Chapter 2: Secrets Aren't Fun
I'm awake before I feel awake. It's a weird feeling but it's how I wake up most mornings. It's when you have the feeling of being conscious but also not wanting to be conscious. It's actually not that weird considering it. Nonetheless, it's how I feel and will continue to feel until I'm at least halfway to school. I'm not nearly as bad as Eren though, when he wakes up he's just outright murderous. I'm at least passive and not paying attention, he, on the other hand, is hyper-aware of anything that might even have a chance of annoying him and it becomes the target of an almost animal rage. Mikasa though, in my experience, wakes up like a normal human being. I'm a little bit jealous honestly. Though it's possible I'm just misinterpreting her, as she's hardly ever high energy so her morning grogginess is likely just blended in with her natural emotionless uninterested nature.
Wait, emotionless? That's a bit hard to think now considering what happened just yesterday. It did happen, right? I'm sure it did, I'm not the type to hallucinate like that. I felt her... Now my face is heating up. Grand! I slowly open my eyes, looking around Mikasa's bland room. No colored walls, just a grey wallpaper accompanied by a lack of any kind of memorabilia. I remember Eren has a number of posters and he's changed the paint of his room more times than I care to remember. He's never satisfied and Carla is hardly ever entertained by the strong scent of pain that comes from his room when he's trying to change it.
I glance to my side and see Mikasa curled up under a blanket and I grin a bit at her. She actually looks vulnerable when asleep now that I think about it. Something that could never describe a waking Mikasa. Meanwhile, at the other end of the bed from me, Eren has half his body falling off the side of the bed while the other half seems to have magnetized to the bed to keep him from falling. I look between the two of them and consider my options. I could attempt to slowly sneak out of the bed to escape downstairs to safety, or I could try to sleep in a bit and wait for them to wake up and get out of the way.
After a moment of contemplation, I come to the conclusion that sneaking is my preferred option as if I try to sleep in like Eren I may well decide not to wake up when I need to. I slowly make my way down to the bottom end of the bed, trying to hop over them will only get me killed, and I don't know which death is worse, death by falling over as I leap and snapping my neck when I inevitably fail to leap properly or waking up Eren and him killing me. Both are undesirable outcomes for my short life so shimmying to the end of the bed and silently leaving might be the longer route, but it's also my safest choice. As I'm almost off I hear Mikasa murmur gibberish in her sleep, and looking up at her I watch as she rolls over the wall that separated us and lie still where I was, still curled up slightly. 'Well, it was no Great Wall of China that separated us so I'm not surprised.' I think. I sit up at the foot of the bed and stand up. Stretching my limbs out to get my blood flowing before I head out of the room and downstairs quickly and quietly.
Once I've arrived in the living room I go over to where my shoes sit next to the front door and grab my bag before returning back into the living room and sitting on the edge of the couch. Leaning against the armrest I pull out the course guidelines that were handed out yesterday and start looking through them all. It's another hour or so before I expect anyone to get up or do anything really. I tend to wake up early as is, which is probably why I'm usually out of it in the morning, but I'll continue to live with it. I need the time to organize my thoughts and plan for the day. Plus it's nice to have time to myself; I think more clearly in silence.
I start by looking through the basics, English, Algebra and Biology. All of them are unsurprisingly simple, 'learn to _' and 'acquire a better understanding of _' being the general consensus of all of them. I'm also pretty sure that they just filled out a fill in the blank course guideline sheet because half of the wording is just copy pasted. Even the format is exactly the same. Sure it's probably regulation but it just seems lazy. Could just be me though. I doubt anyone else would actually notice it let alone be bothered by it.
The guidelines are quick and easy to get through, mostly in part for being able to skip half the words in them since they're just copy pasted from each other, I'm unsure if it's plagiarism if they don't cite where they got the format from, and finally move on to the Creative Writing guideline. Which immediately seems a lot different from the other guidelines. Mr. E. Smith teaches this class. He's also head of the English department, so seeing this guideline of all of them so off base, font, wording, grading, everything's different about it, it's a bit shocking. After all why would the head of the English department of all people disobey the regulated guidelines? How is a better question actually? I shake off the initial shock and proceed to read through it, double checking the other guidelines to confirm that this is indeed completely off every other guideline's presentation. Scanning through it though it seems to also have much more open expectations, 'find your own voice' and 'share your ideas and experiences' being some examples of the rather vague and unorthodox expectations that this course apparently has.
"Armin?" I jump in my seat and whirl around to gawk at Eren who's stretching at the bottom of the stairs, his eyes only half open. "Are you seriously awake early just to read through course guidelines?" He wears a smart ass grin as he walks around the couch and hops onto the other end, lying across the couch with his head on the armrest.
"I'm sorry, but who are you to talk when you should still be sleeping in for at least another hour?" I narrow my eyes at him. I extend my foot and tap his to make sure he's real.
He just rolls his eyes and lightly kicks my foot away from his as he grabs the TV remote and turns it on. "You need to learn to answer questions with answers instead of extra questions." He says as he scrolls through channels idly. Only getting glimpses of what's on before continuing on and on.
"I do answer questions, just not your dumb ones," I reply back, pulling the papers together again before organizing them back in my backpack. Eren just rolls his eyes again and continues going through channels silently. I sigh a bit, seeing as my alone time has been officially interrupted. I went over what I needed to though, not much is happening this first week really. All that's going to happen for this first month as a whole I imagine is just relearning what we have already learned in our previous classes.
I pull out my phone and check through my science feeds. Trying to occupy myself while Eren occupies himself through television. There's not much news though really. It's all just copying off of each other most of the time, and there's only so many times you can read about the same new tech or medical advancement before it loses its value. I glance up quickly and watch Eren get up. "You want a drink, Armin?" He asks me as he walks by.
