished her sentence against his mouth. "I don't wanna get eaten by a bear."
He couldn't stop the snort that happened, or the laugh after that when she started and jerked away from the sudden gush of air. Slipping his hands below her shirt, running slow tracks down her spine with his fingertips, Daryl gave her a crooked smile.
"S'way too late for that."
She stared at him in confusion, the game having gone in a different direction than the one she'd had in mind, and Daryl cocked his head while scraping blunt nails down until they fisted into the fabric keeping him from his goal. It clicked, he saw it did, when her eyes widened and flew to the windows that almost completely surrounded them. It apparently hadn't occurred to her, how far he'd planned to go with the first bit of clothing he'd undone. Maybe thought they'd just been fooling around some, with no one around to hinder them.
Well, she was partially right.
"Daryl," she chastised, sentiment getting lost somewhere around the time her legs unwound from his waist, which helped him slide the material out from under her and away. "We can't, anyone could -"
"Missed these overalls, girl. Lookin' so damn country in 'em, can't help it."
Beth let out a noise that was incredibly unladylike, had him grinning against her thigh, his breath disturbing the cotton that still hugged her hips. Muffled slapping sounds indicated her hands colliding with the counter in an attempt to keep her up, even as she canted herself up towards him.
"Lookin' country does it for ya, huh?"
She was probably aiming for sarcastic, but he'd chosen that moment to drop a kiss on her fluttering stomach. Sounded like air caught hard in her lungs and one of those hands came back up to cup the back of his head, holding him in place, encouraging him to ring her belly button with similar attentions until she was breathing somewhat erratically.
"Think m'gonna like livin' here," he told her, snagging her panties and yanking them around her cheeks, down her thighs, stalling out when she only whimpered in answer.
At some point she'd shut her eyes, he waited until they blinked heavily open, pupil wide and searching when he didn't keep going. She shifted restlessly, showing him shades of pale skin and pink.
Finally, she put together what he'd said, nodding quickly and edging nearer to the counter's edge. "Yeah."
He searched her expression, tried to make sure there was enough reason left there to count.
"Ya want it then?" Beth cocked an eyebrow at him, and he licked his lips in response. "The house, I mean. Already know ya want the other."
She smiled, slammed the thing right into his chest, ponytail swinging to the side of her face when she ducked her head almost bashfully. The last handful of cloth fell off her pointed toes as his lips pressed to her knee for a second, and then he was being towed forward by his shirt collar.
"I want 'em both," she whispered, grinning at the roughened sound he made a beat before she was kissing him. Slow, tongue stroking his in no kind of hurry, bold as brass all of a sudden with him between her legs. He pulled back, was somewhere near the crook of her neck when she breathed conspiratorially. "It's the island isn't it? Know ya got a thing for 'em. Tell the truth, that's why you like the house."
He completely lost track of what he was doing, laughing hard into her neck, feeling as her arms held him tight.
Yeah he was going to like living here just fine.
His phone went off in his hand, making him flinch and curse when it flipped free of his hold and landed in the blankets. Sunlight was more of an actual presence in his room, glimmering off the glass of empty picture frames. The prints that belonged in them were shoved under some socks in a drawer somewhere, might be time he tried putting them back in place. Now wasn't the best time to decide on that shit though. He snatched the phone out of the tangle of blankets, freezing when he turned it over to see the caller ID.
Beth.
He scrambled, answering it before she got sent to voicemail, sitting up and hissing over the inconveniently timed hard-on that was less to do with the morning and more to do with the assaulting memories he'd just been interrupted from reliving. Silence met his rasped greeting, and he tried again, after swallowing some of the whatever-the-fuck that was clogging his throat.
"Hey, Beth?" Another swallow, and he thought he sounded normal. Normal enough. "Ya there?"
"Am I," she stalled out, sounding odd, in the realm of embarrassed and perhaps disgruntled in a way that didn't make sense yet. "Are you...busy?"
He actually glanced around his room in a perplexed quest to find whatever he could possibly be busy with at this time of the morning. Finding nothing, he came back to the swollen issue between his legs and flopped back down onto the mattress with a sigh. Throwing a wad of blanket over his middle, Daryl scrubbed a hand across his face, trying to wind himself back down.
