Snoke's office

First Order Circus

Leilani (Capital of Delaya)

Delaya

Mara tied the last knot on the bonds encircling Armitage Hux, the leader of the acrobatic group, even as her husband clicked a manacle around the long, bony ankle of Snoke. The latter was the only prisoner conscious, as both the red haired man and the tall dark woman were still insensible from the stun blast.

Luke Skywalker ignored Snoke's baleful look as he rose to his feet and finally gave his beloved daughter the hug she deserved.

"Padme," he breathed, pulling her close to him. "You did a wonderful job here."

His daughter returned the embrace with fervor and then stepped back with a wicked grin so similar to her mother's that Luke found himself catching his breath.

"Yes, I did do quite a nice job, thank you very much. I guess those acting classes were worth the credits, hmmmm?"

Luke frowned at her tone, "Your mother told me that you ... er ... are an actress. That's great!"

His daughter's green eyes widened even as the girl reached to yank off her blond wig, which she cast to one side. She used the Force to shake her auburn hair loose.

"Oh Dad," she said in dramatically, "please don't tell me that with your head injury you're going to be mellow about my acting!"

"Um, what?" Luke replied in bewilderment.

Padme shot Mara a look, and both women chuckled out loud.

"You made quite a fuss when Padme decided to become an actress, Luke," Mara explained, stepping forward to put an arm around her husband. "It's been a running joke between you for several years now."

Luke grinned with understanding, "Ok, I got it. I'll be crabby again as soon as we're done here."

"That will probably take a while," Prima announced. He was hovering over Snoke's holoterminal and shaking his head in astonishment. "I'm in contact with the real animal control people and there are all kinds of import/export violations, but I'm also seeing all kinds of shady shenanigans with the financials. Not good."

"Father, do you remember Kaze?" Padme asked, walking over to put an arm around Prima.

Luke blinked, "Er, no?"

The man stood up and bobbed a nervous head toward the Jedi Master, "That's quite all right, Master Jedi. We've only met about ..."

"A dozen times, at various family functions," Padme finished smoothly with a tilt of one eyebrow. "But since you bonked your head so thoroughly, Dad, let me reintroduce you. Kaze Prima is a financial wizard who has worked with Cousin Brehana in uncovering various illicit money laundering schemes. He's also a decent amateur actor."

Kaze blushed slightly and shot Padme a lovelorn smile, "You've taught me so much, Padme, though I'm still not nearly as good as you are."

"Hey, I'm a professional!" Padme said with a chuckle. "But you were great as a Roonan lemon when we acted together on Coruscant last spring."

"A lemon?" her father asked in bewilderment.

"We acted and sang in the famous fruit and vegetable opera, 'Fig-o-ler on the Roof', written by Marnit Tanzo," the girl explained cheerfully. "I played the lead part, an Ecclessis fig."

His father fought to keep from drooling in bewilderment, "A fig."

"Yup," Padme replied with a sunny smile, then glanced thoughtfully at Kaze, "Remind me later, Kaze, that we need to work more on your ability to ignore Force suggestion. Snoke here almost had you when he told you we didn't need to check out his office."

The man's blush deepened, "I know. It's embarrassing. It was like he was in my head. I knew better, but somehow ..."

Padme patted her boyfriend's arm gently, "It's Ok, Kaze. I don't think Snoke has had a great deal of training, but he is pretty decent at Force suggestion."

"I've found grenades, poison gas, and explosives," Han Solo stated, emerging from an adjoining room, "plus these?"

Luke and Mara sucked in simultaneous gasps even as the Jedi Master lifted the transparent box out of his old friend's hands and floated it to a table.

"Sith holocrons," he murmured in distress.

He looked up at his family members and shook his head, "I don't want to look at these here. Let's bring them back to the Falcon where we can focus without distraction."

"You will not touch those," Snoke snarled, finally deciding to speak.

Luke looked at him incredulously.

"Seriously, you're trying to use Force suggestion on me?" he demanded in an offended tone.

"What a scrub," Padme stated snarkily. "Dad's the most powerful, well trained Jedi in the galaxy."

The bound man's pale face turned slightly pink with fury, "You are a disgrace! A daughter who is an actress, her twin sister is a materials engineer! Darth Sidious truly destroyed the Jedi if this is what is left of those shattered remnants of the Old Order. Marriage and love and romance! It's an embarrassment. You are an embarrassment! And you will die, and your children with you, and your grandchildren."

Luke stepped back a pace to prevent the man's literal frothing from hitting his clothing.

"Oh, shut up, Snoke," the dark haired woman said suddenly, lifting her head and turning her body as much as possible toward the sepulcher man. It was difficult since she was firmly tied to the chair.

"I order you to be quiet!" Snoke howled.

"I will not be quiet," the woman continued, her dark eyes furrowed in anger. "I've had you in my head for way too long and it makes me want to throw up. Thanks to Skywalker's power, the bond between us is mostly blocked and I can finally tell you exactly what I think of you. You're ugly, and way too skinny, you smell bad, and you have weird feet. I'm done with this circus, and I'm done with you and your ridiculous plans to kill the Skywalkers!"

