Chapter 11
"The Calm…"
Natalie was adamant that one could not work in the kitchen unless they were properly outfitted with an apron. Steve was just as adamant about not wearing one. But despite his opinion, the eight year old searched the entire kitchen until she found two aprons tucked away in the back of a drawer. She held them up for him to see.
"Which one do you want to wear, Daddy?" she asked, smiling brightly.
He looked at his choices. His face clearly stated how he felt.
"You don't like either one?" Natalie frowned. "I guess this one is more my size." She held up a blue apron that Steve's mother had made for Nate. "And this one is…"she grinned, "girly." She giggled. "Mommy wouldn't even wear this one."
"I think you're right, so why don't you put it away."
"But you have to wear an apron. There aren't any others, Daddy. Please."
Steve looked at the white apron Natalie clutched in her hand. It was trimmed with lace and had red cursive writing on the front. He would rather not put it on.
Natalie saw the refusal on his face and decided to try a tactic not even he could turn down. She put her arms around his waist and looked up into his face, smiling sweetly. She blinked a few times as if holding back tears. "Daddy, do it for me," she begged.
This is ridiculous, he thought. For a man who had been trained to withstand intense interrogation he was cracking under the gaze of those teary light blue eyes. "Hand it over."
"I'll tie it for you," she offered.
Reluctantly Steve pulled the apron over his head and allowed Natalie to tie it. "Don't make that knot too tight."
"I won't."
At that moment they heard the front door open and Nate called, "Hey, where is everybody."
"We're in here," Natalie said.
Nate walked through the kitchen door and stopped abruptly as he took in the frilly apron his brother was wearing. Steve closed his eyes for a moment and sighed, waiting for his brother to comment.
"I am not doing what that apron says," Nate responded. "And really, Steve, it looked much better on mom." He grinned.
"Thanks," Steve muttered. "Now if you'll excuse us, we have dinner to make."
"Are you having dinner with us, Uncle Nate?" Natalie asked.
"Yeah, if you want me, too," he answered.
"Of course we do."
"Okay, I'll be here. Oh, by the way I have to run a few errands tomorrow morning for Danny's new Camaro. I thought I would do it early, so if you want, the three of us can do something together."
"Yes!" Natalie exclaimed.
"I have something in mind," Steve said.
"Good," Nate agreed. "I'll be down in a little while to give you a hand with dinner."
"But we don't have another apron," Natalie informed him.
Nate laughed as he left the kitchen.
The steaks marinated in the refrigerator while Steve and Natalie prepared a salad. The little girl cut up cucumbers and grated carrots as she chattered on. Steve listened to her tell him about the spelling bee and the science experiment she took part in at school. He was thankful she survived the whole day without needing to leave.
He decided Natalie was on an emotional roller coaster. Right now she was happy, but he wondered how she would be at bedtime and during the night; especially after he told her Alex was not coming back for another week. He hated to ruin her happy mood, but now was probably the best time to tell her.
"Natty, I want to tell you something important," he said.
She looked at him with a wary expression.
"Your mommy can't come home until next weekend." He watched her face as she processed the information.
"Why?"
"She has a lot to do with packing everything up."
Her mouth sagged into a frown. "But I miss her. Can we go help her?"
"She wants us to stay here, so you can get settled."
"I don't want to get settled. I want mommy."
"I know you do, sweetheart, believe me, but we need to hold out for a little bit longer."
Her tear filled eyes gazed up at him. "I need a hug, Daddy."
"Come here," he said, taking her in his arms. He held her tightly and went on to tell her, "I do have some good news."
She sniffled. "What?"
"You get to stay here with me, and the room you're sleeping in, we're gonna fix it up for you. What do you think about that?"
"Where will your sister sleep?"
"She doesn't live here, you do. And I thought tomorrow we could get some stuff for your room."
"Without mommy? Do you know what to buy?"
"Yeah, I think I can handle it and if I don't know what to do, I'm sure you can help me."
"Thank you, Daddy, but I'm still gonna miss mommy."
