Chapter 4
Wednesday, April 10th
She closed the textbook in her hands and sighed. The cover slipped under her fingertips until it almost fell on the grassy ground below her. Studying, love of the good Lord, was she sick to death of it. The barely there volume of her music lulled her slightly as she looked up and away from her Child Psychology homework to the throng of students making their way across the quad. It was kind of silly of her to try and work out here, with the sun warming her into a stupor and the prime people-watching position she'd claimed with this particular stretch of lawn.
Beth took another deep breath, letting the cherry blossom scents of the nearby trees fill her up and chase some of her drowsiness away. It'd be good when the semester was over, all this time cramming and stressing over each assignment would payoff. It had in the past. She just had to get herself there, another month or so and then it'd be summer break. And this year, unlike the last, she wouldn't have to take more courses to "catch up" as she'd done before. An actual rest was in her sights. She'd get to slow down for a bit, spend some quality time with her baby girl.
All good things.
It was amazing, how subtly she'd become acclimated to the rigors of school and all that it entailed. For a while, she'd been positive that it would be far too much for her to handle.
Her mind cringed and came to a halt.
Didn't need to get pulled into all of that right now, not if she hoped to get something accomplished during her time between classes. Technically, she was doing rather well for this point in the semester, wasn't falling behind in her workload, but if she wanted to keep it that way then she needed to be about halfway through her psych homework by the time Intro to Sociology started. Holding her notebook, textbook, and pencil steady on her lap, Beth took a quick moment to roll her neck. Striving to make more of the lethargy go away, she shook her head slightly, definitely not a great idea, to study outside.
Friggin' sun was sucking all her willpower out, replacing it with wayward thoughts about naps or playing with her phone. Two things that would, in no way, help to keep her on track. Of course, she reasoned, arching her back and tapping her sneaker-covered feet together, taking a tiny respite might help her to buckle down when she got back to it. Anyway, wasn't like she wouldn't have time to finish things up tonight, if she didn't get everything done now, since she'd be going back to her dorm room. Going back to the dorm room and not spending half the evening on the phone with her man, telling him how much she missed him, missed their baby.
No, she had plenty of time to get things done nowadays.
Laying out on the grass, she pulled her phone out and started to mindlessly go through different apps, letting her head rest even if she wasn't getting a nap. Felt pretty darn nice, relaxing like she was with the tickling blades of grass. She turned her music up some more while she allowed herself to space out. Tried to not focus on any one thing that occurred to her. Like how it'd been going to school and having a new family. Going to school and not having them. Of nights going out with classmates and roommates in an attempt to lessen some of the loneliness that'd plagued her.
Having fun that she'd felt guilty about.
Not having fun and feeling guilty about that too.
Of hating Daryl Dixon so much it made her scream.
Not hating him at all, and sobbing until it made her throat feel just as sore.
Daryl.
Definitely shouldn't think about anything concerning him. Like how he'd sounded the last time she'd talked to him. Nope, nothing good there. Beth could have sworn that...that he'd been having sex, or something near enough to it not to matter. Wasn't her business if he was, had to tell herself that. Had to while she was on the phone with him, and while she lay in the warm grass now.
She easily defended the sickening lurch in her stomach, wasn't jealousy, it was that she didn't like the idea of some woman who she didn't know around her child. And also, maybe, she just couldn't believe he would answer the phone ever while doing something like that, especially not when it was her calling.
Daryl wasn't vindictive…
But still.
She knew that hiss, the way it cut off. How craggy and wonderful his voice got while something or someone was clenching around him. The stutter and pause in his words when he fought to focus through the pleasure. His guttural noises too, she'd loved making him let loose with those, of sighing a few of her own into his ear. Because she knew what it did.
She knew him.
He'd sounded so confused though when she'd asked who was there. Snatched away a lot of the indignant surety she'd been in possession of. That didn't mean that he hadn't been doing anything at all, but it was sure a heck of a lot better than what she'd initially thought was happening.
And of course.
It could be that she was just thinking way too much about him. Wanting him and not having him. Whole body feeling worn out and sickly from not getting what and who it needed. Made her imagination spazz out, form monsters where there were none. Had to keep going as she had been, not crowding him, bossing him around, trying to control the situation. It'd produced some positive results, he was back to being able to see her, wanted them to do more things with Auri.
And no matter who he might be sleeping with, if that was a thing, Beth knew that when it all got tallied up at the end, it was getting to see her daughter that really mattered to her.
More than anything.