"Sure, just water please," I say watching him go by. He nods and I put my head back down to my phone. Scrolling through a bit longer in the hopes that something might pique my interest. Sadly, by the time Eren comes back in and hands me my glass I've only come up dry. I sigh as I take the glass and sip it a bit before placing it on the table. Eren sits back on the other end of the couch again, this time not stretching out across it needlessly.
Time seems to pass slower and slower. I feel like the same episode of Tom and Jerry has been playing for an hour when it's only been about ten minutes. I shake myself to wake up a bit and I feel Eren glancing at me. Which is fair. I probably look insane doing this out of nowhere without any context. "You two woke up without alerting me?"
Eren and I snap our heads in the direction of the stairs as Mikasa walks down them. A single eyebrow perked up at us curiously. "I'm surprised you didn't get up before me." Eren chimes as he picks up his water and gulps down a chunk before setting it back on the table. "You're getting sluggish Mikasa." He says with a smirk. I feel a pillow move behind me and I look back to watch as the pillow flies through the air at Eren. He lets out a sharp yelp as he rolls off the couch to dodge the projectile.
"Watch it or next time I'm not going to give you time to evade it," Mikasa calls back as she walks to the kitchen. Eren stands up, dusting himself off casually as though he didn't just have a near-death experience with a weaponized pillow. I hum as though I witnessed none of it and pick up my glass of water and sip some of it before placing it back.
Eren sits back down as he comments, "You drink water like it's a fine wine Armin, it's water just drink it." I roll my eyes at his words. I don't just drink water like it's a fine wine. I drink everything like it's a fine wine. I don't gulp anything down. Eren, on the other hand, will drink anything like his life depends on it, making it disappear in moments.
"He knows how to savor things, Eren," Mikasa says as she walks back in with a third glass of water to add to the table. "Unlike you, he doesn't rush through things."
"I binge through one show and suddenly you won't get off my back about not taking my time with things." Eren rolls his eyes. He then continues with, "You know I savor things plenty for the amount of time I have them, just because it's quick doesn't mean it's not appreciated."
"Yeah, but you could appreciate it just as much for longer if you don't rush it." Mikasa's voice is as matter of fact as ever. I blink in wonder for a moment. A thought scratching at the back of my head but I push it aside and look at Eren, expecting him to try and have the final word in the talk but he just waves a dismissive hand as he starts scrolling through channels again. Mikasa just rolls her eyes as she sits in the middle of the couch and sips from her water for a couple of seconds before setting it down with the other two glasses.
I try to focus back on my phone but despite myself, I keep looking over at Mikasa. I don't understand why, and I hardly even understand since when I've looked at her this much. Am I just noticing it because of last night? Have I always stolen glances at her? No, I couldn't have, I would have noticed. I'm keen on small details and I imagine stealing glances at Mikasa would be a bit bigger than a simple small detail, especially when it's my own eyesight. Though thinking about it now, when I'm daydreaming I hardly recognize what I'm looking at or for how long. I could only just now be aware of it, it's not that outrageous. It might explain why I-
"Armin?" Mikasa looks at me curiously and I jump in my skin a bit.
"Wha- huh?" I stumble my words out in shock. She caught me looking at her. I'm sure of it. Damnit!
"You okay there?" She asks with an eyebrow raised at me.
I look over at Eren who's still in his own world. Though in all honesty, I question just how in that world he is, I may be giving him more credit than he deserves but I worry he might full well be listening in on us. "I'm fine. No worries, just spacing out." I offer her a small smile as I grab my drink and sip from it, trying to distract myself.
I hear a faint 'Oh' and I quickly glance over to see her face fall for a moment before focusing on the TV. I feel myself tense up. Was that the wrong thing to say? Should I have been honest with her? Maybe Eren isn't listening and I should have told her what I was thinking? Wait, what was I even thinking anyways? It's too late now though, so it's no use fussing over it. I can try talking to her on the bus, maybe I can figure things out then. It's plenty of time to talk about this after all. I might also be able to get some questions in regarding last night.
It's not a long wait before I hear Carla come down and wordlessly go into the kitchen. If my guess is right Grisha is probably still working at the hospital. It's not unusual for him to need to stay for what I feel like are unnecessary amounts of time. He needs sleep like any other human being I imagine. Unless he's actually a robot and Eren's been keeping it a secret that his parents are actually androids. That would be a unique change of pace from the everyday.
Time passes quickly, Eren complains about having to go to school, Mikasa scolds him, Carla scolds him, Carla serves us all breakfast, I never chirp a word beyond 'Thank you' when Carla gives me a plate of food. I hardly even recognize the passage of time as I find myself abruptly pulled up off the couch by a soft yet firm grip on my wrist.
"Armin come on!" Mikasa says as she drags me to the door. I shake my head awake and look around, gathering myself back together before realizing what's going on again. I pull myself from her grip when we're at the door and I run back to the couch to grab my bag and run back.
I slip my shoes on at the door, Mikasa standing outside already. I look over and she's waving at the bus that is idling just outside. Damnit, was I that far gone? Wait, where's Eren? Is he already on the bus?
"Have a good day Armin!" Carla calls out as I step outside to join Mikasa. I wave behind me to Carla as she says, "Tell your grandfather that Grisha and I say hi!" She says with a merry voice. I smile to myself as Mikasa and I step onto the bus.
Instantly I'm a bit relieved that there's hardly anybody on, and those that are on are either asleep or too in their phones to care about the slight delay. We walk to the back and I take my seat at the window, and Mikasa sits beside me. I don't even need to hear Eren's faint snoring to know he's already passed out in his seat. I doubt that he gave much effort into helping Mikasa get me to wake up. Though considering how he tends to wake me up from my own thoughts I should be grateful that he didn't. The rate he's been waking me up I might end up deaf before grandpa.