* * * * * * H50 * * * * * *
The outdoor table was set and Steve was in the kitchen making lemonade. He wondered where Natalie had gone. She had forgotten to put the salt and pepper shakers on the table. He heard the front door open. "Natty?" he called.
"It's me, Steven," Danny replied. "Natty's outside with Nate and Grace."
Steve looked down at the apron he was wearing. He desperately tried to pull it off, but the more he pulled the tighter the knot became. He cursed under his breath.
Danny walked into the kitchen. It was too late to remove the apron.
Danny snorted. "Well, if it isn't Martha Stewart."
Steve rolled his eyes and waited for Danny to continue.
"What does it say?" Danny asked. "'Kiss the cook'?"
"Danny, get out," Steve ordered.
"Are you missing Alex that much that you're advertising for affection?" Danny joked. "Look, if that's what I have to do to get dinner than you can forget it. Now take that off before Grace sees it. It's disturbing."
"I can't untie it."
"Well, what do you want me to do?"
"Untie it," Steve demanded.
"Come here, babe," he smirked.
"Danny, I'm gonna kill you."
* * * * * * H50 * * * * * *
Dinner was finished and the little girls dragged Nate off to play in the sand while Steve and Danny cleared the table. Then the two men each grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and headed outside.
"Are these invitations to dinner going to end when you and Alex get married?" Danny asked, settling in a chair. "Because I kind of like this." He swallowed a sip of his beer and continued, "Did I tell you how great those steaks were?"
"At least five times, Danny," Steve answered.
"Okay, I just wanted to make sure I complimented the cook because I sure as hell am not kissing him."
"Will you drop that already," Steve demanded. "I told you Natalie wanted me to wear that apron, so I did. Now let it go."
Danny chuckled. "I wish I had taken a picture."
"And I wish you'd shut up."
"Well, now that we have some one on one time, Martha," Danny grinned and Steve glared at him, "I want to know about you and Alex back in the day."
"What do mean back in the day?"
"Come on, Steven, people say that when they're referring to years ago. You know like when the two of you were young and crazy and together."
"What are we now?"
"Well, you are approaching middle age."
"Middle age?"
"Yeah, you know when you start slowing down, muscles get flabby, and your hair starts turning gray."
Steve touched his hair. "What do you mean gray?"
Danny flicked a spot where a few gray hairs were peaking through. Steve swatted his hand away.
"I wouldn't worry about it," Danny laughed, "I'm sure Alex won't mind an older, distinguished looking man."
"A few gray hairs do not make a person old, Danny," Steve informed his partner.
"So are you gonna tell me or not?" The blond haired detective would not be dissuaded in his quest for more information.
Steve glanced at him. "Why do you need to know?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know, maybe it's because I'm curious about what you were like, and what possibly attracted a woman like Alex Reilly to you. What was your first date anyway? A trip through an obstacle course or did you take her to a shooting range?" Danny was joking, but when he saw the sheepish look on Steve's face he threw his hands up and exclaimed, "Oh, my gosh, tell me you didn't do either of those!"
"Not on the first date," Steve defended himself. "Besides she was the one who wanted to go to the shooting range."
Danny snorted. "I hope she beat your score." Steve did not answer and Danny continued, "She beat you didn't she."
"I was having an off day," Steve said as he took a swig of his beer.
"An off day, huh?" Danny shook his head. "All I can say is Alex is an amazing woman." He extended his hand and prodded again, "Well? What about that first date?"
"I took her for pizza, okay. Are you happy?"
Danny smiled, "And..."
Steve sighed. "Then we played skee ball."
"Skee ball and pizza? Really, Steven? How romantic is that?"
"Hey, when two people have fun together anything can be romantic,"
Danny's laughter filled the evening air. "I can see married life with you is going to be exciting. Taking out the trash or cleaning the garage is going to be your idea of a romantic interlude." He was having too much fun at Steve's expense. Looking at his partner's frown, the detective reminded him, "You did invite me over for steak and a few laughs, remember?"
The SEAL took another sip of his beverage and nodded slowly, "Yeah, I did." They were quiet for a time until Steve cleared his throat and turned to Danny. "Hey," he began, "I wanna ask you something."
"Is it marriage related?"
"Sort of."