She was considering her next move, idly fishing her chapstick from her pocket for an equally meandering application, trying to decide on either going to finish her work in the library or heading to one of the other nearby buildings that housed a food source of some kind. Sitting up, she had just reached for her backpack when the tune in her headphones switched dramatically from an indie track to a country one, a specialized ringtone, making her flinch and tap rapidly at her phone to answer the call.
"Hello?" Why was he calling her? Had something happened? "Is Auri ok?"
A mild puffing scoff answered her question.
"Ya mean 'sides drivin' me crazy?" There was chattering too far away for her to hear, but it was definitely an excited Auri. "She's fine, 'less she keeps pushin' her luck. Might have to whoop some lil' ass before the day's out."
Beth let a derisive laugh seep out of her lungs in relief. "You're so full of it."
They both knew that he'd never spank Auri, it wouldn't matter how bad of a tantrum she threw or how awful she was. Daryl's father had made him a firm believer in talking and time outs if it came down to correcting some of his daughter's behavior. The man didn't put much stock in words, but she'd watched him evolve enough to communicate with his kid. The two tended to be on the same wavelength, even when he swore up and down that the little girl ran circles around him.
"She knows it too," he muttered, sounding resigned. "Ain't fair, m'gettin' taken advantage of over here."
Cheeks bunching up under her eyes, she abandoned her attempts of packing up her things and sat cross-legged in the grass. Pathetic maybe, that she felt like he was doing her a favor right now, calling her, lightening her mood. Giving her a quick peek at him and Auri's day for some unknown reason. It felt so natural, hard to stop, to fall into joking conversation with him. To feel that blurring between what had happened and what should be. She glanced down at her phone's lit screen, swallowing at the picture of the three of them smiling back at her.
There were a lot of them in her phone, more recent ones, but she'd never switched his contact picture to anything other than the three of them together that first Christmas morning together. The one she'd used to teach Auri to say "Da" with.
"What're y'all up to?" she asked, blinking away from the now watery image.
He made a noncommittal noise, somewhere between a cough and a hum. "Runnin' around, tryin' ta' get some shit done for Glenn, so he doesn't blow a goddamn gasket." There was an angry chittering noise, followed by Daryl's beleaguered sigh. "M'sorry, Kit."
"Daddy," Beth chided, barely holding in a laugh, knowing without hesitation what their little girl had just scolded him for. "Don't say, goddamn."
"Sorry, Mama," he apologized, obviously out of reflex, and Beth wondered if he felt strange saying it to her. She knew they both referred to the other with those terms when talking to Auri, but they'd avoided saying such endearments to one another of course, since the break up. "So," Daryl hedged, sounding uncomfortable. She didn't know if it was from their exchange or what he was about to say. "What about you? Where 're you at?"
"Oh," she sighed, plucking tufts of grass out of the ground. "You know me, all classes all the time."
"On campus then?"
She nodded, squinting up at the few groups and single individuals walking along the sidewalks now that most everyone had gone to their next class. "Yeah, yeah, on campus."
"S'quiet," he commented. "Ya must be in the library or somethin'?"
"Uh," she faltered, brows furrowing. Was Daryl Dixon attempting small talk right now? Maybe something was going on, just not the something she'd thought when he first called. "No, I'm actually on the quad. It's real nice actually, trees are bloomin' an' there's this fountain and everything."
"Mhmmm." He was clearly either distracted or not listening to her, however, rarely if ever had she known Daryl not to pay attention in a conversation. People might think he was ignoring them sometimes, but she'd learned he missed very little. "That be in the middle? The quad?" And then under his breath so low, she could barely hear him and there was no way that Auri could. "The fuck is a quad?"
"It's," she tried, stumbling again while trying to figure out where the heck this conversation had come from. "It's short for quadrangle, which doesn't really...I mean, yeah it's in the middle-ish, but I don't-"
"Mama!"
Her neck snapped towards the sound out of pure reflex. Eyes scanning until they landed on two familiar figures making their way to her. Daryl, phone to his ear, face torn between pleased and uncertain. His hand kept a firm grip on the one that was minuscule in comparison, Auri waved with her free hand, jumping and skipping with a smile fit to split her face.
"Oh my God," she breathed, blaspheming guiltlessly.
Yanking out her headphones, Beth left all of her stuff where it was. On her feet and running, she quickly scooped up Auri who cheered excitedly and held her tight. They made matching squeeing noises as Beth hopped up and down. Sun-soaked and thoughtless, she reached an arm out to encircle Daryl's waist, pulling herself into him as she and Auri continued their noisy celebration. It wasn't until she felt a hesitant hand on her back that it dawned on her exactly what she'd done.