Luke stared in surprise and then smiled slightly as the woman's honesty flowed through the Force.

"And you are?" he asked her curiously.

"Mitra Stry is my original name," the woman said with a bob of her head, "but here in the circus I'm Captain Phasma."

"The cannon lady?" Mara asked curiously.

The woman huffed indignantly and nodded, "Yes, that's my act. But Armitage Hux and I were low level Hands under Palpatine, not very strong ones, and when Vader got all weird about you, Skywalker, he forced us to Force bond tightly to Snoke, who was a higher level Hand. The Emperor sent us off into the Far Outer Rim to hide in case everything fell apart, which it did, from his point of view. Snoke has been running both Hux and me ragged ever since he got out of prison two years ago. His last command was to kill Skywalker, and he expanded that command to killing everyone of the Skywalker line."

Mara strolled over to her husband and planted a kiss on his lips.

"So I wasn't the only one trying to kill you, Farmboy," she said in a dramatically throaty voice.

"You thought I was too cute to kill, admit it," her husband replied in kind, giving her a fervent kiss in return.

"Parents!" Padme said with an open grin. "We're working, right?"

Luke shook his head to orient himself, then frowned, "So Snoke was in prison? I don't remember Snoke coming up in the list of imprisoned Force sensitives, though I've forgotten a lot."

"I don't either, and I don't have a brain injury," his wife said thoughtfully.

"He was imprisoned for stealing a snake," Hux said, raising his previously lolling head and directing his own enraged look at the tall, cadaverous man tied in a chair next to him.

A pause.

"A snake?" Luke and Mara asked together.

"Hebra," Snoke snarled. "My darling Hebra. She was being kept in a cage that was too small and her monster of an owner was overfeeding her! She weighed twice what she should! Obesity is a leading cause of death for Corellian Black Snakes! I had to take her! I had to rescue her!"

Han Solo, concluding that his in-laws were struck dumb, strolled forward, his lips lifted in his classic one sided smile.

"How many years does one get in prison for stealing a Corellian Black Snake?" he drawled curiously.

Armitage Hux huffed irritably, "Fifteen years, if you steal from a Hutt. Fifteen years in some disgusting, nasty hole on Ryloth. The only reason Snoke isn't there now is that he lost so much weight he was able to finally slip through the bars of his cell. He then made his way back to Corellia, where the First Order circus, the circus that Mitra and I built up from the ground, where we had taken good care of his stupid reptiles, was operating at a decent profit, and he forced us to start working on his crazy vendetta ..."

"My circus!" Snoke howled. "My circus! My snakes! My Hebra! My snakes!"

"There is way more to life than snakes, you moron!" Mitra yelled indignantly. "Why is it always about the snakes? I mean, I like snakes, but what about the mammals, and the acrobats, and the knife throwers? Why can't you accept that ..."

"Because I'm in charge!"

Snoke was frothing again.

"I was given the task by our Master to destroy Skywalker and his family. You are under my command. The circus is under my command ..."

"And are the snakes under your command?" Armitage Hux demanded irritably.

There was a pause, and to everyone's surprise, Snoke's little mean eyes filled with sudden tears.

"No," he said finally, gasping out a sob. "No, the snakes, including my Hebra, are so much more than objects. No, they are more important than ... than even my destiny to destroy the Skywalkers. Please, please Jedi Master, don't harm my snakes. They do not deserve your vengeance. It is I who told Binks to destroy you, I am the one who plotted to drop that giant vat of pudding onto the Jade Sabre last year ..."

"That was you?!" Mara demanded angrily. "My ship stank of coco claw pudding for months!"

Snoke's eyes narrowed, this time in distress, "You were supposed to be on board! You were supposed to drown in coco claw pudding, all of you! I am a failure, a failure!"

Luke sighed deeply and exchanged a thoughtful look with his beloved wife.

"Listen, Snoke, and Hux, and ... er, Mitra," he said quite gently, "I understand how strong the Emperor's commands were. Let's get you to a safe, quiet place and we'll try to work on ... um ... the underlying Force bonds and commands that have led to this situation. Does that sound good?"

Mitra Stry gazed at him in surprise, then dawning hope, "Would you, Master Jedi? I know Armitage and I would be so grateful. We hate this whole situation. We just want to be free to get married and maybe even have babies, though I'm kind of old ..."

"Babies?" Snoke squealed indignantly. "Babies?!"

"Babies are nice," Mara replied soothingly, addressing the bound woman. "And I do understand. I too was held captive by the Emperor's orders even after his death. We'll get you all fixed up."

Now both Stry and Hux had tears in their eyes.

"Thank you," Hux said gratefully. "Thank you."

Snoke was scowling hideously, until a thought obviously struck him with force.

"What about my snakes?" he demanded plaintively.