Hard Knocked Life ch. 3
Why do I always find myself in these kinds of situations? Why? Am I being punished for something that I did in a past life? I must've done horrible to deserve this and I'm being punished for it. I'm sitting here on across from both of the people that I've been trying avoid since I came to Barden as not only did I sleep with two incredibly gorgeous women that happen to my fearless leader of the Barden Bella but they're in a relationship with each other. I would've been okay with keep our interactions to a bare minimum as I thought that I made perfectly clear that I didn't want to become some experiment or a fuckin' toy that they use and discard whenever they get bored of me. I've had enough of people discarding me , treating me as if I'm less than adequate but it doesn't seem to be getting through either of them as Chloe decide to show up unexpectedly before I had tried to close the door in her face.
I wasn't quick enough as she sticks her foot in the door before it was able to close fully, asking me to hear her out but I didn't hear any of the pretty lies or false promises that she would tell me in order to get me to keep sleeping with her and Posen. I've had enough of people lying and deceiving to get what they wanted from me, I have too much lose to have my heart broken again by people who couldn't give two fucks about me and my feelings when I feel something tugging on my pants leg. I look down to see Emily looking up with a sad look on her face before telling me that I should give the singer a chance as she gives me that puppy-dog look paired off with an adorable pout that melts my icy heart. As much as I hate this situation that I'm in, I've never been one to deny my sister anything that she asks of me as I feel torn about this but looking at that cute, I knew that it was a losing fight as I move my body away from the door to let Beale in.
The redhead look thankful before mouthing 'thank you' to Emily or else I would've called security on her before telling my sister go play in her room because this isn't a conversation that I want to hear… like ever. When I hear the soft click of the bedroom door closing, I turn my gaze towards the older girl as she shivers at the intensity of my glare before telling her to call her girlfriend because I'm not having this talk twice. It was ten minutes before Posen and Beale are sitting on my couch, shifting awkwardly under my gaze as there's so many things that are going my brain that I have no idea where to start. The couple look at each other for a moment before the law student reaches to take the med student's hand and for some reason, seeing this saddens and pisses me the hell off at the same time. I don't know what going in their minds or why they're so intend on sleeping with me but I'm tired of people wanting to fuck to satisfy their curiosity as it ends here and now.
"Beca we-"
"No because here's what's going to happen, you both are going to stop fuckin' around and messing with my head. I told you more than once that I wasn't going to be some experiment or play thing that you play with until you get bored of before moving onto the next exciting thing that catches your fancy" I interjected angrily. "If you don't stop now, I swear that I'll quit the Bella right now because I'm not gonna let either of you use me to satisfy your sexual appetite"
"Beca, that's what going on? We would never do that to you, we care about you" Chloe pleads.
"Yeah right, you don't know anything about me" I scoff.
"That may be so but it doesn't mean that we don't want to. We want to get to know you, Mitchell as I can't say that I'm in love with you but I'll admit that something about you that I'm drawn to" Aubrey said calmly. "It's obvious that people have hurt you deeply and used you in the past but I promise you that it's not our intention. Allow us to show that we care about, that we won't hurt you like so others have"
Everything in me is screaming not to let them in, to kick them out of the apartment, to save myself from the inevitable heartache that's sure to comes with trusting others. I honestly don't think my heart can handle anymore and I think that the next heartache just might break me completely as I snap out of my thoughts by a soft hand on my cheek to stare into a pair of baby blue eyes that shows nothing but hopefulness and concern. Chloe leans forwards as I tense, thinking that she was going to kiss me which she does but it's a lingering one on the forehead that's full of understanding and patience mixed in with something that I can't put my finger on before loosely wrapping her arms around my neck. I honestly can't say when the time that someone just took me in their arms and held but I do know that I miss it a little although I never been much on physical contact… well not since Mom and my Grandmother died as Emily's the only exception to that rule.
Aubrey comes up behind her, lightly massaging my shoulders of all the tension as I didn't want to give in to them because I'm afraid to fall too fast, too soon for something that seems too good to true and find out that it was all a lie. They don't know what they're getting themselves into with me because not only am I freak but I'm so broken that I don't know if I can be put back together again as I find myself the warmth that the med student was radiating. The older girls kiss my temple before getting to leave but not without lingering glances as they walked out of the door and I knew that the ball was in my court to decide if I truly want to them at distance or allow myself to fall with no kind of safety net. Fuck~, what the hell is happening? I knew that was college was gonna be stressful but not in this way.
I slump back into the couch when Emily comes walking in hesitantly before climbing onto the couch, laying her body on top of mine with her head resting directly above my heart as I wrap my arms around her because just much as she needs me, I need her ever more. My sister is the only person that cares about me as Beca instead of the broken, emotionally stunted shell of a person as she always seems to know when I need a good cuddle after a long day or when it feels like the world's crushing me underneath its weight. Thankfully I have the night off from work so I decide that it was going to be a girls' night in to engorge ourselves on pizza, soda and any junk food that our stomachs could handle in front of the TV as I set everything up in the middle of the living room. It's little moments like this that make a childhood or at let that's what Ma would say as I remember all the times I got to spend making memories with her and I want Em to experience the same thing that I did.
