Chapter 41
Keeping my promise to my sister to not reveal what I'd found out about Voldemort and the Order of the Phoenix was proving just as difficult as anticipated. I knew my friends were noticing how distracted I'd been lately, but how was I supposed to take my mind off the potential impending doom of the wizarding world and the danger my family was in, and focus on Potions homework? I knew my grades were going to start slipping if this carried on, but the sense of dread that filled the pit of my stomach seemed to grow every day.
Eve was cautious in her correspondence with me – her letters always short and polite, enquiring about school life and answering with the same lines about everyone being in good health. It was driving me mad. Even since I found out the truth, I wanted to know more, I wanted to know everything. I felt relief each time Eve's letters came and confirmed everyone was safe and well, and I would never risk writing about the sensitive information we'd discussed the other day, but it filled my thoughts every day.
I was sitting in the common room, staring out the window during a free period, and didn't even notice someone sit next to me until they cleared their throat.
Startled, I looked up to see Remus smiling apprehensively at me.
"Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt your thoughts" he said politely.
"That's okay, I was just day dreaming. Chess?" I gave myself an inward shake to banish the remnants of my reverie, and grabbed the chess board from the table nearby, watching him take a seat as the pieces began to magically align themselves on the correct squares of the board.
Looking at Remus, I suddenly remembered what I had found out about him a few nights ago.
The knowledge that my friend sitting across from me was a werewolf hit me with the shock of a snowball to the head. I had been so preoccupied with dark wizards and politics that I'd completely forgotten all about it.
Neither of us said anything for a few moves of the game, until he finally broke the silence.
"So, you found out about me," he said softly, not lifting his eyes from the board.
"Yeah," I began. I opened my mouth to say something else before realizing I had no idea what to say. What's the appropriate thing to say to someone you just found out is a werewolf?
"I'm sorry."
I looked up, startled.
"For what?" I asked incredulously.
He gave me a look that asked where to begin?
"You have nothing to be sorry about Remus. Absolutely nothing." I said with finality.
"That's very kind of you Bella. Seeing as I'm a danger to everyone around me" he responded flatly.
"You are a danger to no one. You're one of the nicest people in this entire school, heck, the whole world probably! You wouldn't willingly hurt anyone."
"You wouldn't say that if you saw me when-when.." He trailed off.
"When you have to deal with your furry little problem?"
He grinned despite himself. We lulled into a comfortable silence as we watched the pieces blast each other off the board.
"Remus, you know that you're a good person right? People might fear what you become once a month but your friends are here for you. Obviously you know that the boys have your back no matter what. And so do I. This changes nothing, we are still friends right?"
A genuine smile lit his face, "thank you Bella, I don't deserve friends like you all."
"Nonsense, we don't deserve you." I replied, reaching over to briefly touch his hand. As we lapsed into silence for another moment, I hoped he could find peace with himself soon.
"Hey!" I exclaimed as his bishop zoomed across the board and decapitated my king.
"Never lose your concentration in a game of chess Bella."
His smile made me overlook his air of smugness.
"I guess we will have to work out a time to sort through all this paperwork." Lily said contemplatively as she and James exited McGonagall's office. They each had their arms full with rolls of parchment containing prefect patrol schedules for the next term that had been mixed up and needed re-doing, which they had been instructed by McGonagall to fix and return to her within a week.
James sighed, "yeah I suppose. Why can't they just sort it out with magic? Sometimes I think they just give us tedious chores to keep up busy."
"Head Boys and Girls are assigned special responsibilities and duties to assist the school, that's our role. It's a privilege and that's why it's hard work" She replied.
"I'm not sure we agree on the definition of a privilege," he put mildly, "a privilege would be playing first Chaser for England in the World Cup, or having a chocolate bar in Honeyduke's named in your honour."
Lily successfully suppressed the twitch of a smile on her lips, "that certainly sounds like Bella's idea of a privilege."
"She has her priorities in the right order, that girl." James agreed.
Lily felt the strange twinge in her chest that she had been feeling lately around James. Before it could be allowed to grow, she scrambled for a topic of conversation and willed her chest to carry on as normal.
"How about tomorrow? It's a Saturday so we will have plenty of time, we could get it done in the morning."
James swung his head around to look at her as if she'd gone mad.