"You ok, Armin?" I look over at Mikasa, who's looking at me a bit worriedly. It sends a pang into my chest for a reason I cannot really comprehend. I shake the feeling quickly though and smile at her.
"I'm fine, Mikasa." My words are the truth, I certainly feel and I imagine I look fine. It's not uncommon for me to space out after all.
She raises an eyebrow at me and I raise one back. "You've been spacing out a lot more than usual is all. I know you've done it before but you've been doing it more than usual is all." I offer her a shrug, and I really don't know what to say on the subject.
I'm silent for a moment before responding, "It's probably just the stress of the new year. I space out more when I'm nervous you know that." I hope she knows that, because I didn't even know it until I just said it. It's not an outlandish statement, it makes sense, I doubt that she'll get on my case with that answer.
"If you say so, just don't hide things if something is wrong." She looks at me expectantly, and when I nod in confirmation she gives a faint smile.
"Mikasa, uhm," I fumble out my words. Trying to think quickly, how I wanted to talk to her about last night. Though thinking about it now I have no clue what it is I want to say. She's looking at me expectantly again, and this only makes me more nervous and confused about how words work. "I... was uhm... just wanted to... I..." If I had heard myself talking like this without any context I'd probably think I was having a stroke. Judging by the confusion on Mikasa's face she probably is thinking the same thing. "I just... want to ask about last night..." I finally articulate and let out a sigh in my head. That was harder than it should have been. Conversations go much more smoothly in the mind than in open air.
I watch her expression soften a bit. It's a startling sight coming from the girl with the most cold and hardened exterior I've known since elementary school. I hardly even register her hand between us taking my own, clasping them together between us so that even if Eren were to look over it would be hidden still. Her voice is hushed so only I can hear her as she says, "If the question is if you just daydreamed it happening I'll tell you now that if you did, I had the same daydream going on."
I chuckle a bit, though it comes out a bit more nervously than I intended. Mikasa doesn't seem to pick up on it though as she smiles lightly at me, at least I don't think she picks up on it. "It's more... along the lines of why?"
Mikasa raises an eyebrow at me. Then her eyes narrow in thought, squinting at nothing in particular. "I don't know." At that I feel a bit of a slap to the face. If she doesn't know how on earth am I supposed to know? "It's just something that I wanted to do. Like you told me, take chances on what you want even if they end up failing."
"You know I didn't expect what you wanted was to kiss me." I chuckle a little and she does the same. When she stops chuckling to speak though I find that I kind of miss the sound of her laughter.
"And I didn't expect you to go in for a second one." She says, and I believe I see her face redden a bit before it's covered by her scarf. The sight of her blushing is one that I want to... no, need to see more of. I don't know why but it's such a sweet image I can't help but want to see it more. Though in the midst of that thought her words finally register in my head. I went in for a second kiss last night! Now I feel my own face reddening with heat and I can understand exactly why Mikasa uses her scarf to cover it. I pull up the collar of my shirt and try hiding half my face in it, it's not nearly as convenient or stylish as Mikasa using her scarf but I have no alternatives.
I hear her soft chuckle muffled under her scarf, her fingers lacing around my own in the hand that she still has a firm yet gentle grip on. I look at her curiously and her face is still mostly covered in her scarf so I don't have much to work with in terms of getting a read on her. "Do you regret it?" She suddenly asks and I'm taken off guard. My eyes widening slightly in shock at her question. The thought of regretting it never crossed my mind. Her eyes are on mine, and I can tell she's serious by the look she has.
"Not at all," I say, somewhat surprised by how steady my voice is when I say it. I smile at her, and despite the scarf covering her mouth I know that she is too. "I just was taken by surprise is all." I admit. My free hand rubbing the back of my head.
I feel her thumb lightly circling on the back of my hand, it's relaxing, not just the motion but her touch as a whole. It's weird thinking about how these relaxing touches are coming from the same hand that can knock out a high school senior in one punch. Thankfully it happened outside of school and there were plenty of witnesses to say that he was the antagonizer and Mikasa was just defending me. Eren tried to step in first, but he was quickly made unconscious before he could make any sort of headway in defending me. Thinking back on those times it always seemed to me that Mikasa was stepping in for Eren more than for me. I doubt it was purely for me of course, but the idea that it wasn't just Eren that fueled her to get involved is still a new idea. "I hope you don't mind keeping this between us. For now at least." I look at her curiously.
"Why do you want to keep it a secret?" I can't help but ask, it's odd for her to want to be secretive, she's always been so straightforward. The idea of her wanting to keep a secret was an unheard of idea until just yesterday.
"I know that Eren won't be fond of the idea of us." She lightly runs her thumb up and down the back of my hand as she speaks. "I know for a fact that if word of it gets to anybody that isn't just us, he'll find out sooner or later." I would argue that it's not that likely, but that would be outright lying.
I nod to her and I have to fight the urge to kiss her, it's a sudden urge and I don't know where it came from but I hold still when it does come up. I think she sees this because she giggles softly into her scarf at the sight and in all honesty, just hearing that soothes the desire down. "When did you start liking me?" I ask slowly. Our voices still soft whispers between us. I vaguely recognize the sounds of the bus filling up now and then, but nobody is very talkative in mornings, it's too early to be social.
"I'm not sure, honestly. I'd tell you if I knew myself but I guess it's kind of always been there in one form or another." I raise an eyebrow at her, not really following what said forms could be. "Helping you with school, playing with you and Eren, interfering with bullies. It's been there a long time, I only just recently started to figure it out I guess."
"So you kissed me on a hunch then?" I ask with a small grin.
"It was a bit more than a hunch by that point." She returns a playful smile as she drops her scarf down a bit with her free hand. "It worked out didn't it?" One of her eyebrows quirks up.