Unthinkingly forced contact with him.
At their last meeting, it'd been far more unintentional, she'd been doing her best not to fall over. And now, she hadn't planned it, was just so warm and happy at this undreamed of surprise that it'd felt like a knee-jerk reaction, to include him in her and Auri's hug. But she didn't want him deciding that she was taking advantage, perhaps that wasn't the right term, that she was thinking they were on better terms than they actually were. The thing was, now their girl had a hand fisted in his shirt, all but welding the three of them together, and she didn't know how to disengage them without making it incredibly awkward.
"Surprise!" Beth almost jumped at Auri's volume, kicking out a startled laugh instead. "Daddy an' me, we come to your backpack school. See? I got m'backpack an' we adventure!"
Getting a better look at her daughter now that some of the excitement had simmered down, and doing her absolute best to ignore the slow firestorm starting in her body from being in contact with Daryl, she noticed the redness in Auri's eyes. Puffy lips and an equally flushed face spoke of a recent and serious crying jag that must have lasted a good long while to still be so noticeable. For most two-year-olds that might not be much of a thing, and Lord knew their girl was without a doubt no exception to the terrible twos, but she rarely cried. She'd been that way since she was a baby, and Beth knew how badly it affected Daryl when his kit broke down in tears.
Glancing at him, she was struck by their closeness, the cherry tones of his own complexion that heightened near his paler ears. With this too was the scent of him, smoke and pine, hint of a sharpness that could be metal or oil. Along with all of Auri's familiar smells, baby shampoo, and lotion, the detergent and dryer sheets. Home. She got a mild impression of his face scrunching, the twitching of his whiskers, a flash of blue as he stole a sideways glance at her and then skittered away.
"It's a great surprise, honey." She wasn't sure how to best handle the vindication that showed in her daughter's eyes. Something had obviously gone down between them, and Daryl had caved to Auri's wishes. This time it happened to work out really well for her, getting to see them, getting to touch them, but she didn't want the malleable toddler to think that it was a tactic to be exploited. "You better say 'thank you, Daddy' ya know how hard he works, baby girl. It's not fair to make him go on adventures all the time, even if they are fun. Alright?"
Mildly crestfallen, Auri nodded and murmured a quiet thank you to her daddy. Then, reaching up, she pressed a quick kiss to his scruffy jaw. Beth was just congratulating herself on a job well done when her kid looked at her squarely, little features going completely earnest.
"You give Da loves too, Mama."
Her mouth was opening and closing like a fish, words trapped way down below her diaphragm as the larger frame against hers stiffened. She'd managed to find herself in a lose/lose situation. He'd either think she didn't want to, which wasn't the case or maybe that she was thoughtlessly making things harder for him, overstepping boundaries. Boundaries he'd always taken very seriously, and saw as in place for a reason.
"Baby-"
"Mama." She was now the one being chastised, and it wasn't nearly as funny. "Loves."
Giving her a tentative smile, Beth gathered what short term courage she could, and went up on tiptoes to place her own appreciative kiss onto the heated skin of his cheek. It was meant to be fast, an obligatory peck to appease their daughter, but it lingered a breath. Before she went back to being flat on her feet, Beth could have sworn she felt the barest amount of returned pressure, as if he'd leaned into it just a tad. Blinking rapidly, she sucked in a steadying breath, making a tsking sound when she saw the slight sheen she'd left behind.
Stupid freakin' chapstick.
Her apology, and attempt to wipe it clean, was hampered by his sudden retreat. Daryl's arm dropped from curving around her back and his booted feet shuffled away. Auri's grasp on his shirt was pulled free and Beth watched as he shrugged. A blocky hand came up to rub a thumb over the spot.
Ok then.
If she kept watching him, kept focusing so entirely on every move and look, there was little chance of her being able to enjoy this unexpected gift of seeing Auri in the middle of her week. It was with difficulty, that she turned her attention from the man who was resolutely ducking her gaze, back to the almost three-year-old in her arms.
Just a couple more months, Beth could barely believe how quickly the time had gone.
"So you're finally here!" she said, Auri thankfully, was able to switch gears just as quickly and smiled until each of her teeth were showing. "Mama's been meaning to bring you here for forever, and here you are, good job, Daddy."
"Yeah," the little girl agreed enthusiastically. "Good job, Daddy."
There was another shrug, and she wasn't expecting a vocal answer when he muttered thickly.
"Jus' didn't want ta' see her sad anymore."