"If you're going to ask me if I regret getting married, then the answer is no because I probably wouldn't have Grace and my life would be nothing without her. So if you're nervous about this because marriage is a big commitment-"
"Danny," Steve interrupted him, "I just wanted to ask if you'd be my best man."
"Me?" Danny questioned. "You want me to be your best man?"
"Yeah."
Danny placed a hand on his chest. "I am honored you want me to stand up with you," he replied, "but don't you think you should ask Nate, after all he is your brother."
"I was thinking both of you could be my best man."
"It's 'best man' not 'best men'," Danny informed him. "You're only supposed to have one. That's how it is done."
Steve frowned. "Where does it say that? Believe me Alex is going to break more wedding rules than I will. So are you in or not?"
Danny looked over at Nate, who was down by the water with the girls. "I don't want to come between you and your brother, so check with him first. But I would be happy to be one of your best men."
"Thanks," Steve smiled.
The sun traveled to the edge of the horizon, setting the low lying clouds ablaze with color. The two men watched the little girls and Nate finish their castle of sand. The waves rolling in provided the background music for what had been an enjoyable evening. Steve's day that had begun poorly was ending decidedly well.
* * * * * * H50 * * * * * *
Natalie and Grace were disappointed when Danny announced it was time to leave and they begged to be allowed to play together again soon. The little girls were assured that would happen sometime in the near future.
"Thanks for dinner, Uncle Steve," Grace said.
A puzzled look crossed Natalie's face as she walked Grace to the car. "Why do you call him 'Uncle Steve'?"
Grace shrugged. "I don't know. I guess because he's daddy's best friend."
"Oh, so do I call your daddy 'Uncle Danny', because he's my daddy's best friend?"
"I think so," Grace reasoned. "Do you think I can call Uncle Steve's brother 'Uncle Nate'?"
"Sure, he'd probably like that."
"I have an Uncle Matt, but Danno says we can't see him anymore," Grace said. "I don't know why."
"That's sad," Natalie replied. "I don't know what I'd do if my daddy said we couldn't see Uncle Nate anymore."
The little girls reached the car and hugged each other. Danny made one last comment about the steaks and the apron incident before getting in his car and pulling out of the driveway. Natalie waved goodbye until the car was out of sight and then taking Steve's hand they went inside.
"Natty, go get ready for bed, while I finish the dishes," Steve said.
Natalie was not pleased with the thought of going to bed, but she scampered up the stairs anyway. Stopping outside Nate's room, she peeked in and saw him sitting on the bed reading. She hurried to her room and quickly changed into her pajamas and grabbed the book she had been reading. She went back to Nate's room and knocked on the door.
"Hey, Natty, come on in," Nate said.
She took that as an invitation to hop on his bed and snuggle in next to him. He smiled at her.
He glanced over to see the cover of her book and asked, "What are you reading?"
"The Doll People," she replied. "Do you want to read it to me?" She hoped he would say yes. She loved to read, but she loved being read to even more.
Nate fondly remembered his mother reading him tales of heroic people, talking creatures and extraordinary events that made his imagination come alive. "Sure," he answered. Taking the book from her, he opened to the page where a bookmark rested. Natalie lay back on the pillows, waiting for him to begin.
The story was about an antique doll family with a mystery to solve, a missing person to recover and a new plastic doll family to become acquainted with. They sat together reading until Natalie decided she needed to ask her uncle a question.
"Why are you sad?" she asked, interrupting Nate in mid-sentence.
He looked down at her. "I seem sad to you?"
She nodded her head. "Did you not have a good dinner with Kono last night?"
"I had a nice dinner and Chin and Danny were there, too."
Her eyes widened. "Does Kono already have a boyfriend?"
Nate rolled his eyes. "No, she said she didn't."
"You asked her?" Natalie said with excitement.
"No," Nate said, trying to remember how he knew that bit of information. "She just happened to mention it to someone we were talking to."
"So is she going to be your girlfriend?"
"It's not that simple."
"Why isn't it?" Natalie demanded, crossing her arms. Her posture reminded Nate of his brother. "You don't have a girlfriend and she doesn't have a boyfriend. You need each other, Uncle Nate."