"Something like that." I respond, casting a quick glance around, making sure that nobody could see what I'm about to do. Once I'm certain of it, I lean in and press my lips to hers for just a small second, before pulling back with a confident grin, watching as Mikasa reddens once again and pulls up her scarf to hide it.
"For such a sensitive and caring guy you're unnaturally cruel." She mumbles into her scarf, looking away a little, though she still holds my hand in her grip, her thumb still tracing circles on the back of it.
"You aren't complaining are you?" I ask with a small grin as I start to return her idle thumb movements on the back of her hand now.
"Not yet," She says softly. "Just stay smart about it." I nod with a smile, though it drops when I feel her hand leave mine, and I know she notices when she explains, "I'm grabbing my headphones. I'd like to get in a small nap like everyone else before we arrive." I nod, and subsequently realize that I still don't have my headphones, and I'm pretty sure Mikasa recalls that fact before I could as she holds out one of her buds for me. I smile at her as I take it and put it in. I'm a bit upset that she doesn't want to keep talking, but I can understand.
I curl up like I did yesterday on the ride back. I feel Mikasa shift in her seat and I look over to see her mimicking my position, and she grins at me as she puts in her bud. I smile at her and take her hand between us again, keeping it obscured between us as I close my eyes, relaxing back and resting to the sound of classical music.
I feel the bus jolt to a halt, and movement stirring throughout the bus. I groan a bit and slowly open my eyes to look around. It takes me a second to realize that Mikasa's hand is still in mine and in fear of Eren looking over at us I slip out of her grip. I hope she understands considering it's her wish to have us be inconspicuous with this. I look at her and she just grins a bit before swiping her earbud out of my ear and coiling it around her phone. I return the grin and look over at Eren who's fighting waking up, but inevitably stretches out in the seat and slowly gets up. I shake my head a little and look around the bus, everyone getting their bags on and shuffling slowly down the aisle and off the bus. Another of the numerous advantages of being at the back of the bus is being in no rush to get off since it's a slow process to even get out, let alone wait for everyone ahead of you to get out.
Eventually Eren shuffles out into the aisle and Mikasa and I follow him out. We're barely out the door when I feel the wind from the bus doors slamming shut swiftly behind me. I can't blame the driver to be fair, it's certainly not a glamorous job, and not one you'd want to stick around long for. Eren stretches his arms out into the air as we walk along the pathways towards the main building. "Can I skip math and sneak into class with you guys? I really don't want to deal with pre-algebra more than I have to." Eren looks over his shoulder at us, and my shoulders slump as I let out a sigh, and I'm pretty sure I hear the same response from Mikasa.
"Eren, it's only the second day. I don't know how you plan to graduate if you fail another math class and get held back." Mikasa's voice is passive but anyone who knows Mikasa will know that she's ready to snap Eren like a twig.
"Have you met your personal tutor yet? Or are you going to ditch that and wait for your father to see an F and start teaching you himself?" I look at him curiously, it's a bit of a joke, but that doesn't mean it won't come to reality if he's not smart about this, and with Eren, smart is a rare occurrence.
"Of course I've met her! You guys take everything so seriously." Eren rolls his eyes and crosses his arms, acting upset with us.
"You're right. We should know by now that you never take things seriously." I grin at him, but he only returns a glare.
"Eren, you're supposed to meet with her this morning aren't you?" I raise an eyebrow at this information from Mikasa. Was I informed that the tutor is a girl? Did I just forget, or was I daydreaming when I was told? Though to be fair it's possible that I just wasn't told at all.
"Yeah yeah, I'm going! You don't need to drag me yourself go have fun in try hard math." He waves us off as he leaves us, walking along a path to the school library building.
I think I hear Mikasa's eyes rolling as he leaves hastily. "He's walking faster, either he's really excited to do math, doubtful, or he's trying to ditch us as fast as he can." I grin at Mikasa as I continue walking to the main building of the school. Three buildings in total make up the school, the library building which also houses the study halls and tutor offices, the main building where all the classes occur, and the gym, which here, has a full dedicated building and field. To say the least, sports are important to this school.
"He's just afraid that if he wastes time around me that I'll start beating some actual sense into him." Mikasa calmly states as she walks with me.
I raise an eyebrow cautiously at her. "Metaphorically? Right?" She just shrugs and I feel both safe and intimidated at the same time.
We walk through the halls together and it's not long before we're waiting outside our Algebra class. The teacher not present yet so the door is tragically locked. I silently hope that they'll be early like the English teacher. It's comforting to be early. I'd also rather not have to wait outside the class for fifteen minutes every other morning waiting for the teacher to arrive as the first bell rings. Punctuality is nice, but being early is a bit more nice.
"Armin?" I look over at Mikasa as she scrolls through her phone, from what I can tell looking through a calendar. "Is it alright if I drop by your place to get some studying in?" I raise an eyebrow at her and she grins a bit sheepishly. "It will be easier for me to study with someone in the same class rather than being stuck with Eren is all." That's a fair point.
"I'm sure grandpa will have no trouble with you visiting now and then to study." I answer, and she nods a bit, looking up at me now with a smile. I don't know if it's her or some kind of warning sign of a heart attack but anytime she smiles it seems to cause strain on my innards. I should probably get it checked out.
She returns her attention down to her phone and I look away, not wanting to unintentionally invade her privacy by continuing to look at her phone absentmindedly. Not to say I'm not curious about what she's doing. Why am I curious? I don't know really. It's one of those curiosities that will most definitely end in the cat getting skinned though so I avoid spying with all my heart. It's a couple minutes of silence before I see the teacher coming down the hall, humming to himself, seeming to be oblivious of Mikasa and I standing at the door of his room. I open my mouth to greet him, but he just walks right past both of us and unlocks the door and walks in.