I want to make lasting memories that she can look back on with a smile on her face, knowing that her big sister loves more than she'll ever know as we spend hours in front of the television, getting completely junk food waste. The next couple of days was filled with classes, work and Bella practices even though practices was a bit weird as I constantly found myself on the receiving end of lingering gazes and fleeting touches from my fearless leaders. I haven't given them an answer of what I want and honesty I don't know what the hell that I want so I've been pushing it from my mind, using the excuse of my life being too hectic for anything romantic. Although I find myself becoming sorta friends with Stacie, Cynthia-Rose and Fat Amy as I'm constantly finding them at my apartment unsuspected as I constantly tell them to stop doing it which they ignore.
I've never been good at making friends although there was no point in doing so before coming here even though I wont admit that I appreciate the company as the blonde Australian keeps me in stitches. Ems seems to be enamored with the leggy brunette and her knowledge of space while allowing the songwriter to braid her hair into half cornrows while the rest of it was tied into a ponytail. Even though the four of us have become closer over the last couple of days, I wasn't ready to completely open up to them and I could use some advice on what to do about Beale and Posen. I don't want to be hurt again as my brain and my heart aren't agreeing what on what I should as a one part of me is saying to take one more chance on love while the other part is saying that it isn't worth the huge of having my heart taken advantage of.
What woke us up the next morning was the sound of someone knocking on the door as I push myself off of the ground, hoping that whoever's on the other side of it has a good reason for waking me up at this godforsaken hour to find Posen and Beale standing behind it. The med student smiles happily while holding a brown paper I assume is filled with breakfast foods while the law lawyer's hold a cup holder with drinks to go with it before letting themselves in. I don't know why the two of them are here as the blonde dictator moves to set the bag on the table, pulling containers of food as I try to wrap my mind around the reason the two of them are here especially at this fuckin' early.
"We wanted to spend time with you, get to know you better" Aubrey said seemingly able to read minds now.
"Uh-huh that's why you're here at nine in the morning" I asked raising an questioning eyebrow.
"That would be my fault" Chloe said smiling guiltlessly. "I thought it would be idea to come see you last night and I just couldn't wait so we brought as an excuse"
"Impatient much, Beale" I said through a yawn.
"When she get an idea in her head, it's hard to deter her sometimes" Aubrey said smiling lovingly at the redhead.
This is weird and awkward. Do they even know how weird this is? I snap out of my thoughts when I feel a warm, gentle hand massaging the back of my neck as my eyes flutter close while relaxing into the soft touches before realizing what's going on, stepping away from the law student. I ignore the flash of hurt that pass across the older girl's face but she quickly sculpture her features when Chloe comes up to me, wrapping her arms around my waist before pulling me in close. As much as I wanted to fight whatever's going on but being in this embrace surrounded by the warmth that they're providing feels really nice, resting my head on the med student's shoulder.
"I know that this might be really scary and confusing for you, Beca but we want to be here for you. We really do care about you and we're going to do everything in our power to prove it to you" Chloe said lightly squeezing my side.
"You don't know what you're getting into" I whisper, shaking my head.
"Maybe so but we do care and we think that you're worth it" Aubrey said kissing the top of my head. "Nothing worth having is never easy but we know that you're worth getting to know if you'll allow it"
Before I could give them an answer, Emily sluggishly walks into the room rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as I untangle myself from the older girls as my sister raises her arms to be picked up and I'm more than happy to obligate. Neither me or my sister have been much of morning people as if we had our way than school or work wouldn't start until noon at the earliest but unfortunately life doesn't work out that way. Mini-me rests her head on my shoulder to see my fearless leaders standing in the kitchen, lazily waving at them as Chloe smiles at her before holding out her arms to take the still sleepy girl from me. Much to my surprise, Emily leaves me for the med student as the two start talking about anything and everything under the sun as my sister has always been an natural social butterfly once she warms up to someone.
It's the part of her that reminds of Mom when she was alive as she was able to charm her way in any kind of situation when it called for it although it did lead to a lot of arguments that my parents had. My bastard of a father would accuse her of flirting with whoever it was that day which was the furthest thing from the truth as he was incredibly jealous and paranoid as he would try to limit her interaction with other men or make sure that he was always around. Mom was a very strong willed person, never allowing anyone, not even Warren to control who she talk to. Breakfast is normally just me and mini-me as it's rare that we have company except when Warren and the step-monster attempt to come over but there's no way in that I'm letting the two of them through the front door. My bastard of a father made his choice when he decide that he want to be a part of our family, wanting a newer and younger model in the form of a professor that also works at Barden but thankful I don't take any of her classes. Emily's more lively when a lot of bacon is put on her plate before looking up at Beale then to Posen before turning her attention.
"Beca, they're really pretty" Emily said trying to stage-whisper.
"Awww thanks Ems" Chloe said nuzzling into her hair.
"We think that you and Beca are very pretty too" Aubrey said smiling warmly.
"So does that mean that you're gonna start dating my sister now?" Emily asked biting into her piece of bacon.
"Em!" I said blushing slightly.
"Well we're trying to start off as friend but hopefully Beca will be open to the idea" Chloe said winking.
Oh god, what's happening to my life?
~Nicole The Dragon Rider signing off
End of ch. 3