Beth's next swallow was a rough one, prickling all the way down as she started walking back to where she'd left her things. "Well like I said, we can't always have everythin' we want, even if it makes us sad." She hadn't meant for the statement to strike so close to home. "Next time you're sad and wantin' to see me, you ask if you can call me on the phone or somethin'."
Auri dipped a chin in answer, and now both Dixons were refusing to meet her eye.
"Daddy can't always drop everything he's doin'."
"Was in the city," he said quietly, mildly defensive, either on his behalf or Auri's. "Messed up, mentioned we were close to yer school."
Trying to shake off the heaviness that she didn't want, Beth set Auri on her feet and smiled.
"I'm thrilled to see you two no matter what." Was that bad? Admitting she liked seeing them both? "I was thinkin' about getting me some food. How's that sound, get us a' bite and I'll show you guys around?"
She directed the questions to Auri, but her gaze flicked up to Daryl's searchingly. It was almost as if he couldn't keep his sight off her or on her, it slid to and away, over and over again.
He was nervous.
She'd take that over irritated or resentful.
Auri in the meantime had no such issues as she helped Beth get her books into her bag.
"I wanna eat p'nut butter an' jelly with you, Mama!" Each of her small movements was jittery with barely contained amounts of energy. "You an' me an' Daddy an' an' Okamo!"
"Okamo?" Beth questioned through her laughter. "You brought Okamo too?"
"I did!" Auri spun to show off her own backpack, a gift from Uncle Shawn, it was in the shape of a chestnut horse with a white diamond and stockings above each hoof. Over the plushie body and blonde mane, Beth could see the black hand-knitted countenance of Okamo, Auri's favorite stuffed animal that currently looked as if it was perched on the horse's back. The cat had been a first birthday present from Amy, the woman exhibiting her awesome skills as she had with Auri's first Halloween costume. "He wanted to come too!"
"Had ta' bring the whole da-darn farm," Daryl complained lightly, smiling one-sidedly down at Auri who was basically running in place, sending the animals on her back jostling in all directions. "Big adventure, comin' to the city, couldn't leave no one behind."
"Can't have an adventure without Okamo," Beth agreed knowingly.
She'd named the rakish-looking cat after Rick O'Connell from The Mummy movies because Auri would need someone capable and brave to watch her back. Once the kit had started talking more, however, O'Connell had been lovingly mangled into Ohe-kah-moe. Though looking at him now, rakish might be a bit of a leap.
The thing had been constructed with many sessions of cuddling and dragging in mind. Despite that, its long tail had still needed to be repaired on two separate occasions; until Papaw Hershel had sat Auri down and explained how sensitive kitty's tails were, and how Okamo probably didn't like being towed around by his.
Since then he'd suffered choke holds or being crammed into her backpack's too small confines.
The backpack, having come from Uncle Shawn was, of course, referred to as Shawnee.
It was quite the collection of animals.
Newly determined to savor their time together, Beth hoisted up her own backpack and offered a hand to Auri, who took it and dragged her over to Daryl in order to cling to one of his. After that, they cut through some of the different buildings. Beth pointed to where she had classes now or in a prior semester, as she led them to where there was a market type store that might actually have something resembling a PB&J in it.
Her anxiety spiked now and again when she took in Auri's wide-eyed expression or Daryl's thinly veiled ravenous one. For some reason, she'd expected him to...hold back, view everything through slightly narrowed eyes maybe, and stay silent, leaving any conversation up to her and Auri.
Instead, he did all but the opposite of that. Came to a full stop at the rooms she indicated, asked lowly about the class she'd had there if she'd liked it. If a lecture was happening, was the professor giving it one that she'd had.
It felt like he was drinking in everything around them. No object or person escaped his gaze, taking in the measure of what he saw and weighing it internally for some reason that she wasn't willing to ask about. The atmosphere rendered their daughter mute. Blinking at each of the strange things around her, Auri huddled shyly between her parents whenever someone new walked by them. Nevertheless, that didn't prevent her from yanking them along once they'd entered the little store, different fast food chains huddled into one corner of it, with a few people in line for each.
They were able to find the little one a PB&J, Beth randomly grabbed one for herself as well, along with an assortment of fruit that had been fresh several days ago. Daryl opted to grab a personal pizza from one of the fast food places.
"Thought you'd be sick ta' death of pizza by now," she prodded him if only verbally, trying to fight back a playful grin when he shot her a warning look. It was an old joke, but a safe one, the fact that he never seemed to get sick of that particular food even though he had it at least once a week given where he worked most of the time these days. "What? I'm not judgin' you or anything."