"Nah," he murmured, imagining a little too clearly what she might be wearing this Sunday morning. She'd catch the church service with her parents before heading up north to Atlanta and school. Which probably meant a dress, maybe the one she'd worn on her trip back into the states. Auri had said she looked like a princess, he hadn't thought the title high enough. "Kit ain't up yet. Wha's goin' on?"
His words slurred together, sounding a bit on the drunken side, as he stretched and yawned the last dredges of sleep away. Dick rubbing pleasantly enough against his underwear and sweats, Daryl reached a hand down to run over his length, ignored how good it felt, for the most part. Couldn't be getting too involved there, his ex on the phone, wouldn't be right…
"Well," she hedged, voice clipped even on the single syllable. "I was just gonna ask about Mother's Day, but I can call back after- or, uh, whenever you got time."
"Got time," he answered, grunting when his hard-on gave a distracting throb. Hell, it'd been a while since he'd even thought about getting off. Damn body flipped a switch when it came to this girl, didn't give him much of a choice in the matter. "What were you thinkin'?"
She didn't speak, the line a barely living thing as he waited.
Rotating uncomfortably, he gave into the urge and sunk a hand underneath his waistband, palming himself lightly while he worked on figuring out what he'd done to get himself in trouble with her. Wasn't worth thinking about, just how much that trouble would increase if she could see what he was doing now. He'd be lucky if she ever wanted to do this sort of activity with him again. But that was a beaten to death topic, he'd rather disassemble this new one, whatever it was.
And keep on as he was, simmering lowly and listening to her in whatever way he could.
"I wondered," she said, and he could hear it, a questioning in her tone that wasn't only pertaining to Mother's Day plans. "If, um, if it was alright if I could have Auri for that weekend. Finals'll be over by then, an' I'm really wantin' to get back some time. Ya know?"
He hummed, fingers spanning to glide up his cock until they grazed the head.
Fuck, he was really falling off the deep end here.
"Course ya can," he told her, throat tightening as he gave himself a few sure strokes. "Was thinkin' maybe, maybe we, do somethin' all together. Like when ya got back from yer trip."
Tongue sliding over his bottom lip, he squeezed hard, huffing out a breath before pulling his hand clear. A disquieting wave rolled throughout his body, different receptors questing and demanding for the pleasure to continue. Daryl shoved his free arm underneath his head, grinning a little mirthlessly at the burning in his gut and the not-enough-pressure of the clothes and blankets over his dick.
He really was a masochistic asshole.
Masochist - a person who derives sexual gratification from their own pain or humiliation,
(in general use) a person who enjoys an activity that appears to be painful or tedious.
That'd been one of the first ones he'd written down on the page that was tied to him.
It also could be that he was being a tad fuckin' dramatic as well. But the term felt like it applied well enough for the situation. Lids closed, muscles tight, he felt it pull all down his frame and flare somewhere near his diaphragm. Missed her like crazy, pure and piercing like a needle through his skin, wanted to wrap himself around her, inside her, lose all the other for a while or forever, get back to what they'd had.
"Daryl, what in the hell are you doin'?"
Slitted view of his room, he felt the necessity to check and make sure she hadn't come in without him knowing, though there wasn't shit to see anymore, not with his strategic blanket placement.
"Nothin'," he defended himself quickly, clearing his throat. "Just layin' here, why?"
"Well, who's all there?"
Christ, better be fuckin' nobody.
Opening his eyes wider he looked around the space, needlessly reassuring himself that no one was in there without him knowing it. Lifting his head, he listened intently, but there was still no peep from his kit. Whole house was quiet, no doubt his dumbass brother was passed out in his RV, and he wasn't expecting anyone else to be around for another month or more.
"Ain't nobody here, woman," he groused, his mildly panicked heart rate subsiding. "Good lord, had me thinkin' someone was bustin' into the house or somethin'."
"Oh, I thought I heard y—" she paused, sounding unsure. Daryl almost seized up at her cutoff response. Heard? What a slack-jawed fuckin' moron he was. Thought he'd been goddamn discreet, but that might not have been the case. Air got held up in his chest as he waited for her to keep going. "Ya know what? Nevermind, I'm losin' my mind is all, nothin' new with that though, right?"