"Tomorrow is Hufflepuff verses Slytherin Lily." He said flatly as if there was nothing left to say on the subject.
"Exactly, you're not playing."
"You have to know the enemy! Understand how they play!" He cried. Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes.
"You already know how both teams play! How different could one more game be?"
"It could be worlds different! We have to know what headspace they're in at the moment, which players are strongest and which are weakest, what plays they make, how they –"
"Alright, alright! Not tomorrow." Lily said exasperated, muttering under her breath about boys and quidditch.
"Maybe after the match though? We could go to Hogsmeade and treat ourselves to a butterbeer after we're finished." James suggested.
Lily looked at him out of the corner of her eye, years of relentless teasing and flirting naturally raising her suspicion. But he looked as casual and composed as he had been in McGonagall's office.
"Sure, sounds like a plan." She agreed.
She thought she saw him quickly release a breath, but his featured remained nonchalant.
"Great. Will you be watching the match too?" He quickly asked.
"Yeah, I'll be with the girls, I'm positive they will want to see the match."
"Yeah."
They lapsed into a somewhat awkward silence.
Just then Snape turned the corner, freezing at the sight of them, then fixing them both a vehement glare and slowly resuming his strides.
James tensed and crunched the rolls of parchment in an effort to remain aloof.
"Snape." He nodded coolly as they passed him.
Snape narrowed his eyes suspiciously and walked past without a word.
"That was… cordial." Lily stated after Snape was out of earshot.
"Does that still count if I said 'Snivellus' in my head?" He asked with a grin.
Lily said nothing for a moment. "Why did you hate him so much?" She asked quietly.
James seemed to struggle for an answer. He wanted to say something caustic but her serious tone urged him to be forthright.
"We've just never gotten along I suppose," he began cautiously, "he's a proud Slytherin and I'm a proud Gryffindor, we're natural enemies."
"I'm a proud Gryffindor too but we were friends for years."
They had reached Gryffindor Tower and James said the password to the Fat Lady before pausing to allow Lily to step through.
"And how did that end?" He asked.
Lily gasped. "He may have called me a-an awful name but you had no excuse abusing him like you did. You and Sirius." She spat out hotly, feeling her temper rising in the span of a second like the striking of a match.
"We were angry at the way he treated a so-called 'friend', he was being a vile toad and you shouldn't defend him."
Lily opened her mouth to begin a fresh tirade – the first this year – but James continued calmly, "and I was a hot-headed fool who overreacted because I wanted to impress the girl I like. It was idiotic of me and if I could go back and change things I would. I knew I screwed up the moment you yelled at me but I was too proud to admit it."
Lily opened and closer her mouth a few times, the flame of her anger doused just like that.
"You've… you've changed." She stated simply.
"For the better I hope." He smiled. Lily felt that twinge in her chest again, and her brain felt like it had turned to mush. The only thing it seemed to be able to compute was the phrase 'wanted to impress the girl I like' over… and over… and over.
"Here, let me take those," he reached over and took the rolls of parchment from her hands and headed up the stairs to the boys dormitories, leaving her standing by the fire, staring after him, face red and eyes wide.
"Lily and James are so busy with their duties," I complained. "I wish they had the same amount of free time to hang out with us like before."
"I know. The sod is having the time of it though, spending all that time with his 'Lily flower'" Sirius laughed.
We were resting against the beech tree by the lake after classes, enjoying the few shafts of dappled sunlight that filtered through the leaves. We were idly chatting about nothing. Sirius knew I had been preoccupied lately, probably chalking it up to what I had learned about Remus, and the business with Regulus. I was grateful that he wasn't suspicious because I was really still thinking about my conversation with Eve and I know I'd be a horrible liar if he started asking me questions.
Fortunately, Sirius wanted to spend our time together discussing anything else, to help take my mind off things and relax a bit. He said I was getting tenser by the day and that I shouldn't be worrying about things I couldn't control. Easier said than done. But I was glad of it, because I was finally able to relax even slightly, and spending time with him like this reminded me of all the sweet memories we've shared when I was oblivious to the happenings that have been stirring in the wizarding world.
"I think she's softening toward him, don't you think?" He asked me. I had to recollect that we were currently talking about James and Lily.
"Yeah I suppose, she won't give in easily though. But still, James is doing a good job of not being a prat this year."