"Mhmmm," he harrumphed, lips twitching as he snagged the small box that was handed to him, and then began steering them towards the registers.
"Definitely not gonna marvel for the millionth time that ya don't seem to gain a friggin' ounce, and that your metabolism would make a model weep ta' have."
"Good," he deadpanned back, pulling out his wallet as she helped Auri get her sandwich up onto the counter to be scanned. "S'good to know I ain't gonna have to hear that...crap again."
They made their way through the building and back outside, finding a free table that was positioned nicely under the shady cover of a tree.
"An' 'sides that," he continued, hair swinging into his face when he bent to pick Auri up and put her on one of the benches. "Need all the fuel an' sh-stuff I c'n get, alrigh'? Only thing your kid wants t'do is go walkin'."
Beth's mouth curled happily, the whole walking thing tickled her probably more than it should.
It was just that their girl got so much joy out of it.
That they both did.
"So how's Glenn handling the new locations?" she asked, opening Auri's sandwich. Listening to her babble about how it didn't look anything like the ones Nana Netty made for her.
Beth chuckled quietly when the man across from her settled onto the bench and flipped the lid to the box open, snorting derisively and taking a bite that probably burnt his mouth. He didn't add anything to it, so she figured it was best to take that as answer enough.
Glenn's family had opened not one but two new Georgia locations and expected him to oversee the operations of all three stores in the state. Luckily for Daryl (unless you asked Daryl, according to Glenn), it had inspired the overworked businessman to make him a full-time manager for their local pizzeria. Made it so he didn't actually have to work two jobs, but out of sheer stubbornness, he still did. He only made it to the superstore once or twice a week these days though.
"What else you two got planned for today?" she asked instead, to change the subject, her chewing slowing slightly when he glanced up at her. Something fleeting there, too quick to decipher and then he focused on his food again. The bite of overly tart grapes she took, lolled around her tongue as she considered him. "What?"
"How long 'til your next class?" Evasion. Daryl was never one to lie. But when pressed? He could evade slicker than a swamp eel and twice as fast. "We holdin' you up?"
She didn't even make a show of checking the time.
"Daryl Dixon."
He watched her just as closely as she did him, tongue darting out to catch some wayward sauce from the side of his mouth. She refused to pay it any attention, that, or the dappling of reddish grease along his fingers that he was probably moments from clearing with the same distracting tool.
"Gotta clean da' house," Auri supplied promptly, probably given the list of things they'd be doing today while on their drive into Atlanta. A healthy gob of peanut butter impeded her ability to speak clearly. "Au'nd Jethie s'comin'." Beth's eyes felt glued to Daryl. To how his own gaze tripped between them on the other side of the table. How he snatched up a napkin that was being held down by her mostly brown banana and wiped his hands clean. Auri swallowed and continued, speaking more rapidly without the sticky barrier. "S'comin' ta' stay with me an' Daddy an' we gonna go see Flower Mommy and go campin' with me an' Daddy an Aun' Jessie an' me."
"Gotta git to the store," he corrected lowly. "Buy the cleanin' stuff, she ain't comin' for a'while yet."
"Oh." Beth scrambled for something to say, Daryl, staring right back at her as she did. "I um," she directed her answer to Auri, it was easier that way, "that sounds fun, baby."
Auri nodded, taking another bite.
Daryl shrugged, dropping his gaze before doing the same.
"Remember," Rick said, head tipped a bit, the sun flashing on the metallic pieces of his uniform and hat. "You don't have to do this, man."
Daryl shook his head silently, drawing in another drag from his third cigarette in a row.
She didn't say anything, just rubbed a reassuring hand down his back, one he didn't shrug off or bark about. And that was one way she knew just how freaked out he was right now. Not that she'd need something like that to tell, the situation was enough alone. No, she offered the contact as a token to remind him that he wouldn't be going through anything alone that he didn't want to.
Who would have ever guessed that after more than a year Auri's other family would find them?
Even if that family was only one person, a sister, who'd tracked her sibling's cold path all the way down south from where it'd started, clear up near Virginia. Got the terrible news, that she wasn't going to see that sibling ever again. And perhaps the crazier news, that her sister had had a child with a man she hadn't known but for the time it had taken for them to make that child. All of this over the space of months, through Rick of course, as Daryl hadn't wanted anything to do with talking to the woman directly. Giving his friend the go-ahead to air all his dirty laundry, long as it meant he didn't have to voice it himself.