Mikasa and I watch him, my mouth still open with a greeting hanging at the tip of my tongue ready to jump out and plummet to the ground with nobody to receive it. Mikasa looks back at me and grins at my expression and I shake my head and walk in first, my ears faintly picking up her chuckling at me. I feel my face turn a light shade of red and I avoid looking at her or Mr. Pixis as I take my seat, though Mikasa definitely sees it as she sits next to me, because I can hear her chuckling more into her scarf.
After a minute of cooling off my face should be back to it's natural pale coloration. I look over at Mr. Pixis as he drinks from a large water bottle. while it is meant for water, nobody believes that it's actually water inside. Rumor has it that he just uses it as a cover for alcohol drinking in school, but he's never actually been caught for it. Somehow he just seems to know when he's getting checked on and brings water instead, but the entire rest of the time it's clear to everyone, at least from what I hear, that it's definitely not water nine times out of ten. They've even tried breathalyzing him by surprise and he was completely clean. Some rumors say that the campus security officer who had that idea wept when he heard it failed. It's some kind of game to Pixis I guess, seeing how long he can get away with it and outpace the school from getting any actual evidence on him. Besides the drinking problem that he likely has, he's an older man who's lost most of his hair, and has more than enough wrinkles to replace the lost hair. On top of all of this he's also the head of the math department.
I'm snapped from my analysis of Pixis when I hear struggling outside the door. Pixis spins his chair around to face his back to it as he drinks his 'water' in peace. I squint a bit at the door, recognizing the voices, until I see Historia dragging herself in, with Ymir clung onto her like a stubborn tick. Not to call Ymir a tick, or blood sucker of any kind, she's just really stuck on Historia right now.
"Ymir! Let go already!" Historia pleads as she continues to drag her into the class unwillingly and towards her desk.
"I don't want to go to claaaassss," Ymir retorts, and I cover my mouth to hide a grin. Mikasa out of the corner of my eye covering her face with her scarf. "Let me stay a bit longer! At least until the bell rings?" It's hard imagining the fact that Ymir had a reputation for being the third coldest girl in our year back when we all first met, right behind Mikasa in first and Annie in second. Thinking on it I find it hard to see Mikasa as cold at all anymore. Regardless though, Ymir without Historia is terrifying and harsh, Ymir with Historia on the other hand is the most soft and agreeable person you'll ever meet. I don't think people with Dissociative Identity Disorder can pull off 180s as strong as Ymir's.
"Fine! Just let go of me already!" At that, Ymir lets go immediately and follows Historia to her seat behind me and then takes the seat behind Mikasa.
Historia buries her head into her hands in embarrassment, which is followed by Ymir saying, "Oh hey guys. Didn't see ya there." With a casual voice that forces a snort from me. It's like she didn't even realize Mikasa and I existed, which seems to provoke a groan from Historia as she buries her face deeper into her hands.
"You're insufferable." Historia mumbles into her hands, which Ymir recoils at in shock, or mock shock, I'm not quite sure.
"I'm the perfect amount of sufferable I'll have you know." Ymir retorts and everyone squints at her, not entirely sure what she thinks is a perfect amount of sufferable but knowing full well that she wasn't it.
"If you want to be a tolerable level of sufferable then don't cling to me like like I'm your only lifeline." I glance at Mr. Pixis out of the corner of my eye and he's happily humming to himself, making a point to not pay attention to us, which is probably in his best interest at the end of the day. Actually, he might be too drunk to really notice us considering the situation.
Before Ymir can try arguing the bell rings, and Historia points at the door expectantly, and Ymir frowns and sulks off out the door with her bag in tow.
"What do you see in her might I ask?" Mikasa raises an eyebrow at Historia.
Historia laughs awkwardly and scratches the back of her neck. "Sometimes I have to ask myself that too."
"Do you ever have an answer?" I ask, tilting my head curiously.
"Uhm..." That's all Mikasa and I need to hear to drop our heads exasperatedly. A nervous laugh coming from Historia.
I watch as people start filling up the room. Pulling out my notebook and textbook onto the desk. I look over at Mikasa now and then. Not really sure why I'm stealing so many glances at her. Was I like her? Always attracted to her in some form or another, just not fully aware of it? It makes sense. I'm not the best at emotions so it's again not a surprise that I wouldn't recognize it.
Eventually the second bell rings and class is supposed to begin, my pencil hovering over my notebook. Everyone's talking still as though second bell never rang. I squint and look at Mikasa, then Historia, who seem just as confused, then we all look at Mr. Pixis. His body limp at his desk, the only confirmation that he hasn't dropped dead on us is his snoring. My face falls onto my desk with a loud thud. I hear Historia and Mikasa snickering at my reaction to this, and I'd be laughing too I imagine if we weren't being denied our education by a napping elderly man.
Math never actually gets a class, and English goes by without anything happening. Mrs. Langnar is a bit of a fast talker, and I doubt that's going to make book discussions in the coming weeks very easy. Also being the supervisor of the student newspaper she's not all that excited about novels or anything that isn't modern events. I'd hate to see her teaching a history lesson. It would end up becoming a modern events class instead.
Biology has first lunch on the days where it's our third block, so Mikasa, Eren and I only stop by to drop off our bags before heading to the cafeteria. I bring my wallet along with me since I didn't have time to pack a lunch, and even if I wasn't daydreaming in the time that I could have, I wouldn't want to freeload off the Yaeger family. I do that enough as is I feel.
Cafeteria food is hit or miss. Sometimes it's actually quite good, other times you'd have better luck eating the paper plates than the actual food being offered. Luckily though there is a fridge with just fruits and vegetables as well as premade sandwiches in case worst comes to worst. Luckily though it seems the main dish for today is clam strips and fries. Which lucky for the students, is actually fresh, thanks to our close proximity to the coast the school spares us from the torment of frozen seafood that hasn't seen the light of day in months.