"It takes more than needing each other," Nate said. He was a little uncomfortable with this conversation and wanted to change the subject without being too obvious. "Besides I have you to keep me company."
She perked up at that comment and told him the news that she would be staying here from now on and they could spend a lot of time together. "Does that make you happy?" she wondered. His brow creased deeply and he gave no reply. Natalie sighed. "Does this have anything to do with you being Batman?"
He smiled and wrapped an arm around her. "I'm just tired."
"Will you be happy in the morning after you sleep?" Natalie looked at him expectantly.
He was saved from answering that question when Steve came in and told Natalie it was time for bed. Nate saw the reluctance in her eyes as she kissed him goodnight and left the room with Steve.
No longer feeling like reading, Nate went down to the garage, leaving behind the happy sound of Natalie's giggles.
* * * * * * H50 * * * * * *
"Daddy, why is Uncle Nate so sad?" Natalie asked as Steve tucked her into bed.
"Is he?" he answered.
"Yes, and he won't tell me why. I don't like it when people are sad because it makes me sad, too."
"I don't really know."
"Why not, you're his big brother you should know."
"Well, sometimes big brothers don't know everything."
"If I had a big brother he would always know why I was sad and I would always know why he was sad. That's just how it would be."
"Life would be simpler that way wouldn't it?"
"Does that mean Uncle Nate doesn't know why you're sad?"
"You think I'm sad, too."
"Yes. Is it because you don't have a mommy and daddy anymore? Because I would be sad if I didn't have you and mommy."
Steve gazed at the little girl for several moments, uncertain how he should respond. Natalie had a way of bringing complicated questions about love, life and death down to such a simplistic level it amazed him. He knew the scars he carried from the deaths of his parents and he guessed to some degree it did make him sad. He wondered about Nate. He had been especially close to their mother, how much had it affected his life to lose her?
"Daddy?" Natalie said, pulling him out of his thoughts.
"Yes, sweetheart."
"Do you miss them?"
He nodded his head. "Yeah, I do."
"Do you need me to tuck you in bed tonight?" Natalie asked. "Sometimes I tuck mommy in when she's sad and it always makes her feel better."
Steve smiled and placed his hands on either side of her head and pulled her close. Kissing her forehead, he said, "Thanks, Natty, but I'll be fine. Besides we have a big day tomorrow, so you need to get to sleep."
She frowned. "But what if I get scared?"
"I'm right down the hall."
"Okay, but will you read me a story first?"
* * * * * * H50 * * * * * *
Nate sat in the old 1974 Mercury Marquis, clutching the steering wheel. He stared out the passenger window, caught up in a memory that always resurfaced when he came into this garage. He had been six years old, but even at that young age he had a great interest in knowing how things worked. He could almost see his father standing by the work bench gathering his tools like he had been on that day so many years ago.
"Daddy, can I help you, please?" Nate begged.
"Why don't you go see what your brother and sister are doing," Jack McGarrett said to his son.
"Steve says I'll get squished if I play football with him and Mary's ignoring me.
"Why don't you go help your mother."
"I always help mommy. I want to help you. I was reading all about cars with mommy yesterday and now I wanna fix one."
Jack gave his son a skeptical look. He did not doubt Nate's eagerness to help him; he just did not have time to explain everything to him and knowing Nate he would want to know everything.
"Nate, fixing cars is complicated. You can't just read about it one day and do it the next."
"But, Daddy, how can I learn if no one teaches me?"
His son's earnest look caused Jack to change his mind. "You can watch, alright?"
Nate lunged forward and wrapped his arms around his father. "Thank you, Daddy. I'll be good, I promise. I won't get into anything."
Nate turned the key in the ignition hoping it would run smoothly this time. No such luck. He had been working on the car here and there since his arrival in Hawaii and he still had not accomplished the task of getting it to run properly.
Getting out of the car, he stepped back and looked at it. The outside was beautiful, easily making one believe the inside must be as well, but Nate knew better. He realized people were like cars. They could be beautiful on the outside, but on the inside they were broken and did not function like they were meant to. That's me, he thought. I'm broken.