But then Jessie, the sister, had wanted to meet him. Him and Auri. She wanted a relationship with her niece. Created a tie between the one-year-old and her biological mother that was severely lacking. A fact that Daryl had been tormented over since the beginning. How was he supposed to say no? And when he'd looked at her, Beth hadn't been able to tell him any different. She had a sister, would never want someone to keep her from Maggie's child.
So they were waiting at their town's little park. The presiding cop over the whole ordeal openly ignored the breaking of the no smoking in public parks law and helped Beth keep Daryl as calm as they could. They hadn't brought Auri of course, she was tucked away safe at the Greene Farm until her daddy could decide if Jessie was someone he wanted in his daughter's life.
"Ain't lettin' 'er take Auri nowhere." Daryl's voice had rarely sounded so harsh to her, but Beth nodded and slid her hand up to his shoulders, feeling the long breath that eased out of him, this one without an accompanying cloud of smoke. "Now or later."
"No one's expecting you to," Rick answered, and Beth could tell he was doing his best to not use his lawman's voice as he went on. "She could try maybe, go to the court to get some supervised visitation, but with how everything went down and the disruption that'd cause Aurora." He shook his head, lips pursed. "No way's a judge around here going to approve something like that."
She leaned in, settling against him when his free arm came up to wrap around her out of reflex, palm heavy on her side. Raising enough to whisper in his ear, Beth slid a hand into his hair when his grip tightened.
"No one can take her from you, Daryl." The promise was one he needed to hear no matter how much he might already know it to be true. "You're a good dad. It's gonna be ok."
His head leaned against her mouth.
She left a kiss on his ear.
It was only minutes later that a car pulled up, a blonde only slightly taller than herself exiting it. Pretty, very much so, and Beth tried to shove the sudden and disorienting thought away, that the woman approaching them was Auri's real mom. A little closer to Rick and Daryl's age, confidence coming off of her despite the fact that she was clearly nervous. Beth picked apart each well-proportioned feature of the unknown face and body.
A note of disquiet smacked into her that she hadn't expected. Beth willed herself to stop weighing each of her own aspects against the new arrival. She barely reigned in the urge to shake her head.
What the heck was wrong with her?
This was not about her. It was about Daryl and Jessie finding some kind of balance so that Auri would be able to learn about her birth mother and so that Jessie didn't lose the last piece of her sister still on Earth. She swore that if the feeling hadn't caught her so off guard, that it would be easier to shake off, but as it was, the dang thing sidled under her ribs and stayed there.
"That her?" Daryl asked, a quick look at his face showing mostly confusion.
Rick nodded, raising a hand in greeting. "Yeah, told ya she didn't look much at all like Jacklyn."
Jacklyn.
Auri's mom.
Daryl's hand found hers and clasped it tightly, his fingers gripped hers until it hurt, but she only squeezed back harder.
When Jessie reached them she dipped a chin at Rick in hello. Her eyes then flew to Daryl, hand reaching out to be shaken. Beth immediately tried to disengage from Daryl's hold, to drop the hand that he'd need to return the gesture. But he bore down more firmly, nearly making her wince, his head giving a tilting jerk in her direction.
He silently prompted the other woman to acknowledge Beth first.
Attempting to act like she wasn't completely thrown by his actions, Beth hurried to offer her own hand. Her smile felt brittle but it was there when the new arrival faltered and turned to her instead, hand still hanging in the air for another awkward moment before they were greeting one another uncomfortably.
"I'm Jessie," she said, introducing herself cordially, and Beth fought down the butterflies in her throat to do the same.
"I'm Beth, it's nice to meet you."
An answering smile. "And you're...Daryl's girlfriend?"
"Ye-"
"She's Auri's mama too."
And just like that, both of her hands were in sudden danger of being crushed.
Choking off a hiss, she pulled each of them free, wiggling and then clasping them together, feeling all the attention on her at once. She'd seen a tumultuous flash of emotion in the other woman's eyes, an amalgamation of feelings that Beth couldn't hope to detangle and wouldn't try.
At the moment she wasn't sure what she wanted to do to Daryl more; a solid session of berating him for springing that little introduction on them the first time they'd met, or kiss him breathless for insisting on clarifying her role in Auri's life before he'd even shaken Jessie's hand.
Probably the berating - if she didn't know the place that horribly awkward statement sprung from. He had set beliefs on how things should work, where people fit into his life, certain modes of conduct that didn't always make sense to her. This possible addition to their family, to Auri's life, and all that that represented…
What Jessie might say to his kit, the way she might react if he did let her be around his daughter and Auri called Beth "mama". He more than likely wanted to rip the bandaid off the situation right now to get it over with.