"I'll say. He takes his Head Boy duties so seriously I wouldn't be surprised if he becomes Headmaster after he graduates. He's actually spending the afternoon sorting out prefect schedules after the quidditch match tomorrow."
"Ew. Even time spent with your crush wouldn't be worth that. Imagine if James became Headmaster, he'd turn the school upside down." I mused with a chuckle.
"I hope he'd take the portrait of my great-great grandfather down and burn it." Sirius said with a grin.
"I forgot your related to an ex-Headmaster. I remember him reproaching us that time we had to speak to Dumbledore for losing Niffy." I shook my head, "I often forget what a big deal your family is."
"They're not. They're mostly all prigs including the great Phineas Nigellus Black. Everyone says he was the least popular Headmaster in the history of Hogwarts. Not something to be proud of."
"Phineas…" I paused, before turning to him suddenly and grabbing his arm, "is that why you signed your name off as Phin when you paid for the rebuilding of my home?"
He ducked his head and said sheepishly, "yeah, I should have gone with some other random name but it just popped into my head."
"I owe you so much." I sighed.
"You owe me nothing Bella." He said firmly, covering my hand which was still on his arm, with his own.
"But-" I began before he cut me off.
"I seriously wish you never found out" he said, silencing me with a kiss. "If you really want to give me something though, I'm sure we can work something out." He leaned in with a wolfish grin.
"You rogue. Always..always-"
"Always what?"
"Always seducing me."
Sirius froze before bursting into laughter. Laughter that turned into wheezing, as I sat there, desperately fighting fits of mirth myself.
"I seduce you? Love, it's only because I can hardly look at you without thinking of things that would make you blush." His grin widened into something wicked as a flush spread rapidly across my cheeks and down my neck. "Didn't know you were so affected by me." He continued with a wink, leaning close to my face.
"Yes you do." I grumbled. "And you're not the only one thinks that way."
"Then seduce me, love."
"What? You're ridiculous." I scoffed haughtily.
"Afraid you can't do it?" He teased.
I gave him a withering look.
"Let's make it a bet, try and seduce me and see if I am affected. Winner has to buy the loser anything they want at Hogsmeade tomorrow." He waggled his eyebrows.
"You're so ridiculous." I repeated. But he just continued to grin annoyingly at me.
Slowly I rose up on my knees and pushed him until his back was against the tree and I was leaning over him.
"Can't believe I'm actually doing this.." I muttered, looking down at him.
He looked like he couldn't believe I was actually doing this either, eyes widening slightly as I slid my fingers very slowly into his hair. I leaned down slowly, just how he always does to me, surprised and encouraged by the way his breaths were coming shorter.
I lightly laid my lips on his and pressed them gently. I built a slow, sensual rhythm that was obviously too slow for him. His hands came to my hips and lingered there. Every time he tried to pull me closer and deepen the kiss, I smiled and pulled back.
A few more moments and I gave him what he wanted – what we both wanted – and deepened the kiss. Slowly and languidly, we kissed with lazy abandon. I knew he was holding back and letting me take the lead. I couldn't believe how good it felt to be in control. I felt my cheeks flare from the wet sounds our tongues and lips were making, but I continued the deliberate pace.
I bit his bottom lip lightly and smiled at his groan. Woah. This is crazy.
I felt heady pleasure from his anguished response to my kiss. My nails lightly scratched his scalp as our mouths continued on.
Eventually I lifted my head, panting lightly.
I looked down at Sirius, face red as a tomato.
He was lost for words, all hint of smugness disappeared. Pupils blown wide, he dragged his eyes from my eyes down to my lips, then back up to my eyes.
I slowly retracted my hands from his hair, too embarrassed to know what to say. My hands made their way down and rested on his chest, my eyes following the path of my hands.
Beneath my right palm I felt the erratic beat of his heart and snapped my eyes back to his face.
"I'd say you're affected" I said breathlessly, "I won!"
His hungry look made my triumphant grin falter.
"How devastating for me," he whispered lowly before grabbing my hips and pulling me back down toward him, for a much faster version of what we had been doing.
A while later, we made our way back up to the castle, Sirius whistling and emanating the air only a smug and satisfied male could emanate. I wore my own satisfied grin, head swimming in a daze, and swollen lips tingling with a pleasant sting.
I don't know where that last part came from LOL.
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