I order a plate of the clam strips and fries, and once it's served I walk towards the cash register, grabbing an apple along the way, and I glance over at the pizza bar. Every day there is always pizza available, cheese, pepperoni, and a variety pizza that changes. I never touch it, because I tried it once, and that's as many times as I needed to figure out that it was more than likely just plastic that had sauce and cheese lightly cooked on top of it with toppings put on as an after thought. I marvel at how spectacularly they fail to make simple pizza. Yet people still buy it, I'll need to ask some people if it's just a last resort for nutrients or if they actually like it. I set down my plate and apple on a tray and take the tray to the cash register, setting it down and pulling out my wallet, handing five dollars to the lunch lady on register duty, who takes it, looks over my tray to make sure I'm not cloaking some hidden food I guess, and then waves me off.
I walk to the table that everyone seems to have congregated at. Mikasa, Eren, Historia, Ymir, Jean, Marco, Connie, Sasha, Bertholdt, Reiner and Annie. I still find it weird that we all seem to hang around each other whenever possible, despite being split between Eren and Jean half the time. To give them credit though they tolerate each other for everyone else's sake nowadays so it's not that surprising. We are all from the same middle school after all so we've known each other more than a fair amount of time.
I sit on the end of the table, Mikasa on my right with Eren on the other side of her, followed by Historia, Ymir and lastly Sasha. Across from me is Jean, then going down the line again is Bertholdt, Annie, Reiner, Marco and Connie at the end. There are some small conversations in pairs or trios all around the table, which is no surprise, though I don't really pick up on them as I eat. What I do pick up on though is how pointedly quiet Eren, Mikasa and Jean are. It's hard to miss though, considering I can almost feel the tension waves bouncing back and forth between Eren and Jean. I look between them, neither of them seeming to make contact, but they seem to just passively give off this negative aura towards each other. You could probably find a way to power an entire state with the negative energy going between these two.
I look at Mikasa, hopeful that she'll have insight and she shakes her head at me as though to say 'Don't bother.' Advice that I swiftly heed as I return to my food in peace.
Not much conversation goes on that I pick up on or care for really until I hear Annie speaking. "So how'd math go Yaeger?" I squint in confusion and look up, Mikasa also looking up in confusion.
"Fine. Not much to report on really. Just boring basics." Eren explains, seeming to not pick up on Mikasa's or my confusion at why Annie is asking about his math class. A couple other faces look on in confusion. It was known by nearly everyone from middle school that Eren sucks at math and he's having to retake the lowest level math class this semester, but why Annie cares seems to be a widespread mystery.
Annie seems to pick up on the looks that are directed at them first and looks around. Then explains rather nonchalantly, "I'm Eren's tutor for math." Eren just nods as though confirming her words. Everyone nods in understanding, except Mikasa. Mikasa is glaring at Annie with the intention to start shooting daggers out of her eyes I think. I'm not sure if it's just my imagination or not but I think I hear something snap inside Mikasa. If it wasn't real it certainly wouldn't be an understatement though.
Before she even has the opportunity to do something, I pick up my apple with my left hand and reach under the table with my right, taking her hand in mine. It's a small gamble of my much beloved arm. If it works out she'll calm down, if it doesn't my right arm becomes a bludgeoning device for Mikasa to use against Annie. I bite into my apple calmly, trying to make it seem that I'm not focused on my actual mission at hand to calm Mikasa by taking her hand. When I do have her hand in my grasp I give it a small squeeze, and Mikasa tenses in surprise, and I feel her turn to look at me. I start slowly circling my thumb on the back of her hand like she did with me. Not looking at her, despite the desire I certainly have to do so.
I feel her calming down quickly, and thankfully nobody noticed her volcanic eruption on the brink to begin with. All's well that ends well. She returns the squeeze and holds my hand under the table silently, before slowly letting go and returning to her packed lunch for the last couple minutes of lunch. I'm not quite sure why Mikasa got so close to blowing up because Annie is Eren's tutor. I shake the thought to return another time.
I hardly interact in any of the conversations, mostly because they're too far to really participate in and I have to talk over the barrier of negative energy formed between Eren and Jean. Eventually though lunch is over and we all clean up and make our way back to the classroom, where Ms. Hange is excitedly waiting to start discussing our first dissection. Which won't be happening for about two months. So I'm unsure what she's so excited for when it's not happening anytime soon.
Class passes quickly and it's a second notebook that goes unfilled because nothing was actually achieved beyond convincing Ms. Hange we need to learn actual lessons before we can do the dissection she's so excited for. I wave goodbye to Eren and Mikasa as they turn off to go to their classes, while I end up walking with Jean to Creative Writing. It's silent. He doesn't say anything and neither do I. I'm fine with it, silence isn't bad, I prefer it really. I wouldn't really know what to say to him if he did want to talk. Regardless of his quarrels with Eren, or vice versa, I like Jean. He's smart, and not that bad of a person when you get to know him. He seemed to be greedy and overly proud back when we first met in middle school, he still is a bit, but he's more than that. It's taught me to look deeper into people, that there's always something more to people than what we see. Bit of a children's show revelation sure, but it's a true one.
"Armin," I jump at the voice and look at Jean in shock. He's talking to me? I'm either in trouble or Eren's in trouble, one of the two are the only possible reasons he'd talk to me. "I was wondering, why are you in Creative Writing? I always took you for the science and math nerd, not a writer type." He explains his question and I raise an eyebrow. So neither Eren or I are in trouble, yet at least.