But Jacklyn's sister didn't know that.
And from the change in her expression, how closed off it had become, Beth could only guess what his declaration had meant to her. A warning shot perhaps, a call to arms for a fight she might have thought a possibility but hoped wouldn't happen. Without meaning to, Daryl might have just set Jessie against Beth from the jump.
Refusing to let her breath get away from her, as the heat in her face told her that her cheeks had, she smiled somewhat apologetically. Beth kept her gaze off of her significant other while feeling his blaze against her already too warm skin.
"We've been together since the time Auri was born is all." She didn't know how to lessen the tension without also discrediting or degrading their life together, which she wasn't willing to do. "She knows Jacklyn's her mom too. We go an' see her as much as we can."
Rick had explained about the meadow too...
Jessie's face crumpled swiftly, turning away, the woman made hurried dashing motions at her face. Beth wanted to do something, wrap her in a hug, offer support for a grief she couldn't imagine having to feel herself.
She was only able to get out a, "I'm very sorry for your loss." The statement was so overused that it felt stale on her tongue.
Elbowing the man next to her as covertly as possible, she motioned pointedly and gave him a look to match. Daryl's expression contorted into something between dread and embarrassment. Their eyes stayed locked, with Beth's brows raising steadily higher until the man finally caved with a sigh and sidled half a step closer to Jessie.
"Look," he began, clearly struggling to come up with what should come next. "M'sorry 'bout yer sister. Can't tell ya no more about her, what she was doin' since the last time ya saw her. Any more than Rick can." And then quieter, so that the words became private even with Beth and Rick in hearing range. "Ain't tryin' to forget her, make it so Aurora don' know her. S'just, we got a'life here. A good one."
Jessie turned back to him then, lips trembling with her effort to keep it together. "And I'm not looking to upset that."
Beth reasoned with herself that it was rather ridiculous, to feel as though she was intruding on something she had no right to be seeing. A flicking glance at Rick showed a man very much attempting to fade into the background. Body mostly turned away, he tracked the slow-moving cars as they passed by on one of the roads that ran the perimeter of the park. She wished, pretty ardently at the moment, that she could do something similar.
There was a contest of wills happening, or perhaps a staring contest on different terms than the one she and Daryl had just had. It added weight to her chest, to the air around them, strung time out and made her itch waiting for it to stop. Whatever he saw in Jessie's gaze, he seemed alright with, and the pressure in Beth's ears depleted by degrees when he rocked back onto his heels.
Daryl gestured to a nearby table with his chin, letting the other woman go on before him.
Beth almost jumped when she felt Rick's warmth along her arm, the man having silently closed the distance between them. "Am I the only one shocked at the number of words he just strung together? That was damn near a paragraph's worth."
She made choppy little slicing movements with her hand close to her neck, inviting the officer to kindly keep his smartass-ness to himself for the time being. He let out a breath of a laugh just as Daryl came up short on his way to the table and cast a look back at her.
Waiting.
Waiting for her.
"G'on," she encouraged him, ignoring the best she could, how Jessie's lips pursed in an unfavorable manner as she waited. "Me an' Rick are gonna give you two a minute."
"We are?" She stepped purposefully back onto Rick's foot, smiling more genuinely when she heard his grunt of pain. "Y'all have yourselves a' chat," he called, voice strained. "We'll be around."
She gave a scowling Daryl a wave.
She'd stay close by, wasn't going to leave him.
Would wait for him too.
She blinked down at her untouched sandwich. It wasn't clear to her now, when exactly she'd begun to think that Jessie and Daryl had started sleeping together. Maybe her sister had said something. Had pointed out how often the recently divorced mother of two had been willing to make the long drive down to visit. Sometimes for month-long stretches.
The thought could have just as easily sprung up all on its own for her, somewhere around the time she noticed how shifty her ex got whenever the woman was brought up. Like not wanting to tell her when Jessie was coming to visit.
It hardly mattered.
Wasn't her business anymore, what he did with his body.
Picking up the circular article of food, she pushed her fingers into it dazedly. Listening as Auri hummed tunelessly and licked the jelly from what was left of her own PB&J. Beth took a bite and mulled it around her taste buds for a while. It'd been a year, almost exactly, since they'd broken up. It was bound to stop being so hard at some point. She just wished that point had come and gone. Maybe then the processed muck in her mouth would taste more like it was supposed to, and not so much like, well, muck.