Over the past few days, Steve had asked him several times if he was okay. He had told Steve he was, but that was a lie. He was not okay and he had not been for a long time. The sad thing was "not okay" had become the norm for him. He lived everyday feeling like a key part of himself was lost in time, in this garage, in this house where he had spent the first seven years of his life.
He had spent the rest of his childhood years and into his early adulthood trying to put himself back together. He felt it was a lost cause. He was a stranger to his own brother and sister and almost everyone he had ever met in his life. He was like a man living in the shadows. Shadows of the past and shadows of how people perceived him. It was tormenting.
The sound of the door opening pulled him from his dark thoughts. Steve came into the garage holding two bottles of beer.
"I think you worked on this car with dad more than I did," Steve said, admiring the vehicle for a moment. Then he held out one of the bottles to his brother. "I brought this out for you."
"No thanks, I don't drink," Nate said, bending down so his face was hidden behind the hood of the car.
"Oh, I didn't know," Steve said. "But I guess there's a lot about you I don't know."
Nate cringed inside, hoping this conversation would not turn into a game of twenty questions.
"Any luck getting that to run smoothly?" Steve asked.
"Not yet," Nate replied.
"Do you want a hand?"
"There really isn't much to do. You can go inside if you want."
"Nate, I came out here, so we could hang out for little while."
"Oh," Nate said. "Natty asleep?"
"Yeah, for now."
"She's a great kid."
"Yeah, she is," Steve smiled as he walked over to where Nate stood. He watched as his brother randomly adjusted and checked things that were not necessary to what he was working on. "Are you okay?"
Nate lifted his head. "Huh?"
Steve's brow furrowed. "Are you okay?"
"Oh sure," Nate replied, walking over to the workbench.
Steve noticed again he was doing more busy work. He decided to see how he reacted to a different question. "So who's Nicole?"
Nate looked up from what he was doing and took a moment before answering. "A friend."
Steve nodded. "Okay…so is she just a friend or a friend?"
"Is there a difference between the two choices?"
"Well, I thought maybe she was more than a friend. I heard she called you 'Jamie'."
Nate looked like he was going to be sick. "Did Danny tell you that?"
"Does it matter?"
Nate did not answer.
Steve took a few steps toward Nate, who backed away. The movement did not go unnoticed by Steve. "You had a late night last night?"
Nate stared blankly at his brother for a moment before answering in a firm tone. "I didn't sleep with her." The words left a bitter taste in his mouth.
"I never said you did."
"You were thinking it."
"Okay," Steve shrugged taking another step toward him, "so maybe I did."
Nate retreated again; this time putting the car in between the two of them. "It's not like that. We went to school together."
"So this is a friend from way back in elementary school?" Nate felt the palms of his hands beginning to sweat as he realized his mistake. He did not usually mess up like that. Steve continued, shaking his head, "I don't remember you having a friend named Nicole when we all lived here and if I remember correctly you only went to school a few weeks in Boston before Uncle James tutored you at home."
"There were other kids that I hung out with."
"Hmm."
"What does it matter anyway?" Nate questioned him. "I don't interrogate you about your friends."
"I'm sorry," Steve apologized, not understanding why his brother was so defensive. "I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I guess I was just a little surprised you let someone call you 'Jamie'. You used to get mad when anyone else but mom called you that."
"Do we have to talk about this, I'm busy," he said making his way around to the front of the car.
"No, we don't. I actually wanted to ask you something."
Nate was holding his breath, fearing what his brother was about to ask. "What?"
"I'd like you to be my best man."
Nate exhaled and closed his eyes, relieved, but surprised at his brother's request. "Aren't you gonna ask, Danny?"
"I did. I'd like both of you to do it."
"Can you do that?"
"What the hell does it matter? I want you and Danny up there with me."
"Are you sure?"
"Would I really be asking you right now?"
Nate moved to his left and looked at his brother, who was now leaning against the workbench. He felt he had no right to accept, but he wanted to. "I'd be honored to do it."
"Good," Steve said. "I'll let you get back to your work." He grabbed the two unopened bottles of beer and left his brother alone with his thoughts.