"Oh!" I chirp in response, before answering the question, my body relaxing as I now know I'm in no, immediate, danger. "I like writing just as much as I like science. It's a bit of a pass time." He nods, understanding. "I tend to write all kinds of things, but I've never really completed a story. I'm hoping this class will help me figure that part out." My explanation seems to be received and processed. I can't stop myself from asking in return, "What about you?" and I feel like I probably shouldn't have considering it's probably not in Jean's interest to explain his presence in the class.
"Just want to improve my writing." He actually answers, resulting in my eyes widening. "Maybe there's another reason. I'm still figuring it out myself so not much to say on it." He's nonchalant in his answering my question. Though the second part of his answer nags at me a bit. Usually Jean is very sure of himself and knows exactly what he wants, it's strange to see him unsure.
We both enter the class, which is a bit larger than it really needs to be considering how few people there are taking the class. Though it gives plenty of free space and allows students elbow room at tables. On the first day Jean was sat away from me, but he seems to follow along with me to sit at the same table as me, a couple seats down in fairness but I'm still surprised by his choice.
There's a couple minutes before second bell rings so I just take the time to get out a notebook and start idly writing in it. Practicing my handwriting. I'm slow in writing by hand and it's a bit larger than it should be, resulting in lines on paper getting taken up way faster than they should be. Jean watches me curiously. "Poor handwriting?" I flush a bit at his question, everyone thinks that because I'm smart I have perfect handwriting. It doesn't help that being left handed is hardly supported properly half the time. I nod at him and he holds up his left hand, pen in his fingers as he waves it around with a grin. "Same here." I'm open mouthed in surprise for a second. I had never really payed any attention to what other people wrote with, or how they wrote for that matter. So figuring out Jean is also left handed comes as a pleasant surprise.
I grin at him as I nod and return to practicing my own writing. Jean leans back in his chair, seeming to just enjoy the free silence while we wait on the teacher. Mr. Smith walks in and looks around the room. There's four people in total in the class today. My guess being that two people dropped out from yesterday. Leaving the room even more barren than it was on the first day. He nods, seeming to understand fully. He must be used to this if he's taught the class enough, I imagine that it's no surprise to him anymore. He gives a curt greeting as he goes to his desk and starts pulling out files from his desk. Sometimes teachers need to go to different rooms for classes that they're to teach, taking them away from their personal classroom.
I watch as he stands from his desk and walks around the room to greet the other students personally. I don't really pick up on the talks he has with the two anonymous students that I've never met, and really don't have much interest in meeting. Then he steps beside Jean and holds out his hand to shake, which Jean doesn't hesitate to receive. "Jean Kirchstein." Jean nods as though to confirm that yes he is in fact Jean. "Tell me, what is it you write?" He has a stoic look on him, which is kind of unnerving considering the simple and almost casual question.
That question though seems to stump Jean. He lets out a number of 'uhm's and 'ah's. He glances at me quickly, as though pleading for something. What? Then he looks at Mr. Smith and sighs. "Poetry." Oh. That's why he looked at me pleadingly. I don't see why he'd be embarrassed about poetry, sure it's not my kind of writing, too much symbolism and not enough story telling but it's not a sin to like poetry.
"I see." Mr. Smith responds as he taps his chin in thought. "Brave man to be honest about what you like. I look forward to reading your poetry." He nods to Jean who seems to deflate as the nervousness rushes out of him with that tension lifted as Mr. Smith walks to me now. He holds out his hand and I take it, shaking it firmly as he says "Armin Arlert." He sates my name, and it really isn't a question but I still nod as though I'm confirming his suspicion despite him just seeming to remember it perfectly from yesterday. I guess it makes sense with the small class. Though He obviously has two or possibly three other classes to teach on top of this one, so remembering all the names he's taken in just from yesterday would be an impressive achievement. "What do you write then?"
I roll the question around in my head. I figured I would be asked the same thing as Jean but it's still a curious question. "Anything I guess." Is all I can come up with. It's the truth honestly, I don't have much preference. Just anything but poetry, but I won't say that, especially after Jean came clean about liking poetry. I'd feel bad if I just bashed poetry after that.
"We'll find writing that you're passionate about I'm sure. I look forward to reading what you create, Arlert." The word create confuses me a bit. Most of the time a teacher uses terms like produce or provide, something mechanical in my experience, yet Mr. Smith is using what seems to be more creative language. It's actually quite interesting. He walks back to his desk and looks around at the four faces in the room. "Alright. Go ahead and start writing." He instructs and that's it. He pulls out papers and starts going through them at his desk. Seeming to leave us to our own devices at the drop of a hat.
Jean looks at me as though I have the answers, and I can only shrug in response and start writing in my notebook. Taking advantage of Mr. Smith's instruction for today and start writing. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jean slowly start doing the same.
Of the four classes I have, Creative Writing already has far more writing in it's notebook than in the other three classes combined. I doubt that that's going to change considering just how much writing I imagine will go on for Creative Writing, but it's still disheartening how little has gone on in my other classes.
I'm walking out of the room when Jean grabs my shoulder and asks, "Hey, Armin, can I talk to you?" Jean looks at me with what seems like hope, and I feel like saying no would just be a bit heartless, so I nod. He walks with me down the halls. "So you remember, well, how I said I'm still figuring out why else I joined Creative Writing?"
"Yeah." I answer simply. The halls are full to the brim with students trying to escape as soon as humanly possible. It's loud with people talking unnecessarily loudly. It's more than annoying enough for me to want to escape as soon as possible too. Though I keep pace with Jean who speaks with a level of voice that keeps the conversation between us and out of the ears of the other students.
"I wasn't wholly honest saying that. I want to tell you why but you have to promise to keep it between us. Only us."
I raise an eyebrow at Jean in confusion, and I can tell by his face that he's serious. Just what I need, another secret for the beginning of the semester. I sigh a bit before nodding. "It'll be safe with me Jean."
