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Chapter 4: To Hell With You

Things were awkward. She was avoidant and he was bouncing between being completely withdrawn to down right social. Their senior prom was in three days and neither seemed too excited. Austin was still vaguely sick, so Ally still hadn't mentioned anything to him. Ally knew that Trish was practically foaming at the mouth to tell anyone, even Dez, her secret. The thought of facing Austin hit her worse than even her worst stage fright ever did. The mere thought that he might turn on her had her in a straight panic. She didn't like it, but the longer he was sick, the longer she didn't have to tell him.

He'd lost a few pounds and was easily winded. Ridley had told her he was tripping up when teaching and occasionally would just give up and he'd cancel class. It just wasn't like him. Not that she was much better. She wondered if he'd even noticed. Her nausea was so bad she could barely eat; she'd lost some weight too.

Croissant. Just like that, her main worry was getting a hold of a croissant. She groaned. Was this normal? She was sure that once she even laid eyes on a croissant that she wouldn't want it anymore. Ally stood her ground, keeping herself planted at the piano. A half an hour passed, she stared at the blank page of her songbook in dismay, finally deciding that the pastry might help her creativity. Dez and Trish were sitting downstairs.

"Hey guys, I'm going to go grab lunch, I'll be back," she said, "Trish, would you text me and let me know if Austin decides to show up while I'm out?"

"Sure thing, see you in a bit."

"Thanks," Ally replied, "See you guys in a bit." Dez paused, staring as Trish buried her face in the magazine she was reading. Something was weird.

"What's wrong with Ally? She seems off," he asked, figuring subtlety would help weasel an answer out of Trish; she was pretty bad at keeping secrets. "I mean, I know she and Little Golden Toes are going through a rough patch and he managed to get her sick to boot, but she seems like she has a lot more than that on her mind, hmm? Wouldn't you say so, Trish? Hmmmm?" He leaned in, subtlety gone. He was bad at subtlety.

"Damn it, Dez, I'm not telling." Trish hated it when Dez was determined like this. He'd blab to Austin, she was sure.

"So there is a secret!" Dez replied, a smile upon his face. "You can tell me now or I'll just follow you around all day asking you to tell me."

"Dezmond Hatfield Wade, I will kill you."

"The choice is yours and yours alone," he grandstanded, bouncing on his heels, "Tell me or suffer the consequences." Trish rolled her eyes, she was already suffering the consequences of knowing. Ever since Ally told her, she had to stay away from Austin to keep herself from telling him. It'd been a week of actually having to go to, and do, her job to avoid seeing Austin. The things she did for her best friend! "Tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"No!"

"Tell me."

"Damn it, Dez! What part of no don't you understand?!" He shrugged.

"I think I don't understand the general definition of the word; you know that I basically just do as I please. So tell me."

"Fucking-a, Dez. You won't break me. I'm not going to tell you. Do you know how betrayed she'd feel if I told you about Baby Moon?" Trish covered her mouth as Dez's jaw dropped. "Fuck. I didn't say that." She looked around for Austin, for once thankful that he was nowhere to be seen.

"Well, that explains her attitude problem."

"Dez." He snapped into serious mode.

"Does Austin know?" Trish shook her head. "How long has she known?"

"She just found out last week." The room fell quiet. He stared at her. "What?"

"You kept a secret for that long without telling anyone? Wow. That's a new record." She shoved him and glared.

"You have to promise me you won't tell anyone! Especially not Austin!" He grinned. "Damn it, Dez, promise me."

"Hey, don't worry. I'm so much better at keeping secrets than you." The door opened and Ally was back with her croissant. And an order of fries in a cone. And a bag of chips. And what looked like no less than eight cookies. Trish raised an eyebrow at her.

"What?" she asked, defensive. Ally looked down at her lunch and the smell of hot french fries hit her face. She paled, handing them to Dez. "You can have these. And these." She handed him the bag of chips. Dez gave an awkwardly knowing smile.

"Hey," he crooned, his voice soft and weirdly gentle, "I can't take food from you." He turned, giving Trish an exaggerated wink.

"...Trish! You told him?!" Ally shouted through a mouth full of cookie.

"He weaseled it out of me!" Ally glared at Dez, snatching back the fries and chips.

"You..." She spat, poking Dez in the chest with a stiff, angry finger. "You can't have my potato products!" Dez smiled over to Trish, then took off running. Trish chased him out of the building. Ally grumbled, stomping up to the practice room to work on her new song.

After a few hours of scribbling down some lyrics and getting down the right melody, she had a major portion of the song done. Her back was sore from sitting at the piano for so long, so she got up and sat in the chair near the door. Ally ran her hand over her stomach. With or without Austin by her side, her first appointment was in four weeks.

She could count the people who knew about Baby Moon on a single hand.

Her, Trish and Dez.

She hadn't called her mom and couldn't quite put a finger on how to tell her father. She was still reeling. She'd only taken one test, maybe it was wrong! She dug it out of her purse. The lines had faded and the result was gone. How could she know for sure? Pulling on the red hoodie she'd borrowed from Austin, she took her credit card from her purse.

All twenty tests were positive. The cheapest dollar store test through the most expensive test she could buy. They were all positive.

They had to be wrong. They had to be. Maybe she was in denial. Probably. It was a definite possibility. She gathered up the packaging, leaving the tests on the table.

She sighed, knowing she wouldn't be able to keep her secret a secret from him forever. Eventually, she would start to show and the cat would most definitely be out of the bag then. Since Austin's convalescence didn't seem to be progressing past this weird stomach flu, she had to figure out when to let him in on her secret. She decided after prom was probably best. Things were already awkward enough between them and she really wanted senior prom to be fun. She shoveled the tests into the trash, one by one. She heard one scatter across the floor and went to retrieve it. A clean test. She'd missed one? She stashed it in her purse. From her previous experience with the first test, results faded after time. Ally would need to show him the day she took it.

Things might be awkward once he knew. Hell, things were awkward now. Things definitely wouldn't be the same between them once he knew. Staying calm until after prom was important, but she couldn't shake the anxiety. Negative thoughts raced through her head. He wasn't himself since the accident; he was different.

There was always the possibility that he would reject them. The thought crushed her, but if that was the case, he never had to see them again. Would he end their partnership over this? Would he end their relationship?

She wanted to throw up just thinking about it. She also wanted macaroni. And a chocolate milkshake.

She hated cravings.

This song is To Hell With You by Sleigh Bells.