He smiled, relieved, turned so he was laying on her side of the bed again, breathed in deep. "Hell no. Always been crazy, Greene."
S'what I liked most about ya...eventually.
"Yeah, yeah, I know."
What an embarrassing moment they'd just about had, he was out of his mind for pushing that as far as he had. Didn't know whether to blame it on the memories or the addiction. It also could've been his dumbass decision to see her again after months of nothing. Her sweeping through the airport, that dress brushing right above the knee, he'd told Auri to yell as loud as she wanted to. Wanted her to holler for the both of them, be his voice when he was trying so hard just to keep it together.
But doing the shit he just had, with Beth on the phone, he didn't have the tiniest clue as to what in the hell he'd been thinking.
Wasn't thinkin', more than likely.
"Anyway," she continued, tone much lighter than it had been. "Would that be alright? That weekend?"
"How many times I gotta tell you that ya don' gotta ask?" There was too much blood going below the nonexistent belt, that was the only explanation for the grumbling playfulness in his voice. "Who the hell else she gonna be seein' on Mother's Day?"
"Hey," she chided, and he could hear the smile in her voice. "I'm just bein' polite, mister. Don't you growl at me."
Say it.
Say it.
Call me Bear.
But all he heard was a slight clicking, like a dry throat trying to swallow, or a pen in a fidgeting hand. There he went again, not thinking, and so soon after the last bout of it too. Of course she wouldn't call him by that damn pet name she'd had for him, wouldn't think that he wanted her to. And he shouldn't. Decisions had been made and all that, things hadn't worked out like they'd wanted. All the reasons he'd been over hundreds if not thousands of times. He hadn't been strong enough then, sure as hell wasn't strong enough now.
The conversation they were having, the ideas going haywire in his head, all that was proof.
He probably shouldn't have gone back on the commitment he'd made not to see or talk to her.
Well…
It was already too late to go back now.
"Yeah, she's yours for the weekend, or the week, whatever ya want." He should leave it there, but yet again, his mouth started going before his brain could weigh out the pros and cons of his most recent impulse. "Thought maybe though, we could, could do somethin' all of us together again. Like Jerry's?"
He actually heard her sudden breath. "Really?"
"Mean, uh," he said, eyes staring at the blank wall where her dresser used to be. "We did promise Kit."
Their kid had screamed bloody torture when it'd come time for Daddy to drop her and Mama off at the farm. At first they'd thought she'd wanted to stay with Daryl, but Auri had made it clear she hadn't wanted anybody to leave. And just like he'd known it would, her ability to bargain and plead had chainsawed his stupid heart to pieces. Made him feel like the biggest hunk of shit in the world as he'd driven down that road away from them. Only their promise of doing more Mama and Da Adventures had calmed her down enough to get out of the car.
"That's true we did," she said after a beat, and he barely kept in a contented sigh. "We should, you might wanna think about it anyway, us doin' other stuff besides that too. If ya want."
Bad idea.
"Wanna take 'er to the park or somethin'? Before finals hit an' yer slammed?"
Well, alrigh' you dumb shit, don't you fuckin' bitch when it comes back t'bite 'cha in the ass.
"I'd love that, yeah."
Love that.
"Well alrigh' then." He nodded, even though she couldn't see it. Fingers twitching with the urge to slide down his body once more. "Whenever ya got the time, let me know."
Fisting his hand, he left it idle next to his midsection.
"Sounds good, Daryl."
Felt like her lips were right next to his ear, easy to catch the happiness and hope in each of her words. He was spiraling pretty spectacularly, but that didn't necessarily mean he was headed for a crash. Seemed likely, but he was alright with the dizziness it gave him for now.
"L'talk to ya later, Beth."
"Ok," she murmured, and he hoped he'd made her smile. "Bye."
He laid on the bed and focused on his breathing, winding his body back down to its regular state.
Stretched again and heard the pen roll off the notebook onto the bed.
Being a masochist wasn't so bad.
He could make it work.
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