He lets out a sigh of his own, whether it's relief or to prepare himself to tell me the secret I don't know. He then looks at me and speaks low enough for just me to hear. "I joined creative writing because I want to write something for Marco." He says it quick and I have to double take on his words a few times.
Some of the gears click into place in my head. "Oh," I mumble a bit. More gears come into place. "Oh!" The puzzle set of gears are finally aligned. "O-" I can't finish the last oh as my mouth is covered by Jean's hand which results in a very muffled and long oooohh gettind drawn out. When I finish he rolls his eyes and takes his hand back, wiping it on his shirt. "Oh." I say softly, and I almost hear his eye twitch. I can't help but grin to myself. "Don't worry Jean. Secret's safe with me."
"I'm not telling you this because I need to get it off my chest or anything. I actually want your help with it." I go wide eyed. "To make sure that the language makes sense and help with grammar and form." Less of a shock than him wanting my help translating his emotions, that would be impossible, I can hardly understand or track my own. Then a thought pops into my head.
"I'll help you with it Jean, but, can I ask for some help in return?" He raises an eyebrow, evidently his interest has piqued at the idea of me having a return favor to request. I struggle to decide how to word it. "I'd like... Assuming you have experience... If you could help me, well, figure out how to ask someone out." The last couple words are rushed so fast I worry he probably didn't get the message but he seems shocked, which leads me to believe he most certainly heard correctly.
"Who?" He instantly asks and I flush every possible shade of red I think because he's snickering maniacally as my face turns into a heater. I shake my head and he snickers again. "Come on I trusted you with mine now you tell me yours." I groan a bit. Feeling backed into a corner.
"Give me your phone number." I groan a bit reluctantly, and he swiftly pulls out his phone with a smirk. "I'm not saying it anywhere where someone else could hear so I'll just keep it the most secure possible way between us." He rolls his eyes but doesn't lose the amusement on his face as he hands over his phone with his contact information on it, I pull out my own phone and type his number in and send a text, feeling his phone vibrate with my message I hand it back. "I'll message you the answer later. Regardless this will help me help you with your thing." Jean chuckles as he shakes his head at me.
"You're a real character Armin, never change." He says as he walks off in his own direction with that.
"Thanks?" I mumble in confusion to myself. I shake it off and walk to the buses, where Eren and Mikasa are already waiting for me.
"Armin!" Eren snaps and I feel my heart attempt to evacuate at the sudden yelling of my name when I walk up to them.
"I like my ears the way they are! Please stop trying to take them out!" I snap at him and he just snickers as he waves my annoyance off. If I had actual strength I would throw Eren out the bus window once it starts moving.
"Yeah yeah Armin, hurry up next time I can't handle all the conversation that Mikasa provides."
"What conversation?" Mikasa asks pointedly, knowing full well he was being sarcastic and she is more than strong enough to throw him out the bus window if she chooses to.
Lucky for Eren our bus pulls up and he flees onto it without hesitation. I roll my eyes and I hear Mikasa sigh in irritation. I walk on first so that she doesn't have to stand aside when we get to the back of the bus. I take my seat and she takes hers. Eren is in his own world already in his corner so I don't bother worrying about him. When Mikasa sits with me though I don't waste much time in taking her hand between us. She grins a bit at me. Taking my hand in return and I smile happily.
"Can I ask something?" I ask her and she raises an eyebrow, the only confirmation I really need with Mikasa. "Why were you so heated about Annie tutoring Eren?"
Mikasa looks over at Eren where he's already got his eyes closed and earbuds in. Then she looks at me again as she answers. "I don't know if you remember or not but Annie used to bully Eren in middle school. I remember." I go wide eyed, remembering in that instant. She used to beat up Eren and Eren went along with it calling it good practice. Everyone always joked that it was good practice for getting his ass kicked, but for some reason Eren always saw it as him getting better at fighting, which he really wasn't.
"You're worried that he's going to be getting the same practice as he did back in middle school?" I ask low, just in case Eren picks up on us talking somehow, which I doubt, but I can't help it. She shrugs, I guess that she's unsure what to think.
"Annie's a better person than she used to be. But I don't trust her, much less trust Eren to tell the truth." She explains, and I can understand what she means.
I rub my thumb up and down the back of her hand reassuringly. "He'll be fine. He doesn't need you to look out for everything in his life, at least not as much as he used to."
She grunts in amusement, shaking her head. I grin in success as I fold myself up, Mikasa slowly following my example and offers me one of her earbuds. I smile at her as I take it and she returns the smile.
The ride home is silent. At least between Mikasa and I. The rest of the bus is as loud as ever. That's something that will simply never change. When the bus stops outside Mikasa and Eren's home I've already pulled out the ear bud and hand it to Mikasa, who takes it without even looking. She stands up and stretches as Eren runs off already. I didn't even see him wake up. "He's scared I'll hit him like yesterday." Mikasa suggests. I can't help but laugh as I stand and take my bag, following her off the bus.
Once off Mikasa waves at me as I walk down the road a bit more, heading to grandpa's house. I know he'll make a scene of it when I get in. It's not new. He makes a scene anytime I get home from being away any amount of time. It's not as well kept as Eren's house, no fresh paint, not in the best of conditions structurally but it's still better than some of the houses I've seen. Grandpa is still working despite his age, something everyone urges him to drop for his health but he keeps chugging on, happy and healthy as ever. He works during the week, where as I work during the weekend. Simple job at a local spice shop, doing things from register duty to inventory checks. It's good for my schedule, I finish all my work during the week as it is, and homework over the weekend is easy to finish during lunch breaks.
I walk up the front porch steps and go to the door. I check the handle first and find it's unlocked, meaning he's definitely home. I sigh, preparing myself, then open the door as I walk in, calling out, "I'm home, grandpa!"