Not letting her attention be consumed by Daryl hadn't worked out as well as she'd hoped.
Mind running steadily for a suitable topic, she nudged Auri.
"You excited for swimmin' lessons?" Her question was met with a rapidly nodding head as the toddler scrambled to finish licking her fingers clean. "Yeah?"
"Mhmmm!" Small sticky hands clapped together, making her smile. "Da an' Aunt Jessie are going with me too!"
Right.
Ok.
Suitable did not necessarily mean safe. Something to remember.
She was not going to look at him. Was not going to notice his stillness on the other side of the table. It was an oversight on her part, had heard it through the grapevine that Daryl had found time to finally get the little tadpole into classes, something they'd meant to do since she'd shown a love for bathtimes. For some bizarre reason, she'd decided in her head that there would be something...sacred? About the swimming, that if he invited someone to go with them, it'd be her.
Move on.
"That's gonna be so much fun," she said, taking a stubbornly large bite of her food. Words garbled slightly when she continued. "You're gonna be so busy! Did Daddy tell you we're goin' to the park?"
There, that had to be safe, plans between the three of them.
Auri all but froze, looking moments from flying off the bench. "Righ' now?"
"No, but soon." Beth's answer made little brows furrow.
Soon wasn't something Auri was good at measuring.
"Tomorrow?"
Beth chuckled and put the remains of her food back on the table. "A week? Maybe two?"
Auri's face scrunched up in an exact replication of Daryl's when he found something particularly irksome or otherwise unsatisfactory. A harder laugh tickled in her throat. Knowing the pint-sized Dixon would not appreciate it any more than her daddy would, to be laughed at while irritated, Beth kept it firmly in place.
"But, I wanna go to the park with you, Mama."
That was all she needed, for her girl to want to spend time with her.
"And we will, it'll come up quick," she answered, smoothing her hand over Auri's ponytailed hair. "Promise."
Another Daryl impersonation, lips pulling to one side skeptically, but she wobbled a nod.
Unable to stop herself, Beth ticked a glance at their silent lunchmate. She was surprised to see much the same look mirrored on his face as well. He, of course, noticed her changed focus and swiftly ducked his head. Since he'd already finished his meal, and in order to continue his evasionairy tactics, Daryl gathered up all their trash and made his way to the nearest garbage can.
"Mama?"
She looked down at Auri, smiling at the deeply meditative look on her two-year-old's face.
"Yeah, honey?"
"You, and me, and Daddy go to the park?"
Little face tilting up to look at her, cocking to one side, Auri was clearly still thinking about something pretty heavily. Beth's lips pulled wider, tucking their corners into her cheeks. It was incredible, getting to see the toddler put things together, or learn new things daily, seeing how smart she was with each passing week.
"Yep, me, you, and Daddy are going to go to the park here in a little while, soon as Da and Mama both have the same time off, probably on a weekend."
A lot of that seemed to be extraneous information to her daughter, who quit nodding after the first handful of words. Her chin jutted out slightly, eyes narrowed in contemplation, she tried again and Beth watched, surprised at how determined she was to get the answer she was after.
"Jus' you an' me an' Daddy go?"
"You want it to be just the three of us?" Beth caught sight of Daryl on his way back, he'd found somewhere to wet a napkin, no doubt for Auri's jelly-covered hands. "You, me, and Daddy?"
The serious expression melted in a flash.
"Uh-huh! Yeah!"
Her answer was coupled with one of the largest smiles Beth had ever seen, so big it all but made Auri's eyes disappear into slits as she clapped her hands and nodded almost frantically, clearly elated by the prospect. And though she tried, not too hard but she did try, Beth couldn't help but compare her child's reaction to this news versus when Auri was talking about time spent with Aunt Jessie. Did that make her petty? Auri let out a giggle, her deep blues shining brilliantly in the winking rays of light that made it through the tree's branches.
It might be, but…
Whatever, she couldn't help it and refused to feel guilty over it. That her kid clearly exalted in the idea of the three of them getting to do activities together. It felt like that was as it should be. That maybe all the rockiness of her and Daryl's relationship had somehow managed to not spoil Auri's experience of the three of them as a unit. And that was more like a blessing than anything else.
Then Daryl was back and washing stray tracks of purple from tiny squirming hands. He asked where Beth's next class was and if they had time to go back to the quad so that Auri could get a closer look at the fountain. And she couldn't help but smile brightly at him, maybe even more brightly when his head ticked back the slightest bit in surprise, and tell him she had time enough for just that very thing.
Nope, she wasn't going to feel guilty about it at all.